Crystal Montoya

Bees

It was a beautiful day in San Diego. It's Dick's birthday so he was off work, and spent the morning working in the back yard while I wrote about HFCS. When he finished in the back, he headed for the front so I followed him because I was finished with my article and wanted to help.

We had a bunch of weeds to pull but it was a nice day and we had fun pulling them together.

 

 
Then we wondered if this clover is a major food source for all of the wonderful bees that seemed to be saying, "Hey - I'm eating that!"

 

We decided to leave some clover for the bees for awhile to make sure they don't starve to death.

 

 

  

 

My Animals

I know I go on and on too often about how much I love these animals but I just can't help it. They are hilarious! Sometimes really annoying but normally hilarious. 

As I was watching them; the two dogs and the fearless kitten outside this morning for their "we just woke up and it's another glorious day" celebration it occurred to me, yet again, that these guys really know how to live. For them, everyday is a brand new opportunity for mischief, fun, and most importantly the chance to share their love.  

My larger dog, Sierra takes awhile to warm up to others. She wants to be certain the newcomer is an accepted member of the pack before she lets her guard down. She has been tolerant of, but not overly affectionate towards the new kitten, Frijole, since I brought him home about 9 months ago.

Fleck, the other dog fell instantly in love with the kitten though so the kitten hasn't really noticed that Sierra looks at him with distrust and suspicion. Frijole is happy to mostly avoid Sierra as he has Fleck to torture and when that fails, he can always go after the little old lady cat, Princess, who is 16 years old and now lives in constant fear of being attacked. Okay, so maybe Frijole isn't the best example of how to live but I think Sierra may be.

We should all be a little weary of strangers, making sure they mean no harm before allowing them into our life. Once someone has earned our trust, we should give it completely and then find ways to let them know they are an accepted member of our pack. Then we can proceed with having fun and celebrating life.

I think Frijole finally found a place in Sierra's heart. Frijole likes to dig a hole in the yard outside to pee in and then he covers it up. This is doing wonders for the grass that Dick is trying to grow. Anyway, this morning Sierra sniffed out one of Frijole's makeshift toilets; she took a big sniff of it and then walked over to Frijole. 

Frijole is pretty fearless but Sierra is a big dog, especially compared to him, so while he held his ground as she approached, he did have a look of apprehension on his face as she got nearer. Sierra simply walked up to him and gave him one huge lick starting from his nose and ending on the top of his neck.

Sierra walked away and I did too, with the knowledge that Sierra has fully accepted Frijole as one of our own. For her, there is no higher compliment than a big, wet, lickery, kiss.

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Photo Credit Dallas News

California to Ban Trans Fat!

Oh glorious day! If my sources are correct, California will be the first state to ban trans fat in restaurants and I could not be happier. Let's get to work on high fructose corn syrup next and then we can talk about aspartame, I am fired up and ready to go! Certain people will be surely thinking I am a wacko liberal that feels my government should force me to behave but those people are wrong. I am for as little government as possible; a small yet effective government. I do not want your right to do anything to be taken away, I just don't think you understand exactly what trans fat or high fructose corn syrup really are and what they cause our bodies to go through. I would like to suggest that the government who we currently employ to help protect us against things like trans fat have colluded with food companies and allowed these non foods to infiltrate our food system while tauting the supposed benefits and ignoring the most blaring evidence which is our heart disease, cancer, obesity, and diabetes crises. 

The other day at work this woman asked me about a good(healthy) creamer for her coffee. I suggested that she use a little bit of organic half and half. She explained that she uses vanilla soy milk but she was hoping "the food scientists had developed something better, yet still healthy."  I literally had to control my gag reflex as not to vomit on this person. Really? I mean...really? We were standing in the premier health food store and you still think somehow mucking up the food with science could possibly be healthier? If you aren't lactose intolerant or a vegan then use a little bit of half and half - Cheeses rhymany! 

The people on the radio like Limbaugh, Hannity, or Beck who strongly feel it is their right to eat trans fat or high fructose corn syrup are normally the same people who have a strong relationship with God. I believe God gave us abundant, beautiful, and important foods to fuel His creation(us) with. I don't think God is happy about us applying our science to His food, at least not to the extent that we currently do. We are taking the food and transforming it with chemicals and processes that make it inedible, yet the shelves are lined with it. I feel your right to continue eating this impure, unnatural, and harmful food is interfering with my right to eat the wonderful, diverse, and healthy collection of food that God intended for us. I can't find actual food unless I seek it out, I have to pay way more because so many resources - our precious tax dollars - are being used to grow corn, process corn, invent more horrifying ways to muck up the corn, and sell it in almost everything.

Sanoviv is Not a Scam

Many people find this blog because they have done a search to find out if the Medical facility in Mexico called Sanoviv is a scam. They find my blog because I have written about Sanoviv quite a bit throughout the past four years. I get requests occasionally to share more details about my experience with Sanoviv. I thought I had done in the past but that information must be difficult to find hidden within all of these random words. 

The short answer for the many people that stumble upon this blog because they have typed Sanoviv Scam into their search engine is that no, Sanoviv is nothing close to a scam. My life is far better than it would be if I had not gone, which is to say that it's quite possible I could be dead instead of cancer free. Sanoviv was life saving and wonderful as far as I am concerned. For those of you have requested that I share more details about my experience please read on.

It is extremely difficult for people to get past the idea of leaving the almighty United States to go to Mexico for superior medical care. I may have already lost some of you because you feel so strongly that it's simply impossible that better care exists in Mexico than here. Some of you have already discounted me as a quack and you can't wait to talk to your doctor about how there are actually kooks like me out there saying that better care exists in a Mexican clinic. If that is you then we simply will have to agree to disagree but I hope you will at least continue to read my story so maybe you can understand why I have come to that conclusion. 

In May of 2004 I was diagnosed with and 8 pound tumor on my ovary, not ovarian cancer but a cancerous tumor on my ovary called an immature teratoma. I required extensive surgery and then endured four rounds of very aggressive chemotherapy that I may or may not have really needed, I am honestly not sure. During that time I had a couple of very close friends trying to steer me towards the alternative or basically dietary approach to fighting this disease. Let me go back and say about chemotherapy, sometimes it is extremely successful and makes sense for people to do. Sometimes the statistics fully suggest that the long term survival rate with chemotherapy treatment far exceeds the long term survival rate without the chemotherapy. That was not the case in my situation, it was borderline but normally in a borderline case they will error on the side of "caution" which means proceeding with preventative or "just to make sure" chemotherapy.

Why I Dropped Out of School and You Shouldn't; The Fifth Grade.

My first day of school in the fifth grade was the last time I ever got  excited about going to school. Prior to the fifth grade I thought school ruled. I was always the smartest kid in the class - I was the smartest kid in my fifth grade class too but it didn't matter. In grades K-4 I was the kid the teacher called on to help others. I was always the first one done with the stupid little assignments and I could spend the majority of my classroom time on the extra credit little reading program that was in the back of the class - I think it was called SRA. It was a few boxes of short stories that got progressively harder one box to the next. The rule was you had to finish everything in the first box before you could move onto the next. My goal was to finish all the boxes before the end of the year.  After you finished a story, you had a little quiz to take to see how well you comprehended and retained what you read. I loved this program and couldn't wait till I finished my math or other work so I could immerse myself in fiction. Even though I rushed through all of my other work it was always perfect or close to it. It was just easy to me.

I remember one time in the fourth grade, I think it was the moment where I realized not all people are endowed with the same amount of brain power; the class was working on a math problem and the teacher asked me to go up to the board and work it out. I think we were just starting to add more than two numbers together so the problem was something like 39+7+12=  so I went up to the board and wrote it out like this 39+12+7= except I put each number on top of the other like you do when you do a math problem. I could see it would be easier if I cleaned up the way it looked and put the only single digit on the bottom - less space in there to clutter the brain - I don't know. So I wrote the numbers on the board in the order that I saw fit and almost all of my classmates started telling me I wrote it wrong. This initiated a whole discussion with the teacher and the class about how it doesn't matter in which order you write out the numbers that you want to add together. Seriously, she had to show the class all of the ways that this problem could be written and that it would always add up the same. While this discussion was taking place I was bored out of my mind and wondering how long before I would beat all the other kids to the SRA.

It was almost like I already knew everything they taught during the first five years of school, I simply needed a quick reminder and I had it down. I did not need to work at or study anything except spelling. I still suck at spelling even though I spent many an hour during my childhood engulfed in spelling. Sometimes I think our language is just too complicated with too many rules that do not always apply to adhere to but then when I get a note these days from someone who is under the age of 18, I normally cringe at how they've taken the language and cheapened it, ignoring all rules of grammar and spelling, not just an occasional one. My spelling became my stepmother's mission. I think she had nothing else to use to instill hard work and structure into me because I excelled at all of the other subjects. Every Monday I would come home with the list of dreaded spelling words and Brenda would give me a mock test. The words I missed, I would have to write out 25 times and then she would give me another mock test. Believe it or not there were actually times where, even after I had just written the word 25 times, I would still get it wrong. These were bad nights for me. As an adult looking back, I don't know how it's possible that I could have written a word 25 times and then immediately after that spelled it incorrectly. My mind was in my books I think and not sitting at the table writing words. Concentration on something like this for me was brutal, concentrating on something I have absolutely no concern about is still very difficult for me. Go figure.

My Heart Goes Out

Today a 21 year old, pregnant woman's car broke down on the 805 freeway near Downtown San Diego. As she waited with two others for a tow truck to arrive, a 30 year old, drunken man named Joseph Venegas hit the 21 year old woman and killed her and her unborn child. The two people that were with the woman were injured and had to be rushed to the hospital. My heart goes out to this family on a day that is suppose to represent fresh starts and new beginnings.

Joseph Venegas will be arrested on suspicion of felony drunk driving. What I don't understand is why Mr. Venegas was driving in the first place. With so many options available to us, why would anyone, in this day and age ever decide to risk the lives of their fellow citizens and operate a vehicle while under the influence of alcohol. I am sure Mr. Venegas will spend a considerable amount of time asking himself this very question in the months to come. He will have to live with the fact that he took these innocent lives and has caused so much pain for the family of the 21 year old woman.

Writer's Block

So I sit here looking at the keys, trying to pull some enthusiasm from somewhere, possibly my skinny knees. 

I think I need to be careful, looking at this blog like a job... it could become dreadful, or even worse - scareful. 

That last word is brought to you for my husband. He likes to find mistakes for me, he is such a loyal  and helpful friend. 

Sometimes, Crystal don't do proper grammar. She wants to experiment and see. Sort of like Sonny with his brainchild, Hammer.  How is that go-ing?

Ah, but I am always getting off the track. Will I ever be good enough to get it all across without people thinking I am a hack?

With so many things inside my head, it's overwhelming to think; it has to be organized and inked - before my brain is dead.

Even this poem, it's really silly and really sucks. I don't even think it actually qualifies as a poem, that's just my stinkin' luck. 

Al Gore did it recently, with his poem about the parting Seas. I wouldn't really call it a poem but the TV says it's the bee's knees. 

Anywaze and any-who, maybe later real thoughts will brew. For now I have beans to rinse and onions to chop for the yummy chili I am about to stew. 

Yesteryear this would stay locked up but now that I am going to share; here's some of my goofy goofiness, it's really not that rare.

My Car is as Good, if Not Better Than a Prius - Get Over It!

I am the very proud owner of 2009's green car of the year. It's not a hybrid. It still counts. It's a Volkswagen Jetta TDI. TD means Turbo Diesel. It's the new diesel and the 2010 green car of the year will not be a hybrid either - it will also be one of these new immaculate diesels. Why do you care? You probably don't, I'm just pissed so you're going to get a little bit of an opinion about the almighty hybrid that is suppose to save the planet and why I, the proud owner of 2009's car of the year should also qualify for the little contest going on at work. My car is the greenest car of the year - have I mentioned that yet?

The fact that I am getting the same gas millage in my non hybrid, green car of the year as you are getting in your Prius hasn't seemed to be enough for you to stop and consider that there may be more than one way to skin a cat, or that there may be more than one type of new green vehicle. Gas millage aside, and even the fact that I spent $1300 less than you did, the Jetta has several other things that I see as superior to your damn Prius. First, if you got the sport package you have leather! Really? A full leather interior somehow equates in what is suppose to be the ultimate in green cars? Volkswagen was a little smarter than that - they developed a "green" leather like material for the seats in my car. I can't tell the difference except that I know my car contributed less to the cruelty of animals and the pollution that cruelty emits than your loaded Prius did. 

Next is that I have a full size Sedan I actually feel like I am sitting in a car, rather than a shoe. My car says Vroom! Vroom! while yours says Whaaaaaaaa. My car will beat yours off the line every single time. My car feels sporty and fun. My passengers have plenty of room. But, none of that has anything to do with being green - just cool.

Nothing to it

I sort of have this "get out of  jail free" or "give me a break" card that I go back and forth on how I feel about using. All I have to say is "I have survived two cancers" and people pause and typically decide to give me a break. Just the other day, I missed a medical bill among all of the medical bills I get. Insurance reimbursements and medical bills and explanations of benefits all start to blend together after awhile. You have to be diligent in matching things up or you'll miss stuff. I'm not the most organized bee in the hive. 

Maybe if you just go in for your annual checkup you don't experience this pile up of insurance brain damage but when you are cured of an Immature Teratoma, in remission from Myelodysplasia, and currently have Lymphedema, Sciatica, COPD, Celiac, Eczema, Migraines, and a possible urinary tract infection the bills sort of pour in.  So sue me - I missed one. Well, they weren't going to sue me but they were going to send me to collections so I called and explained how difficult it is for me to keep track of it all. I told the girl how I have survived two cancers and it's just so hard for me now to focus on this stuff...She was incredibly helpful. She couldn't actually help me - I had to get it cleared up through the collection company but it got cleared up. This girl called me back a couple of hours later though because she really wanted to help me. She felt moved enough by the simple fact that I have had some serious struggles that she wanted to do everything she could to help me. She still couldn't do anything but she really tried and expressed great relief when I told her the collection company was also extremely helpful. Wow. Try and get that sort of experience without the cancer card.  

Some people though...some people will accuse you of lying about something like this just to get a break, others will... well, that's another thought completely. I was trying to tell you about this little tool I now have that I did not used to have. It has made my life easier; people generally have compassion and I've had cancer - twice, unlike 80% of the population so 80% - well you have to assume 20% are assholes so that leaves 60% - so... 60% are going to empathize and show compassion. Not horrible odds.  That number by the way, came right out of my ass - I have no idea what the number is. It's getting bigger though, cancer is still on the rise - even with all the millions and millions and millions of dollars that have gone into it. Suzanne Summers and I and many others have been trying to tell you it don't cost that much but you just won't listen. Again, getting off track here. Cancer is going to surpass Heart Disease as the #1 killer in America. So pretty soon, my sob story may not be so special.    

Crystal Montoya, Writer.

This blog is something that I both love and dread. Writing is something that I am both extremely passionate about and extremely afraid of. I have been writing long enough now to call myself a writer because I've decided - what is a writer if not someone who writes? Now, I guess since I've decided to start calling myself a writer, my goal has to be to work hard at it and become a successful writer. Success means something different for everyone, in my mind success will come when my words are well organized enough to be compiled into a book. If the book was well received and I was asked to actually go sign it for people, and people showed up to get it signed then I would feel like I have become a successful writer. Whether or not that happens, I am a writer. I think this is the first time that I have really looked at it this way. I think my husband has been waiting for this day. Crystal Montoya, writer. 

Okay, now that I am a writer, I have to come to terms with being a writer. Many writers explain that they are very lonely. First, writing takes allot of time. The more I do it the easier it is but sometimes it's excruciating. Much of the time I spend is on trying to determine if my words, the ones I am about to permanently put into the world are going to harm anyone. Or offend them. I wonder how many people know what a hypocrite I am sometimes because I'll go off on a rant all the while doing something else that contributes to all that is wrong in the world. I am far from perfect in oh so many ways, yet I will so strongly berate other people for what I perceive their shortcomings to be. I have my hot button issues - I hope all of us do. I sincerely hope I am not the only person who while knowing her own extreme short comings can at the same time point their finger at others. We all do this, right? I do try to keep this hypocrisy to a minimum but sometimes I am just swept up and can't control my hands - they just type and Blah - there it is.

The Treadmill Incident; A Social Experiment

Yesterday I took a little tumble in my back yard. I tripped over a 2 foot fence because my pant leg got caught on the fence as I was trying to step over it. It's just a little makeshift, temporary fence that was supposed to keep a certain dog out of the area where I am attempting to grow some grass for said dog. I personally hate grass growers in San Diego - all you people with your vast, expansive lawns should be ashamed of yourselves - I'm just kidding. But if I didn't have dogs, I wouldn't grow grass. I'm attempting a small square of grass because I do have dogs and they love grass, and if there is no grass - they have dirt and they bring that dirt in the house with them on their grubby little paws and in their grubby little noses. 

As I was headed over this fence to evaluate my first, failed attempt at this grass and it became apparent that I was about to bite the dust, I remembered the treadmill incident. I wondered on my way down "If I hurt myself badly when I hit the dirt, am I going to be able to get one of my many neighbors to respond to my cries for help?" I even had enough time to conclude that I would be lying in my back yard with my broken ankle crying until the cows or Dickie comes home because chances are my neighbors are not going to be willing to help me. Luckily I only jarred my wrist and hip, the hip that was already hurting because my sciatica has flared up but I was not injured badly. I got up and walked it off. Thank goodness because I'm telling you; people will not come to your rescue when you need them - well 99% of people won't anyway.

I know this to be an absolute fact because a few years ago I did need help from one of the many, many people that constantly walk past my house. I live in an urban setting - there are stores, a pizza parlor, a coffee shop, a pawn shop, and several other businesses within a short distance of my home. People walk right past my house on their way to these establishments in a constant flow - every couple of minutes someone walks past my house. It's a bustling little community. You would think this is where you would want to be if you have an emergency and need a helping hand. Not so. I now think you have a better chance of getting help in the middle of nowhere than in the middle of a bustling community of people.

More Fun Ways to Spend Our Time Together

Dick and I recently purchased a second home. A small, mobile, second home that we can take with us on our road trips so we don't have to pay extra for having dogs at hotels that won't even allow you leave your dog in the room while you go out to eat. Our vacations always consist of road trips because we take our dogs with us everywhere. Our new home is called a TAB which stands for Taking America Back. I love it. It has a stove, a sink, a refrigerator, and a table with a U shaped bench seat that converts to a queen size bed. It has heat and A/C...really, what more do you need? It's like a deluxe, mobile, hotel room. It even has a port o' potty - for emergencies.

The only concerns we've had so far are getting it insured and registered. I won't even tell you about the insurance nightmare but if you want an idea you could go read one of my previous posts, entitled Come Out From Under That Rock Already.  We bought our TAB in Arizona because that was the only place we could find one and we brought it home with the temporary tag that was suppose to be good for 90 days. 

I called the DMV here in California which includes both driver's licenses and registrations in one place, unlike some states where they are in separate locations. I'm just telling you this because some of you may not have experienced the licensing/registration powerhouse that exists in California and some other states. My home state of Washington has its issues but I always felt it was easier there because the office you were in was half the size of the ones in California. The employees only had to expend enough brain power to get people through one specific variety of concerns: either driver's licenses OR registrations because really, aren't we asking a little too much of people when we expect they can handle both of these "services"?

I called and made an appointment to get our TAB registered and the first available appointment was four and a half weeks later. That's efficiency for you. I was informed that we would have to bring TAB with us so now this has really become an event because even though it's small and easy to maneuver, I am certainly not going to be the one to hook it up and drive it through town. So the appointment is set and Dick and I will both be taking time out of our lives to register the thing together. I can think of more fun ways to spend our time together, like pulling weeds or poking each other's eyes out, but instead, we had to go to the DMV.

Here's to Kim

There is a saying that goes something like: "People come into your life for either a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I guess reason people show up to help you out with something, or so you can help them with something. Something immediate and then that person leaves as quickly as they come. Season people are there to teach you something or so you can teach them. They'll be around for a little while but the relationship will just naturally run it's course once the season you or they need help with passes. 

It's the lifetime people that I am thinking of this morning. These are the true blue, by your side, through thick and thin kind of relationships. Parents normally fall into this category, sometimes a mentor will stay in your life always and if you're really lucky you may find a few lifetime friends. 

I recently listened to part of an audio book by Caroline Myss called Sacred Contracts. She suggests that all of this is completely premeditated and arranged before you are even born. She suggests that all of the major relationships and experiences you have in life have been discussed and decided upon by your soul. Something like all the souls that are ready to go to Earth get together and talk about what they need to learn in this life and what they are able to teach. 

One will ask to be available to help see someone through a difficult situation and another will say "I will go through that struggle for you so you can be available to help me." Adoption is probably a good example, here you have two sets of people, one who cannot have a child that they desperately want and another cannot give the child they are about to have all of the things they will need in life. According to Myss; this has all been prearranged and determined, there were things the souls involved needed to experience, they agreed to have that experience together and this is how it materialized. It's up to us to fulfill these contracts when we get here and you have to make the correct choices in life in order to be where you need to be to fulfill your contracts. Myss claims we don't remember any of these agreements that we made because we go through a complete cleansing of our memories of these agreements before we get here. 

I don't know if Myss is right or not but I hope she is. I like this entire concept and think it helps explain  why I've had some of the struggles I have. My soul needed to learn about these particular struggles, and hopefully my soul had a goal of helping to teach others something in the process. I am guessing some people are completely turned off by this concept as it is too new agey for them. Some people might even feel it is blasphemy. I plan to listen to the rest of the book. 

One of my lifetime people is my friend Kim. She called me on the phone at one of the apartment complexes I managed asking if I needed a maintenance supervisor. I actually did need one so she explained to me that I was going to give this job to her husband and she was right, I did give the job to her husband. At the time I thought Kim was a reason person - the reason she entered my life was to give me the most talented maintenance supervisor I have ever worked with. Thank you very much.

Kim and Sonny moved from Las Vegas to the apartment building in Seattle and they hit the place like a tornado. Within the first week Sonny was rewiring all of the fifty year old electrical panels and resurfacing the pool but I had better not even think about asking him to work more than five minutes of overtime, he would explain "My wife expects me home on time and I ain't gonna piss 'er off." Well, okey dokey then. If I had never met Kim, Sonny  would have had me believing she walked around with a whip within easy reach at all times, just ready to pounce if Sonny got out of line. For the first week or two, it's all I heard from him: "My wife ain't gonna be happy if my check ain't right." or "My wife ain't gonna be happy if I gotta go on a lot of after hours calls." 

Sonny just painted his wife as a wicked witch because it was a convenient way to get out of working overtime, it was easier to quote her to make sure his check was correct then to tell me that he is the one that is anxious about it. Sonny was hoping there would not be many after hours calls, Kim could really care less. I met Kim when I had to take something up to their apartment a week or so after they moved in. When she opened the door, her apartment had already been painted so at first I was looking beyond her at the Harley Davidson orange walls with tufts of white sponge paint pressed over it. It looked good. Kim looked at me and she gushed "Oh, you're so cute!" It wouldn't be until years later that I would understand the translation of that, which was "I hate you, you scrawny little bitch."

A Father's Love

There really is no way to describe a father's love for his daughter, if it is anything like a daughter's love for her father then I can assure you it runs deep. This is assuming you are lucky enough to have experienced this phenomenon. Some of you were not and I really feel blessed that I was lucky enough to get a dad who loves me. Even if that love means an embarrassing and uncomfortable course of events sometimes. Even if that practically guarantees an embarrassing and uncomfortable course of events most of the time when Dad is near. He simply can't contain his admiration and I feel exactly the same way towards him. 

Some times are better than others to profess and explain your feelings and I think my Dad could have chosen a more tactful approach than what he did on the evening I am going to tell you about. A couple of things are certain; I will never doubt that the man loves me and I will never forget the way he illustrated this love for me on this particular evening. 

I moved back home with my dad when I was twenty five years old. He only wanted four hundred dollars a month for rent and what was he going to do if I didn't pay it? Evict me? Never. Not only was the rent cheap but his house is home and he makes a good roommate. There were none of the concerns that some daughters may have, all of that stuff about curfews and having to explain where you have been...it wasn't like that with dad. He knew I was an adult and he treated me as such. It was all great.

As often happens with roommates though, there were times when my schedule disturbed his and there were also times when his schedule put a cramp in mine. One of the issues was that Dad did not have to work on Mondays and I did. Sunday was a perfect night to go have a good time, unwind, and drink alcohol. It was for Dad anyway. For me Sunday night meant an early, mostly sober night because I had to start my week on Monday. 

I got home this particular Sunday evening after having hiked for a better part of the day. It had been a long weekend of camping and hiking with friends and I was exhausted. I have to admit that I was happy Dad was not at home when I got there because I just wanted to unwind a little bit, maybe have a bath, and then go to bed. One of the highlights of my camping trip was a small bakery that we visited in a little town on our way home. It was just a little place, one of those places that's been a landmark in between a couple of little towns with the same recipes for a hundred years. The pastries, cookies, and other delights were incredible. They were so good that I became certain that I would never stumble upon such an incredible pastry again in my entire life. Mind blowing good. The only choice I had was to purchase more of these pastries so I could enjoy them for days to come at home. I bought three dozen assorted delights and they were safe on the kitchen counter when I went upstairs to take my bath and go to bed. 

I was in bed by ten and got several hours of that good kind of sleep, the kind that comes after you've been physically active for most of the day, you're completely exhausted and you simply drift into a deep and restorative sleep. Just after two o'clock I heard the car pull up and I remember the dread that washed over me. I was tired and I think I was ill-prepared for a meeting that was scheduled at work the following day. I wanted to continue with my sleep. I knew the best case scenario was that I was about to be forced to listen to either War (Low. Ry. Dur.) or BB King at an unreasonable volume, but maybe he wouldn't actually come in to my room to further annoy me. I was holding out hope but I also knew that I didn't know what the worst case scenario would be. If you know my dad, you know anything can happen. As I continued to be pulled out of my blissful sleep by the sounds of the patio door and then the kitchen door that leads into the house I started to hear voices. Shit. Visitors? Now I'm wide awake and praying: "Dear God, I'm sorry for all of the horrible things I've done, I'm sorry I left that cigarette butt on the ground three days ago but there wasn't a garbage can to be found - anywhere! I promise I will never ever do that again, no matter what, just please, please keep them - whoever they are out of my room. Thank you. I love you. Amen." 

