Crystal Montoya

About this blog; my journey surviving bone marrow cancer naturally

I started this blog when I was so ill, reading and writing were the only things I could do effectively, okay; maybe I wasn't that effective at first. There is a hugemish mash of various information contained here and it sometimes may seem confusing. All I can say is, I was writing while learning, as I imagine I will continue to do for the rest of my life.

The beginning was in 2004 with a tumor on my ovary, an immature teratoma, which had grown to eight pounds by the time doctors took the pain I was describing seriously. At the time, I was a career orientated, twenty eight year old woman who followed a typical Standard American Diet (SAD).

Surgery and chemotherapy were a given and I do not exaggerate when I say I do not know how I survived the chemo. When it was all suppose to be over, I developed Myelodysplasia, a terminal bone marrow disease, with a 3-5 year prognosis. The treatment was a bone marrow transplant that I had about a 5% chance of surviving.

I decided to try alternative medicine instead. This blog is a collection of a lot of things about what I was going through and thinking about. It is not a how to guide for surviving cancer. I went to many experts in my quest for health, including a 3 week stay at a hospital in Mexico, called Sanoviv.

If you are suffering with any type of ill health, my suggestion is that you consult with a qualified naturopathic physician, an acupuncturist, a massage therapist, and anybody else that you think may be able to help you. Do not be afraid of what people think about your choice to explore natural medicine.

I have been completely fine for nearly four years now. I am a clinical nutritionist, and I do write about nutrition here but I also just blab, vent, explore, and have fun. It's sort of like a diary that I allow everyone to read. I currently disagree with myself about some of the things you may read here.

My current viewpoint on food and nutrition is pretty basic; eat real food. I do have a much shorter list of "foods" that qualify as real though, and I have offended more than one of my friends because they simply asked me if I wanted something to eat and my response to their offering was, "I'd rather go pick dandelions out of your yard and eat those, before I put that in my mouth."

You will not find anything here for sale but in the future, I hope you will consider buying my first book.

I am the San Diego Nutrition Examiner on Examiner.com and I encourage you to visit me there for short and informative articles regarding nutrition news, and the traditional approaches to diet and lifestyle, that I support. 

If you are a Natural Survivor then please join our group on Facebook.

Thank you for visiting!

Find me on Examiner.com!

 

I am the new San Diego Nutrition Examiner on Examiner.com. If you are interested in reading my short and to the point articles on everything nutrition related, please visit and subscribe to receive an update when I write something new.

Photo Credit Dallas News

Favorite Things

Restaurants:

The Burger Lounge is a San Diego burger joint that only serves Tall Grass Beef. They also use organic greens in their salads and offer an organic quinoa burger or turkey if you don’t want one of their delicious beef burgers. The onion rings are incredible so they can be forgiven for not being healthy; there are other healthier options on their modest menu. There are four locations to choose from and if you have not already been, it is high time you go!

Good On Ya Deli Good on Ya! is a deli that my husband found near his work. Their coffee is organic, they specialize in offering super food combinations and are open for breakfast and lunch. Three locations to check out.

I don’t do much eating out but one of the other places I feel comfortable going is Whole Foods. They normally have a decent selection of items in their prepared foods area when I am feeling lazy and don’t want to cook.

 

Cooking/Food:

I use All Recipes to find recipes almost everyday. The collection of recipes on this site is vast. Most of the time I have to make some sort of adjustment to the original recipe to make it comply with my standards but it is a great resource to find a base for a recipe and then you can adjust from there.

I just discovered that you can purchase Tall Grass Beef directly from their website TallGrass Beef. I just placed my first order! This is actually healthy beef - really it is.

Gluten Free:

I have recently discovered that I am sensitive to gluten which is a protein found in wheat. If you have unexplained digestive symptoms or a rash you cannot explain then it is possible you are sensitive to gluten too. I would suggest eliminating it from your diet for about four weeks to see if your symptoms improve. I am feeling so much better. Luckily, there are some brands that specialize in providing gluten free foods to make it a little easier.  My favorite brand so far is Pamela's, they've been helping people like me for 22 years and I like some of their recipes - with their baking mix, better than the recipe that would typically contain gluten.   Another good brand is Glutino.   Bob's Red Mill also has some good gluten free options and many other good products.

If you have wanted to check out a local Farmer’s Market but are not sure where to find one, Local Harvest can help you find one in your vicinity, all across the country.

Dick just bought This Oven for us to use while we are camping and I love, love, love it! It’s perfect for anyone who does not have a full size oven and even for people who do, to use during holidays when one oven is just never enough or as an alternative to heating things up in a microwave. I hate microwaves as I may just be crazy but I believe they damage the nutrients in your food even beyond what normal cooking does. This oven uses a combination of convection and infared heating. It takes 30% less time and uses 30% less energy and no need to defrost foods before starting. It is large enough to cook a very large chicken and it does so in 40 minutes.

The Earth Box is a great way for people who do not have a yard but do have a patio to grow some of their own veggies. I am able to plant way more in mine than I initially thought possible and when I have it planted (I am afraid I don’t right now but I’m getting on it), I can furnish all of the fresh greens we need for salads. 

Green Star is one of a couple of companies that makes good quality juicers. It is a masticating, rather than centrifugal so it does not create any heat (heat kills the enzymes which is one of the main reasons you would juice in the first place) and it extracts more juice.  

Sanoviv is Not a Scam

Many people find this blog because they have done a search to find out if the Medical facility in Mexico called Sanoviv is a scam. They find my blog because I have written about Sanoviv quite a bit throughout the past four years. I get requests occasionally to share more details about my experience with Sanoviv. I thought I had done in the past but that information must be difficult to find hidden within all of these random words. 

The short answer for the many people that stumble upon this blog because they have typed Sanoviv Scam into their search engine is that no, Sanoviv is nothing close to a scam. My life is far better than it would be if I had not gone, which is to say that it's quite possible I could be dead instead of cancer free. Sanoviv was life saving and wonderful as far as I am concerned. For those of you have requested that I share more details about my experience please read on.

It is extremely difficult for people to get past the idea of leaving the almighty United States to go to Mexico for superior medical care. I may have already lost some of you because you feel so strongly that it's simply impossible that better care exists in Mexico than here. Some of you have already discounted me as a quack and you can't wait to talk to your doctor about how there are actually kooks like me out there saying that better care exists in a Mexican clinic. If that is you then we simply will have to agree to disagree but I hope you will at least continue to read my story so maybe you can understand why I have come to that conclusion. 

In May of 2004 I was diagnosed with and 8 pound tumor on my ovary, not ovarian cancer but a cancerous tumor on my ovary called an immature teratoma. I required extensive surgery and then endured four rounds of very aggressive chemotherapy that I may or may not have really needed, I am honestly not sure. During that time I had a couple of very close friends trying to steer me towards the alternative or basically dietary approach to fighting this disease. Let me go back and say about chemotherapy, sometimes it is extremely successful and makes sense for people to do. Sometimes the statistics fully suggest that the long term survival rate with chemotherapy treatment far exceeds the long term survival rate without the chemotherapy. That was not the case in my situation, it was borderline but normally in a borderline case they will error on the side of "caution" which means proceeding with preventative or "just to make sure" chemotherapy.

Nothing to it

I sort of have this "get out of  jail free" or "give me a break" card that I go back and forth on how I feel about using. All I have to say is "I have survived two cancers" and people pause and typically decide to give me a break. Just the other day, I missed a medical bill among all of the medical bills I get. Insurance reimbursements and medical bills and explanations of benefits all start to blend together after awhile. You have to be diligent in matching things up or you'll miss stuff. I'm not the most organized bee in the hive. 

