Crystal Montoya

The Treadmill Incident; A Social Experiment

Yesterday I took a little tumble in my back yard. I tripped over a 2 foot fence because my pant leg got caught on the fence as I was trying to step over it. It's just a little makeshift, temporary fence that was supposed to keep a certain dog out of the area where I am attempting to grow some grass for said dog. I personally hate grass growers in San Diego - all you people with your vast, expansive lawns should be ashamed of yourselves - I'm just kidding. But if I didn't have dogs, I wouldn't grow grass. I'm attempting a small square of grass because I do have dogs and they love grass, and if there is no grass - they have dirt and they bring that dirt in the house with them on their grubby little paws and in their grubby little noses. 

As I was headed over this fence to evaluate my first, failed attempt at this grass and it became apparent that I was about to bite the dust, I remembered the treadmill incident. I wondered on my way down "If I hurt myself badly when I hit the dirt, am I going to be able to get one of my many neighbors to respond to my cries for help?" I even had enough time to conclude that I would be lying in my back yard with my broken ankle crying until the cows or Dickie comes home because chances are my neighbors are not going to be willing to help me. Luckily I only jarred my wrist and hip, the hip that was already hurting because my sciatica has flared up but I was not injured badly. I got up and walked it off. Thank goodness because I'm telling you; people will not come to your rescue when you need them - well 99% of people won't anyway.

I know this to be an absolute fact because a few years ago I did need help from one of the many, many people that constantly walk past my house. I live in an urban setting - there are stores, a pizza parlor, a coffee shop, a pawn shop, and several other businesses within a short distance of my home. People walk right past my house on their way to these establishments in a constant flow - every couple of minutes someone walks past my house. It's a bustling little community. You would think this is where you would want to be if you have an emergency and need a helping hand. Not so. I now think you have a better chance of getting help in the middle of nowhere than in the middle of a bustling community of people.

More Fun Ways to Spend Our Time Together

Dick and I recently purchased a second home. A small, mobile, second home that we can take with us on our road trips so we don't have to pay extra for having dogs at hotels that won't even allow you leave your dog in the room while you go out to eat. Our vacations always consist of road trips because we take our dogs with us everywhere. Our new home is called a TAB which stands for Taking America Back. I love it. It has a stove, a sink, a refrigerator, and a table with a U shaped bench seat that converts to a queen size bed. It has heat and A/C...really, what more do you need? It's like a deluxe, mobile, hotel room. It even has a port o' potty - for emergencies.

The only concerns we've had so far are getting it insured and registered. I won't even tell you about the insurance nightmare but if you want an idea you could go read one of my previous posts, entitled Come Out From Under That Rock Already.  We bought our TAB in Arizona because that was the only place we could find one and we brought it home with the temporary tag that was suppose to be good for 90 days. 

I called the DMV here in California which includes both driver's licenses and registrations in one place, unlike some states where they are in separate locations. I'm just telling you this because some of you may not have experienced the licensing/registration powerhouse that exists in California and some other states. My home state of Washington has its issues but I always felt it was easier there because the office you were in was half the size of the ones in California. The employees only had to expend enough brain power to get people through one specific variety of concerns: either driver's licenses OR registrations because really, aren't we asking a little too much of people when we expect they can handle both of these "services"?

I called and made an appointment to get our TAB registered and the first available appointment was four and a half weeks later. That's efficiency for you. I was informed that we would have to bring TAB with us so now this has really become an event because even though it's small and easy to maneuver, I am certainly not going to be the one to hook it up and drive it through town. So the appointment is set and Dick and I will both be taking time out of our lives to register the thing together. I can think of more fun ways to spend our time together, like pulling weeds or poking each other's eyes out, but instead, we had to go to the DMV.

Here's to Kim

There is a saying that goes something like: "People come into your life for either a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I guess reason people show up to help you out with something, or so you can help them with something. Something immediate and then that person leaves as quickly as they come. Season people are there to teach you something or so you can teach them. They'll be around for a little while but the relationship will just naturally run it's course once the season you or they need help with passes. 

It's the lifetime people that I am thinking of this morning. These are the true blue, by your side, through thick and thin kind of relationships. Parents normally fall into this category, sometimes a mentor will stay in your life always and if you're really lucky you may find a few lifetime friends. 

I recently listened to part of an audio book by Caroline Myss called Sacred Contracts. She suggests that all of this is completely premeditated and arranged before you are even born. She suggests that all of the major relationships and experiences you have in life have been discussed and decided upon by your soul. Something like all the souls that are ready to go to Earth get together and talk about what they need to learn in this life and what they are able to teach. 

One will ask to be available to help see someone through a difficult situation and another will say "I will go through that struggle for you so you can be available to help me." Adoption is probably a good example, here you have two sets of people, one who cannot have a child that they desperately want and another cannot give the child they are about to have all of the things they will need in life. According to Myss; this has all been prearranged and determined, there were things the souls involved needed to experience, they agreed to have that experience together and this is how it materialized. It's up to us to fulfill these contracts when we get here and you have to make the correct choices in life in order to be where you need to be to fulfill your contracts. Myss claims we don't remember any of these agreements that we made because we go through a complete cleansing of our memories of these agreements before we get here. 

I don't know if Myss is right or not but I hope she is. I like this entire concept and think it helps explain  why I've had some of the struggles I have. My soul needed to learn about these particular struggles, and hopefully my soul had a goal of helping to teach others something in the process. I am guessing some people are completely turned off by this concept as it is too new agey for them. Some people might even feel it is blasphemy. I plan to listen to the rest of the book. 

One of my lifetime people is my friend Kim. She called me on the phone at one of the apartment complexes I managed asking if I needed a maintenance supervisor. I actually did need one so she explained to me that I was going to give this job to her husband and she was right, I did give the job to her husband. At the time I thought Kim was a reason person - the reason she entered my life was to give me the most talented maintenance supervisor I have ever worked with. Thank you very much.

Kim and Sonny moved from Las Vegas to the apartment building in Seattle and they hit the place like a tornado. Within the first week Sonny was rewiring all of the fifty year old electrical panels and resurfacing the pool but I had better not even think about asking him to work more than five minutes of overtime, he would explain "My wife expects me home on time and I ain't gonna piss 'er off." Well, okey dokey then. If I had never met Kim, Sonny  would have had me believing she walked around with a whip within easy reach at all times, just ready to pounce if Sonny got out of line. For the first week or two, it's all I heard from him: "My wife ain't gonna be happy if my check ain't right." or "My wife ain't gonna be happy if I gotta go on a lot of after hours calls." 

Sonny just painted his wife as a wicked witch because it was a convenient way to get out of working overtime, it was easier to quote her to make sure his check was correct then to tell me that he is the one that is anxious about it. Sonny was hoping there would not be many after hours calls, Kim could really care less. I met Kim when I had to take something up to their apartment a week or so after they moved in. When she opened the door, her apartment had already been painted so at first I was looking beyond her at the Harley Davidson orange walls with tufts of white sponge paint pressed over it. It looked good. Kim looked at me and she gushed "Oh, you're so cute!" It wouldn't be until years later that I would understand the translation of that, which was "I hate you, you scrawny little bitch."