Nothing Sweeter

There is just nothing sweeter in life than having puppies and kittens. Well, okay I guess a bouncing actual human baby would be very sweet too but bear with me because I am childless. When I say it like that you may feel bad for me "Oh that poor childless woman" you may be thinking, but I'm perfectly okay with being a master to a bunch of fur balls so don't worry about it. In my mind the only thing worse than not having a baby is actually having a baby. Someone told me I was not a nice person yesterday and after reading that last line, maybe she was right but I do actually feel that way.  A baby would mean a drastic overhaul to our lives while a puppy or a kitten only means a slight shift. Babies grow up and expect to be educated and want a car when they turn 16. Animals grow up and expect that you continue to feed them. When a dog turns 16 they may need a wagon to get around, as they will be old and frail, but you don't have to worry that they are text messaging while driving that wagon down the freeway with three friends in the car. I am completely appreciative of all you sweet Mommas out there trying to raise good kids. I've discovered that I don't want any part of it. I've written about this before, motherhood and adoption or foster care and I got good feedback "Oh you should definitely be a mom - even if your intense attitude towards food and chemical toxicity would likely damage them for life."  Well we discovered that we're too old and not healthy enough to qualify for an adoption and Dickie is really nervous about fostering - for valid reasons. Don't even suggest that I actually give birth to a person; that's something I've never seriously considered even before my health problems, now it's just too risky. 

It's for the best, with all of these animals to take care of I can't imagine I would have time for a baby and honestly when I consider the amount of work and heartache that would come along with motherhood, I realize that it is clearly something that other people should do. This attitude could have something to do with the diapers I changed recently for a friend's baby - whew. I can just hear the ideas going through some of the heads of you mommas out there - the ones who would not feel fulfilled or happy without being a mommy. You're thinking if it was my own baby the diaper wouldn't bother me. You're thinking I simply cannot know what I'm missing because I am not a mom. Some women are just down right offended that I have made this decision - that I don't want children. I mean no offense and I believe motherhood is the most important job in America, I respect those of you who dedicate your life to your children and I respectfully choose to leave it up to you. Don't worry, I am actually fulfilled in life, perfectly happy and free as a bird - well free as a married bird - don't worry honey, this bird mates for life. I can still hear you Mommas, you're thinking  "She just doesn't know what she's missing and that's why she thinks she's happy with no children."  Well whatever.  I'll never be able to convince you that I don't need a child to complete my life. 

If it is any consolation to you, getting a baby dog is a lot like a human baby at first. You have the
 crying at night, the feedings, the poo poos - heck with a dog, you never stop having to pick up their poop - at least with a kid, eventually they'll manage all of that all by themselves like a big boy or girl. Our dog Fleck is the same age as one of my friend's daughters and they actually were extremely alike throughout their first 18 months. My friend would tell me how her baby was going through a paper chewing phase and I would say "oh my goodness, I know, so is Fleck!" Then there was the crying phase at first - they both went through it. Later on they both developed a wart at the same time, they had fun comparing them, or maybe it was just my friend and I who had fun comparing them. Just the other day I was telling my friend that Fleck has entered into a digging phase and of course I heard all about how the baby was doing the same thing. Now talking is the next milestone, Fleck may surprise me one day, we'll be cuddling on the couch together and he'll look at me and say "Momma." I'll immediately put an ad in the paper for a free talking dog because I'll be certain he will start demanding an education and expect a car when he turns 3 (that's 21 in dogs years). No thank you.  

My animals bring so much entertainment to my life. It's like having a little personal, comedic circus in my house. In the mornings Frijole is the first one raring to go. He's the kitten and he wants to go outside to hunt for bugs. Once I let him out he creeps ever so slowly towards the little grassy strip I've managed to grow in search of his prey. Once he gets close his bug flies away and then Frijole leaps into the air to catch it. He's a world class jumper. Then Sierra rouses and goes outside for her morning pee and sniff. She smells everything to make sure nothing has changed, I'll see her come upon a scent of something, maybe a squirrel and she'll linger for a moment, I can see the longing in her eyes, her ultimate goal her entire life has been to eat a squirrel. She'll realize the scent is old and the squirrel has gone away so she'll lay down, doing her signature turn around three times before she finally settles and she'll watch Frijole fly though the air for awhile. About 20 minute later Fleck will show up, he'll have decided that we're all too rude and too noisy for him to continue to sleep in. He likes to sleep in and he despises mornings. He always looks like he's hung over and still half drunk when he gets up, he wobbles by, stretches out, shakes his body and licks his lips. He'll slowly make his way outside pausing for another little stretch on the stairs on his way out and then he'll go lay down in the back yard and watch Frijole too. At some point Frijole's hunting expedition will be too much for Fleck, the jumping and running will infect Fleck and he'll just have to join in. Frijole will be moving in, ever so stealthily on a poor unsuspecting bug and then suddenly Fleck will blow it and pounce on Frijole. Frijole will get pissed and smack Fleck a couple of times with his south paw and Fleck will retreat. Eventually they'll all end up just laying around and I'll think what a bunch of moochers - if I actually had kids at least I could put them to work!

Plants

I lived in apartments for a period of about twelve years between my late teens and late twenties. They were always decent apartments. I managed the apartment complexes and lived where I worked. Living in apartments is different than living in a house. For one thing the exterior landscape is managed and maintained for you. You never have to mow your own lawn - or grow a lawn to mow for that matter. The landscaping comes along with your luxury apartment.  Luxury apartment - give me break. What is so luxurious about renting an apartment? Luxury was about the best we could do in the way of a description because it's a vague description. Something along the lines of saying a big mac is tasty. You can't advertise that an apartment community is quiet or safe. Even if it is quiet and safe compared to other apartment complexes. The words quiet and safe will get you sued if you use them in advertising so you have to come up with something meaningless like luxury.

Apartment living is not really what I would consider to be luxurious and as an average human, I don't really expect the place I live to be luxurious. I suddenly realize how stupid it sounds and I can't believe now, looking back, how often I used the word luxury to describe your basic apartment complex. Because really, the word luxury conjures up images of Swedish massages, Lamborghini's, and fine champagne,not a basic apartment that probably has at least one stain in the carpet from the previous occupant. We did have dishwashers and washer and dryers so maybe that's what we were thinking qualified as luxurious. Or maybe just the fact that you don't have to do your own yard work is the luxury we were promising. That could be it because I am now realizing that it would be a luxury to have landscapers taking care of my property.

While I lived in apartments I kept indoor plants. I kept at least 15 and sometimes up to 30 of them the entire time I lived in apartments. I didn't just live in the same apartment for the entire time either, I must have lived in 11 different apartments. I moved all of my plants with me everywhere I went. They were my pets during those years. They were gorgeous specimens too.  There was the 7 foot palm tree I got when I was 21. My ex-boyfriend traded a joint for it when I tried to break up with him for not getting me anything for my birthday.  I was suppose to be impressed that he gave up a joint, I was impressed by the magnificent tree, some kind of palm - I couldn't believe he got it for just a joint. His name was Fred - the tree not the ex-boyfriend. Fred long outlived that relationship. There was the Ivy that I got from Brenda when I was 15 years old, her name was Ivy and she was sculpted and groomed to surround the walls in a corner - whichever corner she ended up in after the moves. Sometimes her long vines were intertwined amongst the shelves surrounding all of the other plant pots. There was the Pregnant onion, her name was Momma and I loved her so. She looked like an onion bulb stuck it the dirt with long half inch wide green blades coming out the top. She would get pregnant and carry a little baby in her bulb until it was ready to enter the world and then Momma would drop her baby in the dirt and the baby would grow up and become a Momma. I wonder if any of the people I gave babies too still have them.

My plants were how I would relax and unwind. I really did care for them and they were gorgeous. Not everyone thought so though, Hannah simply couldn't understand why I wanted all of these plants cluttering up my living space. I imagine it's how she would feel now about my actual living pets. My close friends who have known me since I was in my early twenties know I am telling the absolute truth about all of these living, thriving, healthy plants. They can attest that I am not creating a piece of fiction here but I don't know if you could convince my husband that I'm not doing exactly that, after all he has been encouraging me to write more fictitious stories. 

Something happened between Washington and California. I don't know how or why but I completely lost all ability to keep a plant alive in San Diego. I actually have become a ruthless plant murderer since I got here. I brought Fred, Ivy, Momma, and a few others down here with me and they promptly died, with the only exception being a spindly little aloe plant that is still hanging on. I was heartbroken about the deaths of the others but I didn't think the problem was me - I thought it was the twelve hundred and twenty five miles that they had endured in the back of a U-haul or the extreme change in climate, nothing to do with my skills as a plant keeper. I have purchased a number of plants since then, plants from local nurseries, plants that are suppose to thrive in San Diego. I've murdered every last one of them. I tried again when I bought a woman's entire collection of house plants at a yard sale. There were 6 or 8 plants ranging in size and shapes, a nice little collection. All dead now. I don't know why I can't seem to manage to nurture inside plants anymore. I was really sick for awhile so maybe I was just out of tune with nature, working on nurturing myself. Wow if the plants had it that bad, I wonder how my husband must have felt during that time. 

When I moved to San Diego I moved into a house with a yard. This was my first opportunity maintain my own yard. Of course I fully thought that Dick and I would be maintaining it together but as soon as I decided that it was food and not lawn that I wanted to grow he stepped back. I think he knew how different outdoor gardening is from indoor gardening. If it was just a little lawn, I think I could count on him to keep it mowed, maybe. I did not choose to grow a lawn as my first attempt at outdoor landscaping though, I chose to grow food.  My stance was that it should be illegal to grow vast, expansive lawns in San Diego - it's a freakin' desert people. So I did grow some food. I set it up all wrong and wasted a lot of energy in the process but I ended up with some good stuff. We had a bunch of lettuces and greens, we had radishes, tomatoes, snap peas, zucchini, cucumbers and even managed to grow a small pumpkin that the puppy played with for weeks. I tried blackberries of course and lost. My watermelon showed some early signs of promise but never got bigger than a large grapefruit. It was a really rewarding endeavor and I kept it up for a couple of seasons. 

An outdoor vegetable garden is more labor focused than just keeping indoor plants. It can be back breaking work, which is why I think my husband wisely chose to have no part in it, or at least as little involvement as possible. I learned when I was eighteen years old and painted four hundred units worth of exterior stairwells that I was not cut out for heavy labor or even run of the mill labor. After my couple of amateur yet surprisingly fruitful seasons I started to lose enthusiasm about the whole thing. It was a lot of work. I started working at Whole Foods and that took some of my energy stores and it also gave me a 20% discount on groceries so suddenly the prices for organic foods looked reasonable. We also got a new puppy and found that he was extremely capable of crawling under the little makeshift fence surrounding the garden and the first thing he did when he reached the lettuce was squat and mark it as his own. This and watching the airplanes with the smoggy trail that followed them fly directly over our house and garden all added up to no more garden. 

I had a job to go to now, a puppy to train, I was in school at the time and I was cooking, cleaning, and trying to manage my newest lovely health condition, lymphedema. The entire back yard was turned back over to it's rightful owners; the dogs.  I just gave up on growing anything. We've got a bunch of dirt and have had for too long. This dirt gets blown around by the breeze, tracked in by the animals, and brought in on our feet. It is impossible to keep my home clean. So, reluctantly I decided to grow some grass. 

I'm justifying my crime because it's only a small area, we do have dogs that benefit from the grass, and we chose a drought resistant variety. My dad is happy I've finally come to my senses, he thought the food not lawn idea was stupid. I am planning to grow some food but I'm thinking about things like artichokes, citrus trees, rosemary and other things that don't needed to be turned over but just grow and grow year after year. Dick planted the grass seeds and we set the sprinkler on a timer before went on vacation. We fully expected a lush green lawn when we came home 3 weeks later. What we got was sporadic grass and weeds. At this point I don't care what grows over the dirt as long as it is not fox tails and burrs. I can live with some weeds. I've been letting everything grow as it wants and among the grass and weeds, 3 cherry tomato plants, a zucchini, a cucumber, and a pumpkin have popped up. Imagine these lonely little seeds hiding out in our dirt for the last year and a half, just waiting for a little water and encouragement. They survived the dogs and the hungry birds, just biding their time until they could get a little drink. I had no idea they were there but now that they are I can't bring myself to murder them and replace them with grass. They were and have remained effortless, They remind me of Fred, Ivy, and Momma. I just don't feel it would be right to intentionally kill them and I can't bring myself to do it.

So if you're my neighbor and you're wondering why in the hell I've been watering this sporadic collection of weeds, grasses and foods at least now you have the history. It probably still doesn't make sense because I imagine very few people are silly enough to care for a plant enough to name it. Then to feel sentimental towards a new plant because it reminds you of a plant you used to have, a plant named Fred, or Ivy, or Momma - it's just plain crazy.   

Food Snob

I never imagined that I would ever become a snob about anything. Goodness knows that as a kid I wouldn't have dreamed about being a snob, "You'll get what you get and you had better be happy about it" was something my Mom was fond of saying. I had everything I needed and I knew that anything more was for other people. Our family did not have what they call disposable income so I never imagined that I would have the opportunity to be a snob. I wasn't picky about anything.

Okay I guess that's not true. I did dream about certain things. For one thing I wanted Keds - They're just stupid canvas tennis shoes but they were the shoes to have at my high school - those and if I really set my sights high an Esprit canvas bag. The marketing geniuses at Keds had a great and horribly cruel idea when they decided to place a blue rubber tag on the back of each one of their shoes. If you had the tag then you were acceptable, without it you were screwed. I was screwed. I finally did acquire a pair of Keds - well actually two pair; I asked or maybe begged each one of my grandparents individually to buy me a pair during a summer break. In my defense I had nearly lost my life the previous year because I didn't have Keds. I got so obsessed with them that I thought I could draw a tag on the back with a blue sharpie and no one would know that my generic canvas tennis shoes were knock offs. It's ridiculous what makes a group of kids want to stalk, threaten, and stick their nasty little fingers in your face but in my school that did it - my glasses, braces, flat chest, and headgear probably didn't help either. Other than wanting Keds and fancier clothes I never imagined I would become a snob about anything. I never used to have any special needs or requirements for anything. I used to roll my eyes when someone finicky crossed my path - who does she think she is asking for such special treatment? 

Now though, I have come to accept that I am.  I am that person, that dreaded and difficult person. I am the food snob. Everyone knows one or maybe two people like me. I am the one who makes it difficult to simply enjoy a meal. Of course you may think a meal can be found at Jack in the Box and well, I'm sorry but I vehemently disagree. There you have it. I don't care how cheap or easy it is, it's not food. Why would we even discuss it as an actual viable option? It does not exist to me, except as a reminder of all that is wrong in the world. 

I have come around to at least allowing almost everything to be a possibility, a few years ago I was seriously losing weight because I was literally afraid of most food. I've lightened up considerably, I mean you have to have fun in life right? Even still, while meat, potatoes, butter, cheese, ice cream, and cheesecake are all a possibility (some more than others) I still maintain my standards. It must be organic but if I have to I'll settle for all natural. Local is absolutely preferred and if you grew it yourself I'm all over it. Easy Peazy, Right? Well if you wait until I'm feeling really hungry or lazy you might talk me into eating at a restaurant but I'd prefer just going to Whole Foods - they have a great selection of prepared foods. "Or we could try this great organic, completely raw restaurant, if you want - it's so raw they don't even have a stove in the whole place"... "No?"... "Oh?"... "Well, I'm easy what do you want to eat?" 

Dick and I are visiting my grandmother for thanksgiving. She knows that I've developed into a difficult eater but she "don't give a care". She thinks it's fun to tease me. I talked to her today and we established that we're cooking instead of going out to eat which made me ecstatic because I love Thanksgiving and as far as I'm concerned going out to eat is criminal on such a blessed day. As the rush of relief was flowing over me grandma says "I don't don't know what were gonna eat - could be hot dogs, I don't know." I just gave a  "Oh no problem" answer while ideas for what I could bring that qualifies as edible started coming to mind and then grandma started to giggle. She was trying to get a rise out of me. At least I have moved away from berating and insulting people when they suggest I eat hot dogs on Thanksgiving. I'm making progress.

Come out from Under that Rock Already.

    I know I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes. I know there are just things happening around me that I have absolutely no clue about and that there may be other people who are disgusted and amazed at my complete stupidity so while I write this I know that there are people who have had similar experiences with me; the kind of experience that leaves their head shaking and makes them think I've been hiding under a rock for a good part of my adult life. For instance I've lived in San Diego for over 6 years and I still have no clue how to get to Mira Mesa or El Cajon. Half the time I think Oceanside is to the south of us and even though I live right downtown, I would probably print directions before I drove myself to Coronado. I realize this is pitiful, it's like I just got here yesterday, this not knowing the lay of the land after 6 years. It's something that leaves people wondering if I have indeed been hiding under a rock. 

    So while I am about to call out others for being stupid, I can agree that I too fall into this category - occasionally. We can't all be all knowing. I'll even admit that I probably expect people to know more than I should expect them too. I'm always asking my husband random questions about historical people or events, questions that he does not know an answer to and I'm sure he wonders why in the hell I would think he does. He happens to be college educated and 12 years older than me, that's why. He paid good money and spent four years in a higher learning establishment, he should know these things - some of them he should simply recall - I mean he was there and I wasn't. Granted he may have only been 4 or 5 at the time but still he was there so the facts of the matter should just be a part of him. like the hair on his head.

I know that I don't remember the facts about anything that happened when I was 5 years old but I fully expect other people to. This kind of stupidity is not really what I'm venting about at all. I don't think Dick is stupid because he can't tell me all of the bands that played at Woodstock off the top of his head, I just think I would know this if I was his age but it doesn't change my opinion of him. I know he's smart, just because he didn't pay attention to the biggest rock concert of all time doesn't mean he's stupid. I only find this mildly annoying because he should know the answer so I don't have to look it up. I clearly wasn't that interested because I didn't look it up. It's not like he said he didn't know what the newest and greatest gadget was - then I would be concerned. Gadgets are what Dick loves. His life's work is based in computers and gadgets, so I don't think I am out of line in thinking he should know a little something about them. And for sure if I ask him about the best cars available right now, he'll give me every fact and figure as if his grade in life depended on it. He is a car buff. This makes sense. 

The kind of stupidity that I'm talking about is the kind that makes you take a step back and wonder how certain people actually make it through their life. These stupid people working in their stupid jobs and have no knowledge of the things that relate to what they do. For some reason these people always seem to work in professions that can seriously affect your life. Let's put all of the idiots in places where their stupidity will really mess you up. Anytime you call a utility company, an insurance company, or any kind of customer service line, you need to watch for an impending hassle. I wonder if this is their work place moral program; put the idiots in roles where they make mistakes or are just completely ignorant about things that really matter to people and then we can all have a good laugh at the people who get screwed.

I'm talking about the Medical Assistant who feels insecure enough already because her patient (me) has clearly established that she knows her stuff when it comes to all of this medical bullshit and she won''t be pushed around. Maybe this is the wrong way to start with the Medical Assistant but I'm now in the business of preventing hassles in my life rather than going along with things until they become a hassle. If you're not careful, the stupid people will lead you cheerfully down the path to a great big fucking hassle. Constant vigilance is required and I am constantly on guard with these stupid people. This is something I can thank my wise husband for, watching him take control when he is on the phone with some tech support guy is really thrilling. He will never let that guy cheerfully lead him down the road to a big hassle. My husband's direct, to the point, and at times forceful approach as soon as he figures out someone is a moron is enough to turn a girl on, he speaks some serious geek.

So the medical assistant; I know she has about 9 months of education to prepare for this role and I've had nearly 6 years of education in being a regular patient. This girl looks as if she was celebrating her 16th birthday around that time so clearly I am more qualified than she is to try and address my concern. This particular doctor visit occurred because I thought I had a bladder infection and I wanted a culture taken on my urine to determine if I did or not. There are two different ways to test for infection in the urinary system - well probably more but there are 2 that are used regularly. One is called a dip stick and the other is a culture. I have dip sticks at home, I wanted a culture. The medical assistant has to dip it first, just part of the process which was fine. I knew that my dip stick was normal because I have them at home. When the medical assistant told me it showed signs of an infection, I wanted to know what specifically and she told me my leukocytes were slightly elevated, when I asked her if I could please see this evidence she looked at me like I was the moron and handed me a prescription for 20mg of cipro for 30 days. Cipro is not a drug to be taken lightly and 30 days is absolutely unheard of. 

At this point both the medical assistant and I are frustrated. I wanted to talk to a nurse - at least let me talk to a damn nurse because this is how I want this to go down: I want to make this decision based on a culture, not the stupid - inaccurate dip test. Then, if and only If I actually choose to take an antibiotic, I am certainly not going to take that much Cipro. That much Cipro might make sense after losing a limb in a dirty explosion but not for a suspected bladder infection. The medical assistant was appalled that I was just not accepting her orders as if they were doctor's orders. I was livid that she would not go get the person who actually wrote this outlandish prescription - because yeah sweetie, I know it wasn't you and the person who wrote it needs to be made aware that this mistake occurred and they are lucky I was the patient rather than a lesser informed one. I stormed out; there was no other choice. Later I would discuss this with the doctor and she would also gasp at the amount of Cipro they were trying kill me with and explain that it was a mistake. I would say yes, I know. I wonder if the office got a good laugh at my expense after they got me so irritated and annoyed that the only option they gave me was to storm out angry, yelling at the woman then slamming the door as I left. 

Two days later I was able to get into a specialist (thank God for private insurance) and in the meantime I had consumed enough fluids to wash away any infection that may have been there. I was seen by an actual nurse as well as a doctor who both understood that I did not want to take antibiotics unless I needed them. See that's all I needed. I needed to know if I needed antibiotics, I did not need to be told just to take them regardless. I never want to take an antibiotic but I will take reasonable advice from a trained physician - even a nurse. That medical assistant was stupid and has no business treating me as a patient. I am too educated in medicine even without a formal education to just trust her and thank God I am. 

My friend Kim recently experienced some stupidity at the clothing store Ross. Ross abounds with stupidity, many of these stores don't even have a public restroom. On more than one occasion I have left Ross without buying the 15 items I wanted to buy because by the time I had sifted though the endless jumbled up racks and tried things on 8 at a time I had to pee so bad I would not have been able to wait the 30 minutes it would take to get through the line and the employees simply refused to let me use their bathroom. Okay - well go fuck yourself. Kim coined this phrase all on her own after just such a trip to Ross, the difference was that she didn't have to pee or if she did, she was in one of the Ross stores that has figured out women are gonna have to pee after sifting through endless racks of clothes and trying them on for hours on end but I digress. Kim had found the items she wanted and proceeded to the line. She was in good spirits at this point, due to this adorable little dress she couldn't believe she was lucky enough to find and for $10. This is where Ross gets you, they have awesome deals on decent stuff if you have the patience. I wonder if the Ross teams discuss the fine line between slightly annoying and outright infuriating. This day for Kim though, it was not Ross that caused her the headache, she was mentally prepared for the annoyance that is inevitable at Ross. She got in line, made some friends during the 30 minutes she waited, she was having a good time. Finally there are two people in front of her, the wait is almost over when all of the sudden this woman appears out of nowhere with a cart overflowing with merchandise and she tells Kim that she is with the guy in front of her. The guy in front of Kim has been standing there with 3 items in his hand for 30 minutes. 

The woman was from Europe somewhere judging by her accent and maybe this is how they do things where she is from but where Kim is from that ain't how it goes. Kim says no, you are not with him, you need to go to the back of the line. The woman then tries to explain to Kim that it's okay because she knows the guy in front of Kim. You know, I think this would have to be considered rude, no matter where you are from but I've never visited France or Germany, maybe this is how they do it. Well this woman learned quickly that this is not how it's done here; Kim took her cart and ran over the woman's toes while saying "Go fuck yourself!" on her way to the register when the next customer was called. Now we just say GFY. We seem to find more and more GFY moments in life. Are we just getting older and grouchy or do people act more stupidly :o) and rude than ever?

I called to schedule a massage the other day and I was informed by the receptionist in the medical office where I get my massages that my therapist had called in sick that day but there was an opening the following day. Now I needed more information because I try to avoid sick people - you know if it's contagious. I am a little worried about the flu this year - you know H1N1 but not worried enough to "protect" myself with some crazy vaccine. So I say to the girl "Well do you know what's wrong with her?" and the girl says "I don't know, I think she's just sick." so I say "Well I don't know if I want to come in tomorrow because I'm worried about H1N1." and the girl nervously giggled and said "I don't think it's anything serious like that." I said "Okay, well has H1N1 been going around your office?" I knew it was all over when the receptionist in my medical doctor's office replied "I guess I don't know what that is, what is H1N1?"  Okay, Come out from under your rock already.

   

Blackberries

I love blackberries, even with their annoying little seeds that collect in the spaces between your teeth and the inevitable pain that goes along with picking them, I am still a fan. They bring back wonderful childhood memories of picking blackberries in my yard and eating them with just a little bit of milk and sugar. The juicy sweet berries popping in my mouth. I would just gorge on them every summer, my hands would be permanently stained purple for at least 6 weeks every year. For me the blackberry is the ultimate symbol of pure, sweet, warm, happiness. 

Imagine my surprise after dreaming about them last night and looking up in my little dream book what that meant and coming across this explanation; To dream of blackberries denotes many ills. To gather them is unlucky. To eat them denotes losses. 

This is horrible. I don't need more ills, bad luck, and losses in life. I dreamt of picking, eating, and cooking with them - I'm totally screwed.  Maybe I was just craving some damn blackberries. Maybe my dream book has it wrong. Or does it? 

How could such a lovely and tasty little berry mean such misery? I am amazed by this yet I am in touch enough with reality to know that dreaming of blackberries is not going to destroy my life, or am I?

I hate it when something like this happens. I innocently looked at my dream book, expecting wonderful things about my blackberry dream only to find that in fact dreaming of blackberries may just do me in. What a bummer.

Oh, I'll go through my day only thinking about the impending doom a few times and then I'll likely forget all about this horrible news, until I start to experience the many ills that my dream predicted. That could be later today or in fifty years. I can just imagine myself experiencing this unluck that is certain to follow such a dream and cursing the dream. If only I hadn't dreamed about those damn blackberries! 

I wonder if I can dream something to cancel all of this out? It looks like dreaming of soup is a forerunner of good tidings and comfort. Thank goodness. I know what I'll be dreaming about tonight. 

Healthcare

I can't believe that we are seriously considering a major overhaul to health care yet no one is actually talking about what health care is. The logical explanation of what health care is would be the act of caring for one's health yet in our world, the one we find ourselves in today, it means the exact opposite - caring for your illness is what you have in our system. 

Our whole system is set up to get you sick. When you talk about health care you must include food in the equation. You must also consider drugs, legal, illegal, and prescription because these are the factors that have caused Americans to become so sick. Again, I bring up the point that we have to stop the bleeding before we can revive the patient. I honestly do not believe the current faces in Washington should be trusted to construct something as important as how people obtain health insurance. I wouldn't trust the majority of them to watch my dog, let alone choose how my health care should be made available to me. 

I'm happy with my current health care but I understand there are people out there losing everything they have worked for because they don't have access to the care they need and we as Americans want to see that change. Unfortunately, one of the most important factors is not really being discussed - at least not in a very reasonable way. 

We are a nation of addicts. People are addicted to caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, alcohol, nicotine, exercise, artificial sweeteners, tanning, wheat - yes wheat, cell phones, the list goes on. Some addictions are more socially acceptable than others - an exercise addict is normally revered however, they are causing harm and stress to their bodies. All addictions can lead to health issues but some are clearly worse than others. I think Tobacco, High Fructose Corn Syrup, and Alcohol most likely cause the most severe health consequences. The only thing I'm hearing about addressing these concerns is taxing them and charging overweight people and smokers more (up to 50% more) for their insurance. I'm all about taking personal responsibility and I think charging more for smokers is logical but smokers aren't the only addicts destroying their health. Smokers already pay significant taxes for their habit and they are still addicted and buying cigarettes legally, at any corner store. 