Maybe if you just go in for your annual checkup you don't experience this pile up of insurance brain damage but when you are cured of an Immature Teratoma, in remission from Myelodysplasia, and currently have Lymphedema, Sciatica, COPD, Celiac, Eczema, Migraines, and a possible urinary tract infection the bills sort of pour in.  So sue me - I missed one. Well, they weren't going to sue me but they were going to send me to collections so I called and explained how difficult it is for me to keep track of it all. I told the girl how I have survived two cancers and it's just so hard for me now to focus on this stuff...She was incredibly helpful. She couldn't actually help me - I had to get it cleared up through the collection company but it got cleared up. This girl called me back a couple of hours later though because she really wanted to help me. She felt moved enough by the simple fact that I have had some serious struggles that she wanted to do everything she could to help me. She still couldn't do anything but she really tried and expressed great relief when I told her the collection company was also extremely helpful. Wow. Try and get that sort of experience without the cancer card.  

Some people though...some people will accuse you of lying about something like this just to get a break, others will... well, that's another thought completely. I was trying to tell you about this little tool I now have that I did not used to have. It has made my life easier; people generally have compassion and I've had cancer - twice, unlike 80% of the population so 80% - well you have to assume 20% are assholes so that leaves 60% - so... 60% are going to empathize and show compassion. Not horrible odds.  That number by the way, came right out of my ass - I have no idea what the number is. It's getting bigger though, cancer is still on the rise - even with all the millions and millions and millions of dollars that have gone into it. Suzanne Summers and I and many others have been trying to tell you it don't cost that much but you just won't listen. Again, getting off track here. Cancer is going to surpass Heart Disease as the #1 killer in America. So pretty soon, my sob story may not be so special.    

Here's to Kim

There is a saying that goes something like: "People come into your life for either a reason, a season, or a lifetime." I guess reason people show up to help you out with something, or so you can help them with something. Something immediate and then that person leaves as quickly as they come. Season people are there to teach you something or so you can teach them. They'll be around for a little while but the relationship will just naturally run it's course once the season you or they need help with passes. 

It's the lifetime people that I am thinking of this morning. These are the true blue, by your side, through thick and thin kind of relationships. Parents normally fall into this category, sometimes a mentor will stay in your life always and if you're really lucky you may find a few lifetime friends. 

I recently listened to part of an audio book by Caroline Myss called Sacred Contracts. She suggests that all of this is completely premeditated and arranged before you are even born. She suggests that all of the major relationships and experiences you have in life have been discussed and decided upon by your soul. Something like all the souls that are ready to go to Earth get together and talk about what they need to learn in this life and what they are able to teach. 

One will ask to be available to help see someone through a difficult situation and another will say "I will go through that struggle for you so you can be available to help me." Adoption is probably a good example, here you have two sets of people, one who cannot have a child that they desperately want and another cannot give the child they are about to have all of the things they will need in life. According to Myss; this has all been prearranged and determined, there were things the souls involved needed to experience, they agreed to have that experience together and this is how it materialized. It's up to us to fulfill these contracts when we get here and you have to make the correct choices in life in order to be where you need to be to fulfill your contracts. Myss claims we don't remember any of these agreements that we made because we go through a complete cleansing of our memories of these agreements before we get here. 

I don't know if Myss is right or not but I hope she is. I like this entire concept and think it helps explain  why I've had some of the struggles I have. My soul needed to learn about these particular struggles, and hopefully my soul had a goal of helping to teach others something in the process. I am guessing some people are completely turned off by this concept as it is too new agey for them. Some people might even feel it is blasphemy. I plan to listen to the rest of the book. 

One of my lifetime people is my friend Kim. She called me on the phone at one of the apartment complexes I managed asking if I needed a maintenance supervisor. I actually did need one so she explained to me that I was going to give this job to her husband and she was right, I did give the job to her husband. At the time I thought Kim was a reason person - the reason she entered my life was to give me the most talented maintenance supervisor I have ever worked with. Thank you very much.

Kim and Sonny moved from Las Vegas to the apartment building in Seattle and they hit the place like a tornado. Within the first week Sonny was rewiring all of the fifty year old electrical panels and resurfacing the pool but I had better not even think about asking him to work more than five minutes of overtime, he would explain "My wife expects me home on time and I ain't gonna piss 'er off." Well, okey dokey then. If I had never met Kim, Sonny  would have had me believing she walked around with a whip within easy reach at all times, just ready to pounce if Sonny got out of line. For the first week or two, it's all I heard from him: "My wife ain't gonna be happy if my check ain't right." or "My wife ain't gonna be happy if I gotta go on a lot of after hours calls." 

Sonny just painted his wife as a wicked witch because it was a convenient way to get out of working overtime, it was easier to quote her to make sure his check was correct then to tell me that he is the one that is anxious about it. Sonny was hoping there would not be many after hours calls, Kim could really care less. I met Kim when I had to take something up to their apartment a week or so after they moved in. When she opened the door, her apartment had already been painted so at first I was looking beyond her at the Harley Davidson orange walls with tufts of white sponge paint pressed over it. It looked good. Kim looked at me and she gushed "Oh, you're so cute!" It wouldn't be until years later that I would understand the translation of that, which was "I hate you, you scrawny little bitch."

Healthcare

I can't believe that we are seriously considering a major overhaul to health care yet no one is actually talking about what health care is. The logical explanation of what health care is would be the act of caring for one's health yet in our world, the one we find ourselves in today, it means the exact opposite - caring for your illness is what you have in our system. 

Our whole system is set up to get you sick. When you talk about health care you must include food in the equation. You must also consider drugs, legal, illegal, and prescription because these are the factors that have caused Americans to become so sick. Again, I bring up the point that we have to stop the bleeding before we can revive the patient. I honestly do not believe the current faces in Washington should be trusted to construct something as important as how people obtain health insurance. I wouldn't trust the majority of them to watch my dog, let alone choose how my health care should be made available to me. 

I'm happy with my current health care but I understand there are people out there losing everything they have worked for because they don't have access to the care they need and we as Americans want to see that change. Unfortunately, one of the most important factors is not really being discussed - at least not in a very reasonable way. 

We are a nation of addicts. People are addicted to caffeine, high fructose corn syrup, alcohol, nicotine, exercise, artificial sweeteners, tanning, wheat - yes wheat, cell phones, the list goes on. Some addictions are more socially acceptable than others - an exercise addict is normally revered however, they are causing harm and stress to their bodies. All addictions can lead to health issues but some are clearly worse than others. I think Tobacco, High Fructose Corn Syrup, and Alcohol most likely cause the most severe health consequences. The only thing I'm hearing about addressing these concerns is taxing them and charging overweight people and smokers more (up to 50% more) for their insurance. I'm all about taking personal responsibility and I think charging more for smokers is logical but smokers aren't the only addicts destroying their health. Smokers already pay significant taxes for their habit and they are still addicted and buying cigarettes legally, at any corner store. 

Of course high fructose corn syrup (HFCS) isn't even discussed when we talk about addicts and the harm this product is having on our health. The food giants aren't ready to concede that HFCS is killing people and if they simply used sugar there would be fewer obesity problems. HFCS should never have been legalized. 

Cigarettes should no longer be legal. Why would we continue selling a product that is so deadly? Crack is illegal, heroine is illegal, cigarettes are just as addictive and even more deadly because they are widely available. 

I do struggle a little with this idea because I do believe in personal freedom. I want to retain as much personal freedom as possible. I think that God gave us free will for a reason, He wants us to fulfill or not fulfill our own destinies as a choice. However in a free society there has to be law and that law has to be enforced or people can too easily take advantage of other people. I believe we have come to a point with tobacco that it is clearly big business being allowed to take advantage of the people. Why is this product still available? Some smokers may not agree with me, they may tell you that they smoke because they like it but they aren't being honest with themselves, they smoke because they are addicted to it. With the few exceptions of people who smoke socially - people smoke because they are addicted and it is a really tough addiction to break.

I am guessing that if cigarettes were no longer available legally then many people would just be forced to quit. I can't see my grandma going to the black market to purchase smokes. I am also guessing that if HFCS was no longer considered a safe ingredient (which it should not be) and food companies would have to go to plain old sugar - the price would go up. This would help our obesity crisis in several ways - food companies would have to start using less of the stuff that makes everything so sweet and people would buy less junk and more food because the junk would no longer be the cheapest alternative. Additionally when they did buy junk it would be natural sugar rather than this bizarre chemical compound that throws the liver into a tailspin and agitates the entire system into obesity and diabetes. There would still be obesity and diabetes - just less of it - which is suppose to be our ultimate goal. 