A Father's Love

There really is no way to describe a father's love for his daughter, if it is anything like a daughter's love for her father then I can assure you it runs deep. This is assuming you are lucky enough to have experienced this phenomenon. Some of you were not and I really feel blessed that I was lucky enough to get a dad who loves me. Even if that love means an embarrassing and uncomfortable course of events sometimes. Even if that practically guarantees an embarrassing and uncomfortable course of events most of the time when Dad is near. He simply can't contain his admiration and I feel exactly the same way towards him. 

Some times are better than others to profess and explain your feelings and I think my Dad could have chosen a more tactful approach than what he did on the evening I am going to tell you about. A couple of things are certain; I will never doubt that the man loves me and I will never forget the way he illustrated this love for me on this particular evening. 

I moved back home with my dad when I was twenty five years old. He only wanted four hundred dollars a month for rent and what was he going to do if I didn't pay it? Evict me? Never. Not only was the rent cheap but his house is home and he makes a good roommate. There were none of the concerns that some daughters may have, all of that stuff about curfews and having to explain where you have been...it wasn't like that with dad. He knew I was an adult and he treated me as such. It was all great.

As often happens with roommates though, there were times when my schedule disturbed his and there were also times when his schedule put a cramp in mine. One of the issues was that Dad did not have to work on Mondays and I did. Sunday was a perfect night to go have a good time, unwind, and drink alcohol. It was for Dad anyway. For me Sunday night meant an early, mostly sober night because I had to start my week on Monday. 

I got home this particular Sunday evening after having hiked for a better part of the day. It had been a long weekend of camping and hiking with friends and I was exhausted. I have to admit that I was happy Dad was not at home when I got there because I just wanted to unwind a little bit, maybe have a bath, and then go to bed. One of the highlights of my camping trip was a small bakery that we visited in a little town on our way home. It was just a little place, one of those places that's been a landmark in between a couple of little towns with the same recipes for a hundred years. The pastries, cookies, and other delights were incredible. They were so good that I became certain that I would never stumble upon such an incredible pastry again in my entire life. Mind blowing good. The only choice I had was to purchase more of these pastries so I could enjoy them for days to come at home. I bought three dozen assorted delights and they were safe on the kitchen counter when I went upstairs to take my bath and go to bed. 

I was in bed by ten and got several hours of that good kind of sleep, the kind that comes after you've been physically active for most of the day, you're completely exhausted and you simply drift into a deep and restorative sleep. Just after two o'clock I heard the car pull up and I remember the dread that washed over me. I was tired and I think I was ill-prepared for a meeting that was scheduled at work the following day. I wanted to continue with my sleep. I knew the best case scenario was that I was about to be forced to listen to either War (Low. Ry. Dur.) or BB King at an unreasonable volume, but maybe he wouldn't actually come in to my room to further annoy me. I was holding out hope but I also knew that I didn't know what the worst case scenario would be. If you know my dad, you know anything can happen. As I continued to be pulled out of my blissful sleep by the sounds of the patio door and then the kitchen door that leads into the house I started to hear voices. Shit. Visitors? Now I'm wide awake and praying: "Dear God, I'm sorry for all of the horrible things I've done, I'm sorry I left that cigarette butt on the ground three days ago but there wasn't a garbage can to be found - anywhere! I promise I will never ever do that again, no matter what, just please, please keep them - whoever they are out of my room. Thank you. I love you. Amen." 

Nothing Sweeter

There is just nothing sweeter in life than having puppies and kittens. Well, okay I guess a bouncing actual human baby would be very sweet too but bear with me because I am childless. When I say it like that you may feel bad for me "Oh that poor childless woman" you may be thinking, but I'm perfectly okay with being a master to a bunch of fur balls so don't worry about it. In my mind the only thing worse than not having a baby is actually having a baby. Someone told me I was not a nice person yesterday and after reading that last line, maybe she was right but I do actually feel that way.  A baby would mean a drastic overhaul to our lives while a puppy or a kitten only means a slight shift. Babies grow up and expect to be educated and want a car when they turn 16. Animals grow up and expect that you continue to feed them. When a dog turns 16 they may need a wagon to get around, as they will be old and frail, but you don't have to worry that they are text messaging while driving that wagon down the freeway with three friends in the car. I am completely appreciative of all you sweet Mommas out there trying to raise good kids. I've discovered that I don't want any part of it. I've written about this before, motherhood and adoption or foster care and I got good feedback "Oh you should definitely be a mom - even if your intense attitude towards food and chemical toxicity would likely damage them for life."  Well we discovered that we're too old and not healthy enough to qualify for an adoption and Dickie is really nervous about fostering - for valid reasons. Don't even suggest that I actually give birth to a person; that's something I've never seriously considered even before my health problems, now it's just too risky. 

It's for the best, with all of these animals to take care of I can't imagine I would have time for a baby and honestly when I consider the amount of work and heartache that would come along with motherhood, I realize that it is clearly something that other people should do. This attitude could have something to do with the diapers I changed recently for a friend's baby - whew. I can just hear the ideas going through some of the heads of you mommas out there - the ones who would not feel fulfilled or happy without being a mommy. You're thinking if it was my own baby the diaper wouldn't bother me. You're thinking I simply cannot know what I'm missing because I am not a mom. Some women are just down right offended that I have made this decision - that I don't want children. I mean no offense and I believe motherhood is the most important job in America, I respect those of you who dedicate your life to your children and I respectfully choose to leave it up to you. Don't worry, I am actually fulfilled in life, perfectly happy and free as a bird - well free as a married bird - don't worry honey, this bird mates for life. I can still hear you Mommas, you're thinking  "She just doesn't know what she's missing and that's why she thinks she's happy with no children."  Well whatever.  I'll never be able to convince you that I don't need a child to complete my life. 

If it is any consolation to you, getting a baby dog is a lot like a human baby at first. You have the
 crying at night, the feedings, the poo poos - heck with a dog, you never stop having to pick up their poop - at least with a kid, eventually they'll manage all of that all by themselves like a big boy or girl. Our dog Fleck is the same age as one of my friend's daughters and they actually were extremely alike throughout their first 18 months. My friend would tell me how her baby was going through a paper chewing phase and I would say "oh my goodness, I know, so is Fleck!" Then there was the crying phase at first - they both went through it. Later on they both developed a wart at the same time, they had fun comparing them, or maybe it was just my friend and I who had fun comparing them. Just the other day I was telling my friend that Fleck has entered into a digging phase and of course I heard all about how the baby was doing the same thing. Now talking is the next milestone, Fleck may surprise me one day, we'll be cuddling on the couch together and he'll look at me and say "Momma." I'll immediately put an ad in the paper for a free talking dog because I'll be certain he will start demanding an education and expect a car when he turns 3 (that's 21 in dogs years). No thank you.  