Of course high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) isn't even discussed when we talk about addicts and the harm this product is having on our health. The food giants aren't ready to concede that HFCS is killing people and if they simply used sugar there would be fewer obesity problems. HFCS should never have been legalized. 

Cigarettes should no longer be legal. Why would we continue selling a product that is so deadly? Crack is illegal, heroine is illegal, cigarettes are just as addictive and even more deadly because they are widely available. 

I do struggle a little with this idea because I do believe in personal freedom. I want to retain as much personal freedom as possible. I think that God gave us free will for a reason, He wants us to fulfill or not fulfill our own destinies as a choice. However in a free society there has to be law and that law has to be enforced or people can too easily take advantage of other people. I believe we have come to a point with tobacco that it is clearly big business being allowed to take advantage of the people. Why is this product still available? Some smokers may not agree with me, they may tell you that they smoke because they like it but they aren't being honest with themselves, they smoke because they are addicted to it. With the few exceptions of people who smoke socially - people smoke because they are addicted and it is a really tough addiction to break.

I am guessing that if cigarettes were no longer available legally then many people would just be forced to quit. I can't see my grandma going to the black market to purchase smokes. I am also guessing that if HFCS was no longer considered a safe ingredient (which it should not be) and food companies would have to go to plain old sugar - the price would go up. This would help our obesity crisis in several ways - food companies would have to start using less of the stuff that makes everything so sweet and people would buy less junk and more food because the junk would no longer be the cheapest alternative. Additionally when they did buy junk it would be natural sugar rather than this bizarre chemical compound that throws the liver into a tailspin and agitates the entire system into obesity and diabetes. There would still be obesity and diabetes - just less of it - which is suppose to be our ultimate goal. 

The freedom movement might balk at this illegal tobacco and HFCS idea - "we should have the freedom to make these choices if we want!" Well, I do believe in preserving freedoms but tobacco and HFCS as well as artificial sweeteners but I'll get into that another time - these things serve no one except big tobacco and big food. They are the two biggest causes of our health crises. They have absolutely no potential benefit to society. They are legalized crack. 

What about alcohol? Alcohol can actually have some benefit and I believe there is a place for alcohol in our society. However many Americans are addicted to alcohol and they abuse it. They increase their risk of liver cirrhosis, heart disease, diabetes and lots of other expensive health problems. Why aren't they recommending that alcoholics pay up to 50% more for health care? This presents a burden to the system. Or what about people who are allergic to wheat, they can develop leaky gut, crone's disease, eczema, and a list of other issues. This is one of the most under diagnosed problems facing Americans today. People with this problem actually become addicted to endorphins that are released to mask the pain they are in after eating wheat - without even realizing it they are addicted to the very thing that is making them sick. The problem here is the the medical industry is way behind in the role that foods play in our health. 

They are not diagnosing these issues because they don't really understand them because the drug companies provide most of the ongoing education they receive. It's not profitable for the drug company if a condition can be cured by taking away a food. That is why the FDA (who works for the food and drug companies, not the American people) voted in an actual law that says only a drug can treat a disease. Only a drug can treat a disease. OMG what a crock - so if I became deficient in B vitamins and developed Beri Beri then my doctor could not legally prescribe more salmon, sweet peppers, leafy greens, and asparagus. 

The foundation of how we approach preserving our health is cracked. If you are going to charge fat people and smokers more for their insurance than shouldn't you also charge all of the other addicts more too? How about the guy that overuses pain drugs - why doesn't he have to pay more?  Wouldn't it make more sense to cut off the supply of these retched products? Seriously why are cigarettes legal? Who could possibly benefit from it? Why is HFCS considered a safe food when 50 years of study proves it makes people very very sick. 

I really feel that I could ask questions all day long like this; for instance why do we need to pass any motion in congress to start cleaning up the waste in Medicare - if there really are millions of dollars being used inappropriately then why don't we just start working on that right away?

Did you know that medicare does not cover people that have lymphedema in their legs? If you have it in your arm, you're covered because of breast cancer legislation but us poor folks that have it in the leg are screwed if we have medicare. This is what they would let happen to people rather than cover the therapy and supplies that are needed to prevent this.  

Glad I don't have to rely solely on Medicare and I certainly hope I never do. I like wearing pants and believe my ability to do so should be a covered expense. 

     

It's a Crazy World

What's going on? Does anyone else feel like the world around you is going to crap in fast motion? Is the average Joe able to see how backwards and bizarre the news is anymore? It's not just your average craziness anymore - we've really got our priorities mixed up. Have common sense and decency left the majority of Americans or did they just never have it and I failed to notice?

When I was growing up I had a sense that people were free thinking and actually literally free to do what they felt was right and what they felt would benefit their family. I knew there were laws to make sure people did "the right thing" but in my mind the more important factor was conscience, not some law that guided one's decisions.

I didn't have a religious family but I came up among hard working and decent people who had no sense of entitlement whatsoever. They instilled in me a sense of right and wrong from the beginning of my life. I understand that right and wrong is very subjective and I guess this is my struggle. I feel like my idea of right and wrong now suddenly differs from the norm. I feel like I'm suddenly an old fuddy duddy who is looking at the kids wondering how dare you?

We were on food stamps once for a month or so when I was growing up but other than that my family did everything they could do to pay their own bills and take care of the family. Sometimes this meant long hours, disgusting and/or labor intensive jobs that paid a pittance but they did it and I learned early that I was going to have to work hard in life to take care of myself. There is no free ride. 

I had my first job at 12 years old babysitting two kids in the neighborhood and then took a newspaper route as a second job not too long after that. I continued to babysit those same kids until I was 15. I picked raspberries in blistering heat the summer between 7th and 8th grade and as soon as I was 15 and could get a work permit I went to work busing tables at a restaurant. I have been continuously employed, paying taxes, since the time I was 15 years old with the only exception being about 2 years when I was too sick to work. I was fighting for my life during that time but even still I was taking classes that we paid for ourselves during 12 of those months. I work now even though I'm exhausted and unable to perform in the same way I used to able to. I feel like I have an obligation not only to my own family but to society to do what I can do to contribute to the machine. I don't think I could sleep well at night if I just sat back and took disability payments without at least doing what I can to pay back into the machine.

Most of the time I can't do as much as I would like, actually all of the time I can't do what I would like. I would like to be back at the top of my game where I left off. I loved working and I got great satisfaction out of being a very hard working, independent woman. I was on the heals of earning 6 figures when I got sick and my life changed. I don't fault anyone who works hard and gets paid well for what they do.

You must be wondering what I am getting at by now. I just keep hearing day after day examples of situations that go completely against my sense of right and wrong. I heard someone on the radio the other day say that the best solution to the economy would be to limit everyone to a maximum net wealth of $80 million dollars. It pains me to think that some of you may actually be reading this and agree with this idea. If everyone could only have $80 million dollars, because really how much money does one person need, then we could take the rest of their wealth and pay America's bills. This kind of thinking really troubles me. Why don't we just decide that no matter who you are or what you do you will make the exact same amount as everyone else. Let's just pay every person $25 per hour for every job. If you are a business owner then you can only pay yourself $25 per hour and each of your employees has to be paid that same from the janitor to the CFO. Wouldn't that be fair?

Some of you may be thinking that requiring everyone be paid the same is a far cry from simply limiting the amount of wealth that one person is allowed to amass but I think if we were to go down the road of deciding who could have what that is eventually where we would end up.  We have no business limiting people's incomes in any way except for when those incomes are generated illegally. I understand there is a lot of greed and people unethically take money when they should not, let's focus on prosecuting those people, not taking away the motivation for some people to become superstars in their field. Let's face it, some people are smarter, more ambitious, more dedicated, and more motivated than others. It's one of the things that is so great about humans, we all have unique gifts. Some of those gifts lend themselves to making a lot of money, some of them to being wonderful mothers, some to helping community, etc, etc. It takes all kinds of people to make the world turn.

The idea that some (I hope not most) of my fellow citizens feel that robbing Peter to pay Paul is not only moral and ethical, but the right thing to do for our country is only a start to the things that have been turning my stomach lately. 

There is a single woman in California that just gave birth to 8 children, instantly making her the proud mother of 14. All of her children required medical intervention to be created and her spoke person says we have no reason to believe she is not a wonderful mother. Wonderful mother? Really? She's supporting these children with your tax dollars, are you okay with this? What about the fact that your tax dollars are paying to educate and medicate over 12 million people who decided to enter our country illegally? Many of them do not pay taxes and I would venture to say most of them do not pay their share of taxes. I have nothing against people wanting live here, I was absolutely blessed to have been born here but we have a policy in place for helping people move to the United States. I know Mexico is a tough place to be for many of its citizens and I do hope that they are able to improve their country so the Mexican people do not want to leave. I feel that is Mexico's responsibility and until they get it together I welcome the people who choose to move here using the programs that are in place. I realize this is not possible for everyone, I'm sorry but as my mom would say, that's just the way the cookie crumbles. I don't believe people have a right to come here and use the resources if they are not contributing to the pot. What disturbs me the most about this topic is our solution; build a massive, ugly, and expensivee wall rather than getting tougher on our policy regarding what we do with the illegals that are already here. Why don't we send them back home, especially when they have been caught perpetrating crimes?  

There are also a lot of American citizens that do not contribute to the pot. Many of them are legitimately in need of help and they they are entitled to it based on the fact that they have paid into the systems that are in place. People who work hard for the majority of their lives should be given help during the rough patches. I'm afraid that more and more people feel like their government is suppose to protect and take care of them. Is there a general feeling that a person's basic rights include home ownership, new cars, flat screen TV's, and PlayStation 3? I have more respect for the people that come here illegally and work their asses off day in and day out than for the citizens of this country that sit on their ass and make excuses for why they can't contribute to their own survival. You've all heard the stories of this person or that who spends their life working the welfare system to get by, when they have no real reason not to go out and work. Is it me or are these people becoming more and more common and demanding more and more from the system? Is government planning on stepping up and doing just what these people want? More government programs for everything? Can anyone give me a specific example of any government program that is actually working? What I mean is a program that is getting the people that need it the most help in a timely manner and also cutting off the people that are abusing it? A program that is actually using our tax dollars in a productive, efficient, and responsible manner?

I'm not talking about all of the honest, hard working people who have recently fallen on bad times. I am so sorry if you are one of the people who has lost your job and livelihood due to this current economic fiasco. I hope you have no problem getting the unemployment benefit you need and I hope it gets you through until you are able to find work again. The people I am talking about are the ones who have never tried and do not care about trying because they know there is a system that they can rely on and they make it their life's work manipulating it. I hope this is not the new answer to the question what do you want to be when you grow up? "I want to be the lady that lives in a shoe with so many kids I don't know what to do, oh but wait I do know what I'll do...Hey kiddies meet your Uncle Sam, he's the enemy of every hard working person in this country but he's our best friend."

What about the fact that the property taxes you pay to educate children are producing some of the most uneducated kids on the planet. Am I allowed to bitch about the lack of education when I don't have children? If I did have children I would not rely solely on public schools if at all for their education. I'm bitching because there has been a general dumbing down in our school system and I am seriously worried about the future. I really do mean dumbing down in the Orwellian sense of the phrase because dumb people are easy to manipulate. I'm not sure if this is entirely the fault of our government or if it just happens to be their luck because so many parents have checked out. When I was a kid my mom knew the instant I missed a homework assignment and my ass was grass. It was her job to make sure I was doing my work and actually learning something. My classes had about 20 kids in them and every single one of them was proficient in speaking English. Now classes have over 30 kids and some of them are not proficient in English, how are teachers expected to overcome this? Especially when they don't get nearly the amount of help from parents as they used to. It pains me to think about how many kids don't get to bed on time, don't even consider studying, don't get fed breakfast, and whose teachers never get talked to because parents are too busy with their other real priorities; a big screen or a new car, whatever it is. Then when you do have a very bright child who is bored in the classroom and starts acting out, they are diagnosed ADHD and medicated - really dumbed down. Why aren't we trying to find productive ways for these kids to use their excess energy? Parents have you done everything you possibly can to try and discover the root of the problem and address it with lifestyle choices before medicating your child? Really? I don't believe that 99% of the time.

I don't think it is optimal for children to be raised in a single parent home, I don't think it's optimal for children to be raised in a home with two parents that work full time. Kids don't raise themselves and I'm sorry but I don't know a single person I would trust to leave my child with 8-10 hours a day. At least not one who would be able or willing to raise my child for me. I know some people make it work, I know some people literally have no choice. My point here is that I am hoping the next generation will produce more promising young people.If they don't I'm afraid the movie Idiocracy will be reality. Our experiment with having children without real families does not seem to be working; more and more young people are in jails, addicted to drugs, have serious emotional problems, or simply feel like they are entitled to have every thing they want and see no problem with the idea of taking it from someone else. The majority of these children are a result of broken or unconventional homes. I really hope people are going to start thinking a little more seriously about the effect they are having on the population as a whole when they have children that they do not take responsibility for. It does take a village and I don't mind paying my fair share of taxes for education and other necessary programs to make sure they get the best possible start in life. My problem is when the parents of these children don't take primary responsibility; they expect others to.

I feel like I've woken up and suddenly found myself in this ass backwards world of blame the government for everything, yet look to them to bail us out of it and take no personal responsibility whatsoever. If the government is to blame for our current economic crises than how in the hell does expanding government seem like the best solution? We have just seen the beginning of the greatest government expansion in the history of our country. When the government starting writing checks to bail out private companies they also gained some control over how those private companies conduct business. Some people strongly feel this will greatly reduce corruption and greed but come on, aren't our politicians (the government) the purest and oldest examples of corruption and greed? Is it really in our best interest to give them more control?

Isn't control exactly what people who are corrupt and greedy want? Are we so ignorant, unmotivated, and lost that we need a government agency to direct our every move? Again, maybe I would be a little more excited about handing my freedom to choose my own path over to politicians if I had seen some good examples of government programs that work.

The movie Sicko comes to mind and the story about the French family who had nannies, housekeepers, and so many other programs that were provided to them by the government. Many of you watched the movie Sicko and left convinced that socialized medicine is the best and only answer to our healthcare crises. I didn't leave convinced. I know people who live or have lived in these countries and most of their first hand experiences with the quality of care they received was not as glorious as the movie Sicko made it out to be. I don't want a nanny, housekeeper, and other help assigned to me if it means that I only get to keep 40% of my income because the rest is being stolen to pay taxes for all of these services. I don't want to pay any more for services that I am not in need of until the programs that are already in place are more successful.

I don't want healthcare that is sub par because there are not enough doctors willing to work for less than they deserve, sub par because there is not enough equipment to go around. I already wait 2 months to get an appointment with certain specialists, what is it going to be like when medicine is socialized? There has to be a better way, maybe we should start with looking into why it costs more than $1500 to take an ambulance 3 miles. Is it because there are so many people using the system but not contributing to it? Why are we paying $200 per month for medication that you can buy In Mexico for $20? Is it really because drug companies spend a billion dollars to get a drug approved or is it because they are greedy and the greedy politicians are getting lubed by them left and right?  Shouldn't we try to address some of these issues before we decide to force hard working, responsible people to pick up more of the tab and get in return a clogged up ans sub-standard system? Why would we trust our government to take over control something as important as healthcare when they've already mucked it up without having complete control? Which successful governement program will this program be modeled after? 

We are about to print $800 billion dollars out of thin air to pay our bills. Bills that have accumulated because of greed and corruption from government and big business. This mess, however, is not theirs alone. I'm not hearing enough about the responsibility of the people in this mess. If you accepted a loan on a home without showing proof of income, without paying a down payment, with an adjustable rate, or any other non conventional loan and you knew that you could not afford to make the payments at the time that you signed the loan then you are also responsible for this mess. If you loaded up thousands of dollars of debt on credit cards without the income to pay it back, this is also your fault. People who spent money they did not yet have because they thought they would get a pay raise should learn from this and accept that they made some mistakes. I have not always been the most responsible person when it comes to money. After all, we do live in a society that encourages us to live beyond our means but I would never make this kind of mistake and then expect to be bailed out while my neighbor who bought the house he could afford with proof of income, a hefty down payment, and a fixed mortgage had to continue making his same monthly payments even those the value on his home has plummeted because of my irresponsible actions. That's right, home values are plummeting because of your foreclosures, because you bought a home you couldn't afford and you knew you couldn't. Just because you CAN get a loan does not mean that you should or that you are entitled to it. 

So what is the answer? I really have no idea. I do know that I would like to have less governmental influence rather than more. I value my freedom and I am afraid I am watching it rapidly being taken away, sometimes under the guise that it's what's best for me, sometimes under the pretense that it's what the people want, sometimes because it is what is "politically correct", etc. Whatever the case I can actually see Orwell's 1984 becoming a reality, I know people have been saying that probably since he wrote the book but now we are closer to that than ever before. 

I sincerely hope people will start relying more on their conscience, start striving to be the best they can be, value their freedoms, and teaching their children. How many people are there about there who don't even know what they are missing because they learned early on to do as little as possible and not to worry because they'll get by with a little help from Uncle Sam. They may never know how much satisfaction they actually get from setting a goal and achieving it, how well they sleep after a hard day of work, how much more they can have by expending some effort, how knowledgeable they could become just from putting themselves out there.

I truly hope that the response we receive to just printing hundreds of billions of dollars is not extreme inflation, or higher and higher taxes, or a massive war effort but it seems to me that those are the  possibilities. When you print money out of thin air the value is going to drop. The money has to be paid back. I am very concerned to say the least but as always I have a positive attitude. I know there are enough people left in our country that understand the value of freedom and hard work. There just has to be. 

Update

I just realized how long it has actually been since I've posted to my blog and decided to take a couple of minutes to update it. I have gotten several recent emails from people reaching out regarding their health or that of a family member and in most of the emails people try to tactfully ask if I'm still alive or if my story is still as positive as it was at the time of my last post. The answer is that I am actually very much alive and yes I still have positive news to report. I don't know if I am actually in remission from MDS because I refuse to submit to another painful bone marrow biopsy. I don't need to know if I am in remission for my own peace of mind.I no longer need treatments for MDS and I don't seem to have any symptoms from it either so that's good enough for me.

My story is wonderfully positive but I do still have challenges with my health and I know my health will always be something that I need to guard closely. We should all try to. I'm certainly not perfect but my lifestyle choices are far better than they used to be and that's why I'm doing okay instead of "no longer in this realm" as one email-er recently wrote when trying to find out if I'd kicked the bucket or not. One of the most liberating things about the fear you experience when you face certain death is that you come to accept without fear that death is certain. I think this has been the most positive thing I've learned and I hope that all people can somehow come to this understanding and peace about death while they are still living. When you stop worrying about dying then you are free to really start living. When the idea that your life could end tomorrow becomes an actual in your face reality then you can't help but try to get as much enjoyment as you can out of all the moments you have. That is if you can get past the fear you have about dying tomorrow. I no longer have any fear of leaving this realm and I hope none of you do either. I hope you live for this moment in time as much as you possibly can. Don't let life pass you by without enjoying it.

I'm sorry I took so long to add a post. I am happy to report that I am still in this realm and getting back to a more normal life. I live in the moment as much as possible. I continue to spend time educating myself, I take long walks with ourdogs almost daily, I pack Dickie's lunch most mornings and cook dinner nearly every evening. I keep our house tidy and I like to crochet.  I work really part time at Whole Foods and although it's hard work for me I really enjoy it. I keep a journal and I practice yoga. I've been doing a lot of reading and I am almost a guitar hero expert.

I do still have my challenges; my left leg swells and becomes painful due to a condition called lymph-edema that I developed because they removed so many lymph nodes during surgery. I have to spend a lot of time (about 2 hours per day) keeping the fluid drained and I have to wear very uncomfortable compression stockings during the day - it's a bitch but so far I've been able to manage it okay. If you google lymph-edema and look at the images you will see some horror stories about what can happen with lymph-edema so I'm always aware of preventing that. I get chronic sciatica (horrible pain in my hips) probably because I favor one leg overr theother which throws my alignment off. I also think that I still have pain from the repeated bone marrow biopsies that I previously had. I go to the chiropractor, sometimes massage, and some nights I actually have to break down and take a drug so I can sleep which I hate doing.

I get tired, I nap most days and consider my sleep sacred, I know I need more than average. My digestion is extremely sensitive to stress and I just have to avoid major stressin order to avoid prolonged and frequent toilet visits (TMI - sorry). Avoiding stress isn't't easy because sometimes you just don't know what a day will bring. I almost get migraines meaning I get auras but most of the time I can avoid the headache. Every once in awhile though it gets me - I never understood a migraine before, I had no compassion for my employees who told me they had migraines so I think that may be why I had the pleasure of my ffirst one a couple of years ago - Karma will getcha. 

So, I'm not going to be able to go back to a full work schedule anytime real soon but I'm hanging in there. I'm happy. I'm generally healthy - way better than when I couldn't even stand long enough to shower. I try not to complain and just do the best I can. I've had a lot of challenges but I've had more blessings and I choose to focus on those because I know the things I focus on are the things that will multiply.  

I'm still as disgusted as ever with food and drug companies. I still do not trust the media, I still question everything and sometimes get so much conflicting information that my head spins. I am horrified that we had yet another epidemic - this time salmonella in peanuts that is killing innocent kids. Will our food ever be safe or is just going to continue to get worse?

I'm also getting frustrated with the industry that I most align myself with. The natural products industry has some really stellar companies producing exceptional quality products and then there's a bunch of crap with a label claiming it's "natural". As if it's actually good for you because it qualifies under the loose interpretation of the word natural.

Acai is probably the biggest roll my eyes supplement that every body wants to buy right now. There area bunch of companies selling it with only a few that are worth anything. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acai; it is a very potent antioxidant but I have had person after person come into Whole Foods looking for the stuff because they believe it is the answer to all of their health concerns. The only food in the basket is "organic" mac-n-cheese, ice cream, frozen pizza, and cheerios but they think the reason they don't feel well or are over weight is from a lack of acai. Acai has never been a part of most people's diet until very recently, the majority of humans lived their whole life without dying from acai deficiency. Now a lot of people do feel good taking acai, don't get me wrong, I just think they may feel better if they added even 5 servings of fresh produce to their daily diet (you're suppose to get 7-9 servings of produce each day).

The Benefits of Eating Seasonally

    I was walking through Albertsons the other evening when I noticed that there was watermelon there for sale. It struck me that many people may not know that eating said watermelon right now, at the beginning of December may actually be bad for them. The FDA tells us that we need up to 9 servings of fruits and vegetables each day but they do not give any more information than that.

    It occurs to me almost daily that if people truly based their diet on the Food Pyramid they could actually become very sick while thinking they were eating the right foods. In the case of watermelon in December there are a few reasons this normally healthy food can make you sick. Watermelon is in season in July and August for a reason. It is full of water so it is very hydrating and cooling, exactly what we need in July or August. On the other hand, sweet potatoes are in season right now in November and December because they are extremely warming which is beneficial to us during the colder months.

    When you eat very cooling foods, which watermelon is the #1 example of, during the colder winter months you reduce your body’s ability to stay warm which is important with regard to your ability to fight off colds and flu. Being cold does not cause a cold however when the body is cold you become more susceptible to the viruses that cause colds and flu.

    Another problem with eating watermelon in December is that is does not grow near  you during the winter months. This means it had to be shipped from a place where it does grow this time of year. It has been subjected to thousands of miles of travel before it arrived here. It was probably not allowed to ripen on the vine like fruits should be allowed to do so it doesn’t even have the prime amount of nutrition that it would had it been picked when it was ready to be eaten. It was probably irradiated on the way here and it was most likely subjected to large amounts of chemical fertilizers and pesticides while it was growing. All of this makes it not good not only for you but for the entire planet.

     I am not saying that watermelon is not a healthy food; it is very healthy when it is eaten during the season when it naturally grows near you, the hottest months of the year.

The same idea applies to most of the foods we eat. Salmon is in season from May-August because that’s the best time to eat this lighter fare. Lamb on the other hand is a deep and heavy meat that is best eaten in the coldest months of the year.

    We live in abundance where the lines are blurred because there is access to everything we could possibly want to eat at all times throughout the year. If you want it, chances are you can buy it. Many people no longer even consider the seasonality of what they eat, they just go to the store and buy whatever sounds good.

    If we learned to take a moment and consider the action within our body that certain foods will have, we can easily determine whether it is something that is appropriate to eat based on the season we are in. In

San Diego

it can get a little difficult because the changes in whether can seem very subtle and we can experience 80 degree days in the middle of November. Still October – February are generally colder months and we should gravitate towards more warming foods.

    One of the reasons that eating locally has become more popular recently is because of this premise. If you eat the foods that grow in your area during the season that they grow in your area you will be eating a healthier diet. You will also be helping your environment because you will not be supporting the transit of foods from thousands of miles away, therefore reducing the amount energy used in getting the food to the supermarket.

    I believe the best foods you can possibly eat are organically grown within 200 miles of your house. If you cannot afford to buy organic (I believe most people think organic is more expensive than it actually is) the next best thing to do is to buy and enjoy locally grown foods as this will almost guarantee that you are eating the foods that are in season.

    I wish you all a healthy and happy winter and holiday season. 

How I'm Surviving a Terminal Disease

In May of 2005 I was sitting in the office of the world’s leading hematologist while he gently explained to me, my mother, and my husband that there simply was no hope for my situation. I had a terminal bone marrow disease called myelodysplasia and the only cure was a bone marrow transplant that I would almost certainly not survive due to my previous exposure to chemotherapy drugs and the damage they had caused to my vital organs.

This was the third hematologist that I had consulted with and they all had the same opinion. It was in this moment, in this office with my husband and mother sitting next to me crying that I decided I would no longer take the advice of my medical professionals. I simply did not believe death was the most likely outcome. I honestly felt like my doctors did not have any real hope to offer me so I chose to take myself out of their care.

I decided that I was going to start making the decisions regarding my healthcare. Up to that point I did what the doctors recommended with very few questions. I decided which drugs I would choose to try and when I would use them. I decided only to use one drug to support my blood levels and reduce the number of blood transfusions that I needed. I also decided that I would get a blood transfusion only when I felt I needed one. The drug or the transfusions were not something that could provide a cure for my condition; only support me while I slowly died. Some of the doctors did recommend that I try some experimental drugs and one of them even wanted me to attempt a bone marrow transplant even though she felt that I only had a 5% chance of surviving it.

The way I see it is when you are very sick and medical doctors have no reliable help to offer, you can do one of a few things; you can trust that the doctors are right and subject yourself to experimental treatments or go home to die. In my case doctors predicted that I have no more than 5 years. The other option is to make a choice and figure out how to live. I chose to live.

Making that choice was actually not very popular with most of my family at first. My decision to basically give up on conventional medicine meant that I had to truly embrace holistic or alternative medicine in my treatment plan. Unfortunately there are a lot of unethical and greedy people in the world who live off of feeding on the desperate and dying. There is understandably a lot of skepticism when it comes to the world of alternative medicine. It took my family awhile to trust that I would be able to weed out the vultures and find the real medicine in alternative approaches. They questioned whether there even is any real medicine in alternative approaches.