The freedom movement might balk at this illegal tobacco and HFCS idea - "we should have the freedom to make these choices if we want!" Well, I do believe in preserving freedoms but tobacco and HFCS as well as artificial sweeteners but I'll get into that another time - these things serve no one except big tobacco and big food. They are the two biggest causes of our health crises. They have absolutely no potential benefit to society. They are legalized crack. 

What about alcohol? Alcohol can actually have some benefit and I believe there is a place for alcohol in our society. However many Americans are addicted to alcohol and they abuse it. They increase their risk of liver cirrhosis, heart disease, diabetes and lots of other expensive health problems. Why aren't they recommending that alcoholics pay up to 50% more for health care? This presents a burden to the system. Or what about people who are allergic to wheat, they can develop leaky gut, crone's disease, eczema, and a list of other issues. This is one of the most under diagnosed problems facing Americans today. People with this problem actually become addicted to endorphins that are released to mask the pain they are in after eating wheat - without even realizing it they are addicted to the very thing that is making them sick. The problem here is the the medical industry is way behind in the role that foods play in our health. 

They are not diagnosing these issues because they don't really understand them because the drug companies provide most of the ongoing education they receive. It's not profitable for the drug company if a condition can be cured by taking away a food. That is why the FDA (who works for the food and drug companies, not the American people) voted in an actual law that says only a drug can treat a disease. Only a drug can treat a disease. OMG what a crock - so if I became deficient in B vitamins and developed Beri Beri then my doctor could not legally prescribe more salmon, sweet peppers, leafy greens, and asparagus. 

The foundation of how we approach preserving our health is cracked. If you are going to charge fat people and smokers more for their insurance than shouldn't you also charge all of the other addicts more too? How about the guy that overuses pain drugs - why doesn't he have to pay more?  Wouldn't it make more sense to cut off the supply of these retched products? Seriously why are cigarettes legal? Who could possibly benefit from it? Why is HFCS considered a safe food when 50 years of study proves it makes people very very sick. 

I really feel that I could ask questions all day long like this; for instance why do we need to pass any motion in congress to start cleaning up the waste in Medicare - if there really are millions of dollars being used inappropriately then why don't we just start working on that right away?

Did you know that medicare does not cover people that have lymphedema in their legs? If you have it in your arm, you're covered because of breast cancer legislation but us poor folks that have it in the leg are screwed if we have medicare. This is what they would let happen to people rather than cover the therapy and supplies that are needed to prevent this.  

Glad I don't have to rely solely on Medicare and I certainly hope I never do. I like wearing pants and believe my ability to do so should be a covered expense. 

     

Update

I just realized how long it has actually been since I've posted to my blog and decided to take a couple of minutes to update it. I have gotten several recent emails from people reaching out regarding their health or that of a family member and in most of the emails people try to tactfully ask if I'm still alive or if my story is still as positive as it was at the time of my last post. The answer is that I am actually very much alive and yes I still have positive news to report. I don't know if I am actually in remission from MDS because I refuse to submit to another painful bone marrow biopsy. I don't need to know if I am in remission for my own peace of mind.I no longer need treatments for MDS and I don't seem to have any symptoms from it either so that's good enough for me.

My story is wonderfully positive but I do still have challenges with my health and I know my health will always be something that I need to guard closely. We should all try to. I'm certainly not perfect but my lifestyle choices are far better than they used to be and that's why I'm doing okay instead of "no longer in this realm" as one email-er recently wrote when trying to find out if I'd kicked the bucket or not. One of the most liberating things about the fear you experience when you face certain death is that you come to accept without fear that death is certain. I think this has been the most positive thing I've learned and I hope that all people can somehow come to this understanding and peace about death while they are still living. When you stop worrying about dying then you are free to really start living. When the idea that your life could end tomorrow becomes an actual in your face reality then you can't help but try to get as much enjoyment as you can out of all the moments you have. That is if you can get past the fear you have about dying tomorrow. I no longer have any fear of leaving this realm and I hope none of you do either. I hope you live for this moment in time as much as you possibly can. Don't let life pass you by without enjoying it.

I'm sorry I took so long to add a post. I am happy to report that I am still in this realm and getting back to a more normal life. I live in the moment as much as possible. I continue to spend time educating myself, I take long walks with ourdogs almost daily, I pack Dickie's lunch most mornings and cook dinner nearly every evening. I keep our house tidy and I like to crochet.  I work really part time at Whole Foods and although it's hard work for me I really enjoy it. I keep a journal and I practice yoga. I've been doing a lot of reading and I am almost a guitar hero expert.

I do still have my challenges; my left leg swells and becomes painful due to a condition called lymph-edema that I developed because they removed so many lymph nodes during surgery. I have to spend a lot of time (about 2 hours per day) keeping the fluid drained and I have to wear very uncomfortable compression stockings during the day - it's a bitch but so far I've been able to manage it okay. If you google lymph-edema and look at the images you will see some horror stories about what can happen with lymph-edema so I'm always aware of preventing that. I get chronic sciatica (horrible pain in my hips) probably because I favor one leg overr theother which throws my alignment off. I also think that I still have pain from the repeated bone marrow biopsies that I previously had. I go to the chiropractor, sometimes massage, and some nights I actually have to break down and take a drug so I can sleep which I hate doing.

I get tired, I nap most days and consider my sleep sacred, I know I need more than average. My digestion is extremely sensitive to stress and I just have to avoid major stressin order to avoid prolonged and frequent toilet visits (TMI - sorry). Avoiding stress isn't't easy because sometimes you just don't know what a day will bring. I almost get migraines meaning I get auras but most of the time I can avoid the headache. Every once in awhile though it gets me - I never understood a migraine before, I had no compassion for my employees who told me they had migraines so I think that may be why I had the pleasure of my ffirst one a couple of years ago - Karma will getcha. 

So, I'm not going to be able to go back to a full work schedule anytime real soon but I'm hanging in there. I'm happy. I'm generally healthy - way better than when I couldn't even stand long enough to shower. I try not to complain and just do the best I can. I've had a lot of challenges but I've had more blessings and I choose to focus on those because I know the things I focus on are the things that will multiply.  

I'm still as disgusted as ever with food and drug companies. I still do not trust the media, I still question everything and sometimes get so much conflicting information that my head spins. I am horrified that we had yet another epidemic - this time salmonella in peanuts that is killing innocent kids. Will our food ever be safe or is just going to continue to get worse?

I'm also getting frustrated with the industry that I most align myself with. The natural products industry has some really stellar companies producing exceptional quality products and then there's a bunch of crap with a label claiming it's "natural". As if it's actually good for you because it qualifies under the loose interpretation of the word natural.

Acai is probably the biggest roll my eyes supplement that every body wants to buy right now. There area bunch of companies selling it with only a few that are worth anything. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acai; it is a very potent antioxidant but I have had person after person come into Whole Foods looking for the stuff because they believe it is the answer to all of their health concerns. The only food in the basket is "organic" mac-n-cheese, ice cream, frozen pizza, and cheerios but they think the reason they don't feel well or are over weight is from a lack of acai. Acai has never been a part of most people's diet until very recently, the majority of humans lived their whole life without dying from acai deficiency. Now a lot of people do feel good taking acai, don't get me wrong, I just think they may feel better if they added even 5 servings of fresh produce to their daily diet (you're suppose to get 7-9 servings of produce each day).

How I'm Surviving a Terminal Disease

In May of 2005 I was sitting in the office of the world’s leading hematologist while he gently explained to me, my mother, and my husband that there simply was no hope for my situation. I had a terminal bone marrow disease called myelodysplasia and the only cure was a bone marrow transplant that I would almost certainly not survive due to my previous exposure to chemotherapy drugs and the damage they had caused to my vital organs.