My animals bring so much entertainment to my life. It's like having a little personal, comedic circus in my house. In the mornings Frijole is the first one raring to go. He's the kitten and he wants to go outside to hunt for bugs. Once I let him out he creeps ever so slowly towards the little grassy strip I've managed to grow in search of his prey. Once he gets close his bug flies away and then Frijole leaps into the air to catch it. He's a world class jumper. Then Sierra rouses and goes outside for her morning pee and sniff. She smells everything to make sure nothing has changed, I'll see her come upon a scent of something, maybe a squirrel and she'll linger for a moment, I can see the longing in her eyes, her ultimate goal her entire life has been to eat a squirrel. She'll realize the scent is old and the squirrel has gone away so she'll lay down, doing her signature turn around three times before she finally settles and she'll watch Frijole fly though the air for awhile. About 20 minute later Fleck will show up, he'll have decided that we're all too rude and too noisy for him to continue to sleep in. He likes to sleep in and he despises mornings. He always looks like he's hung over and still half drunk when he gets up, he wobbles by, stretches out, shakes his body and licks his lips. He'll slowly make his way outside pausing for another little stretch on the stairs on his way out and then he'll go lay down in the back yard and watch Frijole too. At some point Frijole's hunting expedition will be too much for Fleck, the jumping and running will infect Fleck and he'll just have to join in. Frijole will be moving in, ever so stealthily on a poor unsuspecting bug and then suddenly Fleck will blow it and pounce on Frijole. Frijole will get pissed and smack Fleck a couple of times with his south paw and Fleck will retreat. Eventually they'll all end up just laying around and I'll think what a bunch of moochers - if I actually had kids at least I could put them to work!

Plants

I lived in apartments for a period of about twelve years between my late teens and late twenties. They were always decent apartments. I managed the apartment complexes and lived where I worked. Living in apartments is different than living in a house. For one thing the exterior landscape is managed and maintained for you. You never have to mow your own lawn - or grow a lawn to mow for that matter. The landscaping comes along with your luxury apartment.  Luxury apartment - give me break. What is so luxurious about renting an apartment? Luxury was about the best we could do in the way of a description because it's a vague description. Something along the lines of saying a big mac is tasty. You can't advertise that an apartment community is quiet or safe. Even if it is quiet and safe compared to other apartment complexes. The words quiet and safe will get you sued if you use them in advertising so you have to come up with something meaningless like luxury.

Apartment living is not really what I would consider to be luxurious and as an average human, I don't really expect the place I live to be luxurious. I suddenly realize how stupid it sounds and I can't believe now, looking back, how often I used the word luxury to describe your basic apartment complex. Because really, the word luxury conjures up images of Swedish massages, Lamborghini's, and fine champagne,not a basic apartment that probably has at least one stain in the carpet from the previous occupant. We did have dishwashers and washer and dryers so maybe that's what we were thinking qualified as luxurious. Or maybe just the fact that you don't have to do your own yard work is the luxury we were promising. That could be it because I am now realizing that it would be a luxury to have landscapers taking care of my property.

While I lived in apartments I kept indoor plants. I kept at least 15 and sometimes up to 30 of them the entire time I lived in apartments. I didn't just live in the same apartment for the entire time either, I must have lived in 11 different apartments. I moved all of my plants with me everywhere I went. They were my pets during those years. They were gorgeous specimens too.  There was the 7 foot palm tree I got when I was 21. My ex-boyfriend traded a joint for it when I tried to break up with him for not getting me anything for my birthday.  I was suppose to be impressed that he gave up a joint, I was impressed by the magnificent tree, some kind of palm - I couldn't believe he got it for just a joint. His name was Fred - the tree not the ex-boyfriend. Fred long outlived that relationship. There was the Ivy that I got from Brenda when I was 15 years old, her name was Ivy and she was sculpted and groomed to surround the walls in a corner - whichever corner she ended up in after the moves. Sometimes her long vines were intertwined amongst the shelves surrounding all of the other plant pots. There was the Pregnant onion, her name was Momma and I loved her so. She looked like an onion bulb stuck it the dirt with long half inch wide green blades coming out the top. She would get pregnant and carry a little baby in her bulb until it was ready to enter the world and then Momma would drop her baby in the dirt and the baby would grow up and become a Momma. I wonder if any of the people I gave babies too still have them.

My plants were how I would relax and unwind. I really did care for them and they were gorgeous. Not everyone thought so though, Hannah simply couldn't understand why I wanted all of these plants cluttering up my living space. I imagine it's how she would feel now about my actual living pets. My close friends who have known me since I was in my early twenties know I am telling the absolute truth about all of these living, thriving, healthy plants. They can attest that I am not creating a piece of fiction here but I don't know if you could convince my husband that I'm not doing exactly that, after all he has been encouraging me to write more fictitious stories. 

Something happened between Washington and California. I don't know how or why but I completely lost all ability to keep a plant alive in San Diego. I actually have become a ruthless plant murderer since I got here. I brought Fred, Ivy, Momma, and a few others down here with me and they promptly died, with the only exception being a spindly little aloe plant that is still hanging on. I was heartbroken about the deaths of the others but I didn't think the problem was me - I thought it was the twelve hundred and twenty five miles that they had endured in the back of a U-haul or the extreme change in climate, nothing to do with my skills as a plant keeper. I have purchased a number of plants since then, plants from local nurseries, plants that are suppose to thrive in San Diego. I've murdered every last one of them. I tried again when I bought a woman's entire collection of house plants at a yard sale. There were 6 or 8 plants ranging in size and shapes, a nice little collection. All dead now. I don't know why I can't seem to manage to nurture inside plants anymore. I was really sick for awhile so maybe I was just out of tune with nature, working on nurturing myself. Wow if the plants had it that bad, I wonder how my husband must have felt during that time. 

When I moved to San Diego I moved into a house with a yard. This was my first opportunity maintain my own yard. Of course I fully thought that Dick and I would be maintaining it together but as soon as I decided that it was food and not lawn that I wanted to grow he stepped back. I think he knew how different outdoor gardening is from indoor gardening. If it was just a little lawn, I think I could count on him to keep it mowed, maybe. I did not choose to grow a lawn as my first attempt at outdoor landscaping though, I chose to grow food.  My stance was that it should be illegal to grow vast, expansive lawns in San Diego - it's a freakin' desert people. So I did grow some food. I set it up all wrong and wasted a lot of energy in the process but I ended up with some good stuff. We had a bunch of lettuces and greens, we had radishes, tomatoes, snap peas, zucchini, cucumbers and even managed to grow a small pumpkin that the puppy played with for weeks. I tried blackberries of course and lost. My watermelon showed some early signs of promise but never got bigger than a large grapefruit. It was a really rewarding endeavor and I kept it up for a couple of seasons. 