I didn’t care much about their skepticism; I knew I only had one option; to make myself well again. I was not even 30 years old yet and I had already survived an 8 pound tumor, massive surgery, and aggressive chemotherapy treatments. I would survive this too. I decided the thing to do was focus on building my health rather than fighting my disease. The research I was doing led me to recognize that the alternative approach was to treat the overall person and not simply the symptoms that the person is experiencing.

It may sound like building health and fighting disease are the same things but they are not. The difference is in the way you think. This is huge when considering your overall health. Our thoughts can be very toxic and they can draw in the very thing you are trying to avoid. Instead of thinking that I did not want to be sick I started thinking and visualizing myself being well. When I took a supplement, I did not think I was fighting my bone marrow disease, I thought that I was supporting my bone marrow health.

What started happening was simply amazing, after doing a lot of research on my own and consulting with several holistic professionals including nutritionists, herbalists, acupuncturists, chiropractors, and massage therapists I started incorporating some major changes in my lifestyle. I found myself at odds with a lot of the truths that I had carried with me my entire life. I assumed that my laundry detergent was harmless, my microwave was safe, and that the food I was buying in my supermarket was healthy especially when the label told me it was. Now I don’t believe any of that.

I did away with all of my conventional cleaners, stopped using the microwave, no longer used any make up and most skin care products, and even quit wearing a bra. I did all of these things because I came across disturbing information regarding their dangers in my research. I started to feel like the conspiracy theorists that I used to laugh at. My perception of what is safe for human consumption and exposure changed dramatically. It only took a couple of well written books to make me truly understand just how toxic today’s world is.

The nutritionists that I had been consulting with recommended a very specific diet and I followed it to the best of my ability. They also recommended a boat load of supplements; some of them the most terrible tasting stuff that I had ever put in my mouth. I also started practicing yoga, deep breathing exercises, and I started attempting to meditate – something that sounds easier than it is.

After about 6 months I started to get a little better. I needed fewer blood transfusions and fewer injections to maintain my blood levels. My conventional doctors were intrigued and my holistic professionals were not surprised. I was still not completely well though and I felt like I needed a more complete team to evaluate my situation and offer me guidance. I had also heard about the cancer clinics in Mexico that according to holistic medicine were achieving great success. Conventional wisdom disputed this and maintains that alternative cancer clinics do more harm than good. I was curious and I wanted to see for myself.

One of my nutritionist recommended a clinic in Mexico called Sanoviv. Sanoviv is a full service hospital that combines the best of conventional and alternative medicine. I was especially interested in some of the things that they offered that were not approved by the FDA in the United States, I wanted to go outside of the country because I specifically wanted access to the things that were illegal here if I needed them. I did some research and I went to visit Sanoviv with my husband. It was amazing, they offered exactly what our hospitals should offer; one facility that covered medicine, diet, mental health, stress management, physical health, and patient education.

With resistance from my friends, family and medical doctors I made plans to go. The resistance came because most people have a very hard time believing that it is possible to find superior medical treatment outside of the United States where many citizens believe they enjoy the best health care in the world. The cost was $21,000 for Sanoviv’s 3 week intensive program. This is a lot of money but compared to what my insurance companies and I had already paid (over a million dollars) it was chump change. Chump change that we did not have and that my family must have thought I was nuts for considering paying. With that said, there was still little hope otherwise so we set out to gather up the money. I had over a third of it in my 401K program that I cashed out and then we did a fund raiser that included flyers, internet advertisement, and a huge yard sale. People are so amazing that within 3 months I had all of the money I needed to go. This would not have been possible without the many friends and strangers that donated their time, services, and hard earned money for the cause. I can’t thank them and all of my family enough.

That trip to Sanoviv saved my life. They helped me put together the pieces of the puzzle that I was missing and with their help I learned how to truly take care of my health in a way that I would never have been able to learn at that time here. I did not end up needing any of the approaches that are illegal here and surprisingly it didn’t take a whole lot to provoke serious healing. We used specific enzymes, organic raw vegetarian diet, meditation, wheat grass, enemas, vitamins, specific supplements, and some other basic approaches. I received a wealth of education and I left the facility feeling healthier than I ever remember feeling. This is the approach that worked for me. Sanoviv does extensive testing to determine this and their protocols are different for each person. I believe this is the best and safest way to practice medicine.

That was in June of 2006 and now a year and a half later I am still remarkably well. I have not used a single medication nor have I even been close to needing a blood transfusion ever since. My CBC (complete blood count) looks exactly like a healthy person’s CBC. Most of my doctors believe this is nothing more than a spontaneous remission and probably not influenced by the many serious changes I have made to my lifestyle. I was not involved in a clinical trial so I cannot say that my improved health is related to my alternative approach but I believe in my heart that it is.

I have continued to study nutrition and I am now a certified holistic nutritionist and I am on my way to becoming a master herbalist. I am a walking encyclopedia in regard to maintaining and reclaiming health naturally. Now I want to share the knowledge that I have accumulated and help people understand that there is more than just medication involved in maintaining and building health. I want to help to truly educate people about what is and what is not healthy for their body and lifestyle.

I absolutely do not recommend that anyone quit seeing their doctors or quit taking their medications. I do encourage people to broaden their health care approach to include a truly healthy diet and supportive lifestyle. I encourage people to hire a professional who is passionate about helping people find the right diet for them. Generally, medical doctors will admit that they do not have a lot of training in nutrition, they are not aware of just how effective dietary changes can be or exactly what changes would benefit their patients most.

As a cancer survivor and a certified nutritionist I hope to see a future where we are able to prevent many of the deadly diseases that affect us today through eliminating harmful toxins and by improving our nutrition and lifestyle. I feel like I am living proof of this possibility and I meet other people who beat the odds in the same manner that I have almost everyday.

Unfortunately there are still people out there who die of terrible diseases everyday even though they are doing everything their doctor recommends and their diet and lifestyle are perfect. I don’t know why this is, it seems unfair.

There are still many people who could understand nutrition on a much deeper level and if they did they would have a better quality of life. I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to help bring that understanding to others. If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would become a complete health nut I would have told you that you were completely crazy. Now I know that I owe my life to some great health nuts and I’m proud to be considered one myself.

Good Bye Kung Food - Come Back Soon!

There are very few restaurants in San Diego that I will actually eat in. My two favorite are Kung Food and Cilantro Live. I go to Kung food more often because they are much more convenient. They are closer to my house and they have a drive thru that is open late. They serve all vegan and organic food. They are certainly not fancy or cheap but they provide yummy foods that are healthy and convenient. With my stringent guidelines for what I am willing to eat, Kung Food is a perfect opportunity for me to take an occasional night off from cooking while still eating nutritious food.

This weekend I decided to take one of those occasional nights off from cooking and I went to Kung Food for dinner. When I arrived there I learned that they were closing and Kung Food would no longer exist. When the cashier told me this I was taken aback for a moment, I couldn't think clearly because I was so bummed out. I was thrilled when I first found Kung Food a little over a year ago and now they were shutting down. Humph. They assured me that they would be looking for another location to open another restaurant and I really hope they do. 

Cilantro Live is thriving with 3 locations and one more on the way. They serve all raw, vegan recipes and do not even have an oven in their kitchen.  Their new location is going to be in Hillcrest and I can't wait for it to open. Please check them out and go there for a meal http://cilantrolive.com/. We need to support the restaurants that serve organic food. I hope more restaurants will start doing it because I miss eating out.

Happy Birthday!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DICKIE!

 

I wish I could buy this for you. I love you.

Notice: This World Contains Known Carcinogens

When I first moved to California 4 years ago, I immediately noticed that there were signs posted all over the place notifying the public that the area or building we  were in had known carcinogens. It sort of freaked me out the first time I saw one because it was posted on the building of my new job. I called my boss and asked him about it and he informed me that these signs are everywhere and they are. You can't walk into most buildings here without seeing a sign posted warning you of the presence of cancer causing agents.

I sort of got used to it, they are so common that you barely notice them anymore. If you do not live in California and you do not see signs like this posted in your state, it's not because the cancer causing agents are not there, it is because your state has not mandated that the information be posted.

The fact is that you probably often purchase cancer contributing agents and use the in your home all of the time. Benzene for example attacks your bone marrow and can cause MDS and other blood cancers. It is found in gasoline, paint, and detergents, among other things. Now, the CDC and EPA tell us the the amount of benzene in these products is not enough to cause these conditions. I am always amazed at how many people are just willing to accept their "facts" without questions.

I have questions. I want to know how they know what a safe level is. Have they actually exposed all different types of people to different levels of benzene and recorded the results? Is that how they came up with their guidelines? Of course they have not. They have tested animals and then made assumptions about how humans would be affected. How can they know it is safe for you to go to the gas station and fill up your vehicle without wearing a protective mask? I actually wear a protective mask at the gas station and I believe any person with Aplastic Anemia, MDS, Leukemia or other blood condition should absolutely do the same. I even feel that healthy people would stay healthier if they did this, especially truck drivers and those poor folks in Oregon who do nothing but fill people's tanks all day. The rise in these rare blood diseases is caused by something and the FDA, CDC, and EPA all agree that benzene exposure can cause all of them.

Now these signs posted all over have me thinking. It's a toxic world. Even if you don't see the signs where you live you can be certain that you are exposed to all kinds of toxic stuff all the time. A diet high in organic fruits and vegetables is an absolute must. Those foods are detoxifying. The best food though to combat radioactive chemical exposure is seaweed. Seaweed is actually very yummy and I highly recommend the seaweed salad at Sushi Deli One in Hillcrest. It's salty, it's crunchy and it's only $2.99.

Plant a Seed and Watch Yourself Grow!

About a year ago I decided to grow a vegetable garden. I went into it full speed without much knowledge to back me up. Even as I get older I suffer from a condition called no patience and I can tend to look past details sometimes because I am so focused on the end result. I guess I always assume I'll know how to handle the details just by simply going through the process to get to whatever goal I have in mind. This lack of patience and going full speed ahead on things has given me one of two results, it has either been completely successful or it has failed miserably.

I had the benefit of a team when it has been successful , both my supervisors and people that I supervised. They had a lot of things that I did not such as experience, knowledge, ability, and they had to be there if they were going to get paid. This was always the scenario when I was successful at something new in my career life. I had an ability to accomplish challenging goals without ever having accomplished that goal before. I was able to bring an established building from 80% occupancy to 100%, I completed a full lease up on a high end building in a low end neighborhood in record time. Before I did this I had no idea how to do it. What I did have was a large network of people who had done it before and it was in their best interest to tell me how to do it. I also had a group of people who were paid to provide the labor. This is what I miss the most about going to work. I took my career goals very personally when I was working and it was always so exciting to make a goal and realize it. It was so easy with an excellent team and my team always consisted of the most knowledgeable and hard working people.

I am realizing more than ever how important it is to have a good team surrounding you in all aspects of life. Maybe it is possible to accomplish goals without a team but I do not believe it will be nearly as rewarding. Finding mentors and then in turn becoming a mentor is such a wonderful thing. It can make the difference between success and failure.

What does this have to do with my garden? When I decided to grow a garden I did not understand yet just how much of a team effort it would just naturally become and I did not know that plants would not be the only thing that grew. A garden helps people grow too. My first mistake was not considering the plants and what they really needed to thrive. I realize this was a silly oversight but it is what it is. I was considering space more than anything at first. I thought I had to leave the yard the yard and have a garden on the side. I didn't consider that I could make the whole yard a vegetable garden. It's our yard and Dickie, bless his heart knows that he isn't going to talk me out of my big ideas so why can't I use every inch of dirt for my vegetables? That's really the way it has to be for the plants because we have a very small yard and the conditions are just not right for the plants in the corner of the yard.

My first attempt at planting seeds failed miserably. I rototilled my soil (after finding a few mentors I have learned this is the wrong approach). I added a bunch of steer manure and then immediately planted my seeds. Then I did not water it nearly as much as it needed because I was afraid of over watering it. The whole thing was a dud. It was like lighting a fire cracker and waiting for the explosion that never comes.  I realized something was wrong and I decided to talk to some experts. It turns out I planted my seeds too soon after adding the manure and most likely burned them. I also needed more water so off I went again, this time adding some organic compost into my soil and planting more seeds.

This time within just a few days I had beautiful baby veggies popping out of my dirt. I excitedly called all my friends with the birth announcements and continued to watch as my babies turned into actual vegetables that I could eat. I was still making a lot of mistakes at this point though, I did get some zucchini, spinach, kale, tomatoes and basil that I could eat but I ended up with mildew problems and I was really missing the biggest piece of the puzzle which was building the soil. I had a small compost thing going but I was not doing it properly. I had no knowledge or experience and I had not found a really good mentor yet. I also had not seriously tried to find one, I did not do nearly enough research first.

After my semi successful crop, I decided I needed more space so without stopping to ask any questions or find out what the experts say I went full speed ahead again. I rototilled more of my yard and added a bunch of compost and started over again. Then I realized I really don't know what the hell I am doing and maybe I should do more reading and investigation on the subject. How silly of me. In my haste my time was a waste. I think I have learned a lot about patience and I will not continue to do this to myself in my future endeavors.

The first thing I learned is not to rototill. It completely disturbs the worms and all the good stuff the soil needs. I also realized that I made another very silly mistake which was putting my beds under my avocado tree. I'm embarrassed to even admit that to you but I really did. It is clear that I was still not yet considering the plants but instead the idea that I had to leave the yard the yard and have a garden on the side. I have the biggest avocados that I have ever seen. One of them weighed 1.6 pounds this year. How much more oblivious to what would be healthy for my plants could I possibly be? I put them directly under all of these falling bombs that could potentially land on them and smash them to smithereens. 

We did pick as many of the the avocados with a basket picker (super cool tool) as we could but there's still 2 potential grenades hanging up there like a dark, ominous cloud. My mistake was caught by Bill, the sweet, patient, and smart owner of City Farmer's Nursery on Home Avenue. Bill is amazing and generous with his time and knowledge. In exchange for a few avocados he has taught me more about how to realize my dream than anyone. I also owe a lot of my new knowledge to those wonderful folks at Food Not Lawns. Bill helped me get past the idea that my yard has to be a yard with a garden but instead my entire yard has to be used if I want to meet my goals. We have a very small yard, if our tree and our vegetables are going to thrive there can be no other design, the vegetables go right in the middle.

I'm starting to develop a team and it's amazing how many people want to help. I have been talking a lot about my desires for my garden and the law of attraction has taken it's course. Krista is has offered me a Mandarin tree, Eddie brought me a planter box. Bill is going to come over and help me develop a plan. I am looking for some Aloe Vera plants and a couple more planter boxes. I am not worried about finding them because I know that as I share my goals with people and put the garden energy out there the law of attraction will come into play and someone will offer me some cuttings from their Aloe Vera and since I know there was already 1 planter box out there that someone was happy to unload on me, there must be more. (hint, hint) 

At the moment I do have some plants started and some of them are in the right area so I hope I will have some things that I can eat in the next couple months. There is something so satisfying in planting a seed and watching it grow. I am hoping that more and more people are going to catch this fever. I am sure trying to spread it around. I hope for your sake if you do and if you have absolutely no experience like me that you will do some research first just to save yourself some of the error in the trial and error process that growing food or anything for that matter, naturally is.

My top resources so far have been:

Bill at City Farmer's Nursery in San Diego  619- 284-6358

Food Not Lawns in San Diego http://www.sdfoodnotlawns.com/

The Gardener's A-Z Guide to Growing Organic Food. by Tanya L.K. Denckla

The next book I will purchase when I have some book money is actually called Food Not Lawns by H.C. Flores.

I guess it's possible I have not yet motivated you grow as much food as your land will allow and that's understandable. There are a lot of reasons why that is not possible for many people but it's possible to grow something edible and the rewards are priceless. Grow some herbs in pots, just grow something you can eat and share. I am certain you will find that you are growing more than what you see in the dirt.

My small amount of experience with growing a garden has certainly made me grow. I am excited to see what else I grow in the future.

 

Why Lawn?

Dickie and I have been having some much needed repair work done around our house and as the house continues to look better, all I seem to notice is that the yard seems to be looking worse. I also have a burning desire to grow an impressive portion of our produce, and maybe even have some to share with the neighbors, so when I saw the flier advertising a free convention called Food Not Lawns, I was there.

It was fantastic. There were a bunch of classes and the ones I chose to attend were genetically engineered foods, growing an edible landscape in San Diego, and organic gardening. They had booths set up in a courtyard with all kinds of information about making food more accessible and growing your own food. They asked everyone to bring their own plates and utensils for the wonderful lunch they provided so they could eliminate the waste. They served free coffee in ceramic mugs and they had a fantastic seed exchange.

The newest terrifying thing that I learned about genetically engineered foods is that they are starting to add drugs to the plant's DNA. The Bayer company is testing this now. Some day it may be possible to get rid of a headache by eating some Bayer brand popcorn, too bad there are no labeling requirements on these foods...I don't suffer from headaches.

The man teaching the edible landscape class showed gorgeous pictures of his landscape that was not only completely edible but also very beautiful. I started to realize that these people are really on to something. Why don't we all grow food in our yards instead of manicured lawns? I was talking to my dad about this and in trying to clarify what I was saying he asked "You're going to grow food in the back and have a lawn in front, right?"  When I explained that no, I was in fact planning to grow food in every inch of soil that I can he tentatively said "That's a little out there isn't it?" Out there...as in nutty, loopy, lost marbles, or crazy because I am not going to grow a manicured lawn and I am instead going to grow things that we can eat. I say no that's not out there and when you really think about it, isn't growing a lawn a little out there, a little nutty, a little crazy? I am now convinced it is.

What are we doing by growing lawns? Originally a lawn was grown to show all of the poor folks how wealthy one was, so wealthy they could just use a significant part of their land for nothing but grass. It's silly if you ask me. I'm sure now days people don't think about their lawn as a display of their wealth, it's just what you are suppose to do with the dirt around your house, right? Some people get quite serious about their lawn and they become competitive about it, wanting to be the house in the neighborhood with the nicest blades of grass but what purpose do those blades of grass serve? What can you really do with grass? Why not grow something more suited to our climate or better still, something that we could eat and share with the neighbors? Why not get competitive about growing the best lemons rather than the best grass? I am very competitive so I understand a competitive nature and completely support healthy competition but growing grass is not healthy for anyone or any thing.

Let's take a look at what it takes to grow a perfect lawn and how that affects your health and the health of your environment. First of all, plants need food to flourish, grass included. I'm assuming here but I think it is safe to say that the vast majority of people who grow a gorgeous lawn do not use natural fertilizers or food for them. Chemical fertilizers are toxic to you and your environment. The majority of the fertilizers you use go right into the atmosphere and are part of the air you, your children, your pets, and wildlife breathes in. No body, human or animal needs this. A good part of what does not rise into the air gets washed away with watering and winds up in our oceans where it wrecks havoc on our ocean wildlife and plants. This is happening at a very fast pace and I believe in our life time, because of chemical fertilizers and other human caused contamination we will infect, mutate, and kill all of the fish that would have otherwise been one of nature's most perfect foods. That is if we keep doing things like we have been doing them. Contrary to what you might think the vast majority of chemical fertilizers used in this country are used by the average American growing lawns, not by farmers growing food.

Of course there are the weeds that have to be addressed when growing a lawn. The most popular product used for this is Round Up. Aside from the fact that the Monsanto company has grossly manipulated the courts into allowing plant species to be genetically modified and patented, planting round up resistant grains that are completely unnatural and will have devastating effects on our health, then sued private farmers who had their round up resistant patented grains in their land because of wind pollination, and actually won in court, taking these poor farmers crops, their product is just nasty. It can cause skin irritation, lung congestion, erosion of the intestinal tract in small amounts and is lethal if ingested. Again, we need to consider our children, pets, and wildlife. I will never purchase a Round Up product again in my life and I hope none of you will either.

The last thing an impressive lawn needs is water of course. Lawns require a lot more water that native plants or food plants do. We don't have a lot of water to spare and wasting it on lawns seems crazy to me.

Essentially, a lawn does nothing for you and certainly adds to our already overwhelming problem of pollution, chemical exposure, and disruption of the natural balance of our home and planet.  I believe growing a lawn in this day and age is pretty out there.

I have made a commitment to grow useful and at the very least indigenous plants in my little plot of land. In doing so, I will eliminate the need for chemical fertilizers (I will compost my own plant food), I will not need to use chemical weed killers because I will control weeds simply by mulching and pulling any weeds that get through. I will significantly reduce our water consumption because indigenous plants and food plants require less water especially when grouped together properly. I will also be fostering a natural environment that will allow wildlife such as bees, butterflies, birds, and worms to flourish.

I wonder how quickly our planet would start to recover of all of us made this commitment to work with nature when working with the soil we have. It all comes down to the soil, we can choose to build it and nurture it by growing beneficial plants in it or we can choose to strip it and sterilize it so we can grow a lawn in it. Let's stop this craziness and do our part. It's a win win and in my opinion, a no brainer.

I am interested to see what kind of response I get from people when my yard is transformed into an entirely organic, edible oasis. I'm sure the majority of people will initially think I'm a little out there. I believe this idea will eventually catch on as more and more people start to really understand how much damage is being done by growing a lawn, especially here in San Diego where a lawn must essentially be forced to grow. It's not natural.

There is a huge problem with our bee populations right now. You may have seen a blip or two about it but I am concerned that this problem is not getting the media coverage it should. Bees pollinate 90% of our plants - this includes our food. I believe this problem is caused in part by these toxins we all so absent mindedly introduce into nature. If this problem continues to worsen as it has been we will be in serious trouble. Without bees we will not have food, it really is that significant.

These are just some of my thoughts about why I believe I am the one who is sane in choosing to grow edible foods and those people who grow lawns are actually the ones who are a little off. I realize that I'm calling the vast majority of people a little off and I mean no disrespect, I just think you have been misguided. You have always grown a lawn and your father before you always grew a lawn so it seems like it makes sense. You have probably never questioned it before. I am asking you to question it now.   

   

    

What kind of world will our children be left with?

    Is having a child right now really in the best interest of the child? I want children now more than any other time in my life. I’ve actually called myself a mom without a baby recently. I do all of the things that mommies do; I cook and clean while singing my heart out, I read and educate myself while desperately wanting to share my knowledge with others. I carefully select the food and products that my family uses, etc. I think I would be a good mom and I think Dick would be a good dad. I know having a child in our home would bring a whole new world of emotions and a lot of joy.

    I have serious reservations about actually having a child though. I am leaning more towards not having one than I am towards doing it. My reservations are not about our ability to nurture them or feed them. They are not about financial restraints or about the sacrifices it would entail. My concern is about the world that I would be bringing them into. My concern is about the future of the world outside of my home.

    In my home I can control everything. I can make sure that I do not expose myself to damaging chemicals, bioengineered foods, poorly understood medications, heavy metals in my water, radon in my atmosphere, plastics in my lotions, and everything else I am constantly considering while trying to carry on with my life.

    What kid would want to live with such a crazy mom? You can picture him wrapped up in a protective suit (made with organic materials of course) can’t you? I know that’s what came to mind for most of you, right? I agree, I may be a little paranoid about things that you don’t think twice about but I feel that is exactly why I am healthy even after being diagnosed with a terminal disease.

    When I think about having children I realize that I may not have the same control over what my child is exposed to and I worry about that very much. There are little things like drinking water from the tap at school to bigger things like getting him vaccinated. I can send him to school with bottled water, that’s no big deal but what about the food; will they feed him genetically modified foods? I can’t have that; I’ll just pack his lunches. The list goes on and I am concerned about how many things may not be a choice.

    It seems like a lot of our choices are slowly fading away. So slowly in fact that I wonder how many other people even notice this. Take genetically modified grains for example. If you don’t already know this, a good majority of the soy, corn, wheat and cotton in this country is already genetically modified, meaning that the DNA of the plant has been penetrated with a bacteria laced (the bacteria is needed to penetrate the DNA) gene that is resistant to the insecticide Round Up. Company. What is worse is that our country allows plant species to be patented. The seeds from these plants are blowing over to other farms that do not use or want to use this grain and then they are facing lawsuits for having the grain. If you want more information about the outrageous practices of The Montesano Company and how our government is mismanaging our food supply, please watch the movie The Future of Food. My biggest concern about this is that no one understands the effect these genetic modifications can have on people. Our food has already been stripped of most of the nutrition in general. This is why the new food pyramid recommends twice as much fruit and vegetables as it used to; the food we eat is half as nutritious as it once was. Our government doesn’t even think it is an important of enough issue to require labeling when genetically modified foods are packaged and then sold to you for you and your family to eat.

    What about vaccinations? I’m not a fan. I believe that they contribute significantly to leukemia and I believe this is abundantly clear when you consider the rise in leukemia (especially in children) since vaccinations were required for grade school. This will be an issue if I have children. I will be one of the parents who are required to sign the special form saying that I decline vaccination for X reason. The teachers and school nurse will frown at me because of this decision. I will design a reason that fits within their parameters if I have to. Some mothers may be reading this thinking I don’t want my kid in the same school as hers, her kid may expose mine to the measles. I’m sorry but in my reality the risks outweigh the benefits. They are even vaccinating against Chicken Pox now. I had Chicken Pox as well as my brothers and sister, and my friends, we all made it through fine and with stronger immune systems I might add. Now, the forces that be are considering adding another vaccination to their list of required vaccinations. This drug earned approval by FDA just over 6 months ago and claims to prevent 70% of cervical cancer. That’s an amazing number; if 70% of cervical cancers were prevented, thousands of people would still have their mother, sister, or wife that they tragically lost to that disease. I understand that but should our children be forced to get it just 6 months after it has been approved? Quite a few law makers believe so. I wonder how close their relationship to the drug company is. This is another example of the government trying to impose the will of big business so they all make money. The HPV virus that is linked to cervical cancer is sexually transmitted, it is not transmitted because a kid blew his nose and didn’t wash his hands. This is not a decision for law makers, it is one for parents and young women.

    I believe the whole “cancer mystery” is a joke. There is no mystery about why cancer has increased so drastically in the past 60 years. For me it is so clear that it is literally scary. Look around you. We live in an entirely different world. We are being exposed to so many more toxins and pollutants because of all of our wonderful progress and technology. We have allowed ourselves to believe that processed foods, microwaves, plastics, SUVs, forced medicine, super stressed schedules, concrete jungles, and even fluoride are more productive, convenient, and even better for us. I believe many diseases should be linked directly to these things that are now such a “necessary” part of our life.

    My life revolves around doing everything possible to eliminate these so called conveniences from my life. It’s become much easier for me to do this in my little bubble that I call home. I’m sure any child of mine would quickly resent this bubble. I would hope he would honestly; I believe people should learn for themselves and experience what life has to offer. That leaves me wondering if having a child right now makes sense. While I know his home would be safe and healthy, I have serious doubts about whether his world is or ever will be again. 