This was the third hematologist that I had consulted with and they all had the same opinion. It was in this moment, in this office with my husband and mother sitting next to me crying that I decided I would no longer take the advice of my medical professionals. I simply did not believe death was the most likely outcome. I honestly felt like my doctors did not have any real hope to offer me so I chose to take myself out of their care.

I decided that I was going to start making the decisions regarding my healthcare. Up to that point I did what the doctors recommended with very few questions. I decided which drugs I would choose to try and when I would use them. I decided only to use one drug to support my blood levels and reduce the number of blood transfusions that I needed. I also decided that I would get a blood transfusion only when I felt I needed one. The drug or the transfusions were not something that could provide a cure for my condition; only support me while I slowly died. Some of the doctors did recommend that I try some experimental drugs and one of them even wanted me to attempt a bone marrow transplant even though she felt that I only had a 5% chance of surviving it.

The way I see it is when you are very sick and medical doctors have no reliable help to offer, you can do one of a few things; you can trust that the doctors are right and subject yourself to experimental treatments or go home to die. In my case doctors predicted that I have no more than 5 years. The other option is to make a choice and figure out how to live. I chose to live.

Making that choice was actually not very popular with most of my family at first. My decision to basically give up on conventional medicine meant that I had to truly embrace holistic or alternative medicine in my treatment plan. Unfortunately there are a lot of unethical and greedy people in the world who live off of feeding on the desperate and dying. There is understandably a lot of skepticism when it comes to the world of alternative medicine. It took my family awhile to trust that I would be able to weed out the vultures and find the real medicine in alternative approaches. They questioned whether there even is any real medicine in alternative approaches.

I didn’t care much about their skepticism; I knew I only had one option; to make myself well again. I was not even 30 years old yet and I had already survived an 8 pound tumor, massive surgery, and aggressive chemotherapy treatments. I would survive this too. I decided the thing to do was focus on building my health rather than fighting my disease. The research I was doing led me to recognize that the alternative approach was to treat the overall person and not simply the symptoms that the person is experiencing.

It may sound like building health and fighting disease are the same things but they are not. The difference is in the way you think. This is huge when considering your overall health. Our thoughts can be very toxic and they can draw in the very thing you are trying to avoid. Instead of thinking that I did not want to be sick I started thinking and visualizing myself being well. When I took a supplement, I did not think I was fighting my bone marrow disease, I thought that I was supporting my bone marrow health.

What started happening was simply amazing, after doing a lot of research on my own and consulting with several holistic professionals including nutritionists, herbalists, acupuncturists, chiropractors, and massage therapists I started incorporating some major changes in my lifestyle. I found myself at odds with a lot of the truths that I had carried with me my entire life. I assumed that my laundry detergent was harmless, my microwave was safe, and that the food I was buying in my supermarket was healthy especially when the label told me it was. Now I don’t believe any of that.

I did away with all of my conventional cleaners, stopped using the microwave, no longer used any make up and most skin care products, and even quit wearing a bra. I did all of these things because I came across disturbing information regarding their dangers in my research. I started to feel like the conspiracy theorists that I used to laugh at. My perception of what is safe for human consumption and exposure changed dramatically. It only took a couple of well written books to make me truly understand just how toxic today’s world is.

The nutritionists that I had been consulting with recommended a very specific diet and I followed it to the best of my ability. They also recommended a boat load of supplements; some of them the most terrible tasting stuff that I had ever put in my mouth. I also started practicing yoga, deep breathing exercises, and I started attempting to meditate – something that sounds easier than it is.

After about 6 months I started to get a little better. I needed fewer blood transfusions and fewer injections to maintain my blood levels. My conventional doctors were intrigued and my holistic professionals were not surprised. I was still not completely well though and I felt like I needed a more complete team to evaluate my situation and offer me guidance. I had also heard about the cancer clinics in Mexico that according to holistic medicine were achieving great success. Conventional wisdom disputed this and maintains that alternative cancer clinics do more harm than good. I was curious and I wanted to see for myself.

One of my nutritionist recommended a clinic in Mexico called Sanoviv. Sanoviv is a full service hospital that combines the best of conventional and alternative medicine. I was especially interested in some of the things that they offered that were not approved by the FDA in the United States, I wanted to go outside of the country because I specifically wanted access to the things that were illegal here if I needed them. I did some research and I went to visit Sanoviv with my husband. It was amazing, they offered exactly what our hospitals should offer; one facility that covered medicine, diet, mental health, stress management, physical health, and patient education.

With resistance from my friends, family and medical doctors I made plans to go. The resistance came because most people have a very hard time believing that it is possible to find superior medical treatment outside of the United States where many citizens believe they enjoy the best health care in the world. The cost was $21,000 for Sanoviv’s 3 week intensive program. This is a lot of money but compared to what my insurance companies and I had already paid (over a million dollars) it was chump change. Chump change that we did not have and that my family must have thought I was nuts for considering paying. With that said, there was still little hope otherwise so we set out to gather up the money. I had over a third of it in my 401K program that I cashed out and then we did a fund raiser that included flyers, internet advertisement, and a huge yard sale. People are so amazing that within 3 months I had all of the money I needed to go. This would not have been possible without the many friends and strangers that donated their time, services, and hard earned money for the cause. I can’t thank them and all of my family enough.

That trip to Sanoviv saved my life. They helped me put together the pieces of the puzzle that I was missing and with their help I learned how to truly take care of my health in a way that I would never have been able to learn at that time here. I did not end up needing any of the approaches that are illegal here and surprisingly it didn’t take a whole lot to provoke serious healing. We used specific enzymes, organic raw vegetarian diet, meditation, wheat grass, enemas, vitamins, specific supplements, and some other basic approaches. I received a wealth of education and I left the facility feeling healthier than I ever remember feeling. This is the approach that worked for me. Sanoviv does extensive testing to determine this and their protocols are different for each person. I believe this is the best and safest way to practice medicine.

That was in June of 2006 and now a year and a half later I am still remarkably well. I have not used a single medication nor have I even been close to needing a blood transfusion ever since. My CBC (complete blood count) looks exactly like a healthy person’s CBC. Most of my doctors believe this is nothing more than a spontaneous remission and probably not influenced by the many serious changes I have made to my lifestyle. I was not involved in a clinical trial so I cannot say that my improved health is related to my alternative approach but I believe in my heart that it is.

I have continued to study nutrition and I am now a certified holistic nutritionist and I am on my way to becoming a master herbalist. I am a walking encyclopedia in regard to maintaining and reclaiming health naturally. Now I want to share the knowledge that I have accumulated and help people understand that there is more than just medication involved in maintaining and building health. I want to help to truly educate people about what is and what is not healthy for their body and lifestyle.

I absolutely do not recommend that anyone quit seeing their doctors or quit taking their medications. I do encourage people to broaden their health care approach to include a truly healthy diet and supportive lifestyle. I encourage people to hire a professional who is passionate about helping people find the right diet for them. Generally, medical doctors will admit that they do not have a lot of training in nutrition, they are not aware of just how effective dietary changes can be or exactly what changes would benefit their patients most.

As a cancer survivor and a certified nutritionist I hope to see a future where we are able to prevent many of the deadly diseases that affect us today through eliminating harmful toxins and by improving our nutrition and lifestyle. I feel like I am living proof of this possibility and I meet other people who beat the odds in the same manner that I have almost everyday.

Unfortunately there are still people out there who die of terrible diseases everyday even though they are doing everything their doctor recommends and their diet and lifestyle are perfect. I don’t know why this is, it seems unfair.

There are still many people who could understand nutrition on a much deeper level and if they did they would have a better quality of life. I feel very lucky to have the opportunity to help bring that understanding to others. If you would have told me 5 years ago that I would become a complete health nut I would have told you that you were completely crazy. Now I know that I owe my life to some great health nuts and I’m proud to be considered one myself.

Happy New Year!