An outdoor vegetable garden is more labor focused than just keeping indoor plants. It can be back breaking work, which is why I think my husband wisely chose to have no part in it, or at least as little involvement as possible. I learned when I was eighteen years old and painted four hundred units worth of exterior stairwells that I was not cut out for heavy labor or even run of the mill labor. After my couple of amateur yet surprisingly fruitful seasons I started to lose enthusiasm about the whole thing. It was a lot of work. I started working at Whole Foods and that took some of my energy stores and it also gave me a 20% discount on groceries so suddenly the prices for organic foods looked reasonable. We also got a new puppy and found that he was extremely capable of crawling under the little makeshift fence surrounding the garden and the first thing he did when he reached the lettuce was squat and mark it as his own. This and watching the airplanes with the smoggy trail that followed them fly directly over our house and garden all added up to no more garden. 

I had a job to go to now, a puppy to train, I was in school at the time and I was cooking, cleaning, and trying to manage my newest lovely health condition, lymphedema. The entire back yard was turned back over to it's rightful owners; the dogs.  I just gave up on growing anything. We've got a bunch of dirt and have had for too long. This dirt gets blown around by the breeze, tracked in by the animals, and brought in on our feet. It is impossible to keep my home clean. So, reluctantly I decided to grow some grass. 

I'm justifying my crime because it's only a small area, we do have dogs that benefit from the grass, and we chose a drought resistant variety. My dad is happy I've finally come to my senses, he thought the food not lawn idea was stupid. I am planning to grow some food but I'm thinking about things like artichokes, citrus trees, rosemary and other things that don't needed to be turned over but just grow and grow year after year. Dick planted the grass seeds and we set the sprinkler on a timer before went on vacation. We fully expected a lush green lawn when we came home 3 weeks later. What we got was sporadic grass and weeds. At this point I don't care what grows over the dirt as long as it is not fox tails and burrs. I can live with some weeds. I've been letting everything grow as it wants and among the grass and weeds, 3 cherry tomato plants, a zucchini, a cucumber, and a pumpkin have popped up. Imagine these lonely little seeds hiding out in our dirt for the last year and a half, just waiting for a little water and encouragement. They survived the dogs and the hungry birds, just biding their time until they could get a little drink. I had no idea they were there but now that they are I can't bring myself to murder them and replace them with grass. They were and have remained effortless, They remind me of Fred, Ivy, and Momma. I just don't feel it would be right to intentionally kill them and I can't bring myself to do it.

So if you're my neighbor and you're wondering why in the hell I've been watering this sporadic collection of weeds, grasses and foods at least now you have the history. It probably still doesn't make sense because I imagine very few people are silly enough to care for a plant enough to name it. Then to feel sentimental towards a new plant because it reminds you of a plant you used to have, a plant named Fred, or Ivy, or Momma - it's just plain crazy.   

Food Snob

I never imagined that I would ever become a snob about anything. Goodness knows that as a kid I wouldn't have dreamed about being a snob, "You'll get what you get and you had better be happy about it" was something my Mom was fond of saying. I had everything I needed and I knew that anything more was for other people. Our family did not have what they call disposable income so I never imagined that I would have the opportunity to be a snob. I wasn't picky about anything.

Okay I guess that's not true. I did dream about certain things. For one thing I wanted Keds - They're just stupid canvas tennis shoes but they were the shoes to have at my high school - those and if I really set my sights high an Esprit canvas bag. The marketing geniuses at Keds had a great and horribly cruel idea when they decided to place a blue rubber tag on the back of each one of their shoes. If you had the tag then you were acceptable, without it you were screwed. I was screwed. I finally did acquire a pair of Keds - well actually two pair; I asked or maybe begged each one of my grandparents individually to buy me a pair during a summer break. In my defense I had nearly lost my life the previous year because I didn't have Keds. I got so obsessed with them that I thought I could draw a tag on the back with a blue sharpie and no one would know that my generic canvas tennis shoes were knock offs. It's ridiculous what makes a group of kids want to stalk, threaten, and stick their nasty little fingers in your face but in my school that did it - my glasses, braces, flat chest, and headgear probably didn't help either. Other than wanting Keds and fancier clothes I never imagined I would become a snob about anything. I never used to have any special needs or requirements for anything. I used to roll my eyes when someone finicky crossed my path - who does she think she is asking for such special treatment? 

Now though, I have come to accept that I am.  I am that person, that dreaded and difficult person. I am the food snob. Everyone knows one or maybe two people like me. I am the one who makes it difficult to simply enjoy a meal. Of course you may think a meal can be found at Jack in the Box and well, I'm sorry but I vehemently disagree. There you have it. I don't care how cheap or easy it is, it's not food. Why would we even discuss it as an actual viable option? It does not exist to me, except as a reminder of all that is wrong in the world. 

I have come around to at least allowing almost everything to be a possibility, a few years ago I was seriously losing weight because I was literally afraid of most food. I've lightened up considerably, I mean you have to have fun in life right? Even still, while meat, potatoes, butter, cheese, ice cream, and cheesecake are all a possibility (some more than others) I still maintain my standards. It must be organic but if I have to I'll settle for all natural. Local is absolutely preferred and if you grew it yourself I'm all over it. Easy Peazy, Right? Well if you wait until I'm feeling really hungry or lazy you might talk me into eating at a restaurant but I'd prefer just going to Whole Foods - they have a great selection of prepared foods. "Or we could try this great organic, completely raw restaurant, if you want - it's so raw they don't even have a stove in the whole place"... "No?"... "Oh?"... "Well, I'm easy what do you want to eat?" 

Dick and I are visiting my grandmother for thanksgiving. She knows that I've developed into a difficult eater but she "don't give a care". She thinks it's fun to tease me. I talked to her today and we established that we're cooking instead of going out to eat which made me ecstatic because I love Thanksgiving and as far as I'm concerned going out to eat is criminal on such a blessed day. As the rush of relief was flowing over me grandma says "I don't don't know what were gonna eat - could be hot dogs, I don't know." I just gave a  "Oh no problem" answer while ideas for what I could bring that qualifies as edible started coming to mind and then grandma started to giggle. She was trying to get a rise out of me. At least I have moved away from berating and insulting people when they suggest I eat hot dogs on Thanksgiving. I'm making progress.

Come out from Under that Rock Already.

    I know I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes. I know there are just things happening around me that I have absolutely no clue about and that there may be other people who are disgusted and amazed at my complete stupidity so while I write this I know that there are people who have had similar experiences with me; the kind of experience that leaves their head shaking and makes them think I've been hiding under a rock for a good part of my adult life. For instance I've lived in San Diego for over 6 years and I still have no clue how to get to Mira Mesa or El Cajon. Half the time I think Oceanside is to the south of us and even though I live right downtown, I would probably print directions before I drove myself to Coronado. I realize this is pitiful, it's like I just got here yesterday, this not knowing the lay of the land after 6 years. It's something that leaves people wondering if I have indeed been hiding under a rock. 