    Some people even still believe that global warming is just a theory. I don’t see the outcry that I feel like I should be seeing. We are all quietly letting our choices become narrowed and slowly taken away. It started years ago with health care, insurance will only pay for the treatments that yield the greatest profits for pharmaceutical companies, then our water – fluoride is good for us, then our food – a little gene modification won’t hurt anything, the list goes on. I’m not sure adding more mouths that need feeding is a responsible decision anymore. I’ve just scratched the surface when considering the state of the world. There’s the AIDS epidemic, famine, war, genocide, serial killers, and well I think you get the picture. I’m not saying that my home and heart are not open to the possibility of adopting children; I am very open to that idea. We have enough people suffering on the planet already. I don’t feel I need to create another one to fulfill my mommy instincts.

    We live in a country that is almost divided in 2 when it comes to most of the political issues. This fascinates me and on election days after I go and vote I think about my family and friends and realize that statistically half of them cancelled out my vote while they were at the polls. I imagine adoption fits into this scenario as well. Most people probably feel that it is great we have an adoption system in place but I don’t think most people feel it is something that they want to do. I honestly feel that I would feel no different towards an adopted child than I would a child that I actually gave birth to. I have never thought about adoption and thought that it would be a possible second choice if I simply could not have children of my own. Ever since I was a little girl I have thought about adoption as a very real possibility for my family even if I am able to have children of my own. I’m not sure that all of my family and friends would feel the same way I do. Would they embrace an adopted child as fully as they would a child that shared my DNA?

    Expanding my family is not in the immediate future and I am just fine with that. I have my pets to mother. I am always trying to mother my family and friends and most of the time I get the same answer from them that you would expect to get from a kid; “Yeah, yeah, I know, I know”.

    Our country is great because we have freedom and choices. Have you noticed those choices slipping away? Do you also worry about the world we have created and the difficulty our children will face if we don’t make changes? Do you get outraged when you realize that we live in the part of the world where food is most abundant yet malnutrition is rampant? Have you even realized this yet? Now that you do realize it, what are you going to do about it? The easiest thing to do to fight genetically engineered foods and foods that are virtually barren is to buy organic exclusively.

    We cannot do great things; only small things with great love. – Mother Teresa

   

Happy New Year!

During this time of year; the holiday season, I think it is natural to reflect back on the previous year. While receiving and sending greeting cards, hearing news from people that you may only hear from once year, the lights, the music, the cool air, all reminders that the year is coming to an end and a new one is about to begin. Memories of the previous year pop into your head and memories of years before become refreshed and new in your mind, like that Christmas when I asked my mom for a cookbook and she responded by buying me two complete sets of vintage cookbooks from 1964. I love those cookbooks with all of their signs of sweet little homemakers before me using them to make wonderful food for their wonderful families.

Looking back at just this year and thinking about how far I have come is what motivated me to finally sit down and write. I am sorry I have been away for so long – no news is good news; I am doing amazingly well. I have way more energy than I did during the first half of the year and so many things going on; writing has been put on the back burner. I’ve sat down to write several times but as you know, I haven’t published anything in months.

This morning I was thinking back to a year ago and what I was doing. I realized that I was having blood transfusions every two weeks just a year ago. I was dying and the blood was the only thing keeping me alive, my body just wasn’t making enough of it on its own. I was still learning what it was going to take to find a place of healing in my life, what it was going to take to survive this. I was a little broken hearted and a little scared.

What a difference a half a year makes. Now I have forgotten the heart break, almost like I would imagine women forget the pain of child bearing, as a protective measure, so they will be able to face it once again if they need to. Fear means nothing to me anymore; I just don’t understand the concept of fear. I only know how to survive, which leaves little room for fear.

This last year seems like a lifetime, I have come to know and understand so much more than I did before. I have made incredible changes in my life and now I try to live in harmony with the rest of the world as much as I can. It’s all energy and you can very much determine what kind of energy impacts your life. Many people don’t get this and when I try to talk to people about it I either get a glazed over look, one of pity almost because I am so crazy or I get people trying to argue with me that it’s not all just energy; that this computer I am typing on is real; concrete, physical, and more than just energy. It’s not though; it’s simply a different form of energy. Energy was used to dream it up, to design it, and to manufacture it. Energy is involved in running it, using it, and even when it’s dead and gone, no longer working, it will be nothing more than energy. I won’t go on about this, many of you are probably reading this with pity because you believe I have lost my marbles, you may be thinking that I used to be so smart, so sharp, and so successful. Many of you may be remembering just how seriously I used to take everything, my career, my clothes, my model quality apartment, and even my time. Some of you have known me long enough to see me go from taking everything seriously to not really getting too concerned about much at all. I love my new casual attitude and obviously this change was one that I had to make in order to reclaim my health.

We only have one life and it’s a short one. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to realize that the things you once thought mattered the most do not really matter that much at all. My life would be no different if I did not work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week trying to get my first lease up building occupied. If it took me 6 months to rent all of those apartments rather than the 4 months it took, what would be different? Who was I serving? It certainly was not Crystal. The owner of that building did great; he had much less vacancy than he was prepared for. Never again will I bust my hump and work like that to serve someone else, to make their dreams come true. I believe now that the only time you should do such a thing is when you are trying to realize your own dream. It’s funny sometimes how that can get blurred, back when I was doing that lease up, I would have sworn that it was my dream. It wasn’t.

I have a second chance to live my dream and I am so thankful. I often wish I had a magic wand; Among other things, I would use it to allow everyone to actually work toward their own dream for a week, I think after that most people would quit trying to help someone else achieve their dream and they would start living their own dreams.

I started out by telling you I was in a reflective mood. Reflecting back through this year, remembering the blood transfusions, trying to figure out where I got the strength to fight for my life and raise funds to go to Sanoviv. While I was fundraising, I started getting comments from people who thought this clinic in Mexico was scamming me. I think it is clear now, that Sanoviv is not operating a scam in Mexico. My experience was quite the opposite actually and I feel that if anyone was trying to scam me at that time, it was the people practicing and governing medicine right here in my home country. I may not have been bold enough to say that before but now that has changed.

People actually emailed me to tell me that I was going against God because I was accepting the blood transfusions that were sustaining my life. At that time, I was too worried about offending people by disagreeing with their beliefs to tell them that they could keep their God if that is how he feels. I have learned that in order to honor my own beliefs, I sometimes have to tell others what they can do with theirs. I don’t often find that I have to do that because I believe that each person is entitled to their own beliefs and I accept that completely. Other people do not often challenge me and tell me that their spiritual path is the only correct path to take but sometimes, unbelievably they do. I would never do that to someone else and I will not allow anyone to do that to me.

Going to Sanoviv was such a life renewing and healing experience that I am now attending school at The Natural Healing Institute so that I may learn to treat my own health with a natural approach and so I can eventually help others do that too. Medical professionals in this country don’t have much to say about this shift they have seen in my health. They know that I am well when they told me I would never be well. They also know that they did not give me any drugs or other treatments that could have lead to the wellness they told me was not possible. As far as they are concerned, I am one of those miracle patients who experience spontaneous healing. What a difference this year has made. Last Tuesday I was able to go in and remove the implanted port that I used for my chemotherapy and then for my blood transfusions. Now the only thing left to remind me of my battle with cancer is scars. The scars are only physical. Emotionally I am stronger, wiser, and more at peace. Getting cancer is a tough way to receive a reality check about what you are doing in your life but it was my reality check and I needed it. Now I so fully understand that if I do not serve myself; serving others is not possible. I did not understand this very important lesson before. This brings to mind all of the people who have helped me and allowed me to focus on me, thank you.

The most interesting thing that I have found is that when one truly serves themselves, they will naturally serve others. I have said before that the key to reclaiming your health is to focus on the health part, not the illness part, as much as possible. When you approach life with a conviction that you will only eat and use products that build health, you just simply and naturally start doing things that serve others. Eating organically grown foods for example, does not only provide the richest and purist nutrition for your body. Growing foods organically eliminates the cancer risk that conventional farm workers subject themselves to because of pesticide exposure, it preserves the soil for the future, and it more often contributes to local farmers. Environmentally, there is no question that organic farming is much better. The list of things you are doing to serve others and the earth when you purchase products that support your health is unending. I could go on telling you about how natural cleaning products, natural personal care products, and other natural products improve not only your health but the health of other people and the world but I think you get the picture. When fewer toxins are packaged for retail sale then there is less impact on the people producing those products and on our earth.

I got a copy of the movie An Inconvenient Truth for Christmas and after watching it I was disturbed. I am still disturbed by the picture that Al Gore paints of the future. I don’t mean 1000 years into the future but just 40 years into it. Forty years is a mere blink of an eye when you look at the history of the earth. If Al Gore is correct and he presents a convincing argument, life as many people know it today will cease to exist. We are spiraling into a new reality. Obviously I already knew that the 6 billion people inhabiting earth were having an impact, I did not understand just how much of an impact. I spoke with a family member briefly about this last night. My family member believed that we are seeing the natural progression of one of earth cycles. The earth does go through cycles of heating and cooling. The earth’s temperature goes up as CO2 in the atmosphere goes up. When Al Gore shows you the history of earth’s warming trends and the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere during those warm periods, it is a tiny blip compared to the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere now and even scarier where it will be 40 years from now if we don’t get our shit together.

After spending time reflecting back over the last year, I get excited about what is in store for the future. I look forward to seeing what this country is capable of when faced with a challenge, even one that our government is not willing to tackle. I honestly believe that as more and more people start to really understand what is at stake they will all start to be more mindful of their impact on our planet. Al Gore has been trying to fight this fight since the 1970s and unfortunately he has not gotten very far but I believe that things are going to change. I believe we are going to start taking the steps we need to take in order to reduce our impact on earth. I believe we care about the world’s children enough to make the incredibly small sacrifices we may be required to make. I believe those of us that have previously felt entitled to burn energy recklessly will come to understand just how big of an impact their waste is having on the future of the world. I certainly discovered that my footprint on the earth could be softer. I know more and more people will begin to see this and understand this. I know that we are about to see a natural progression towards cleaner energy resources. I just hope it happens in time. I hope 2007 brings about a strong and sudden change towards building the health of our earth, the natural result will be an improvement in the health of all people on earth.

Dave's Top Ten

In case you missed Dave Letterman's top ten tonight, he expressed my sentiments precisely in response to Burger King's menu item, the Quad Stacker. It is 4 hamburger patties, four pieces of cheese (processed no doubt), and 8 pieces of bacon all topped off with a savory sauce and sesame bun. This 1000 calorie sandwich has staggering 68 grams of fat all for the low low price of $3.99.

Here's Dave's top ten.

Top Ten Questions you should ask yourself before ordering a Burger King Quad Stacker:

10. Do I have my papers in order?

9. Can I get it super sized?

8. Will I have time to run 298 miles to burn off the calories?

7. Could this have anything to do with why the rest of the world hates us?

6. Should I talk to my doctor about Lipitor?

5. Can I get it on a low carb bun?

4. How come there isn't any sausage on this bad boy?

3. Why is Burger King making me sign a release form?

2. Should I wait til they come out with the "Quint" Stacker?

And the number one question you should ask yourself before ordering a Quad Stacker is...

Do I have my cardiologist on speed dial?

I Wish You Wellness

This may disgust you but I find myself wanting to write about how freakin' happy I am - yet again. I actually wake up every day happier than I was the day before. This isn't a feeling that I'm used to, I went through life on autopilot for so long, I guess I never really took the time to check in with myself and ask if I was really happy or not. Now, I ask myself often if I am happy and the answer is yes, I am ecstatic about my life.

I have a peace, joy, and rest that surpasses understanding. Some people describe this feeling in relation to their relationship with God and I understand exactly what they mean. For me, spirituality in only a part of what I have experienced since my cancer diagnoses. Dickie looks at me a little strange when I say this, but my struggle with cancer has brought about so many wonderful things. Facing death has a way of changing your perspective. It did for me at least, I became so much more grateful for all of the wonderful things this life offers and I had to come to terms with the fact that the only moment in life that is guaranteed to us is this one. I think this change in perspective happens often to people who have come face to face with death, you always hear about people who have had near death experiences and then changed their life completely, doing the things they always wanted and making significant changes to their lifestyle.

I guess this is happening to me. I have a whole new perspective. I talk a lot about nutrition because I never really understood how powerful and medicinal food could be before, I had a major disconnect in my thinking with regard to the things that I put in my mouth. I never chose my food based on what my nutritional needs may be, I made choices based on what I thought tasted good. When I changed this, I almost immediately started realizing the benefits of eating nutritionally rather than to satisfy my poorly trained taste buds. Now I crave nutritional foods and as I type I am enjoying a huge glass of kale, lettuce, sprout, apple, and celery juice. Some of your stomachs just turned as you visualized me drinking down this concoction but it really is delicious and more importantly, I am getting a huge rush of nutrients that my body will use to keep me feeling so fantastic.

Finding and understanding the truth about real nutrition is really just the tip of the ice-burg though. I have a whole new understanding of the things that bring true happiness to one's life. In my journey over the last couple of years I have learned so many other things with regard to truly building your health so that you can conquer everything that comes your way. It is a little difficult to explain, this happiness that I am describing, but I honestly feel it begins with accepting the fact that life always ends in death. No matter what, we are all going to die and even more importantly, we never know when that is going to happen.

This is difficult for some of you so you don't think about it. I think a lot of people think they have plenty of time before their time comes. I hope you do have plenty of time, this is a beautiful life and I hope you are all healthy and here to enjoy it for a very long time. The future is unknown though. We don't know how long our health will be here, we do not know how many more breaths are in us.

When this truth arrived at the forefront of my life, when I was faced with the very real possibility that tomorrow may not arrive, I learned just how important today is. I even realized how unimportant yesterday was. It is now much easier for me to let go of everything from the past that may have been disrupting my life today. Nothing can be done about the past, but I can affect today. I can choose to let go of any and all hurt, guilt, anxiety, or other nasty emotional baggage I may have had about the past, the past does not matter. The future will happen and you can certainly make choices in this moment that affect what could happen in the future but once you do that, nothing can be done, the future is unknown. All you can do is live today for today - this moment could be your last.

I have started to live in the moment in a very real way. I have found that I enjoy the littlest silliest things a lot more than I used to. I have started taking the time to be present in everything I do. You're wondering what the heck I'm talking about, aren't you? Well, I think many people are not present during much of what they do. They make coffee in the morning without taking just a moment to breathe in the wonderful smell and appreciate the warm feeling of their favorite mug in their hands. They drink it down without allowing themselves to really be aware of it's rich flavor dancing in their mouth. Coffee has become nothing more than an addiction in many people's life and they just drink it while on auto pilot going through to the next step of their day without taking a moment to appreciate that either. I drink coffee, it's probably not the healthiest thing I put in my body but at least while I am drinking it, I am enjoying it completely.

I think when a person lives each moment as if it were their last they begin to cherish what they are doing in each moment, every one wants to die happy, don't they? I certainly do so I now move through life a little slower than I used to, I want to be present in every one of my moments and I also have learned that I must nurture myself above all others, otherwise I cannot be available for others.

I have really focused a lot on nourishing myself with food and as you are probably painfully aware because I don't shut up about it, that has been a fabulous experience for me. In the process I find myself being exposed to things that I can do to nurture my soul and mind just like I nourish my body with food. Some of these things are acupuncture, hypnotherapy, spiritual readings, meditation, yoga, and even just walking barefoot in the grass. After reading this list of things that I say have been helpful for me in my life, you may think I am some crazy new-age kook - that may be true but I'm happy. I mean high on life kind of happy so go ahead and think I'm a kook.

These things have helped to align my chakras, keep me balanced, allow energy to flow freely, and given me a foundation for feeling calm, happy, and to share love and warmth whenever possible. My deep breathing, meditation and relaxation practices are also my connection to spirituality, it is during these exercises that I feel most connected to God. I do not call myself Christian, Muslim, Buddhist, Hindu or any other, I am simply spiritual. Some people have a hard time understanding and accepting this position. I do not know what else to say about it except I am completely at peace with my relationship to the spiritual and I accept that your beliefs may be different. I do not believe we all have to call our connection to God by the same name.

I do believe that whatever you call this connection, it can be strengthened when you practice living each moment as if it may be your last. I believe that finding true joy in life starts with finding the greatest things out of the smallest events, being grateful for every lesson you learn, every experience you have and appreciating that which is beautiful in your life.

Suddenly, after a couple of years of focusing on what I want, what I have, and being sincerely grateful for my blessings, even on the days when my blessings seemed few, I find myself with this incredible joy that I didn't understand was possible before. I have made a choice to be fully present in everything I'm doing and enjoy each and every moment I can. Sometimes it's tough; like when almost every time I pull into Whole Foods parking lot there are complete idiots blocking the way and showing no regard for other people, but even that experience has something to enjoy. I can be thankful that I have more brains in my head and I am more considerate to others than those people are. I can relax and take a couple of deep breaths (take a couple now...isn't that nice?) while I wait for people to move. That experience can be what ever I choose to make it. It's been so easy for me to choose to enjoy my life. I used to dread going to Whole Foods for this reason but I decided to spin it and make it my time, even though I am stuck in a car and it takes longer than it should, the time does not have to be completely wasted.

I have new career aspirations, I want to be a nutritional consultant. The events of my life have very much led me to understand this is what I am supposed to do with myself. It's so amazing how things work out. Opportunities are always available, we live in such a wonderful part of the world. For me opportunities to do what I want have always been available. I have not always taken advantage of them but now, as in the past opportunities always pop up.

I am currently taking advantage of a couple of those opportunities and I can't even express how happy I am about where I am at in my life. I have the opportunity to work for myself helping people with their health and nutrition. I'm taking it! Last Tuesday I started my nutrition program and within a year I will be a certified nutritionist! That's wonderful. Dick and I have also started a home based business with the vitamins we are using. They have a great business plan and within a short period of time, we will be paying for the vitamins we are using just because we introduce other people to them. I think in the long run there is a great opportunity to earn a nice income simply by sharing how passionate I am about getting quality nutrition. I see plenty of opportunity in the future to do what I think I love the most and that is getting up in front of big groups of people and giving motivational speeches.

I believe all of my dreams are coming true because I am making it so. I am living each moment to the fullest, doing the things I love and appreciating that. In turn I am getting more of the things I love. I wish I could wave a magic wand and cause the whole population to breathe deeply, slow down, truly live, and find joy in each moment. It's a wonderful feeling.

I have no concern about what comes after I am no longer physically in this world. Whatever lies beyond this life is going to be wonderful, I have no doubt, I don't know exactly why but I just know there is nothing for me to fear about death. I believe what is most important is that I live in this moment the best way I can. I am caring for myself as well as I can and that is giving me the tools to help, encourage, and inspire others. I hope I have inspired you today.

Dick and I recently watched a movie that had quite an impact on me so I want to share it with you. It is called The Secret and you can buy it at www.thesecret.tv. Get past the silly marketing they used and pay for the movie, it's really worth watching. You can watch it right on your computer or for a little more, have the DVD sent to you.

 

Ken Lewis

A woman named Dollie Lewis recently contacted me; she wanted to share her son Ken’s story with me because he is suffering with myelodysplasia. I have been receiving updates from Dollie and things for Ken have been very difficult. He was diagnosed with lymphoma and MDS at the same time, a difficult situation. After treating the lymphoma with chemo and getting it in remission, he went to work on the MDS which is very severe; Ken is getting platelets and blood almost daily. He has also been using chemotherapy for his MDS and it has made him very sick, he has been unable to eat for a long period and now, just when they had found matches for a cord blood transplant and Ken was heading to Seattle to have the procedure, he has developed leukemia. Ken and his family are struggling financially, trying to figure out how to pay for all of the things that go along with Ken’s treatment. He is going to need to be away from home during treatment and his family needs help paying for the apartment they will be renting so they can be close to Ken and keep Ken nearby during the outpatient part of his treatment. My heart really goes out to this family. Let’s try to help them and ease some of the financial burdens while they are focusing on getting Ken well again! If you are unable to make a donation, your positive thoughts and prayers are just as appreciated. If you have more questions about Ken’s story, please email his mother, Dollie Lewis at 1happycamper2@sbcglobal.net.

If you would like to make a donation to help Ken and his family, please click on the Make a Donation button on the right of this page.

This post contains graphic images.

I was talking to one of my very favorite people on the phone last night and she was telling me about a man she knows who is devastated because his father never told him he loved him as he was growing up. This person's father was a hard ass and never showed him any love - at least not emotionally. This father did provide this child with every material thing he could possibly want. My friend was irritated because this person felt that his father's lack of expressing love to him was very detrimental to his well being. This person was deeply affected by his experience.

My friend thought that this was a very small problem in the whole scheme of things. This man, now grown, has his own beautiful children, is a prominent business owner, has no concerns about money or health and in my friend's opinion, should be happy with all that he has. He has no right to wallow when his only problem is that he was not shown affection from his father.

My friend compared his situation to mine, I grew up with an abusive step mother, my family struggled financially, alcoholism was a major factor in my childhood, and I had to work hard for every bit of money I ever got; nothing was handed down to me like it was in her friend's case. Then I got cancer. My friend feels that my experiences make me entitled to complain and wallow, if I choose to. I somehow have more of a right than her friend does to complain and be affected by life's experiences. She feels my experiences have been much more difficult than those of her friend.

My friend used a couple of other examples where she felt people were complaining about issues they had no right to complain about. From where she is sitting those people's problems would be a nice set of problems to have and if their issue is the worst thing they have endured, they are doing pretty well. I stuck up for these people saying that all people have their own lowest low and highest high. If the worst thing their life experience has presented them with is feeling unloved by their parent, then for them that's the worst thing they have ever felt, therefore of course, it is going to seem significant to them. It's all about perspective.

My friend started to agree...okay, yeah I guess each person does have their own reality and the worst thing that has ever happened to them will seem pretty bad to them - even if that worst thing is only that their father did not show them affection. She only bought into that for a moment though - she's a tough cookie. She feels that it's pretty easy to see that this is not that bad, all you have to do is look at the world around you. She felt that it's okay to be hurt or disappointed by something like that but then you should learn from it, count your blessings, and move on. It's really very small when you look at the struggles other people have endured.

I listened to and admired my friend while she stated her case, thinking the whole time that I have never heard her actually complain about anything in the years that I have known her. This is a woman who has had struggle after struggle in her life - loss after loss. I honestly cannot even comprehend how she has survived the struggles she has faced in her life. I marvel at how she can be so sympathetic to my struggles when, in my opinion her burdens are far greater than mine have ever been. I will not share her specifics but I will tell you that this very beautiful and strong woman has had to carry more pain than most other people I know. Yet, I have NEVER heard her complain. I've helped her cry and face situations but she has never said anything like why me or this isn't fair. She simply faces situations, and I'm talking about  really serious losses and struggles, not your run of the mill stuff. This woman comes through these things and counts her blessings again and again. Then she looks around her and normally has deep compassion for others, last night was an exception. She will help anyone, give everyone a chance, and is generous almost to a fault. If she has something, she wants everyone around her to have it too.

This conversation I had with her really got me thinking. What causes some people to stop and wallow in self pity regarding an experience and another to get past it, learn from it, and count their blessings? Does a person develop more compassion when they themselves have endured greater pain? Is it that the more pain you endure, the more you are capable of sympathizing with others? If this is the case, then it seems that the greater pain you endure, the better person you will become. And if that is true, then it seems for the greater good of all, the whole world should endure great pain, suffering, and loss. This will create a deeper compassion within all of us and that would mean we would automatically share our blessings with others rather than hoard them for ourselves, right? Maybe, but I do not wish pain and suffering upon the world. I also do not believe you have to experience great pain in order to have compassion.

Is there a way to awaken the compassion that is already within people? Maybe enough people aren't exposed to the pain and suffering that is in the world around them. Out of sight, out of mind. They are so invested in their own self that they don't think about the rest of the world in their everyday life. For example when they cannot afford to go out to a nice restaraunt with their friends and they are upset about it, would they look at the situation differently if they thought about this child and the fact that this child will NEVER visit a restaraunt in what will likely be their short life? How often does that person who can't afford to eat out think about the people in this photograph? They are real people, this picture is recent, taken in March of 2005. Do enough Americans consider these people when they are upset about the events of their life? I do. I think about them everyday. So many people have expressed their sympathy and compassion for me and for my struggles. I don't have any problems. My situation is unbelievably wonderful. I have more blessings than I can even start to count. So do you, you are sitting at a computer reading this right now, that alone means that you have WAY more than many people around the world do.

I know the people reading this have the kind of compassion I am talking about. You are the people who have shown me great compassion; given me your time, money, and hearts. You share whatever you can, you have for me and I am confident you do for others as well.

I see more television than I like to admit and I often see advertisements for beauty products, rediculously expensive vehicles, perfumes, jewelry, and countless other meaningless, material things. There must be a pretty big market for this stuff or these companies would not be spending so much money to produce and market it. The Today Show did an entire segment this morning on hair up-dos. They hired hair experts, showed gorgeous women who started out with "bad hair" that looked fine to me, and pinned it up in various ways to provide them with a whole new and "improved" look. Think about hair for a minute. How big of an industry is the "hair" industry? There are countless gizmos, gadgets, products, and experts with regard to hair. We color it, curl it, straighten it, add extensions to it, put stuff in it, buy accesories for it, and complain about it. We are envious of other people's hair and for many people in America, Canada, England, and other developed countries, hair is a huge industry. I used to invest hours of my time and hundreds of my dollars into my hair. I know how important one's hair can seem. I got over it a couple of years ago when I lost all of my hair during chemo. Now, I'm just really happy to have some hair. I pretty much just wash it and let it do what it wants. I rarely even pull out a hair dryer, curling iron, or product for it anymore. I am actually sort of embarrassed at the importance my hair once played in my life. What if every person in the developed world were willing to give up all of their hair products for an entire year? If every person just used shampoo on their hair and absolutely nothing else, how much money would we have to feed the children who are so malnourished, they don't even have hair?

It really is about perspective isn't it? Unfortunately the people who need to read this probably won't. They're out there so wrapped up in their own world that they do not find time for others. There are many of them out there too. People who are so worried about their things, their life, and their problems that they couldn't possibly make room for anything else. They have themselves so stressed out about things that, when it really comes down to it, mean absolutely nothing in life. Cars, clothes, make up, gadgets, curtains, hair, jewlery, weddings, pimples, the list of things that I have personally seen people have melt downs about goes on. I bet as I write this, there is a woman somewhere in the developed world having a complete melt down, crying and carrying on because she broke a nail. Seriously - I bet it's happening somewhere right now.

I wonder if this precious little baby has ever seen a set of perfectly manicured nails. The kind that are  long, red, sparkly, and have little gemstones pressed into them. What would this sweet child think about those kind of fingernails? Would she even be able to comprehend that the person attached to them paid someone else to apply artificial nails, file and smooth them before cautiously applying toxic paint to them, and perfectly placing the plastic jewels in them? This child would probably think this was some kind of strange person who can magically grow these amazing, colorful, and sparkling fingernails, this child might even think she was some kind of God. This baby's name is Raghu, how many meals would Raghu eat if that woman decided to donate the money she paid to have that manicure done? How much is a manicure like that? $50, $60, maybe $70? That's a lot of rice. I don't personally know anyone who wears this kind of manicure but I see them when I'm out and about. I'm kind of amazed by them, I don't understand the expense but I can understand that some people do. Please don't be offended if you are this person, who wears this manicure. I am sure you also share your fortunes when you can. I don't feel that people should not have blessings or enjoy them. They should. This is a wonderful world and we are fortunate to have opportunities and wealth within reach. Strive for it, work hard to get it, and by all means enjoy your successes.