During this time of year; the holiday season, I think it is natural to reflect back on the previous year. While receiving and sending greeting cards, hearing news from people that you may only hear from once year, the lights, the music, the cool air, all reminders that the year is coming to an end and a new one is about to begin. Memories of the previous year pop into your head and memories of years before become refreshed and new in your mind, like that Christmas when I asked my mom for a cookbook and she responded by buying me two complete sets of vintage cookbooks from 1964. I love those cookbooks with all of their signs of sweet little homemakers before me using them to make wonderful food for their wonderful families.

Looking back at just this year and thinking about how far I have come is what motivated me to finally sit down and write. I am sorry I have been away for so long – no news is good news; I am doing amazingly well. I have way more energy than I did during the first half of the year and so many things going on; writing has been put on the back burner. I’ve sat down to write several times but as you know, I haven’t published anything in months.

This morning I was thinking back to a year ago and what I was doing. I realized that I was having blood transfusions every two weeks just a year ago. I was dying and the blood was the only thing keeping me alive, my body just wasn’t making enough of it on its own. I was still learning what it was going to take to find a place of healing in my life, what it was going to take to survive this. I was a little broken hearted and a little scared.

What a difference a half a year makes. Now I have forgotten the heart break, almost like I would imagine women forget the pain of child bearing, as a protective measure, so they will be able to face it once again if they need to. Fear means nothing to me anymore; I just don’t understand the concept of fear. I only know how to survive, which leaves little room for fear.

This last year seems like a lifetime, I have come to know and understand so much more than I did before. I have made incredible changes in my life and now I try to live in harmony with the rest of the world as much as I can. It’s all energy and you can very much determine what kind of energy impacts your life. Many people don’t get this and when I try to talk to people about it I either get a glazed over look, one of pity almost because I am so crazy or I get people trying to argue with me that it’s not all just energy; that this computer I am typing on is real; concrete, physical, and more than just energy. It’s not though; it’s simply a different form of energy. Energy was used to dream it up, to design it, and to manufacture it. Energy is involved in running it, using it, and even when it’s dead and gone, no longer working, it will be nothing more than energy. I won’t go on about this, many of you are probably reading this with pity because you believe I have lost my marbles, you may be thinking that I used to be so smart, so sharp, and so successful. Many of you may be remembering just how seriously I used to take everything, my career, my clothes, my model quality apartment, and even my time. Some of you have known me long enough to see me go from taking everything seriously to not really getting too concerned about much at all. I love my new casual attitude and obviously this change was one that I had to make in order to reclaim my health.

We only have one life and it’s a short one. I can’t tell you how wonderful it is to realize that the things you once thought mattered the most do not really matter that much at all. My life would be no different if I did not work 12 hours a day, 6 days a week trying to get my first lease up building occupied. If it took me 6 months to rent all of those apartments rather than the 4 months it took, what would be different? Who was I serving? It certainly was not Crystal. The owner of that building did great; he had much less vacancy than he was prepared for. Never again will I bust my hump and work like that to serve someone else, to make their dreams come true. I believe now that the only time you should do such a thing is when you are trying to realize your own dream. It’s funny sometimes how that can get blurred, back when I was doing that lease up, I would have sworn that it was my dream. It wasn’t.

I have a second chance to live my dream and I am so thankful. I often wish I had a magic wand; Among other things, I would use it to allow everyone to actually work toward their own dream for a week, I think after that most people would quit trying to help someone else achieve their dream and they would start living their own dreams.

I started out by telling you I was in a reflective mood. Reflecting back through this year, remembering the blood transfusions, trying to figure out where I got the strength to fight for my life and raise funds to go to Sanoviv. While I was fundraising, I started getting comments from people who thought this clinic in Mexico was scamming me. I think it is clear now, that Sanoviv is not operating a scam in Mexico. My experience was quite the opposite actually and I feel that if anyone was trying to scam me at that time, it was the people practicing and governing medicine right here in my home country. I may not have been bold enough to say that before but now that has changed.

People actually emailed me to tell me that I was going against God because I was accepting the blood transfusions that were sustaining my life. At that time, I was too worried about offending people by disagreeing with their beliefs to tell them that they could keep their God if that is how he feels. I have learned that in order to honor my own beliefs, I sometimes have to tell others what they can do with theirs. I don’t often find that I have to do that because I believe that each person is entitled to their own beliefs and I accept that completely. Other people do not often challenge me and tell me that their spiritual path is the only correct path to take but sometimes, unbelievably they do. I would never do that to someone else and I will not allow anyone to do that to me.

Going to Sanoviv was such a life renewing and healing experience that I am now attending school at The Natural Healing Institute so that I may learn to treat my own health with a natural approach and so I can eventually help others do that too. Medical professionals in this country don’t have much to say about this shift they have seen in my health. They know that I am well when they told me I would never be well. They also know that they did not give me any drugs or other treatments that could have lead to the wellness they told me was not possible. As far as they are concerned, I am one of those miracle patients who experience spontaneous healing. What a difference this year has made. Last Tuesday I was able to go in and remove the implanted port that I used for my chemotherapy and then for my blood transfusions. Now the only thing left to remind me of my battle with cancer is scars. The scars are only physical. Emotionally I am stronger, wiser, and more at peace. Getting cancer is a tough way to receive a reality check about what you are doing in your life but it was my reality check and I needed it. Now I so fully understand that if I do not serve myself; serving others is not possible. I did not understand this very important lesson before. This brings to mind all of the people who have helped me and allowed me to focus on me, thank you.

The most interesting thing that I have found is that when one truly serves themselves, they will naturally serve others. I have said before that the key to reclaiming your health is to focus on the health part, not the illness part, as much as possible. When you approach life with a conviction that you will only eat and use products that build health, you just simply and naturally start doing things that serve others. Eating organically grown foods for example, does not only provide the richest and purist nutrition for your body. Growing foods organically eliminates the cancer risk that conventional farm workers subject themselves to because of pesticide exposure, it preserves the soil for the future, and it more often contributes to local farmers. Environmentally, there is no question that organic farming is much better. The list of things you are doing to serve others and the earth when you purchase products that support your health is unending. I could go on telling you about how natural cleaning products, natural personal care products, and other natural products improve not only your health but the health of other people and the world but I think you get the picture. When fewer toxins are packaged for retail sale then there is less impact on the people producing those products and on our earth.

I got a copy of the movie An Inconvenient Truth for Christmas and after watching it I was disturbed. I am still disturbed by the picture that Al Gore paints of the future. I don’t mean 1000 years into the future but just 40 years into it. Forty years is a mere blink of an eye when you look at the history of the earth. If Al Gore is correct and he presents a convincing argument, life as many people know it today will cease to exist. We are spiraling into a new reality. Obviously I already knew that the 6 billion people inhabiting earth were having an impact, I did not understand just how much of an impact. I spoke with a family member briefly about this last night. My family member believed that we are seeing the natural progression of one of earth cycles. The earth does go through cycles of heating and cooling. The earth’s temperature goes up as CO2 in the atmosphere goes up. When Al Gore shows you the history of earth’s warming trends and the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere during those warm periods, it is a tiny blip compared to the amount of CO2 in the atmosphere now and even scarier where it will be 40 years from now if we don’t get our shit together.

After spending time reflecting back over the last year, I get excited about what is in store for the future. I look forward to seeing what this country is capable of when faced with a challenge, even one that our government is not willing to tackle. I honestly believe that as more and more people start to really understand what is at stake they will all start to be more mindful of their impact on our planet. Al Gore has been trying to fight this fight since the 1970s and unfortunately he has not gotten very far but I believe that things are going to change. I believe we are going to start taking the steps we need to take in order to reduce our impact on earth. I believe we care about the world’s children enough to make the incredibly small sacrifices we may be required to make. I believe those of us that have previously felt entitled to burn energy recklessly will come to understand just how big of an impact their waste is having on the future of the world. I certainly discovered that my footprint on the earth could be softer. I know more and more people will begin to see this and understand this. I know that we are about to see a natural progression towards cleaner energy resources. I just hope it happens in time. I hope 2007 brings about a strong and sudden change towards building the health of our earth, the natural result will be an improvement in the health of all people on earth.