    So while I am about to call out others for being stupid, I can agree that I too fall into this category - occasionally. We can't all be all knowing. I'll even admit that I probably expect people to know more than I should expect them too. I'm always asking my husband random questions about historical people or events, questions that he does not know an answer to and I'm sure he wonders why in the hell I would think he does. He happens to be college educated and 12 years older than me, that's why. He paid good money and spent four years in a higher learning establishment, he should know these things - some of them he should simply recall - I mean he was there and I wasn't. Granted he may have only been 4 or 5 at the time but still he was there so the facts of the matter should just be a part of him. like the hair on his head.

I know that I don't remember the facts about anything that happened when I was 5 years old but I fully expect other people to. This kind of stupidity is not really what I'm venting about at all. I don't think Dick is stupid because he can't tell me all of the bands that played at Woodstock off the top of his head, I just think I would know this if I was his age but it doesn't change my opinion of him. I know he's smart, just because he didn't pay attention to the biggest rock concert of all time doesn't mean he's stupid. I only find this mildly annoying because he should know the answer so I don't have to look it up. I clearly wasn't that interested because I didn't look it up. It's not like he said he didn't know what the newest and greatest gadget was - then I would be concerned. Gadgets are what Dick loves. His life's work is based in computers and gadgets, so I don't think I am out of line in thinking he should know a little something about them. And for sure if I ask him about the best cars available right now, he'll give me every fact and figure as if his grade in life depended on it. He is a car buff. This makes sense. 

The kind of stupidity that I'm talking about is the kind that makes you take a step back and wonder how certain people actually make it through their life. These stupid people working in their stupid jobs and have no knowledge of the things that relate to what they do. For some reason these people always seem to work in professions that can seriously affect your life. Let's put all of the idiots in places where their stupidity will really mess you up. Anytime you call a utility company, an insurance company, or any kind of customer service line, you need to watch for an impending hassle. I wonder if this is their work place moral program; put the idiots in roles where they make mistakes or are just completely ignorant about things that really matter to people and then we can all have a good laugh at the people who get screwed.

I'm talking about the Medical Assistant who feels insecure enough already because her patient (me) has clearly established that she knows her stuff when it comes to all of this medical bullshit and she won''t be pushed around. Maybe this is the wrong way to start with the Medical Assistant but I'm now in the business of preventing hassles in my life rather than going along with things until they become a hassle. If you're not careful, the stupid people will lead you cheerfully down the path to a great big fucking hassle. Constant vigilance is required and I am constantly on guard with these stupid people. This is something I can thank my wise husband for, watching him take control when he is on the phone with some tech support guy is really thrilling. He will never let that guy cheerfully lead him down the road to a big hassle. My husband's direct, to the point, and at times forceful approach as soon as he figures out someone is a moron is enough to turn a girl on, he speaks some serious geek.

So the medical assistant; I know she has about 9 months of education to prepare for this role and I've had nearly 6 years of education in being a regular patient. This girl looks as if she was celebrating her 16th birthday around that time so clearly I am more qualified than she is to try and address my concern. This particular doctor visit occurred because I thought I had a bladder infection and I wanted a culture taken on my urine to determine if I did or not. There are two different ways to test for infection in the urinary system - well probably more but there are 2 that are used regularly. One is called a dip stick and the other is a culture. I have dip sticks at home, I wanted a culture. The medical assistant has to dip it first, just part of the process which was fine. I knew that my dip stick was normal because I have them at home. When the medical assistant told me it showed signs of an infection, I wanted to know what specifically and she told me my leukocytes were slightly elevated, when I asked her if I could please see this evidence she looked at me like I was the moron and handed me a prescription for 20mg of cipro for 30 days. Cipro is not a drug to be taken lightly and 30 days is absolutely unheard of. 

At this point both the medical assistant and I are frustrated. I wanted to talk to a nurse - at least let me talk to a damn nurse because this is how I want this to go down: I want to make this decision based on a culture, not the stupid - inaccurate dip test. Then, if and only If I actually choose to take an antibiotic, I am certainly not going to take that much Cipro. That much Cipro might make sense after losing a limb in a dirty explosion but not for a suspected bladder infection. The medical assistant was appalled that I was just not accepting her orders as if they were doctor's orders. I was livid that she would not go get the person who actually wrote this outlandish prescription - because yeah sweetie, I know it wasn't you and the person who wrote it needs to be made aware that this mistake occurred and they are lucky I was the patient rather than a lesser informed one. I stormed out; there was no other choice. Later I would discuss this with the doctor and she would also gasp at the amount of Cipro they were trying kill me with and explain that it was a mistake. I would say yes, I know. I wonder if the office got a good laugh at my expense after they got me so irritated and annoyed that the only option they gave me was to storm out angry, yelling at the woman then slamming the door as I left. 

Two days later I was able to get into a specialist (thank God for private insurance) and in the meantime I had consumed enough fluids to wash away any infection that may have been there. I was seen by an actual nurse as well as a doctor who both understood that I did not want to take antibiotics unless I needed them. See that's all I needed. I needed to know if I needed antibiotics, I did not need to be told just to take them regardless. I never want to take an antibiotic but I will take reasonable advice from a trained physician - even a nurse. That medical assistant was stupid and has no business treating me as a patient. I am too educated in medicine even without a formal education to just trust her and thank God I am. 

My friend Kim recently experienced some stupidity at the clothing store Ross. Ross abounds with stupidity, many of these stores don't even have a public restroom. On more than one occasion I have left Ross without buying the 15 items I wanted to buy because by the time I had sifted though the endless jumbled up racks and tried things on 8 at a time I had to pee so bad I would not have been able to wait the 30 minutes it would take to get through the line and the employees simply refused to let me use their bathroom. Okay - well go fuck yourself. Kim coined this phrase all on her own after just such a trip to Ross, the difference was that she didn't have to pee or if she did, she was in one of the Ross stores that has figured out women are gonna have to pee after sifting through endless racks of clothes and trying them on for hours on end but I digress. Kim had found the items she wanted and proceeded to the line. She was in good spirits at this point, due to this adorable little dress she couldn't believe she was lucky enough to find and for $10. This is where Ross gets you, they have awesome deals on decent stuff if you have the patience. I wonder if the Ross teams discuss the fine line between slightly annoying and outright infuriating. This day for Kim though, it was not Ross that caused her the headache, she was mentally prepared for the annoyance that is inevitable at Ross. She got in line, made some friends during the 30 minutes she waited, she was having a good time. Finally there are two people in front of her, the wait is almost over when all of the sudden this woman appears out of nowhere with a cart overflowing with merchandise and she tells Kim that she is with the guy in front of her. The guy in front of Kim has been standing there with 3 items in his hand for 30 minutes. 