There's just a lot of people who have so much but give so little. Their problems are so small compared to so many others, yet they complain. I have really motivated myself here to get out and give even more. I want to try and give other people my time, love, and sometimes even material things or money. I am always aware of the poverty in third world countries. I am saddened by it and I am aware that there are many people who were simply born into pain and struggles that I will never really understand. I want to help these people but the most I have done for them is buy products that I see which are produced by the poor people in their poor countries. I don't know who to trust to give my money to to help them so I buy things like hand made clothing and shoes, lotions and I even bought some banana vinegar that was made by the people of Costa Rica. I wonder if these Costa Rican residents helped to make my banana vinegar, which is delicious by the way. I feel there is a lot to do in our own backyard. I see people sleeping in San Diego on old, dirty matresses, or less, right down the street from where I live - in my own driveway actually.

I'm not scolding anyone for having things or caring about their hair. I have more than I need, I have and enjoy material things, I like to doll myself up on occasion. I could give more than I do. I just wonder if the people around us, as a whole, realize just how much they have. All of us should be willing to lose it. We should all be prepared and willing to lose everything we have, our houses, cars, furniture, gadgets and every other material thing. Those are not the things that make you who you are. You will survive without them. These are not the most important things you have; your health, your mind, your love, and your relationships are much more important.

When I leave this place and the people I leave behind remember me, I pray they remember what I gave in my life, rather than what I had. I hope when I look back and reflect on the time I spent here, I can reflect on helping to make people happier and healthier in some way. I still have a long way to go but I have come to a place in my life where I know that the joy of giving far outweighs the joy of getting. I do not have any struggles compared to so many others and I will always try to share my blessings, rather than hoard them. Maybe I'll create a ripple effect of love and sharing and that will help more people than I'll ever realize. One thing is certain, no matter how big my struggles get, there will always someone who has endured and overcome way more.   

Burn Your Bras!

I totally quit wearing bras a few years ago. I honestly just couldn't see the point for my particular situation. For me the discomfort they caused significantly outweighed any benefit I could see from wearing one.  Several times, I've asked Dick if he thought my lack of a bra was inappropriate - he's not sure and I don't know why I'm worried about it. I am much more comfortable without one. I realize not all women are built the same, some of you were actually endowed with large breasts and there may be some benefit to you wearing a bra - sometimes.

Why am I talking about bras, you ask? Well I came across some startling statistics yesterday on one of the natural health websites I was on and they freaked me out. I decided to Google the topic and my concerns were confirmed - bras cause breast cancer! This was clearly proven in a Harvard study that was conducted on the topic.

I don't know why this has not been more widely reported - it should be a public service announcement in all media sources around the world. It makes perfect sense. Your lymphatic system is a delicate and extremely important part of your health. You have more lymph fluid than you have blood. Your lymph fluid coats and supports your organs and it facilitates the removal of toxins from your body - that is if you use it correctly. Your blood is constantly circulating thanks to your beautiful heart. The lymph system does not have it's own pump like the circulatory system does, it relies on your movement to push it around. This is another extremely important reason you should exercise regularly. Unfortunately, I never understood this until recently, because of my extensive research. I have never heard a news report explain the lymphatic system and the importance of exercise relating to it. If you are looking for another reason to get motivated to start an exercise routine, this is it - your lymphatic system needs movement to stay clean and support your body the way it should.

Now, this brings us to the contraption we women have always worn because we're suppose to - it's the "decent" thing to do, right? Well your brassiere could be causing health concerns you never knew about. You see, it constricts the delicate lymphatic arteries and does not allow the fluid to flow freely, causing a build up of toxins that can lead to cysts and and even breast cancer. This is especially true of sports bras - which are normally tighter that your everyday wear bra. This is very concerning because when you are exercising you are stirring up that fluid and moving it around - flushing it. That is exactly what you want to do but if you are wearing a tight bra, you are blocking that flow and that dirty, toxic fluid sits right at your breast. You have one of the greatest concentrations of lymph nodes right around that area; under your arms and in your chest area.

Here are some of the statistics from the Harvard study:

• Women who wore their bras 24 hours per day had a 3 out of 4 chance of developing breast cancer (in their study, n=2056 for the cancer group and n=2674 for the standard group).
• Women who wore bras more than 12 hour per day but not to bed had a 1 out of 7 risk.
• Women who wore their bras less than 12 hours per day had a 1 out of 152 risk.
• Women who wore bras rarely or never had a 1 out of 168 chance of getting breast cancer. The overall difference between 24 hour wearing and not at all was a 125-fold difference.

It looks like wearing a bra less than 12 hours a day is much safer then wearing it more than that. If you are one of those women who even wear these horrible contraptions to bed, please stop! Another really interesting thing I read was that men have a 1 out of 168 chance of getting breast cancer - the same as women who don't wear bras!

I don't own a large set of breasts so I really have no idea what it is like to have to worry about the things that a lot of women do with regard to them. I know it's not feasible for some of you to never wear a bra. For me, yeah, you can often tell I'm not wearing a bra and my mother might gently try to tell me that my lack of one is not lady like or appropriate but I really don't have enough up there to make me feel self conscious about not having one on.

My gut reaction after reading this information about the risk of wearing bras is to tell you all not to wear them - period. Let your beautiful twins be free in all their glory but I know that's not going to happen. Our society has made that a nearly impossible thing to do. So, please at least wear them less. Let those babies loose in the evenings when you are at home, your husband will appreciate it and so will your precious lymphatic system.

Also, when you exercise, try to find a bra made of softer materials that provide the needed support without constricting your sides and back. At any time if you take your bra off and have grooves all around your chest from where it was digging into you - it's too tight and it is constricting those very delicate lymphatic vessels. 

So please let this information penetrate your brain. The study is very clear - bras increase your risk of health problems, most significantly cancer. Wear a less constricting one, take it off earlier, DO NOT sleep in them, and if you are brave enough to go against decency - burn them! I have. I am liberated and I have decreased my risk of breast cancer 125 fold! I hope to see a lot more happy breasts out there, bras are really an unnecessary risk for many women.

More great news!

I'm sorry I haven't written a lot lately. I am actually working on building another site geared more towards people who are suffering form myelodysplasia, aplastic anemia, or other conditions and are looking for more information about what I'm doing and how I'm managing this disease.

These conditions are rare and it's hard to find other people who are dealing with them so I want to be one of those people that other people who need to know they are not alone can turn to. I am planning to keep my blood counts updated so people can see my progress and I'm planning on keeping my current program up to date in case people are interested in trying some of the same things I am.

This is why I've fallen off on this site a little. I'm working on the other one which I am hoping to debut in the next week or so. As far as this site, I will continue to use it to voice my opinion and write about the stuff I want to write about. I hope you continue to read it and share your opinions with me. I love your feedback!

I went to the doctor yesterday and my counts looked even better than they did a month ago. I did not choose to get the Aranesp injection I was scheduled for so that is more than a month without it and I'm still going strong. Raw food, high fiber, omega 3, probiotics, enzymes, and the best vitamins money can buy seem to be working. I go back in two week to check the numbers again and I'm hoping I won't need Aranesp then either. 

Sunny D Claims It Is A Good Choice

Sunny D, Smooth California Style orange flavored citrus punch with other natural flavors

Nutrition Facts Serving Size:  8 fl oz • 240 mL Amount Per Serving Calories 130 Calories from Fat  0 % DV* Total Fat 0g 0%     Saturated Fat  0g 0%     Trans Fat  0g     Polyunsaturated Fat  0g     Monounsaturated Fat  0g Cholesterol 0mg 0% Sodium 170mg 7% Total Carbohydrate 32g 11%     Dietary Fiber  0g 0%     Sugars  30g Protein 0g 0% Vitamin A  0% • Vitamin C  100% Calcium  0% • Iron  0% Thiamine  15% Unofficial Pts: 3 Percent of Calories from: Fat-0%     Carb-98.5%     Protein-0%     INGREDIENTS: Water, high fructose corn syrup and 2% or less of each of the following: concentrated juices (orange, tangerine, apple, lime, grapefruit), citric  acid, ascorbic acid (vitamin C), thiamin hydrochloride (vitamin B1), natural flavors, food starch-modified, canola oil, sodium citrate, cellulose gum, xanthan gum, sodium hexametaphosphate, sodium benzoate to protect flavor, yellow #5, yellow #6. Contains 5% Juice. Keep Refrigerated. (Retailer may display outside of refrigeration.) I just saw a commercial for this product that showed a child running and participating in a lot of sporting activities while he grew through the years of his childhood and became an adult. This is exactly what the commercial said; I had to go back and forth on the Tivo to get it all correct and this is what the advertisers of Sunny D say about it: Mom's know that giving their kids a head start in the race of life means helping them make good choices. That's why Sunny D is a choice you can feel good about. Unlike soda, which has no vitamins, Sunny D is filled with a full day's supply of vitamin C plus B1, with a refreshing fruity taste they'll love into adulthood so your kids become happy, healthy, successful adults. Help them soar to new heights with Sunny D, the good stuff kids go for.

I took the time to listen and re-listen to this commercial because I am disgusted that this company is advertising their sugar laden, nutritionally void, garbage as a good choice. Some poor busy soul out there is trying to change her life and make good choices regarding nutrition for herself and her family. She has no nutritional education and has been eating an unhealthy diet her entire life but she has made a commitment to make changes. Now remember she's busy so making time to educate herself regarding good nutrition is very difficult. There's the new food pyramid that just came out and she is going to make an effort to follow that. According to the new food pyramid she needs to get more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains in her diet. She's just decided to make these changes and then she sees and hears the advertisement for Sunny D. It's actually possible that she would purchase this product thinking she was making a healthy choice.

Sunny D is not a good choice, contrary to what the advertiser says. It's full of  High Fructose Corn Syrup; a nasty, gluey, highly processed, unfortunate substance. In my opinion any amount of vitamins in high fructose corn syrup are wasted. Your body doesn't want high fructose corn syrup in it and actually works very hard to get it out. I have to think the high fructose corn syrup cancels out the vitamins, but I'm not an expert.

What are natural flavors anyway? Kevin Trudeau basically says that "natural flavors" is fancy way of saying it is one of hundreds of chemicals that food manufacturers can put into your food. Do I believe Kevin Trudeau and think that food companies are adding chemicals to our food that are addicting, toxic, and even make you hungry? Yup. I actually do believe that food companies are doing this.

If they weren't doing this, then why is all of the fruit concentrate they have put in the product listed? Why isn't it considered natural flavors? They didn't include enough of the fruit to add any fiber or any of the vitamins, those are included separately and they are probably synthetic anyway. This product only contains 5% fruit juice. What is the fruit concentrate there for if not for flavor?  I guess I would just like to know what is in the "natural flavors". I'm not satisfied with natural flavors as an ingredient, I would like more information. Where can I grow these "natural flavors" or buy them for that matter? Whatever. I do believe that food companies will put horrible chemicals in our food in order to market it, preserve it's shelf life, and even try to get us addicted to it.

I cannot believe the lies these food companies are allowed to share on national TV. There are people trying to make healthier choices in their life and unfortunately they are getting their education on what it means to make good choices from what they see in news reports and other things they see on television.

General Mills is a great example of how food companies are manipulating people into believing that their food is healthy. Whole grains have recently become very popular, after a study indicated that whole grains were beneficial, General Mills added a nominal amount of whole grains to all of their breakfast cereals. Then they advertised the study along with the fact that they had whole grains in all of their cereals. Now, the amount of whole grains that General Mills added was not enough to actually realize the benefits of eating whole grains. The cereal still primarily contains enriched grains. Check the fiber content of your cereal and if it is less than 2 grams per serving, you aren't getting the whole grains you need, even if your cereal box claims it has whole grains.

The lists of things that is wrong with the majority of food that you get in boxes, bags, cans, or bottles is unending. At best it just doesn't have any real nutrition. At worst it is full of horrible sweeteners, toxins, chemicals, and trans fat. I think the worst case scenario with processed foods is the norm. Even at the natural food stores be wary of the advertising, if there is any truth in it, it is most likely a manipulated spin on the real truth.

Sunny D has 30 grams of sugar per 8OZ serving, which is about the same as soda. Nearly everything you buy that's in a box, can, bag, or bottle contains some amount of high fructose corn syrup. Pay attention next time you go to the store and purchase processed foods. I challenge you to find any packaged foods that do not have one of the following ingredients:

High Fructose Corn Syrup

Enriched Flour (look instead for whole grain flour)

Artificial Color

Artificial Flavor

"Natural flavor"

Partially Hydrogenated or hydrogenated oils

Nitrates

Modified starches

Monosodium Glutamate

This list of things is not natural. These things were never suppose to be consumed by humans. They are things that have been manufactured to make a lot of food really inexpensively. They provide no nutrition to your body and are actually very harmful. Food companies don't care about nutrition, they care about selling a lot of food.

Don't trust the advertisements, don't even trust the nutrition facts when your read the label, and always read the label. Pay attention to the ingredients. If you are trying to make healthier choices with regard to your food and nutrition, stay away from everything that has any of the above ingredients on the label.

Please do not allow the food companies to continue poisoning us. Refuse to buy food that uses these and other toxic ingredients. If we quit buying it, they'll quit making it.

Questions for Sunny D -

Exactly what is Natural flavor?

What is the recommended daily allowance of Xanthan Gum?

Is sodium hexametaphosphate good for me?

Do you honestly believe that Sunny D is a good choice and kids become happy, healthy, successful adults because of choosing your product? I think if someone who uses your product regularly becomes happy, healthy, or successful it will be in spite of your product, not because of it. 

Written By My Good Friend, John Marshall

Rememberin'

Life and death, energy and peace, if I stop today it was still worth it. Even the terrible mistakes, that I have made and would have unmade if I could. The pains that have burned me and scarred my soul, it was worth it for having been allowed to walk where I've walked. Which was to hell on earth, heaven on earth, back again, into, under, far in between, through it, in it and above...

Rest In Peace, John.

How Rude

Years ago, I was shopping for business suits in a very upscale store. I had my sights on this gorgeous red one and I was absolutely planning on buying it until I came out of the dressing room in it and the sales woman that was assisting me, ran her hand down the front of me while exclaiming "Oh, you're flat" meaning that I was flat chested! I am painfully aware that I was not endowed with large breasts, or any for that matter, I do not need a sales person who is trying to sell me a $400 suit to tell me that! I didn't buy the suit. Did she even realize after she did that, how insulting it was?

I woke up this morning just before 6 A.M. to the sounds of my next door neighbor's ride to work pulling into my driveway and honking at my neighbor so my neighbor knew he was there. I'm sure my neighbor and the person giving him a ride think this is a perfect plan, the guy driving doesn't have to walk to his friend's apartment and my neighbor can just run right out when he hears the horn. Brilliant.

The problem with this is that it wakes up the other people who are within ear shot of the horn, which is probably more than 10 households because we have several apartment buildings surrounding us. It wakes Dick up and he gets angry and starts yelling out the window. My morning starts with a honking horn and yelling husband. How rude.

I wanted to park outside of my friend's house the other night. There were two available spaces right in front. The only problem was the Hummer that was idling in the street, blocking both spots. I pulled up behind the Hummer and waited for it to park so I could park in the other space. The Hummer didn't move, I continued to wait, the Hummer waved me around. I pulled up next to the Hummer and asked if they were parking, I explained that I would like to park. They said yes they were parking so I waited. The Hummer didn't move. I got frustrated and found other parking. I walked by the Hummer that had now parked in the middle of the two available spaces. I asked them why they needed two spaces and finally they offered to move so I could park. Thanks a lot.

I pulled into a disabled space at Target a few weeks ago. I placed my disabled placard in the window and got out of my car. A man pulled up and said "Oh, so you're disabled?" I replied that I have myelodysplasia and get very fatigued. I qualify for Federal Disability and my doctors obviously feel that the I qualify for a disabled placard. I showed him my implanted port and explained that it was used for my frequent blood transfusions. In response to my explanation, he yelled "This is F*cking ridiculous, I've been looking for a parking space for an hour!" How Rude.

I was having a second yard sale to help raise funds for my enzymes and supplements. One of the customers asked if I was moving and I sort of jokingly said, "No, I have an $800 per month vitamin habit that I am trying to support." He looked at me and paused, then said "So, you have HIV, huh?" It's one thing to make this far out assumption but to actually say this to someone? Is this not rude?

Every time I go to my favorite grocery store there is a line of cars waiting to get in because someone wants to park in the lower level and waits for someone to come out, get in their car and leave, so they can park. There is a perfectly sufficient lot upstairs with plenty of parking. Recently, I wanted to go to the store and when I tried to pull into the parking lot, a woman was talking on her cell phone and blocking the entrance, waiting for someone who was leaving so she could park in the lower lot. She was pulled in too far for the person who was leaving to back out so she put her car in reverse and wanted me to do the same. I had another car behind me and was not about to back up. She could have easily just forgotten about that space and gone into the upper parking lot. Instead she honked her horn at me, expecting me to back up, so she could back up, allow the person to leave, and get the space. I did not back up. She backed up on the side of me and allowed the car to leave so she could get that spot. After she got the spot she so desperately had to have, I pulled in and there was an available spot in the lower lot even closer to the entrance than the one she worked so hard to park in. I got into the store before she did. Ha Ha.

Unfortunately, I ended up in line behind this person. Now, when I got in line (the express line), all of her items had been checked and she was informed of the total amount of her bill. She proceeded to question how much several of the individual items she had brought to the register were. The clerk went over all of these items and the woman was finally satisfied so she proceeded to pull out her checkbook, something she should have done when she first got into the line. She recorded the transaction in her check register before even starting to write the stupid check. By the time she was done, there was a line of several people behind me. She was completely oblivious to how rude she was.

When I first started this website, I got an email from someone telling me that my getting blood transfusions was against God. She felt that I should have died rather than getting the blood transfusions that were sustaining my life. She had no problem informing me of her opinion and basically letting me know that I was going to burn in hell for my decision to allow medical technology to save my life. I felt her sharing her strong opinion was extremely rude.

Several months ago I wrote about how irritable I had been. I was having uncontrollable outbursts because of my irritability and was wondering where my frustration was coming from. I blamed it on my MDS, as irritability is one of the symptoms of MDS but I don't think it is from MDS, I think my irritability is caused by rude people. Dick will be very happy that I've come to this conclusion as he has been telling me that people are rude since the day I met him. He voices his very Strong opinions about people's rudeness all the time. He's irritable too and he does not have MDS.

As the bumper sticker so eloquently puts it, Mean People Suck. Do they have any idea how their actions affect others? Do they even care? When I rule the world, the first thing I am going to do is send everybody back to kindergarten so they can get a refresher course in basic manners. They will be reminded that they need to say please and thank you. They will learn about sharing with others and learn that if they don't have something nice to say, they should say nothing at all. They will learn that during nap time, it is not appropriate to honk their horn and they will learn that it's always nap time - somewhere.

My Opinion On the Abraham Cherrix Story

Dick brought a story to my attention yesterday that has me really fired up. I am so angry that this is even possible that I wasn't sure if I could effectively write about it. I'm afraid my emotions will cloud my sense of reason because as far as I'm concerned there is only one way to look at this situation; it's wrong, the state had no business getting involved, and the judge that initially heard the case should be relieved of his responsibilities.

I think Dickie knew how fired up I would be about it and was looking forward to reading my thoughts, after they had been carefully considered. He already heard my completely uncensored views on the subject last night. He asked me why I hadn't shared my thoughts when he saw what he felt was my boring post this morning. As the day has gone on, this story has remained at the forefront of my thoughts and I can't help but put something in writing about how I feel. 

I'm talking about a 16 year old young man named Abraham Cherrix.  Abraham has Hodgkin's disease; a cancer of the lymphatic system. When Abraham was first diagnosed with this disease, he followed the advice of his doctors and endured chemotherapy  and radiation treatments. Unfortunately, Abraham's cancer returned. The doctors recommend that he repeat the chemotherapy and radiation therapy.

Abraham feels that another round of chemotherapy "would kill me, literally. No joke about it," he went on to say, "The first round of chemo almost killed me in itself. There were some nights I didn't know if I would make it." Some people would read this and immediately think that this 16 year old boy must be exaggerating, he is an emotional adolescent and really does not understand the ramifications of his decision.

I believe Abraham has made a well thought out decision and he knows what he feels is best for his situation and for his body. Abraham says "I studied. I did research. I came to this conclusion that the chemotherapy was not the route I wanted to take." His research has led him to believe that an organic diet, free of sugar and a treatment  called Hoxsey that is available in Mexico would be a better protocol. His parents support their 16 year old son in his decision. End of story, right?

Unfortunately no. Unbelievably no. This is just the beginning of the story for this 16 year old boy who is facing cancer for the second time in his short life. Now, imagine how distraught this young man must be about his second cancer diagnosis. At a time when he should be able to focus on things like getting his driver's license, exploring colleges, and fantasizing about who he would like to take to prom, he has to face a deadly disease that threatens to end his life before he can realize any of those things.

He must also be feeling very frustrated because chemotherapy is the only option his oncologist has for him and he believes his body will not make it through another course of these harsh treatments. He's probably remembering how weak and depleted the chemo left him feeling and he's terrified.  I can personally tell you that he would probably rather die than endure chemo again. I completely understand how he feels. He is convinced that he would rather die of his disease than go through the hell of chemo and radiation - again.

Please know and understand that if I were ever in this situation, where doctors felt that I would have a better chance of surviving with chemotherapy treatments than without them, I will decline their recommendation. A doctor could tell me that there was a 99% percent chance I would die unless I did chemotherapy, I would go with the 1% chance of making it without chemo. I have no question. Abraham, I'm sorry you are going through this. I want you to know that I've been there kid, and I agree with you.

We are talking about a 16 year old young man. Someone who in my opinion is equipped to make decisions regarding their life and their body. It is very interesting how we apply responsibility to kids who are this age because if he murdered someone, he would be deemed accountable for his actions and be expected to pay for his crime. If he is old enough to be responsible for his actions then doesn't it makes sense that he is old enough to be responsible for what happens to his body too? Is he really not just automatically allowed to decide what enters his own veins? He certainly should be, I'd be on his side even if his parents weren't.

It all seems pretty cut and dry to me but the authorities where Abraham lives do not believe he has the right to choose what happens to his body. They believe they somehow have the right to intervene and force Abraham to endure the chemotherapy that they strongly feel will cure his disease. In the majority of cases chemotherapy is effective for Hodgkin's disease.

I wonder how this all happened, I have not found enough information about the story to say for sure but I imagine after Abraham declined chemotherapy treatments, someone on his medical team contacted social services. I'm a little cynical about our medical industry and I have to wonder if that call was placed in any part because the doctor was going to lose out on the money he would make from administering the chemo to Abraham. I hope I am off base and whoever made that call probably thinks they were doing what was best for Abraham. I just can't help but have the question about the money. Was it at all a factor?

None the less, social services got involved. Instead of concluding after talking to Abraham and his parents that Abraham has been through enough and if he wants to choose not to subject his body to more harsh chemotherapy, he has that right, they decided to charge his parents with medical neglect and sued them for joint custody of this 16 year old young man.

They decided that the decision to support their child in his desire to pursue medical practices they do not approve of was medical neglect. They were providing their child with what they think is valid medical treatment. Abraham's doctors do not feel that the treatment plan he has opted to pursue is effective but Abraham and his parents do. I believe it should end there. I am horrified that It didn't.

After winning joint custody of poor Abraham, the state was able to persuade a judge to rule that Abraham MUST have chemotherapy! Imagine what this young man must have been feeling when that decision came through. I wonder if the judge or any of those cases workers have ever endured chemotherapy "treatment". Abraham was told on a Friday that he must report to the hospital on Tuesday to start getting chemotherapy. He must have felt like he was just sentenced to death. I would have. I would have fled the country and never returned. Honestly.

Rather than fleeing, Abraham stood up and fought, appealing the court's decision. Think of what was happening within him while he went through this process. The range of emotions had to be astounding. Fear, anger, resentment, sadness, betrayal. None of these are good. This is a person who is already compromised, we all know this because he has already had chemotherapy and still has cancer. Even conventional medicine embraces the fact that negative emotions when the body is already compromised is a recipe for disaster. I can't tell you how many times I've been told a positive attitude is the most important factor in my health. How on earth is it possible to maintain a positive attitude when you've just been told that you have no choice about having a substance you are convinced will kill you pumped into your veins?

The weekend that Abraham endured after hearing a judge mandate what he felt was certain death must have been horrendous. I hope he was able to separate himself from his emotions somehow because the emotions he must have been experiencing were doing nothing to benefit the state of his health. Social services obviously didn't care what kind of stress they were putting on this young man, as far as they were concerned they were going to make sure he got the cure he deserved even though Abraham believes this "cure" would actually result in his death.

This really goes to the mind/body connection, which again, even conventional medicine embraces. If the mind is convinced of a certain outcome then that outcome is much more likely to occur. I cannot believe there were are so many people willing to discard Abraham's feelings and beliefs about how another round of chemotherapy would affect him. I am appalled. Abraham should have been focusing on taking care of himself, he should have had the opportunity to put himself in an environment that supports positive emotions. Instead, he was thrown into a court battle where even his parents rights to protect him were taken away. He has been forced to go through an unthinkable range of negative emotions which are undoubtedly creating chemicals (toxins) within his already fragile body. Gosh, this makes me angry and if this somehow gets to Abraham, I want him to know how strongly I feel that he is right. He should take control of his body, he should make choices that he feels are best for him, and he is doing the right thing - because he believes it is the right thing. The mind body connection cannot be denied.

Luckily, Abraham won his appeal and for now, he will not be forced to get chemotherapy treatments. The judge that made this decision also had enough sense to overturn the outrageous joint custody that social services had won. Thank God.

It doesn't end here though, instead of being able to focus on healing his body, and completely focus on finding joy in each day, Abraham still has another trial to look forward to. He still has to live each day until his next trial on August 16th wondering if he will be forced into having harsh chemotherapy drugs pumped into his blood stream. He must be furious. I sure am.

I just cannot understand why this is happening. My opinion is not shared by everyone though, maybe even some of you feel that I'm wrong. I found some message boards on the topic and many people, over half of the people on the message board, feel that the state is right. I'm paraphrasing but one person said "When he turns 18, he can decide to kill himself."

I am not normally willing to take an extremely strong stand on this website but today, for Abraham, I am. If you feel this child/young man should be forced to have this chemotherapy, I very strongly disagree and object. This is a very black and white situation as far as I am concerned and this kid should not have to go through any of this in addition to what he's already been through. I personally do not know much about Hoxsey and I may choose a different approach but it is not my decision to make. The only important thing is that Abraham feels Hoxsey is the appropriate treatment. It's wonderful that his parents support him in his choice, even if they didn't, I feel Abraham has every right to refuse the horrible effects that chemo can and because he's convinced, would likely have on him.