What Dr. Christiane Northrup has to say about Sanoviv

http://www.sanoviv.com/en/departments/articles/dr._christiane_northrup_discusses_sanoviv_medical_institute.html

"Spontaneous" Healing?

I got more good news from the doctor yesterday. My counts are holding steading at just about normal. The platelets are still lower than they should be but they took a big jump in the last two weeks. I still feel fantastic which is why you have not been seeing much from me. I just have too much energy to sit and write lately.

I got my juicer and I love love love it! You name it, I'll juice it. If you haven't tried juicing before, you can get an inexpensive juicer for about $50-$75 that's good enough to give you most of the benefits of juicing. I feel great after a big glass of juice. I like celery, cucumber and apple but Dickie prefers carrot, celery, and greens. You can make all kinds of good stuff. Watermelon juice is to die for. With my new juicer, it's more efficient and I can do wheat grass or even make ice cream! Did you know wheat grass is one molecule away from human blood? That's amazing to me.

Excuse me, I got off track. So with my counts holding strong for 9 weeks without the use of drugs, my doctor and I naturally had a conversation about what is going on. No one (traditional medical experts) has predicted that this kind of change is possible and it is truly remarkable as far as the conventional world is concerned. It's not so much in the alternative world, people are healed of terrible diseases with natural techniques all the time. These "spontaneous" healings are sort of a mystery to traditional medicine and this is a bit discouraging to those of us who know there is no mystery about it.

My doctor was very excited about what my bone marrow is doing and kept saying things like I don't know why or what is happening but it appears that something is happening and it's good. I told my doctor that I would be happy to tell him what I am doing to create this change within my body but he stopped me, explaining that he knows I am interested in and employing alternative and complimentary techniques. He said that it makes sense that I would make a connection to these methods with regard to my improved health but that this is not a clinical trial and we can't be sure of anything except that there has been an incredible improvement.

I'm sorry but I absolutely can be and I am sure that I have found the right mix of things that is causing this improvement in my health. I mean, seriously, I have completely changed my life in the last couple of years. I am doing some very specific things to support my health, things that the average person is not doing. I have experienced a dramatic change in my health after employing a very specific regimen. How could there be any question about this improvement in my health? There isn't any question, the two things are obviously related. A monkey could figure that out, no disrespect but honestly...come on.

Now my doctor certainly did not say they were not related, he agreed that they could be. He did say that it is possible but he did not agree with me; that beyond a shadow of a doubt, without question, the things I am doing to support my body are causing this significant improvement in my health. They could be related? Seriously?   

In my perfect world, my doctor would have acknowledged that I have found the right prescription for my body with raw food, enzymes, superior vitamins and supplements, probiotics, and spiritual growth. In my perfect world, he would have taken careful notes regarding what I am doing and he would have been open to learning something from me and my case. He would have been ready to educate himself regarding these things, which really should not be considered alternative or complimentary, and he would have passed on his new knowledge to the rest of his patients.

His office is not my perfect world though and that is not what happened. Instead what happened is that he took some information regarding the vitamins I am using (my little miracles), and we both agreed that something is happening within my bone marrow. There is no way the Aranesp injection I had 9 weeks ago is still causing any difference in my numbers - at this point it's all me (or some unknown "spontaneous" healing action that is going on within me that is not in any way connected to my use of natural methods).

I just want to say that the supposed spontaneous healing that happens to some people who have been given death sentences with regard to dis-ease are probably not as spontaneous as the medical community makes them out to be. I imagine if these cases were closely investigated we would find that many of these people took some kind of serious action with regard to building their health in their life.

After my doctor visit yesterday, I feel qualified to say that I am one of the people who has healed themselves naturally. I certainly feel healed in this moment and this is the only moment that is important. Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, and today is a gift - that's why they call it the present! I don't know if any of the people reading this are suffering from any type of dis-ease but if you are, please take the advice of someone who has experienced a major improvement in their life - focus on building health. Stop trying to fight your disease and start building your health instead. Shift your focus.

My new website is ready please check it out at  http://crystalmontoya.typepad.com/journey_to_health/ I hope it is full of ideas you can use to start building health in your life. Even if you are not sick and you simply want to preserve your health, you should be able to find information and resources for doing that on this site. I am planning on continuing to update it. If you know anyone with poor health who is trying to improve it, please forward this link.

The site is not perfect, I'm still working on it so please forgive any typos and misspellings. If I wait until it is perfect to make it public, it will never be published. Dick and I have become distributors for USANA (my little miracles) and we would be happy to help you get started with vitamin supplementation so please contact us if you are interested and I will continue to add more information about these incredible supplements as I can.

I wish you all wellness.

Burn Your Bras!

I totally quit wearing bras a few years ago. I honestly just couldn't see the point for my particular situation. For me the discomfort they caused significantly outweighed any benefit I could see from wearing one.  Several times, I've asked Dick if he thought my lack of a bra was inappropriate - he's not sure and I don't know why I'm worried about it. I am much more comfortable without one. I realize not all women are built the same, some of you were actually endowed with large breasts and there may be some benefit to you wearing a bra - sometimes.

Why am I talking about bras, you ask? Well I came across some startling statistics yesterday on one of the natural health websites I was on and they freaked me out. I decided to Google the topic and my concerns were confirmed - bras cause breast cancer! This was clearly proven in a Harvard study that was conducted on the topic.

I don't know why this has not been more widely reported - it should be a public service announcement in all media sources around the world. It makes perfect sense. Your lymphatic system is a delicate and extremely important part of your health. You have more lymph fluid than you have blood. Your lymph fluid coats and supports your organs and it facilitates the removal of toxins from your body - that is if you use it correctly. Your blood is constantly circulating thanks to your beautiful heart. The lymph system does not have it's own pump like the circulatory system does, it relies on your movement to push it around. This is another extremely important reason you should exercise regularly. Unfortunately, I never understood this until recently, because of my extensive research. I have never heard a news report explain the lymphatic system and the importance of exercise relating to it. If you are looking for another reason to get motivated to start an exercise routine, this is it - your lymphatic system needs movement to stay clean and support your body the way it should.

Now, this brings us to the contraption we women have always worn because we're suppose to - it's the "decent" thing to do, right? Well your brassiere could be causing health concerns you never knew about. You see, it constricts the delicate lymphatic arteries and does not allow the fluid to flow freely, causing a build up of toxins that can lead to cysts and and even breast cancer. This is especially true of sports bras - which are normally tighter that your everyday wear bra. This is very concerning because when you are exercising you are stirring up that fluid and moving it around - flushing it. That is exactly what you want to do but if you are wearing a tight bra, you are blocking that flow and that dirty, toxic fluid sits right at your breast. You have one of the greatest concentrations of lymph nodes right around that area; under your arms and in your chest area.

Here are some of the statistics from the Harvard study:

• Women who wore their bras 24 hours per day had a 3 out of 4 chance of developing breast cancer (in their study, n=2056 for the cancer group and n=2674 for the standard group).
• Women who wore bras more than 12 hour per day but not to bed had a 1 out of 7 risk.
• Women who wore their bras less than 12 hours per day had a 1 out of 152 risk.
• Women who wore bras rarely or never had a 1 out of 168 chance of getting breast cancer. The overall difference between 24 hour wearing and not at all was a 125-fold difference.

It looks like wearing a bra less than 12 hours a day is much safer then wearing it more than that. If you are one of those women who even wear these horrible contraptions to bed, please stop! Another really interesting thing I read was that men have a 1 out of 168 chance of getting breast cancer - the same as women who don't wear bras!

I don't own a large set of breasts so I really have no idea what it is like to have to worry about the things that a lot of women do with regard to them. I know it's not feasible for some of you to never wear a bra. For me, yeah, you can often tell I'm not wearing a bra and my mother might gently try to tell me that my lack of one is not lady like or appropriate but I really don't have enough up there to make me feel self conscious about not having one on.