The woman was from Europe somewhere judging by her accent and maybe this is how they do things where she is from but where Kim is from that ain't how it goes. Kim says no, you are not with him, you need to go to the back of the line. The woman then tries to explain to Kim that it's okay because she knows the guy in front of Kim. You know, I think this would have to be considered rude, no matter where you are from but I've never visited France or Germany, maybe this is how they do it. Well this woman learned quickly that this is not how it's done here; Kim took her cart and ran over the woman's toes while saying "Go fuck yourself!" on her way to the register when the next customer was called. Now we just say GFY. We seem to find more and more GFY moments in life. Are we just getting older and grouchy or do people act more stupidly :o) and rude than ever?

I called to schedule a massage the other day and I was informed by the receptionist in the medical office where I get my massages that my therapist had called in sick that day but there was an opening the following day. Now I needed more information because I try to avoid sick people - you know if it's contagious. I am a little worried about the flu this year - you know H1N1 but not worried enough to "protect" myself with some crazy vaccine. So I say to the girl "Well do you know what's wrong with her?" and the girl says "I don't know, I think she's just sick." so I say "Well I don't know if I want to come in tomorrow because I'm worried about H1N1." and the girl nervously giggled and said "I don't think it's anything serious like that." I said "Okay, well has H1N1 been going around your office?" I knew it was all over when the receptionist in my medical doctor's office replied "I guess I don't know what that is, what is H1N1?"  Okay, Come out from under your rock already.

   

Blackberries

I love blackberries, even with their annoying little seeds that collect in the spaces between your teeth and the inevitable pain that goes along with picking them, I am still a fan. They bring back wonderful childhood memories of picking blackberries in my yard and eating them with just a little bit of milk and sugar. The juicy sweet berries popping in my mouth. I would just gorge on them every summer, my hands would be permanently stained purple for at least 6 weeks every year. For me the blackberry is the ultimate symbol of pure, sweet, warm, happiness. 

Imagine my surprise after dreaming about them last night and looking up in my little dream book what that meant and coming across this explanation; To dream of blackberries denotes many ills. To gather them is unlucky. To eat them denotes losses. 

This is horrible. I don't need more ills, bad luck, and losses in life. I dreamt of picking, eating, and cooking with them - I'm totally screwed.  Maybe I was just craving some damn blackberries. Maybe my dream book has it wrong. Or does it? 

How could such a lovely and tasty little berry mean such misery? I am amazed by this yet I am in touch enough with reality to know that dreaming of blackberries is not going to destroy my life, or am I?

I hate it when something like this happens. I innocently looked at my dream book, expecting wonderful things about my blackberry dream only to find that in fact dreaming of blackberries may just do me in. What a bummer.

Oh, I'll go through my day only thinking about the impending doom a few times and then I'll likely forget all about this horrible news, until I start to experience the many ills that my dream predicted. That could be later today or in fifty years. I can just imagine myself experiencing this unluck that is certain to follow such a dream and cursing the dream. If only I hadn't dreamed about those damn blackberries! 

I wonder if I can dream something to cancel all of this out? It looks like dreaming of soup is a forerunner of good tidings and comfort. Thank goodness. I know what I'll be dreaming about tonight. 

Voices from the Past

"It is well enough that people of the nation do not understand our banking and monetary system for if they did, I believe there would be a revolution before tomorrow morning."  -Henry Ford

"The bankers own the earth. Take it away from then but leave them the power to create money, and with a flick of the pen they will create enough money to buy it back again. However, take away from them the power to create money and all of the great fortunes like mine would disappear...for this would be a happier, better world to live in. But if you wish to remain the slaves of bankers and pay the cost of your own slavery, let them continue to create money."  -Sir Josiah Stamp, Former Director, Bank of England

"I am a most unhappy man. I have unwittingly ruined my country. A great industrial nation is controlled by its system of credit. Our system of credit is concentrated. The growth of the nation, therefore, and all our activities are in the hands of a few men. We have come to be one of the worst ruled, one of the most completely controlled and dominated Governments in the civilized world no longer a Government by free opinion, no longer a Government by conviction and the vote of the majority, but a Government by the opinion and duress of a small group of dominant men." -Woodrow Wilson, after signing the Federal Reserve into existence

"If the American People ever allow the banks to control the issuance of their currency...the banks and corporations that will grow up around them will deprive the people of all property until their children wake up homeless on the continent their father conquered." Thomas Jefferson

"In the absence of the gold standard their is no way to protect savings from confiscation through inflation. There is no safe store of value."  Alan Greenspan before he joined and compounded the problems with the Fed

"Paper is poverty, it is only the ghost of money and not money itself." Thomas Jefferson

"A government big enough to give you everything you want is big enough to take everything you have."  Barry Goldwater

"Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys." P.J. O'Rourke 

"It's not the voting that's democracy; it's the counting."  Tom Stoppard 

 

Healthcare

I can't believe that we are seriously considering a major overhaul to health care yet no one is actually talking about what health care is. The logical explanation of what health care is would be the act of caring for one's health yet in our world, the one we find ourselves in today, it means the exact opposite - caring for your illness is what you have in our system. 

Our whole system is set up to get you sick. When you talk about health care you must include food in the equation. You must also consider drugs, legal, illegal, and prescription because these are the factors that have caused Americans to become so sick. Again, I bring up the point that we have to stop the bleeding before we can revive the patient. I honestly do not believe the current faces in Washington should be trusted to construct something as important as how people obtain health insurance. I wouldn't trust the majority of them to watch my dog, let alone choose how my health care should be made available to me. 

I'm happy with my current health care but I understand there are people out there losing everything they have worked for because they don't have access to the care they need and we as Americans want to see that change. Unfortunately, one of the most important factors is not really being discussed - at least not in a very reasonable way. 

We are a nation of addicts. People are addicted to caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, alcohol, nicotine, exercise, artificial sweeteners, tanning, wheat - yes wheat, cell phones, the list goes on. Some addictions are more socially acceptable than others - an exercise addict is normally revered however, they are causing harm and stress to their bodies. All addictions can lead to health issues but some are clearly worse than others. I think Tobacco, High Fructose Corn Syrup, and Alcohol most likely cause the most severe health consequences. The only thing I'm hearing about addressing these concerns is taxing them and charging overweight people and smokers more (up to 50% more) for their insurance. I'm all about taking personal responsibility and I think charging more for smokers is logical but smokers aren't the only addicts destroying their health. Smokers already pay significant taxes for their habit and they are still addicted and buying cigarettes legally, at any corner store. 

Of course high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) isn't even discussed when we talk about addicts and the harm this product is having on our health. The food giants aren't ready to concede that HFCS is killing people and if they simply used sugar there would be fewer obesity problems. HFCS should never have been legalized. 

Cigarettes should no longer be legal. Why would we continue selling a product that is so deadly? Crack is illegal, heroine is illegal, cigarettes are just as addictive and even more deadly because they are widely available. 