I believe parents should have the right to make medical decisions regarding their children in general. I believe that if they want to decline vaccinations because they think they can cause more harm than good, they should be able to make that choice. I believe that if they want to take their children to a chiropractor for a spinal adjustment when they have a cold instead of a pediatrician for antibiotics, they should have that right. I don't believe that people should be literally forced to subscribe to conventional practices if they do not believe those practices are the best for their children. Many people would argue with me and I believe there is some gray area here, room for discussion, but with this particular case I only see black and white.

First of all, we are talking about a 16 year old person, not a young child who is not capable of understanding the implications involved in their decision. This certainly is a lot for a 16 year old to handle but the fact is at that age you can weigh pros and cons, you can determine what the possible risks and rewards of different decisions are. Abraham is very aware that the medical community strongly feels his best chance of survival will come with chemotherapy treatments. He is also old enough to understand that his treatment of choice, Hoxsey, does not have medical studies to back up it's effectiveness. He knows that either way it is a risk and he is choosing which risk he wants to take. Abraham himself said, "This is my body that I'm supposed to take care of. I should have the right to tell someone what I want to do with this body." Abraham, I couldn't agree more, you should have that right.

Secondly, Abraham tried conventional wisdom already. He tried it their way, been there, done that and does not want to do it again. He gave chemo a shot. This is not a situation where he is denying conventional medicine right from the beginning. He already went through chemo once and not only did it not cure him, it left him weak and feeling like he was going to die. This is not always the outcome but unfortunately it was for Abraham. It makes perfect sense that Abraham would like to explore a different approach.

Lastly, Abraham has come to some very strong conclusions about what he wants and how he thinks certain things will affect his body. His mind is convinced that nutrition and Hoxsey are what is best for his situation and condition. Even if there is an 85% chance that he would recover fully with chemotherapy treatments, he believes that chemo will only cause him more harm. I feel that because he believes this, chemotherapy is more likely to adversely affect him. If he felt confident that it would work for him, then it's likely he'd be fine but he doesn't believe that. If he is forced to have this treatment, I know he will sit there during treatments feeling angry, hopeless, resentful and discouraged. This will not serve his body, it will not create and internal environment that supports anything close to healing but rather will exasperate the harmful effects of the toxins that are inherently involved with chemotherapy.

I wish Abraham the best of luck. His story is an important one. His upcoming victory on August 16th  will be a victory towards preserving the rights of all citizens in this country. It doesn't matter what you think about the type of treatment Abraham wants to undergo. You may believe there's no way it could be effective. It's none of your business any more than it is mine and certainly should not be the business of the county courts or any court.

The fact is that some people die from chemotherapy. Many people are helped and go on to live a long vibrant life, but not all of them do. There is a risk of death caused directly from chemotherapy. This fact alone should be enough to say that any person who is intelligent enough to do the research and feels confident enough to try something else, something where the risk of death is from only the disease, not the treatment, should be allowed to make that choice and then be left in peace to proceed with it.   

The only right decision the court can make on August 16th is to leave Abraham alone, otherwise we will lose one more battle in the war against our freedoms. This is a very personal decision and I fear a government that can force someone to accept medical treatment they do not wish to have, even if the statistics say it will likely save their life.

Teen Fights For His Right To Refuse Chemotherapy

Read This:

http://www.forbes.com/entrepreneurs/feeds/ap/2006/07/25/ap2903291.html

I am interested in your opinions.

Rant

    Are you a person who has benefited from natural remedies and medicines? Are you furious that your insurance company will not allow you to make choices regarding your health care and cover natural treatments that you know help you? Are you disgusted about how little research money has been dedicated to exploring natural cures? Do you laugh at the information you get from media sources regarding your health? You should.

    Do you feel like pharmaceuticals are abused in our medical system and you know there are less invasive natural things you can do that are just as effective without side effects? Do you feel like drugs should be reserved as a last case scenario? Wouldn’t it be nice to have that choice? If you prefer to try and eat blueberries and walnuts* instead of taking a pill for your cholesterol, shouldn’t insurance cover that?

    Okay, maybe insurance coverage for blue berries is too much, but shouldn’t you be able to talk to your doctor about this option? Shouldn't you be able to expect that he respond with a knowledgeable and respectful answer? *I feel like I have to put a disclaimer here and tell you that I am not saying blue berries and walnuts cure high cholesterol. My dad used them for his though, and it worked. He knows beyond a shadow of a doubt that his cholesterol improved because of them. He knows it works for him and isn’t that what matters? I think every one on earth could agree that what may work for one person can be detrimental to another. We are all very unique.

    When you burn your finger, do you go get a cutting off the Aloe Vera plant or do you grab the Neosporin? I get the Aloe plant. I have no idea what the studies say about the efficacy of Aloe Vera versus Neosporin. They could say that Neosporin heals burns 10 times faster. I don’t care. Aloe Vera works for me and it always has. It has no weird additives and is completely natural. I like that. I want to be able to choose to do that because I know it works for me and I know I will not get any harmful, debilitating, lethal, or toxic side effects from it.

    Many people prefer to use drugs to treat their illnesses and I have no problem with that. I just would rather not use them to treat mine if there are other options available. I believe we should have the freedom to choose what medical options work best for us and have the insurance companies pay for it. I also think that mainstream medical doctors should be encouraged to educate themselves regarding natural medicine, or at a minimum how specific nutrients can compliment their drugs. I believe they should present viable natural options along with drug options. Let the patient decide.

    Have you ever improved the symptoms of a common cold by increasing your vitamin C intake? Have you ever gone into a doctor because of a common cold? Did he tell you about the benefits vitamin C can have for some people on clearing up a cold faster? Did he give you a prescription for antibiotics? Did he tell you that there is not much he could do? I believe vitamin C can shorten the duration of a cold. I believe this because I have used it for this purpose my entire life (thanks Dad). Why can I go to a doctor and get antibiotics covered by my insurance but not vitamin C?

    That brings up another even scarier idea which is; what if American medicine did completely embrace the use of vitamins and minerals as possible medical cures? Would the FDA get involved and control them like they control drugs? Will it become the Food, Drug, and Vitamin Administration? Would you actually have to get a prescription for vitamin C? Would you only be able to get the amount recommended by the new FDVA even if you felt their daily recommended allowance was laughable? I wonder how far from reality that is. The thought terrifies me. Did you know that the current FDA recommended daily allowances (RDA’s) of vitamin and minerals are only what the body requires to avoid deficiency? The RDA’s are what you need just to prevent diseases like scurvy, not what you need for optimal health. People are so different and conditions within the body vary so much that it is impossible for the FDA to tell you what you need. Just enough to prevent severe deficiency is not enough for most people.

    I know there are millions of people out there who have benefited and been cured of disease by using methods that are not conventional. The list of suggestions people have given me is unending. Mainstream medicine discounts these improvements and cures by saying that the benefits are a result of the patient changing their lifestyle. This cracks me up for a couple of reasons. One is that if the patient improved his lifestyle as a part of the treatment he was using, what’s wrong with that? The conventional medical system has not motivated me to make significant lifestyle changes. They have discussed it with me but the information is vague and misleading. It was when I started educating myself about natural medicine, the importance of a truly natural diet, and how the body functions on a cellular level that I started to truly understand exactly how my lifestyle choices were impacting my overall well being that I became motivated to make changes.

    I’m new to this. I smoked like a chimney, worked 70+ hours a week a lot, ate whatever was available, drank alcohol, and rarely exercised for a long period of time. My plan was that I would abuse my body all I wanted until I was 30 years old and then I’d get super healthy. I remember actually planning this. I didn’t make it to 30 before my body said NO MORE. I ended up getting a cancer diagnosis at 27 years old. My body couldn’t handle all of that abuse, some people get away with abusing themselves well into their 60’s with no problem. I don’t know why and I am not going to dwell on it. Other people do take incredible care of themselves and still get sick; I don’t know why that is either.

    What I do know is that I see testimonials all the time from people whose medical conditions significantly improved once they reduced their medications and started embracing a diet, lifestyle, and natural supplements prescribed by natural medicine. The fact is that I believe I will only achieve wellness through a responsible and careful combination of drugs and natural remedies. I am exposed to a huge number of people that agree. I realize this is in part because I find myself fascinated by their stories and seek them out but in general, most of the people I know agree that things like Aloe Vera and vitamin C are beneficial and can be responsible alternatives to drugs.

    I have a condition called COPD or chronic obstructive pulmonary disease. This has been attributed only in part to my history of smoking. The severity of this condition increased significantly after my doctor gave me and my insurance company paid for a chemotherapy drug called Bleomycin. This drug not only caused my CODP to worsen but it has now become its own special brand of COPD. Often, oxygen therapy is beneficial for CODP but in cases that have a history of bleomycin exposure, it has shown that oxygen can not only cause more harm but the likelihood of death with oxygen therapy is significant. This makes medical procedures that may require anesthesia much more risky than they would have been and it rules out a possible natural treatment. This condition is dramatically improved in my case with the use of CoQ10 and NAC. One breaks up mucus and the other improves lung function, allowing for improved exercise. My doctors have given me a drug that they want me to inhale several times a day. The possible side effects of this drug are:

• tremor
• nervousness
• shakiness
• dizziness
• excitement
• headache
• difficulty falling asleep or staying asleep
• nosebleed
• increased appetite
• upset stomach
• vomiting
• stomach pain
• muscle cramps
• cough
• dry mouth (inhalation only)
• throat irritation (inhalation only)

Some side effects can be serious. The following symptoms are uncommon, but if you experience any of them, call your doctor immediately:

• rapid, pounding, or irregular heartbeat
• chest pain or discomfort
• severe rash
• hives
• itching
• increased difficulty breathing
• difficulty swallowing
• swelling of the face, throat, tongue, lips, eyes, hands, feet, ankles, or lower legs
• hoarseness

I prefer CoQ10 and NAC. I know they help me and they do not have side effects like the ones listed above that I copy and pasted here right from WebMD. If you would like to know more about NAC or CoQ10 read about them here:

http://www.vitacost.com/Science/hn/Supp/Coenzyme_Q10.htm#Side-Effects

http://www.vitacost.com/Science/hn/Supp/N_Acetyl_Cysteine.htm

    These supplements are expensive. There has been significant research to support what I am saying about them, they can help some people with COPD and I feel they help me. Why can’t I make the choice to avoid the possible side effects of the drug I have been prescribed and be supported by my medical team and insurance company in my choice to use a product with much less risk that provides me the benefit? At a minimum, why shouldn’t I be able to expect that my medical professionals at least discuss these alternatives with me? I found out about the benefit of these supplements through exhaustive research that I did on my own and with the help of natural medical professionals that my medical insurance does not cover.

    WHY? It is no less than infuriating, so infuriating in fact that I feel driven to do something about it. What though? What can I do about it? I am at an extreme disadvantage because I am not medically educated. I am not even a high school graduate, I have a GED. The knowledge I have is from research that I have done on the information super highway, the results I have personally experienced, the results of those I personally know, and from testimonials of people I find on the internet. I am not a technical writer so you will not find all of my sources listed at the end of this piece for the things I am talking about, some of them, the only valid source I have is my own experience. I personally know vitamin C is beneficial to me; I don’t need a medical report to confirm it. 

    Some people would ask you to believe that pursuing natural or alternative medicine at all is detrimental to the entire medical system. If you believe the people on quackwatch.com http://www.quackwatch.org/01QuackeryRelatedTopics/harmquack.html you will believe that pursuing any and all natural remedies for cancer causes a plethora of different problems. There is an economic backlash because countless dollars are invested in natural medicine where they should be invested in mainstream medicine. There are psychological problems caused to patients because they are given hope when they should be getting their affairs in order. The article above paints a grim picture of people being killed, disfigured, mislead and ripped off by natural medicine. The thing that I find most interesting is that it never mentions the misleading information, deaths, and disfigurements that are caused by conventional medicine. Conventional medicine does cause a lot of unnecessary death.

I use quackwatch fairly often in my research, I like to get information from both sides of the fence but I use it knowing that they feel any and all alternatives to conventional medicine are quackery, voodoo, or at best could not possibly be effective.

    I have read Kevin Trudeau's book, Natural Cures They Don't Want You To Know About and at first I thought that the picture he painted of deep corruption and greed was a little too much. Our government wouldn't really turn their head to natural remedies and non invasive, drug free approaches to health because the profit margin is so much lower with that approach. Or would they? The more I learn, the more I think that yes, our government, the pharmaceutical companies, the food companies, and the FDA have to be doing this to some extent. Otherwise, why would their focus in medicine be on the drugs you can take, with the risk of nasty side effects rather than the foods you can eat or not eat to approach the same problem? Do the drug companies want to see people curing themselves or even effectively treating their diseases with things like an improved diet, exercise, herbs, meditation, or bio electrical currents? I don't think so. What if there was no more cancer or diabetes because people learned right from the beginning exactly how to take care of themselves to avoid these diseases? This would not be good for the drug companies. For the drug company, there is big money in people's sickness. Big Money. I wonder how much of a factor that plays in the decisions they make about the drugs they manufacture.

    I've never really been one to buy into the huge conspiracy theories that I hear people talking about but it's really hard not to believe some of this now that I've lived it and I have actually been discouraged by mainstream medicine to use many of the natural things I do. It started from the very beginning when I asked my surgeon about using Aloe Vera on my huge scar to reduce it's appearance and aid in healing. He told me I could do that if I wanted to but that it was just voodoo (he actually said voodoo). This was early in my journey and I actually listened to him, I went and got the over the counter drug cream he recommended. Now I know, Aloe Vera would have worked just as well, if not better.

Now, admitting that I believe that "they" really don't want us to get well means that I am now one of those crazy conspiracy theorists that I used to giggle at. I hope you are to some extent as well because I believe it is a whole lot safer not to simply trust what the medical professionals are telling you. It's really not their fault, they were educated using the labs, equipment, and textbooks that were donated by the pharmaceutical companies. When faced with disease, look first and foremost to your diet and lifestyle. Mine was certainly not optimal and I imagine most people who are diagnosed with serious disease do not have an optimal diet and lifestyle.

    Don't get me wrong, reading this so far, you may think I never advise the use of drugs in treating disease and that is not the case. I do believe that many lives are saved with the use of drugs. I am currently using a medication that is absolutely helping my situation, but I am planning on getting off of it once I have helped my body heal enough so that I no longer require this drug to do what my body can do naturally once it's well enough. I know it's possible my body may never be well enough but right now, I choose to believe it will be. I believe this is the approach that all of us should take regarding the use of drugs. I believe most disease can be managed naturally and that drugs should be used as a temporary solution while you enhance your lifestyle to meet the needs your body now has or has always had but didn't demand until you were diagnosed with your "disease".

    I am only using one drug. Just one. I take something like 36 pills each day but they are vitamins, minerals, fish oils, enzymes, antioxidants, flavinoids, and the like. When I go to a new doctor they always ask for a list of my medications. When that list only consists of one item, they are surprised. Especially because I am doing really well, something that most of the people they see who have myelodysplasia cannot say. When I tell them one of the reasons I am doing so well is that I am not taking a long list of drugs, they know they are in for a difficult exam. They know I am not one of their "good patients" who is just going to listen to their instructions and follow them.

    I could be on a number of other drugs but I have found natural ways to manage the problems that they would be used for. Some of the drugs that the doctors have recommended along the way are steroids to suppress my immune system, as they too feel there may be some autoimmune things going on but I threw the idea of using steroids out the window almost immediately. Yes, it's possible that my immune system is attacking itself and it's possible that taking steroids to suppress it would cause my blood cells, particularly my platelet number to improve but at what cost? Steroids do suppress the immune system, something I think you should only attempt as a last resort. When your immune system is suppressed you become extremely susceptible to infection, steroids cause you not to sleep well, they cause digestive problems, and they cause weight gain because of water retention. If I took the steroids I would most likely then need to add sleeping pills, drugs to help digestion, water pills and probably more.

    They have recommended antidepressants because I have shown some signs of depression. The side effects of these drugs are again not sleeping well, reduced sex drive, and others. If I took the antidepressants they would quite likely prescribe a sleeping pill at the same time. I am using a combination of 5HTP and Melatonin to work with my depression. I have been using it for about 5 weeks and I do see the results. Melatonin has shown benefit in platelet production in studies conducted in Europe so I am killing 2 birds with one stone.

    I was having digestive issues and they prescribed a drug for IBS. I don't have IBS but they could not figure out what was going on. I filled the prescription but never took it because at the time I was having an acute digestive attack and my acupuncturist recommended making a ginger tea from ginger root. It cleared my problem right up. I don't know what side effects would have been caused by the IBS drug and what drug they would recommend I take to treat those side effects. Now, I am using digestive enzymes and I enjoy a nearly perfect digestive process.

    The list of drugs that I have been prescribed that I have not taken goes on, I won't continue to bore you with it. My point is that drugs are over prescribed and the side effects caused by them almost always require an additional drug which could again cause side effects that need to be treated with a drug. I have a friend who gets 22 prescriptions filled each month. I'm not willing to do this but I could easily have close to that many too.

    I don't even use pain medication anymore. I have been able to use meditation to treat my pain. Now, I have pain infrequently and it is not severe, I am not suggesting that all people who have pain could do this, I'm just saying that I can and I choose to rather than just pop a pill which is easier but it's a foreign substance that causes side effects and I would rather not put it in my body.

    I've gotten off track. I started this rant because I am hoping to find people who also feel that drugs are over prescribed and who have managed health concerns naturally. I am looking for people who are also scared about what is going to happen in the future with the FDA and vitamins and supplements. I want to do something to speak out. I want to join or organize a group that shares my concerns and influence changes in the medical community. I want to see more studies being conducted here in the U.S. regarding more natural approaches to medicine. I want to go to mainstream doctors and feel like they take these approaches as seriously as they do the medicine they prescribe. I want for our children (I don't have any but I love yours) to grow up with a different understanding of health and nutrition than we did. Please post a comment if you agree with any of the things I am ranting about.

    I have decided to get an education that backs up these new discoveries and beliefs I have. I am going to get a clinical nutritionist certificate from The Natural Healing Institute in Encinitas. I am dedicated to learning as much as I can and then trying to show others how beneficial this "natural stuff" can be. I hope I am already showing you by doing it. If you are already convinced, please post a comment, I want to hear from you!

 

New Healthier Products I Am Using

I get a lot of questions from people regarding what products I am using to replace old ones in my new diet and lifestyle. I thought I would share with you some of the things I have found.

Household Cleaners

CitraSolv is the all purpose cleaner I am using and it works great. It is natural and made with renewable plant based ingredients. It was on sale when I bought it so it was actually cheaper than 409 or Fantastic and it is non toxic so this benefits you and the environment because chemicals are not being introduced into the water supply when it gets washed down the drain.

Seventh Generation is the laundry detergent I am using. It has no chemicals or perfumes. It seems to work as well as tide and I also bought it on sale.

Personal Items/Toiletries

Avalon Organics makes a good line of shampoos, soaps, make-up, and lotions.

I purchased a WONDERFUL lotion (at Whole Foods) the other day made by a company called Allafia. It was more than I would usually pay for lotion but it is made with ingredients from West Africa and supports community enhancement programs in West Africa so I had to buy it. I was very pleased with it. It is made with Baobab and Shea. I got the Savanna Rose variety. Support the West Africans and you won't be disappointed with this product!

Crystal Stick body deodorant is great. It's simply a block of mineral salt that you dampen and apply under the arms. It really does keep the stink off while putting nothing unnatural on the skin. If you are using anti perspirant or heavy deodorants under your arms, please stop. Anti perspirant is really dangerous - you need to sweat to get rid of toxins but even deodorants are bad. The area under your arms has lymph nodes that do not like those chemicals you are subjecting them to!

A company called EO makes the best shampoos I have found. They lather up really nicely which some of the other organic brands do not.

Seasoning/Spices

Bragg Liquid Aminos is a great product for adding some flavor to your natural foods without adding a lot of sodium. It's made from vegetable protein from soy. It's a lot like soy sauce but better, it has 16 aminos that are crucial for good health. They help make the vitamins you eat work.

Nama Shoyu is an unpasteurized soy sauce which means the beneficial stuff has not been destroyed by heat.

Cumin is a great spice that I have added to my list of frequently used spices. If you already use it, you know how yummy it is, if not, try it. It provides good blood builders.

I'm not sure if it is available outside of California but there is this stuff simply called seasoning made by Lydia's Organics that I love. It's just dried veggies , herbs, and seeds that you add to salads or just about anything to give them more crunch and texture. Good Stuff.

Sweeteners

This is a topic of much confusion. It is generally believed that honey and some other more natural sweeteners are good for you. In very small amounts they may be good, or at least better, for "healthy" people but they still raise the glycemic index. You want to avoid doing this to yourself as much as possible. Artificial sweeteners are really bad (mom) and should be completely avoided no matter what your state of health is. When you raise the glycemic index, your body has to freak out to manage the sugar. I could go on but instead I will just share with you what sweeteners do not raise the glycemic index.

Zylitol - this is actually considered a dietary supplement and you will find it with all of the other supplements at Whole Foods or another health food store. The consistency is very much like sugar and it can be used in place of the sweeteners that you use in beverages or for cereals, etc.

Stevia - also considered a dietary supplement. I have only used it in the liquid form for beverages or to sweeten my homemade nut milks. I like it but it can have a strange aftertaste if you use too much.

Agave nectar - made from the agave plant (same place tequila comes from) which is often mistaken as a cactus. Dick and I recently learned while in Mexico that it is actually a part of the Lily family, like pineapple. It has the consistency of honey and can be used well when making cookies or other delightful treats. You will find it with the other sweeteners in the health food store.   

I will keep you updated about other wonderful products I find. Here's to your health!

It Just Keeps Getting Better!

Your investment in my health is paying off! Thank you all so much for your generous contributions to my quest for better health. You afforded me the opportunity to go to an amazing hospital that helped me pinpoint the most important factors in my overall care and it is paying off.

My doctor actually said; "There must be something to all this natural stuff you are doing." Now, if you knew my doctor, you would know how significant this statement is.

I am using a drug called Aranesp in addition to "all this natural stuff" and I know that it is helping but it was not providing all of the benefit that I am seeing now, after my trip to Sanoviv. Even my doctor admits this! I am thrilled.

On Friday when I went to the doctor, my blood looked better than it has since my diagnosis. It looked remarkably better, especially considering that it has been almost 3 months since my last blood transfusion. I was needing them every 3 weeks for awhile.

This is amazing to me. I knew that I would see results because of "all this natural stuff" but I didn't expect to see them so soon. I knew one day my doctor would admit that there was something to it but I didn't expect it to be within less than a month of returning home from Sanoviv! My doctor even went as far as to say that the specialists at Fred Hutchinson (the authority on myelodysplasia and the hospital I went to for a second opinion) would probably not believe how well I am doing. He said that it always makes him happy when he has to give a patient a grim prognosis and it turns out not to be true.

I am beating the odds right now. I am actually getting better instead of worse like they predicted. Amazing! Wonderful! Great! Some Pig (you may only understand this one if you are a fan of the book Charlotte's Web)! I can't come up with enough cool words to express how happy I am about this.

If you are suffering from any bone marrow condition or autoimmune disease (which is really what I think my condition is) please consider nutrition your most effective medicine. If you are suffering from any disease for that matter, please make improving your nutrition priority #1. Even if you are not sick, please consider the food (fuel) you are giving yourself and make the changes that you know you should. Follow the advice of the great Hippocrates and let your food be your medicine and your medicine be your food. I know that I have not yet proven this theory but I know in my heart I will continue to stay well, or at least better than predicted because I have made these serious changes in my diet. I have had to make sacrifices, there are some really wonderful tasting foods out there (cake, cookies, potato chips, candy, Ritz crackers, bacon and others) that I really do love but I am avoiding. While this is a sacrifice, I feel it is a very small one compared to getting up in the morning and feeling like I can live fully, I have enough energy to do not only what needs to be done but even some of the things I just want to do. 

Now, nutrition is not the only piece of this puzzle but it is the one that is most important. I have learned through trial and error that I cannot just eat healthfully when it is convenient for me. I have to be completely dedicated to putting only the highest quality, nutrient dense food into my mouth. There can be no cheating, it's not okay to eat crap once in awhile. Not in my case at least. If you enjoy good health, then you can afford to eat things that are not good for you once in awhile. I can't. I don't know how much of that is because I have convinced myself of it but I don't care.

The fact is that I am convinced my health is strongly dependent on the things I choose to put in my mouth. I am convinced that each time I choose to eat something that is not nutritious, I cause a minor setback within my body. I cause my body to have to work at processing food that is not providing my body any benefit. I believe that every time I put something in my mouth that is not highly nutritious I am taking away from where my body should be focused - repairing my bone marrow. I am choosing not to give my body any extra work. Processing unnatural, processed foods is a lot to ask your body to do, especially when it is already not performing optimally.

This does put a bit of a wrench in my social activities. I am not willing to go out to eat very often and if I do go out, I would prefer to go to an establishment that specializes in raw or at a minimum organic, vegetarian foods. This allows for few choices and choices that most people are not interested in. I think some of my friends look at my situation as if they are doing me a favor by encouraging me to eat the things I love (meat, pasta, cheese, and the like) once in a while. They feel it is good for my soul to let loose and really enjoy once in awhile. I understand the concept and I agree that nurturing the soul is very important but unfortunately nurturing it with "comfort foods" is a horrible choice for me right now. I can't cheat. Well, actually to be completely honest with you I do cheat sometimes. I ate 2 potato chips yesterday and even had a couple pieces of candy. I ate these things knowing that they were working against me. I have to be extremely careful about how much I cheat though because my mind is convinced that eating anything bad or even anything without high quality nutrition is causing work for my body that I should not be asking it to do. Whether the positive results are actually from the way I am eating or just that fact that I have convinced myself eating this way is providing results, I may never know. I don't care because I am getting results.

I love my friends and I love spending time with them. I am afraid that if I keep turning down their invitations to go out, they will quit inviting me and that would really bum me out. All I can do is ask that you bear with me and try to understand what I am trying to do. Please do not be offended by my unwillingness to eat "normal" food or even have just one glass of wine, something I only allow myself about once a month. I have myself convinced that this is what I need to do to maintain this wonderful energy I am currently experiencing. Please think of me when your activities do not include food and wine. I am sure at some point this new way of eating will become second nature and I will be much better equipped to make healthy choices at "normal" restaurants but for now it is just much safer for me to eat at home. I am working on developing a habit, which according to my research, takes about 6 months to do.