My gut reaction after reading this information about the risk of wearing bras is to tell you all not to wear them - period. Let your beautiful twins be free in all their glory but I know that's not going to happen. Our society has made that a nearly impossible thing to do. So, please at least wear them less. Let those babies loose in the evenings when you are at home, your husband will appreciate it and so will your precious lymphatic system.

Also, when you exercise, try to find a bra made of softer materials that provide the needed support without constricting your sides and back. At any time if you take your bra off and have grooves all around your chest from where it was digging into you - it's too tight and it is constricting those very delicate lymphatic vessels. 

So please let this information penetrate your brain. The study is very clear - bras increase your risk of health problems, most significantly cancer. Wear a less constricting one, take it off earlier, DO NOT sleep in them, and if you are brave enough to go against decency - burn them! I have. I am liberated and I have decreased my risk of breast cancer 125 fold! I hope to see a lot more happy breasts out there, bras are really an unnecessary risk for many women.

More great news!

I'm sorry I haven't written a lot lately. I am actually working on building another site geared more towards people who are suffering form myelodysplasia, aplastic anemia, or other conditions and are looking for more information about what I'm doing and how I'm managing this disease.

These conditions are rare and it's hard to find other people who are dealing with them so I want to be one of those people that other people who need to know they are not alone can turn to. I am planning to keep my blood counts updated so people can see my progress and I'm planning on keeping my current program up to date in case people are interested in trying some of the same things I am.

This is why I've fallen off on this site a little. I'm working on the other one which I am hoping to debut in the next week or so. As far as this site, I will continue to use it to voice my opinion and write about the stuff I want to write about. I hope you continue to read it and share your opinions with me. I love your feedback!

I went to the doctor yesterday and my counts looked even better than they did a month ago. I did not choose to get the Aranesp injection I was scheduled for so that is more than a month without it and I'm still going strong. Raw food, high fiber, omega 3, probiotics, enzymes, and the best vitamins money can buy seem to be working. I go back in two week to check the numbers again and I'm hoping I won't need Aranesp then either. 

Directory

I have decided to compile the websites that I come accross in my many hours of researching stuff online. This is as much for me as it is for you. This is just a list of resources. I will continue to update it as I find interesting sites.

Acupuncture

Acupuncture

Dr. Wang I strongly recommend Dr. Wang, he is located in Pacific Beach

Internal Cleansing Products

Dr. Natura I know several people who have used this product with great success, I will probably test it out and when I do, I'll let you know about the results.

Blessed Herbs

The Life Tree

Eating Healthfully and Raw Diet

From Sad to Raw

Alive Foods

Eat Raw

Halleujah Acres

Raw Foods

Raw Food

Alissa Cohen

Farmers Markets

Click to find Farmer's Market in your area

Herbs and Spices

Mountain Rose Herbs

Massage and Spa Treatments

Greg Lucero, Licensed Massage Therapist - (858)610-3387

The Happy Foot, Reflexology -(619)602-0491

The Body Wrapture Detoxifying Body Wrap

Natural Health and Wellness Advice

Healthy.net

Care2 Healthy Living

Jonathan Campbell

Natural Health Magazine

Dr. Mercola

Organic/Natural Food

Organic Consumers Association

Organic Express - delivery in California Organic Food delivery, they don't come to San Diego yet but maybe if they see a demand, they will.

Local Harvest Great site. Search for farmer's markets, CSA's, Co-Op's, and more!

Sun Organic Online Organic Products

The Green Guide

Seeds Of Change Organic seeds and lots more

Organic Kitchen

Pets

Care2 Pets

Shirley's Wellness Cafe

Recipes

Recipes From Sad to Raw Recipes

Recipes From SeaBreeze Organics

Recipes From Alive Foods

Raw Recipes From Raw Times

Recipes at Eden Foods

Recipes at Organic Express

Supplements

My Opinion On the Abraham Cherrix Story

Dick brought a story to my attention yesterday that has me really fired up. I am so angry that this is even possible that I wasn't sure if I could effectively write about it. I'm afraid my emotions will cloud my sense of reason because as far as I'm concerned there is only one way to look at this situation; it's wrong, the state had no business getting involved, and the judge that initially heard the case should be relieved of his responsibilities.

I think Dickie knew how fired up I would be about it and was looking forward to reading my thoughts, after they had been carefully considered. He already heard my completely uncensored views on the subject last night. He asked me why I hadn't shared my thoughts when he saw what he felt was my boring post this morning. As the day has gone on, this story has remained at the forefront of my thoughts and I can't help but put something in writing about how I feel. 

I'm talking about a 16 year old young man named Abraham Cherrix.  Abraham has Hodgkin's disease; a cancer of the lymphatic system. When Abraham was first diagnosed with this disease, he followed the advice of his doctors and endured chemotherapy  and radiation treatments. Unfortunately, Abraham's cancer returned. The doctors recommend that he repeat the chemotherapy and radiation therapy.

Abraham feels that another round of chemotherapy "would kill me, literally. No joke about it," he went on to say, "The first round of chemo almost killed me in itself. There were some nights I didn't know if I would make it." Some people would read this and immediately think that this 16 year old boy must be exaggerating, he is an emotional adolescent and really does not understand the ramifications of his decision.

I believe Abraham has made a well thought out decision and he knows what he feels is best for his situation and for his body. Abraham says "I studied. I did research. I came to this conclusion that the chemotherapy was not the route I wanted to take." His research has led him to believe that an organic diet, free of sugar and a treatment  called Hoxsey that is available in Mexico would be a better protocol. His parents support their 16 year old son in his decision. End of story, right?

Unfortunately no. Unbelievably no. This is just the beginning of the story for this 16 year old boy who is facing cancer for the second time in his short life. Now, imagine how distraught this young man must be about his second cancer diagnosis. At a time when he should be able to focus on things like getting his driver's license, exploring colleges, and fantasizing about who he would like to take to prom, he has to face a deadly disease that threatens to end his life before he can realize any of those things.

He must also be feeling very frustrated because chemotherapy is the only option his oncologist has for him and he believes his body will not make it through another course of these harsh treatments. He's probably remembering how weak and depleted the chemo left him feeling and he's terrified.  I can personally tell you that he would probably rather die than endure chemo again. I completely understand how he feels. He is convinced that he would rather die of his disease than go through the hell of chemo and radiation - again.

Please know and understand that if I were ever in this situation, where doctors felt that I would have a better chance of surviving with chemotherapy treatments than without them, I will decline their recommendation. A doctor could tell me that there was a 99% percent chance I would die unless I did chemotherapy, I would go with the 1% chance of making it without chemo. I have no question. Abraham, I'm sorry you are going through this. I want you to know that I've been there kid, and I agree with you.

We are talking about a 16 year old young man. Someone who in my opinion is equipped to make decisions regarding their life and their body. It is very interesting how we apply responsibility to kids who are this age because if he murdered someone, he would be deemed accountable for his actions and be expected to pay for his crime. If he is old enough to be responsible for his actions then doesn't it makes sense that he is old enough to be responsible for what happens to his body too? Is he really not just automatically allowed to decide what enters his own veins? He certainly should be, I'd be on his side even if his parents weren't.

It all seems pretty cut and dry to me but the authorities where Abraham lives do not believe he has the right to choose what happens to his body. They believe they somehow have the right to intervene and force Abraham to endure the chemotherapy that they strongly feel will cure his disease. In the majority of cases chemotherapy is effective for Hodgkin's disease.

I wonder how this all happened, I have not found enough information about the story to say for sure but I imagine after Abraham declined chemotherapy treatments, someone on his medical team contacted social services. I'm a little cynical about our medical industry and I have to wonder if that call was placed in any part because the doctor was going to lose out on the money he would make from administering the chemo to Abraham. I hope I am off base and whoever made that call probably thinks they were doing what was best for Abraham. I just can't help but have the question about the money. Was it at all a factor?