I do struggle a little with this idea because I do believe in personal freedom. I want to retain as much personal freedom as possible. I think that God gave us free will for a reason, He wants us to fulfill or not fulfill our own destinies as a choice. However in a free society there has to be law and that law has to be enforced or people can too easily take advantage of other people. I believe we have come to a point with tobacco that it is clearly big business being allowed to take advantage of the people. Why is this product still available? Some smokers may not agree with me, they may tell you that they smoke because they like it but they aren't being honest with themselves, they smoke because they are addicted to it. With the few exceptions of people who smoke socially - people smoke because they are addicted and it is a really tough addiction to break.

I am guessing that if cigarettes were no longer available legally then many people would just be forced to quit. I can't see my grandma going to the black market to purchase smokes. I am also guessing that if HFCS was no longer considered a safe ingredient (which it should not be) and food companies would have to go to plain old sugar - the price would go up. This would help our obesity crisis in several ways - food companies would have to start using less of the stuff that makes everything so sweet and people would buy less junk and more food because the junk would no longer be the cheapest alternative. Additionally when they did buy junk it would be natural sugar rather than this bizarre chemical compound that throws the liver into a tailspin and agitates the entire system into obesity and diabetes. There would still be obesity and diabetes - just less of it - which is suppose to be our ultimate goal. 

The freedom movement might balk at this illegal tobacco and HFCS idea - "we should have the freedom to make these choices if we want!" Well, I do believe in preserving freedoms but tobacco and HFCS as well as artificial sweeteners but I'll get into that another time - these things serve no one except big tobacco and big food. They are the two biggest causes of our health crises. They have absolutely no potential benefit to society. They are legalized crack. 

What about alcohol? Alcohol can actually have some benefit and I believe there is a place for alcohol in our society. However many Americans are addicted to alcohol and they abuse it. They increase their risk of liver cirrhosis, heart disease, diabetes and lots of other expensive health problems. Why aren't they recommending that alcoholics pay up to 50% more for health care? This presents a burden to the system. Or what about people who are allergic to wheat, they can develop leaky gut, crone's disease, eczema, and a list of other issues. This is one of the most under diagnosed problems facing Americans today. People with this problem actually become addicted to endorphins that are released to mask the pain they are in after eating wheat - without even realizing it they are addicted to the very thing that is making them sick. The problem here is the the medical industry is way behind in the role that foods play in our health. 

They are not diagnosing these issues because they don't really understand them because the drug companies provide most of the ongoing education they receive. It's not profitable for the drug company if a condition can be cured by taking away a food. That is why the FDA (who works for the food and drug companies, not the American people) voted in an actual law that says only a drug can treat a disease. Only a drug can treat a disease. OMG what a crock - so if I became deficient in B vitamins and developed Beri Beri then my doctor could not legally prescribe more salmon, sweet peppers, leafy greens, and asparagus. 

The foundation of how we approach preserving our health is cracked. If you are going to charge fat people and smokers more for their insurance than shouldn't you also charge all of the other addicts more too? How about the guy that overuses pain drugs - why doesn't he have to pay more?  Wouldn't it make more sense to cut off the supply of these retched products? Seriously why are cigarettes legal? Who could possibly benefit from it? Why is HFCS considered a safe food when 50 years of study proves it makes people very very sick. 

I really feel that I could ask questions all day long like this; for instance why do we need to pass any motion in congress to start cleaning up the waste in Medicare - if there really are millions of dollars being used inappropriately then why don't we just start working on that right away?

Did you know that medicare does not cover people that have lymphedema in their legs? If you have it in your arm, you're covered because of breast cancer legislation but us poor folks that have it in the leg are screwed if we have medicare. This is what they would let happen to people rather than cover the therapy and supplies that are needed to prevent this.  

Glad I don't have to rely solely on Medicare and I certainly hope I never do. I like wearing pants and believe my ability to do so should be a covered expense. 

     

Ignorance Would be Bliss

I have found myself saying I wish I was still ignorant often over the last few weeks. I never used to pay attention to politics or world news. My initial excuse for that when I was in my 20's was that I was too busy trying to manage apartments and be successful. Then I was too busy fighting cancer. Now, I wonder if it's just that I'm not as busy as I used to be or are things today way worse than they were 10 or 15 years ago? 

I can't stomach what I am seeing anymore yet I can't stop watching. Those of you who know me know I have not been motivated to write lately - you've been telling me that I need to. I am motivated now and unfortunately the thing that is on my mind is the state of affairs in Washington. I don't like this topic any more than you do but it is what it is. I guess I am merely an instrument of God, although not a very refined one, because sometimes I feel as though there is a force beyond me that guides when, why, and what I write about. I don't know anything about politics except for the past couple of administrations but I'm learning. I'm discovering our history and I'm looking closely at what is going on today. While I am still quite ignorant, I can plainly see that our politicians need strong and unyielding guidance. I guess that's why I'm writing, maybe some of my perceptions, ideas, and observations can validate what your feeling and we can start to make a difference.

I have to say that it was quite easy for me to let the American people down by not paying attention and not voting when I was young. My whole childhood was set up to lead me to believe I had to focus on acquiring things rather than learning things. My parents had very little responsibility for instilling this value in me, I got it from watching TV. I got it from going over to my friend's houses and seeing all of their things. I got it from being teased in school because I didn't have all of the required things to make me one of the valuable people. I trusted that the politicians were elected by the people and they carried out our will. I knew there were always the two sides and fights between them but I had no idea there were so many destructive forces between the people and politicians. The money grubbers that grease all the wheels. 

Looking back I completely understand why I was so focused on acquiring things instead of knowledge. All of the messages I received told me that designer clothing, fancy gadgets, beautiful jewelry, and other things were where my value was placed. Along with this desire for things was a desire to achieve a certain status in my career - if I could achieve both simultaneously then I would be a successful person; a contributing member of our great society. Partially because of my parents and partially because of media, I have always had a need to contribute something. I believe this is actually something - this need to contribute- is something that many American people have inherited from many generations past. I believe this need to contribute to the greater good is exploited by the people who can sleep well at night after stealing your hard earned money. 

Now I can plainly see that the two parties are always fighting for our entertainment and to keep us fired up about "the issues". I'm not saying that the issues are not issues but that the issues are only a facade as far as the politicians are concerned - their real issue is the issue of what will help their campaign, what will put money in their pocket, and what will make their pets happiest. These people may go to Washington with the best of intentions but once there they become immersed in this unethical mud pit. Our dollars are not and cannot possibly be spent ethically with the current politicians. They have been there too long. They have gotten away with too much already.