For those of you who may be suffering from an illness and are inspired by the approach I am taking (I hope there is at least one of you out there) there are some other things that I believe are contributing to my positive results. I have eliminated as many environmental toxins as possible. I believe this is yet another thing that adds work to my fragile body that it shouldn't have to do. The things I am doing to avoid toxins are eating only organic or at a minimum pesticide, hormone, and antibiotic free food. I have stopped using the wonderful non stick cookware that I own and I am using stainless steel instead. This makes me a worse cook because I am not experienced with stainless steel but I'll get the hang of it. All non stick cookware emits a small amount of toxins and it probably is not significant enough to make a difference for most people but I am erring on the side of caution. I am not using any commercial cleaners and I leave my house when they are being used. I am using only natural orange oil based cleaning products and chemical free laundry and dishwashing detergents. I am using organic, natural shampoos and other body products. They don't lather as well and I stink because I am not using deodorants but I know I am not putting any chemicals on my skin that I could not safely eat. Your skin absorbs everything you put on it and that crap goes directly into the blood stream - not good. I have purchased a very high quality vacuum with a HEAP filter and I am using it often. I am very aware of pollutants in the air as well and I stay away from enclosed parking garages, charcoal grills and the like. I have plans to do more but this is what I've done so far to eliminate any toxins that my body doesn't need so it does not have to do extra work to process them.

I am getting more exercises and I plan to continue until I can comfortably get at least 60 minutes of high quality exercise in each day. I am going to buy a rebounder (mini trampoline) to help with this as all of the experts say this is the best thing to do. It gets your lymph fluid moving which is what you want. Dick and I took the dog out with our bikes yesterday and she did an excellent  job of running next to me while I rode the bike so I think I'll work on perfecting that with her and try to teach her to pull me up any hills that are too much for me. I'll keep you posted, hopefully neither the dog or I will get hurt in the process. Dick and I are going to start doing yoga together as well.

I have also been doing deep breathing exercises. This is very calming and does a great job of helping me to relax. I need to do more of it and Dick and I are actually going to start doing some meditation as well.

Lastly, I think the most significant thing I have done, aside from making extreme dietary changes is adding enzymes to my list of supplements. The enzymes I am on are not approved in the U.S. because of the extreme cost the manufacturer ran into while doing clinical trials. They are very powerful and have even shown significant promise in reducing recurrence of tumors and aid in chemotherapy, in that they reduce side effects. Their main purpose though is in digestion. They help make the digestive process easier by helping to break down and process food. My digestion is better than it ever has been in my life since starting them. I didn't know how good the digestive system could work until I started taking them. This allows for my body's valuable resources to be used repairing my bone marrow instead of having to work on digestion. The enzymes I am taking are outrageously expensive ($515 per month) and they are one of the things I am using your generous donations for. If you want to try using enzymes as a part of your health regimen I strongly recommend them. The ones I am using are not available here, you have to get them from a physician in Mexico or Germany but there is a similar product available here called Wobenzymes (look for them at your local vitamin store) that may provide some of the benefit the Wobe Mugos I am taking do. They are not as potent as the ones I am getting and have not shown the benefits in cancer that the Wobe Mugos do but the digestive benefits are there and it may be worth checking out if you are suffering from disease. They won't hurt. Talk to your doctor about them id you have questions.

I can't wait to tell you about my continued success with these things as I know I will continue to have success with this program!   

If any of you are interested in a very high quality set of pots and pans, I have a set (18 pieces) of Anolon Advanced hard anodized non stick pots and pans for sale. They are probably the safest as far as non stick goes and not using them may be overkill but like I said, I would rather error on the side of caution. Please email me if you are interested in them. Kimmie, I know you want them but I really need to supplement the cost of my new stuff by selling them. I want $200 for the entire collection which includes a covered wok, steamer, utensils and much more.

   

Geographic Luck

When I woke up this morning I was lying in an extremely comfortable bed, next to a man that I adore, and I felt good. Unlike most of you, I didn’t even have to worry about getting up and going to work. I walked through my home, used the toilet in my cute little bathroom, and ate a wonderful organic banana. I talked to my sweet pets and checked my email. Just after I opened the bedroom blinds and watched the sunshine flow through the crystal sitting there, splattering rainbows around the room it struck me how lucky I am and how wonderful my life is.

Then my mind flashed to an image of a poor African child, a child with rags barely covering her body and flies on her face. I really started to consider just how lucky I am. I was born with my basic needs already met. I am an American with rights and responsibilities. I get to choose my path in life. My basic needs were met since the time I was born. I have never had to worry about food, clothing, shelter, or even safety for that matter. Actually, I have had to worry about it to some extent but the way I have worried about it has been very different from the way that baby in Africa worries about it.

I am lucky to have been born in America where we really enjoy a nicer set of problems than many people around the world do. I grew up in an average American household where money was tight but I always had my basic needs met. There were times when we lived with relatives or they lived with us and our home was cramped. We even had to go to the food bank a couple of times and drink powdered milk. I was mortified by some of the hand me downs I had to wear. I had government insurance glasses which were not pretty but I had glasses. I had real milk most of the time. I had clothes that were not torn up rags, they may not have been popular, but they were clean and in good condition.

I would have to say that most people born in America have always had their basic needs met or have at least had the opportunity to get them met. The resources are available to most people to get their very basic needs met; food, shelter, and clothing. Many parts of the world are not this lucky, not even close.

In other parts of the world there are grown people who have never known what it is like to use a toilet that flushes. Indoor plumbing is the last thing a person is worried about. Keeping their family safe; protecting their women from rape, their children from bullets, and their men from torture is priority #1. Then they have to worry about finding substance; food in a land where food is nearly impossible to acquire. If they can achieve this, their next mission I imagine would be building shelter to protect themselves from the elements. If they can achieve safety, food, and shelter then they have to find a way to keep themselves fed and healthy in the face of malnutrition and an out of control AIDS epidemic. They do not have the opportunity for education. They can’t just sign their kids up at the local public school.   

I not only had the opportunity to go to school as a child but there were choices about which school I wanted to go to for free. I could have earned a scholarship to go to college and even further my education. I had access to everything I possibly needed to learn to read and write. What an amazing gift I received just because I was born where I was.

I have never known what it is like to really need. I have done plenty of wanting while I thought I was needing but my perspective was through the eyes of someone who was born in the United States where I have really always expected that at a minimum, my very basic needs would be met. I feel I am entitled to them. I think most people who are born in America feel some entitlement to having the most basic of needs met.

The systems that are in place for the mentally ill, disabled, elderly, and drug addicts may be flawed but we are actually lucky enough to have an abundance of resources available, flawed as they are. As American children, we basically learn you have to get a job and go to work to get the money you need to pay for your house, car, food and all your things. The more money you make the better your life will be because you will be able to afford better things.

I wonder what I would learn growing up as a child in a place where hunger, disease, thirst, and fear were my reality. Would I ever be able to take things for granted like I do now? I think about how different my reality could be and I am thankful for my blessings. I wonder why I got so lucky. I don’t only have my basic needs met but I have abundance in my life. I am happy.

Having that experience this morning, made me realize that I have so much more than so many people. Thinking about people from other parts of the world who couldn’t even imagine eating 3 meals per day, sleeping in a comfortable bed, and indoor plumbing made me appreciate everything I have even more.

Who am I to be so blessed? I am simply geographically, in a better place. I not only have my basic needs met but I have so much beyond that. I have so many people that care for me and my well being. These people are wonderful and I am lucky enough to care about them in return. I have been given the opportunity to acquire the knowledge and I have the resources available to improve my health, in the face of a terminal disease, simply because I was born in a place where my basic needs have always been met and the people around me care enough and were able to help with any of my needs that have not been met, all I had to do is ask.

Do you ever think about this? Do you ever realize how lucky you are because of where you were born? In some places around the world these resources are simply not available. People there cannot expect that their government would simply intervene and meet their most basic needs. Those people spend their entire existence simply trying to survive. If they are unfortunate enough to get a deadly disease, they die. I imagine that I would most likely be dead if I were born in, let’s say Darfur. I don’t think the resources would be available for me to even get a diagnosis for my disease, let alone blood transfusions to treat it. I would have been weak and unable to function so my family would have no choice but to help make my dying as comfortable as possible.

Thinking about the struggles that other people around the world face, has made me realize that even the worst problems people face here, where it is almost impossible not to get your most basic needs met are a very different set of problems, a very different reality. I am ashamed of the times I have felt that life was unfair, especially when I felt that way because of material things that I wanted and could not get. I have at times in my life felt entitled to material things because I thought that I had worked hard enough to deserve them. I never really considered just how fortunate I was to actually have a job that paid me enough money to have a home with indoor plumbing. In some parts of the world having a job that pays you enough to not only eat and get access to medical care, but would also afford you the ability to sit on a toilet and flush is not even a part of the wildest dreams of the people.  

I guess it is all about perspective. I can’t really blame people who feel that life is unfair because they are driving some unreliable jalopy. Their perspective is that of a person who just happened to be lucky enough to be born in a place where they had all of their very basic needs met from the beginning of their life. They learned that it is their right to have them met.

There are a lot of people around the world who would give anything to have my set of problems. They would look at me and think I live like a queen. They would trade their problems for mine or probably yours without a second thought. I wish I could do something to directly help those people. I can’t. What I can do is appreciate all that I have. I can be completely aware of just how lucky I am. Each time I flip on a light switch I can remember that many people have never known what that is like. I can choose to never take my fortune for granted again.

If I am able to do this, to truly appreciate everything I have, I do not think I could ever be bold enough to want more. My basic needs are covered and I know they always will be no matter what happens. If I somehow became homeless and destitute I know that there are resources available and if I just choose to use them, it is very unlikely I will ever starve to death. Because my needs are met and I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, I have the luxury to develop my skills and intellect. What an amazing gift most of us have without even really understanding it.

Imagine what your life would be like if you were born into to one of the impoverished parts of the world. What would you complain about if you grew up there? Thinking about this just gave me an entirely new appreciation for all that I have. I suddenly feel like the luckiest woman on earth and that feels amazing. I don’t need any more than I have right now and honestly don’t really want any more than I have. I know some people that have so much more than I do but they are still not happy and they want so much more.

I find myself having an elevated sense of appreciation for everything today. The clothes I am wearing, the food I am eating, the sunshine I am enjoying, the car I am about to drive to the doctor’s office I am about to go to. I hope you feel as lucky as I do, it’s an amazing feeling.

Lucy

I told you about Lucy a while back. She's the homeless woman who took up residency in our driveway. She moved into our driveway because I helped her one day by giving her food and shoes. My heart went out to this woman because I felt that the only reason for her homelessness was that she is mentally ill. I am dismayed at how many mentally ill people there are roaming the streets of

San Diego

.

Lucy disappeared for awhile after we called the police on her and I thought that was the end of our homeless sheltering but she came back a few days ago. I had a short conversation with her right when she got back and learned that she had just gotten out of the hospital. She definitely seemed more mentally stable during this conversation although it was still apparent that she did not have an entire deck of cards, if you know what I mean.

I verified that she had been given medications in the hospital and that she was still taking them and she told me she had them and was indeed taking them. She also told me that she was getting a house and actually asked me to help her do this. I tried to explain there was nothing I could do. She seemed to think I could rent her an apartment, I think she actually thought I would rent her space in my own home.

This woman is all alone, she has no one to help her, or at least that's the way it appeared to me, looking at her situation. After the conversation we had regarding her desire to rent an apartment, I cleaned out my pantry and gave her a bunch of food that does not correspond with my new dietary restrictions. The food would have just gone bad if I had not have given it to her, at least this is how I justified feeding the woman, yet again.

Over the course of the next couple of days, it became apparent the she has not continued to take her meds. This was clear because her mental stability was becoming less and less as each day passed. She began having conversations with herself again and the things she was saying were becoming more and more bizarre.

She had completely moved into the driveway. Last time she was around, she simply slept in the driveway at night. Now, she had moved all of her things in the driveway and felt comfortable leaving them there while she went out and did whatever she was doing during the day and then would come back in the evenings to sleep. She was literally living in our driveway. I know I encouraged this by feeding her and giving her water. I even gave her some old pillows that I was on my way to take to Goodwill. I just didn't have the heart to chase this woman away, I wanted to help her, and while I knew she could not live in out driveway permanently, I thought she'd be okay until I figured out what to do with her.

Yesterday I went to the Laundromat to wash some things that would not fit in our compact washer and I ran into a woman that I know from my doctor's office. It turned out that she is working at a homeless shelter and I got a rundown of how they work. There are several shelters that will help this woman; she just has to be there early in the morning to sign up for a bed. I decided that I would take her to the one my friend works at early this morning.

Last night Lucy (not her real name but I never use real names when I tell you a story) slept in the driveway again and she kept Dickie and I awake a good part of the night because she was rambling on and talking very loudly. Dickie tolerated this because he knew I was planning on taking her to the shelter this morning. This morning comes and Lucy is not here, her stuff it but she is not. Then at about 6:45 she appeared briefly so I got up and scrambled to get dressed because if the shelter was going to be able to help her, she needed to be there by 7 AM. By the time I got dressed and went outside, she was gone.

I was determined to help this woman and my sweet husband because he was about to lose his patience with the situation so I got in my car and drove around looking for her. I found her and told her I was going to take her to a shelter. She said that she was fine; she was going to get her house today. I told her I was going to take her to a place that was going to help her do that so she got excited and got right in my car. When I told her I was taking her to Rachael's (the name of the shelter) she got upset. She said they won't have her there and she wasn't going. She just needed to make some phone calls and asked if she could use my phone.

I knew that I was not going to let her use my phone, I had taken enough risk already by putting her in my car, but I told her to come back in 30 minutes. I planned on calling the HOT team, a division of the police department that deals with homeless people to find out what I could do to help this woman since she wouldn't go to a shelter with me. I had to get her out of my driveway. I called the HOT team and they said my only real option was to get a restraining order against her. They said something about putting her under citizen's arrest (something I was not willing to try and do because I really don't know what Lucy is capable of and I was not about to get into a physical confrontation with her).

I knew she would be back to use the phone so I put 3 quarters and 3 dimes on my front porch and locked the porch door so I could talk to her through it when she returned. When she did return, she had a horrible bloody nose. Her nose was just gushing blood - bad. I asked her what happened and she told me she was pregnant and that she kept getting bloody noses because of it. She told me she just needed to use my phone. Through my screen gate, I pointed out the change that was sitting there and told her that was the best I could do for her. She could take the change and use the pay phone around the corner.

I also told her that she could not stay in my driveway, something I had already told her when I tried to take her to the shelter earlier. I told her that she had to take her things and leave right away. This was very difficult for me to do while she was standing there with her nose bleeding because I am one of those emotionally invested people. Other people’s issues personally affect me and my heart just wants to help. I listened to my head this morning rather than my heart because my husband did not get any sleep last night and I knew this could not continue, bloody nose or not.

She asked if she could get her things this evening and I told her no. She had to take them now and leave. She protested saying she could not carrying the stuff right now and she would come back later. I firmly told her that I had done everything I could for her and she had to leave now. I closed the door and came in the house. A few moments later I went and looked out the door to see what she was doing. She had left her purse (the one I gave her) and the change on my porch and was walking across the street.

I knew at this point that I had given her too much and she was not going to understand that I meant business unless I called the police which is what I did. I watched Lucy as I was on the phone with the officer go to the apartment building across the street and use their water spicket to clean up her nose. She was there for quite some time and by the time she returned the police were here.

The two police officers that came were extremely helpful. They are discouraged by the homeless population too, especially the mentally ill. They said that all of the asylums were closed down years ago and now there was no way for them to keep the mentally ill from roaming the streets. If they do not want to be in a shelter or hospital, it's their choice, they have the right to refuse help. Only if they are a threat to themselves or others could they be forced to go into the hospital and even then, they are only there usually for 72 hours.

One officer came in and talked to me while the other stayed outside with Lucy. He recommended I go outside with him to tell her that she is not welcome here, that way she would understand it was coming from me and not just the police. We went outside and the officer and I told Lucy she could not stay here. Lucy was upset with me and I can understand, after all two days ago I gave her food and pillows.

The officers called another unit to come and take Lucy somewhere - I don't know where but it was about 20 minutes before they arrived so the 4 of us - the two officers, Lucy, and I were all outside during this time. The officer asked Lucy why she would not go to the shelter I tried to take her to and she said she had to stay in this area. She said she bought a house around here from Jesus Christ, gave him the money order and everything. When the officer asked her where this house was she told him she did not know because now Jesus was in her private parts (her description was much more detailed) and only Janet Jackson knows where the house is now. If they could just find Janet Jackson all of this would be resolved.

I knew this woman was crazy but I never expected that story out of her. My goodness gracious. The other unit finally arrived and after scolding me for feeding and essentially encouraging this problem, they took her and her belongings (most of which I had given her) away. Now I have to go down to the police station and file a letter of authorization so they can just take action if they see her here without having to get our consent.

Now the problem of her living in my driveway and keeping Dickie and I awake at night has most likely been resolved but her problems remain. She is a homeless, crazy woman refusing to volunteer for the help that is available to her. No one can force her to take it and I believe she is not well enough to make that decision for herself.

Unfortunately, I agree that she should have that choice. When we start taking away people's freedom to choose we get into dangerous territory. I know that I want the freedom to choose whether I want medical attention or not. I actually believe this is one of the most important rights I have because I am ill. At some point I may be in a position where I do not agree with what the medical community wants me to do. Knowing that I have the right (even if I might have to fight for it) to choose not to do what the medical community wants me to gives me great piece of mind.

Should it be different for people who are mentally ill? No. Unfortunately it shouldn't because mental illness is sort of subjective and if those rights are taken away from the mentally ill who is to say that that medical community could not then say that I am mentally ill and therefore do not have the right to choose whether or not I want their help.

I am sure I will often wonder about Lucy, as I did while she was away. I will pray for her well being and hope that she does seek out the help that is available to her but that is all I can do. The bottom line is that she cannot live in my driveway. If she were my family member or someone that I knew personally, I would take care of her, but she is not.

Eve

n through her mental illness, I now know that she is aware of the help that is available to her and I know she can choose to accept it. If she chooses not to, then she will have to deal with the alternative which is being on the streets. I feel that I have gone beyond what most people would do for this person and it sort of bit me in the butt. Now I have to take my precious time to go to the police station and fill out forms to keep her out of my driveway.

Until this morning, I thought that my driveway was the safest option for her but I learned that there are a lot of resources out there that want to help her. I also know that she if fully aware of them, I just hope she will decide to use them.

Home Briefly

Hello friends. I imagine you are surprised to see a post from me because I told you I would be at Sanoviv. I was there and did their complete health evaluation and I can't wait to go back. Sanoviv is an amazing place and based on my experience so far, I would highly recommend it.

I had a little bit of a hard time when I first got there. I was really emotional. I had all these emotions about going and anticipation and anxiety about what it would be like. I felt like I was leaving home for the first time or something.  I was consumed with thoughts about the changes I was going to have to make in my life in order to maximize everything I was about to learn. My monthly visitor arrived just in time for my trip to Sanoviv as well so my emotions were really on the surface.

When I got there I was a wreck. I was choking back tears the entire time. I got changed into my Sonoviv attire and then got started on my schedule. First was the initial medical visit where we went over my history and had a physical exam. I was choking back tears the entire time. Then was a nutrition class where I discovered how much I still have to learn about optimal nutrition. Then was dinner of salad and an odd but tasty dressing. Then was another class about genomes, the study of DNA blue prints that can tell people years ahead of time what kind of diseases they may be prone to. Then they can take steps to increase certain nutrients and be extra careful to avoid certain toxins that may elevate the risks of that disease.

Then bedtime was a lonely and uncomfortable experience. The blanket was very heavy, the sheets seemed to have some weird sticking compound in them because I was sticking to them all night. I thought I would open the door to  get air and listen to the waves that were crashing just below my huge window but the waves were almost too loud and the breeze to cool and well, I didn't sleep well.

The first full day was Thursday, not a good first day if you like to chew your meals. Thursday is juice day. I was not prepared for this and in my fragile state of mind, the realization that I was going to have to drink my breakfast, lunch, and dinner caused me to have to choke back tears. This desire for something to chew was elevated when the people who were on modified diets got their breakfast of the most beautiful poached eggs I have ever seen and a wonderful looking spinach dish.

The next two days consisted of a lot of tests. They did a full blood workup, a chest exray, an abdominal ultrasound, an EKG, urine analysis, stool analysis (good times), dental exam, pulmonary function test, psychological evaluation, and fitness evaluation. This seems like an excellent protocol for diagnosing an overall person and I am very impressed that they have every piece of equipment under the same roof along with the incredible oceanfront living environment.

If Sanoviv doesn't promote wellness I don't know what could! Every piece of the puzzle is evaluated and treated. They have a nutrition plan that is so well orchestrated and taught to the patients that it would be impossible not to benefit from it. It's a no brainer. They have a meditation and spirituality program that helps you calm your spirit and promotes prayer and spiritual growth - another no brainer. They have a psychology department that helps you overcome any emotional issues. I think I may have a few emotional issues. They have a dental department that specializes in biological dentistry, the safest type of dentistry available. They have a fitness program that gives you individual and group training along with breathtaking pools - a definite no brainer. Their spa encompasses every spa treatment I am aware of and then a few, I already have myself scheduled for a reflexology foot treatment when I return, imagine being able to look at spa treatments as an important factor in your overall health care instead of a frivolous luxury.  They offer two classes daily, educating you about all kinds of issues relating to your health. The classes I attended while I was there were Nutrition, Forgiveness, Juicing, Sprouting, and I missed one about electricity and the body. Education is always a no brainer. I wonder what the outcome would be in American medicine if your hospital applied all of these techniques as a standard part of your treatment. Do you think more people would be healed?

Then we get to the actual "medical" part of it. They have a very compitent medical team that is well versed in all medical techniques. They employ additional, less conventional tests, and use them as a loose guideline for your treatment. Conventional doctors would call them quackery. These tests include iridology, bio-energetic testing, Digital Infared Thermal Imaging, and I'm not sure what conventional medicine thinks about darkfield blood analysis but that test was also used. In my case, none of these tests were used for diagnostic purposes but rather as a back up to the diagnoses because they all confirmed what we already knew. If that makes sense. I was amazed with the bio energetic testing because the report came back that I had a scar (which I do, a very large one) without ever touching or seeing my scar. They just poked my toes with this little device for a few minutes and a report came out. The test measured my organ vitality and it talked about a lot more than the scar, I was just amazed how it knew I had one.

The doctors look at the entire picture and make recommendations that they think would improve your overall condition. They use common sense approaches; diet, exercise, and stress reduction as well as medical techniques that are sound and effectively used in the united states and all over the world, and they use treatments that are not as widely used in the United States. The other patients that I encountered had wonderful results and several of them were feeling much better, with significant improvements in their health since their arrival. 

So you're dying to know, if it's so wonderful, why did I come home? Well, I was a bit overwhelmed. I wanted to come home and take a look at their plan of action, do some research, consult with my doctors and experts that I trust. I wanted to take my time and determine which treatments I do and which treatments I do not want to do. It's so cool how the no brainers are applied along with the other "medical" treatments by experts all at once. In their program you receive the nutrition, psychological support, spirituality,  stress reduction, and fitness that your doctor is always telling you that you need but doesn't really elaborate on. You learn exactly what all of that means and it is all provided for you in one wonderful place. 

I am returning to Sanoviv on Sunday. In the meantime, I have made appointments with my oncologist, my chiropractor, my acupuncturist, and a natural health expert that I trust to discuss the plan of action Sanoviv has given me. I want to make informed decisions about the recommendations they have made. So far, I am in almost complete agreement with their ideas. There are a couple of things that I am not sure about but I'm sure I will be able to make a confident decision soon.

I have tried to continue with as many aspects of the program as I can while I'm home. I have continued with the diet as much as possible, I have taken time to meditate daily, I have been using the supplements they provided, and I even scheduled a massage this week.

I am so glad to have this opportunity and I'm really glad that I came home after the medical evaluation to do some research before starting the medical program. I will go back there being confident about the treatments I am receiving and completely able to trust the whole program. I have a feeling I am going to be a seriously changed woman after my two week stay there. I think I am going to be a powerhouse of health, knowledge, and strength.

I'll keep you posted.

Geez, I've been busy!

My preparations for Sanoviv have kept me busy and away from you. I leave tomorrow morning! I also haven't really experienced anything interesting or exciting to tell you about - a writer's worst nightmare, I haven't been inspired to write about anything.

Of course, there are lots of topics constantly running through my mind; our homeless population, our disgraceful President, the genocide that's currently occurring in Darfur, our medical industry that's more focused on money than healing, and family values that seem to have disappeared from our culture to name a few but those are all pretty heavy topics. When I come back from Sanoviv and have more time, I'll share my opinions about all of those things if you'd like to hear them, but right now my focus has to be on getting well. That way I can come back, tackle these issues, and save the world. Someone has to.

For the last week, I have been making preparations both in the physical sense (packing, banking, running errands) and mentally (being really nervous and terribly excited about what lies ahead). I have my suitcase all packed and the contents of it seem quite strange for a 3 week trip. I have a small, half empty suitcase for my 3 week stay. Sanoviv has very strict rules about what I should and should not bring.

Some of the things on the do not bring list are shampoo, toothpaste, anything with fragrance, phone, computer, and jewelry. I can live with most of this, they provide shampoo and toothpaste and a break from the cell phone may be nice. I have a feeling I'll miss this computer. I write a lot, much of what I write you don't see. I use this computer, which has become my close friend to do my writing. In the last couple of days, I've been working on writing with good old pen and paper and I don't much like it. There's no backspace button or spell check which is very inconvenient and my hand isn't used to using its muscles in that way, it likes pushing these buttons a lot better. I am a little upset that I cannot bring my gorgeous wedding ring. I spend at least 10 minutes a day staring at it. I still can't believe after 3 years of having it that it really belongs to me. It's the ring I always dreamed of having and I will miss it. I'm considering tying a ribbon around my finger because I am very proud of being a married woman and I always feel strange when I don't have that symbol on my hand.

The list of things I should bring is very short and includes underwear (they provide the clothes), bathing suit, books, hair clips and not much else. I have added stationery so I can write letters, a camera so I can come back and show you how beautiful Sanoviv is, and an Ipod. The Ipod may not make it through their strict list of items I can have but I'm going to try. I loaded it up with lots of chick music to enjoy while I'm away.

I am thinking I will write a lot of letters while I'm there because there will not be very much else to do, which is great, I look forward to being isolated from the real world but I'm sure it will be challenging at times. It is possible that in a moment of weakness, I may write you and beg you to send me cheese, chocolate, or coffee but please, no matter how desperate I sound, don't do it!

It will be interesting to learn what things from the "real world" I miss the most. I know cheese will top the list as it is a huge weakness of mine but I'm not sure what other things I will find myself longing for. I'm hoping that any extreme withdrawals or cravings that I have will subside as the days go on and that as I am immersed in a completely healthy diet, those bad cravings will go away and my body will start to desire only things that are healthy.

Please write to me while I am away, I know it's only 3 weeks but for me it will be 3 weeks of not being able to do what I love to do the most, communicate with all of you! I know I'll be looking forward to hearing from my friends and family. You can send your letter to:

Sonoviv Medical Institute

C/O Crystal Montoya

2602-C Transportation Avenue

National City, CA 91950

If you write, I promise to reply! I can't wait to come back and tell you all about it! Thank you all so much for making this possible for me. When I really sit and think about your kindness and overwhelming generosity, it brings tears to my eyes. You're all so wonderful and I will never forget this opportunity you have given me.