The corruption on both sides has gone on too long. They are too comfortable. They know how to get away with it and every dollar you pay in taxes is subject to greasing wheels, enhancing the lives of cronies, or at best just being wasted or even LOST! I can't imagine what my husband would say if I told him I just lost $1000 - I have no idea where it went.  There are reports of millions of dollars just vanishing. Our politicians are not being held to the same standard as we are. They are robbing us blind or at least facilitating this process. If they don't know it is happening they are too stupid to be there and if they are allowing it and participating in it they should be prosecuted as well as the those who are benefiting from it. 

Corruption is the real issue right now - the one that requires immediate action. We have some serious problems in this country, they need to be addressed, time is of the essence. The economy needs to be addressed, healthcare needs to be addressed, education needs to be addressed, the environment needs to be addressed, our food system needs to be addressed. I wish I could spend more time evaluating and researching our food system; it's a hot button issue for me but I don't feel that I can because there is another much more pressing issue. Imagine the country as a person with an internal wound, it's bleeding out and bleeding out, now you can pump in more blood and more blood trying to keep up but at some point you have to repair the injury - you have to patch the hole because if you don't the poor man will surely crash - get the crash cart! 

I am very concerned that our economy is about to fail completely. I realize this is quite a statement, after all how could the almighty dollar fail? Well, I believe the almighty dollar has not really been almighty since we went away from a gold standard and we gave private bankers the authority to coin our money - to actually print money out of thin air. I'm no economist but I am pretty sure paper is just worth paper when there is nothing of actual value to back it up. I'm not the only one who thinks the dollar is in grave danger, there are prominent people everywhere actually conceding to the possibility. 

Is capitalism the problem? I don't think so. I think capitalism can nurture great and amazing accomplishments and I know of no other system that gives so many people so many opportunities to do so. I think the capitalistic society that our founders set up for us is very different today than what they imagined for us. I do believe that even though they were a bunch of wealthy white men, they set a foundation for us that would have led to the most equal and free society the world has ever known. I believe that we have allowed exactly what they were trying to help us avoid to happen. I don't think their ideal and vision was flawed, I think the American people failed to carry it out, myself included. 

The entire system is suppose to be managed and controlled by us. We are the employer, yet while congress only has a 9% approval rate from us, their employer, they are reelected 97% of the time!? How is this possible? I keep hearing people say "well there will always be corruption, we need to focus on(enter hot button issue here)" WTF sheeple! Do you think George Washington would have allowed that Halliburton shit to go down? Do you think John Adams would have sat around and allowed politicians to forget to claim their income while at the same time influencing what we are to pay in taxes??? The list just goes on and on with these people not doing what they tell us we must do. We do have the power to stop it. Americans have the power if they get past the democrat/republican facade that politicians and the machine put up. We all have our sweetheart issues but in this moment in time it is crucial that we wait a little longer before giving any more of our precious sweat to our government. 

None of us trust them. I don't care what side you're on, we all feel they are weasels. Yet we reelect them and we use them as our guide - they have shown us living beyond their means for many years and we have followed along, buying and spending to keep the machine running. We have ignored the important stuff while we were living it up on borrowed printed money. If the money has a standard then this artificial wealth everyone acquired would have never happened. Our dollar would still be worth a dollar. We would have smaller houses, less stuff and less credit but we would have more security, more opportunity, and more freedom. The spend all you make and then some mentality was fun but we were guided by an unethical force. Our system is not moral because it is not based on real money. We have been played, the value they told us our things have was not the real value. It is smoke and mirrors and a complete collapse could be the consequence. 

At this point I cannot see how we can move forward and how anyone else can put any more faith in this system that is still bleeding out. We have to repair the injury. In my mind the problem is that we have allowed the current players to remain in place for too long. Most of them were bought and payed for by big corporations and their own greed years ago. We need to shake them up. We need to put the fear of the people in them before we put any more trust in them. They never do the right thing and its been a long time since they have. The right thing means agonizing over the way every single one of our dollars is spent. They don't agonize, they don't even read the legislation. 

I also cannot imagine a successful future in America while the Federal Reserve controls the money. Did you know that Diane Feinstein and Susan Davis do not support a bill to audit this private entity that has the power to print money at will. Why not? Do your representatives support HR 1207?  An audit of the fed seems like a good idea to me - when we ask what they are doing they tell us it would be counterproductive to release the info...You should find out - do you know who your representative are? Unfortunately we have to start paying attention to them. We have to scare them. All of you who think Washington will always be corrupt can do something to stop it. Our future depends on it. We can't afford this anymore. 

At first I thought I just won't vote for anyone that does not support term limits. Term limits are key because it creates an environment where people cannot get comfy and it will attract people to politics who want to serve their country rather than get rich off the sweat of innocent Americans while protecting their favorite corporation and specials interests. Then I realized that just supporting term limits is not enough - we need a complete overhaul. I would love to go in and give them the benefit of serious investigations into their affairs but we don't have enough time to give them that benefit. We need to impose term limits. We need to not pay attention to anything except shaking them up so they know we mean business. I don't care if you are a lifetime democrat who has always been a democrat and always will be a democrat, this time I propose we all vote against the current guy even if that means voting for a republican. I would like to say with the exception of Ron Paul we should vote everybody out because I love Ron Paul. I think you should read End the Fed and I look forward to supporting him in the next presidential election. I can't say that though because some of you may love Nancy Pelosi or John McCain. We can't save any of them. We need a sea of fresh faces in Washington and then we need to do it again! We can impose term limits. We can start in 2010.

We have to unite on this and make it the only issue on the table. We can't afford to put any more trust in this government. They do not manage things well. None of us are happy with their results up to this point. There are no really good government programs, are there? We need to speak loudly and vote them all out. We can make it happen if we temporarily refuse to support every issue they focus on unless it is an issue of corruption within their own party. No more finger pointing, they have so much dirty laundry all over the place that it would take every housewife in America years to sort it out. Write them - I do daily - tell them they are on their way out. Them them that you know they serve their precious lobbyists and not the people. 

When you talk to your friends talk to them about the bleeding. When they tell you there will always be corruption in Washington beg them to listen to reason. We can stop them. We can vote them ALL out. All we have to do is pay attention and vote. Our money is no longer based on anything close to a moral foundation and it has created an immoral "norm" that we have been pulled into. My observation is that our entire economy is based on smoke and mirrors that very few people really benefit from. The people that are benefiting know they are playing with monopoly money, they are gambling addicts and the bills are coming due. Our government should have never allowed this to happen - we have regulations that should have been enforced, they should have done more prosecuting rather that joining and our government had no business bailing out the banks and big business. It only delayed what is inevitable.  

We need to elect watchdogs, we need to demand prosecution of criminals, we need to pay attention to all of the loop holes, get rid of lobbyists, etc, etc. I am done listening to politicians who say they are going to do this - I don't believe them. We need to accept nothing less than a complete and accurate accounting of all of the money. We need to start by making sure our representative support HR1207 and then in 2010 we need to fire Washington - all of them and then do it again. That's my best plan, I think we can do it. At this point, it can't hurt.