None the less, social services got involved. Instead of concluding after talking to Abraham and his parents that Abraham has been through enough and if he wants to choose not to subject his body to more harsh chemotherapy, he has that right, they decided to charge his parents with medical neglect and sued them for joint custody of this 16 year old young man.

They decided that the decision to support their child in his desire to pursue medical practices they do not approve of was medical neglect. They were providing their child with what they think is valid medical treatment. Abraham's doctors do not feel that the treatment plan he has opted to pursue is effective but Abraham and his parents do. I believe it should end there. I am horrified that It didn't.

After winning joint custody of poor Abraham, the state was able to persuade a judge to rule that Abraham MUST have chemotherapy! Imagine what this young man must have been feeling when that decision came through. I wonder if the judge or any of those cases workers have ever endured chemotherapy "treatment". Abraham was told on a Friday that he must report to the hospital on Tuesday to start getting chemotherapy. He must have felt like he was just sentenced to death. I would have. I would have fled the country and never returned. Honestly.

Rather than fleeing, Abraham stood up and fought, appealing the court's decision. Think of what was happening within him while he went through this process. The range of emotions had to be astounding. Fear, anger, resentment, sadness, betrayal. None of these are good. This is a person who is already compromised, we all know this because he has already had chemotherapy and still has cancer. Even conventional medicine embraces the fact that negative emotions when the body is already compromised is a recipe for disaster. I can't tell you how many times I've been told a positive attitude is the most important factor in my health. How on earth is it possible to maintain a positive attitude when you've just been told that you have no choice about having a substance you are convinced will kill you pumped into your veins?

The weekend that Abraham endured after hearing a judge mandate what he felt was certain death must have been horrendous. I hope he was able to separate himself from his emotions somehow because the emotions he must have been experiencing were doing nothing to benefit the state of his health. Social services obviously didn't care what kind of stress they were putting on this young man, as far as they were concerned they were going to make sure he got the cure he deserved even though Abraham believes this "cure" would actually result in his death.

This really goes to the mind/body connection, which again, even conventional medicine embraces. If the mind is convinced of a certain outcome then that outcome is much more likely to occur. I cannot believe there were are so many people willing to discard Abraham's feelings and beliefs about how another round of chemotherapy would affect him. I am appalled. Abraham should have been focusing on taking care of himself, he should have had the opportunity to put himself in an environment that supports positive emotions. Instead, he was thrown into a court battle where even his parents rights to protect him were taken away. He has been forced to go through an unthinkable range of negative emotions which are undoubtedly creating chemicals (toxins) within his already fragile body. Gosh, this makes me angry and if this somehow gets to Abraham, I want him to know how strongly I feel that he is right. He should take control of his body, he should make choices that he feels are best for him, and he is doing the right thing - because he believes it is the right thing. The mind body connection cannot be denied.

Luckily, Abraham won his appeal and for now, he will not be forced to get chemotherapy treatments. The judge that made this decision also had enough sense to overturn the outrageous joint custody that social services had won. Thank God.

It doesn't end here though, instead of being able to focus on healing his body, and completely focus on finding joy in each day, Abraham still has another trial to look forward to. He still has to live each day until his next trial on August 16th wondering if he will be forced into having harsh chemotherapy drugs pumped into his blood stream. He must be furious. I sure am.

I just cannot understand why this is happening. My opinion is not shared by everyone though, maybe even some of you feel that I'm wrong. I found some message boards on the topic and many people, over half of the people on the message board, feel that the state is right. I'm paraphrasing but one person said "When he turns 18, he can decide to kill himself."

I am not normally willing to take an extremely strong stand on this website but today, for Abraham, I am. If you feel this child/young man should be forced to have this chemotherapy, I very strongly disagree and object. This is a very black and white situation as far as I am concerned and this kid should not have to go through any of this in addition to what he's already been through. I personally do not know much about Hoxsey and I may choose a different approach but it is not my decision to make. The only important thing is that Abraham feels Hoxsey is the appropriate treatment. It's wonderful that his parents support him in his choice, even if they didn't, I feel Abraham has every right to refuse the horrible effects that chemo can and because he's convinced, would likely have on him.

I believe parents should have the right to make medical decisions regarding their children in general. I believe that if they want to decline vaccinations because they think they can cause more harm than good, they should be able to make that choice. I believe that if they want to take their children to a chiropractor for a spinal adjustment when they have a cold instead of a pediatrician for antibiotics, they should have that right. I don't believe that people should be literally forced to subscribe to conventional practices if they do not believe those practices are the best for their children. Many people would argue with me and I believe there is some gray area here, room for discussion, but with this particular case I only see black and white.

First of all, we are talking about a 16 year old person, not a young child who is not capable of understanding the implications involved in their decision. This certainly is a lot for a 16 year old to handle but the fact is at that age you can weigh pros and cons, you can determine what the possible risks and rewards of different decisions are. Abraham is very aware that the medical community strongly feels his best chance of survival will come with chemotherapy treatments. He is also old enough to understand that his treatment of choice, Hoxsey, does not have medical studies to back up it's effectiveness. He knows that either way it is a risk and he is choosing which risk he wants to take. Abraham himself said, "This is my body that I'm supposed to take care of. I should have the right to tell someone what I want to do with this body." Abraham, I couldn't agree more, you should have that right.

Secondly, Abraham tried conventional wisdom already. He tried it their way, been there, done that and does not want to do it again. He gave chemo a shot. This is not a situation where he is denying conventional medicine right from the beginning. He already went through chemo once and not only did it not cure him, it left him weak and feeling like he was going to die. This is not always the outcome but unfortunately it was for Abraham. It makes perfect sense that Abraham would like to explore a different approach.

Lastly, Abraham has come to some very strong conclusions about what he wants and how he thinks certain things will affect his body. His mind is convinced that nutrition and Hoxsey are what is best for his situation and condition. Even if there is an 85% chance that he would recover fully with chemotherapy treatments, he believes that chemo will only cause him more harm. I feel that because he believes this, chemotherapy is more likely to adversely affect him. If he felt confident that it would work for him, then it's likely he'd be fine but he doesn't believe that. If he is forced to have this treatment, I know he will sit there during treatments feeling angry, hopeless, resentful and discouraged. This will not serve his body, it will not create and internal environment that supports anything close to healing but rather will exasperate the harmful effects of the toxins that are inherently involved with chemotherapy.

I wish Abraham the best of luck. His story is an important one. His upcoming victory on August 16th  will be a victory towards preserving the rights of all citizens in this country. It doesn't matter what you think about the type of treatment Abraham wants to undergo. You may believe there's no way it could be effective. It's none of your business any more than it is mine and certainly should not be the business of the county courts or any court.

The fact is that some people die from chemotherapy. Many people are helped and go on to live a long vibrant life, but not all of them do. There is a risk of death caused directly from chemotherapy. This fact alone should be enough to say that any person who is intelligent enough to do the research and feels confident enough to try something else, something where the risk of death is from only the disease, not the treatment, should be allowed to make that choice and then be left in peace to proceed with it.   

The only right decision the court can make on August 16th is to leave Abraham alone, otherwise we will lose one more battle in the war against our freedoms. This is a very personal decision and I fear a government that can force someone to accept medical treatment they do not wish to have, even if the statistics say it will likely save their life.

Teen Fights For His Right To Refuse Chemotherapy

Read This:

http://www.forbes.com/entrepreneurs/feeds/ap/2006/07/25/ap2903291.html

I am interested in your opinions.

New Healthier Products I Am Using

I get a lot of questions from people regarding what products I am using to replace old ones in my new diet and lifestyle. I thought I would share with you some of the things I have found.

Household Cleaners

CitraSolv is the all purpose cleaner I am using and it works great. It is natural and made with renewable plant based ingredients. It was on sale when I bought it so it was actually cheaper than 409 or Fantastic and it is non toxic so this benefits you and the environment because chemicals are not being introduced into the water supply when it gets washed down the drain.

Seventh Generation is the laundry detergent I am using. It has no chemicals or perfumes. It seems to work as well as tide and I also bought it on sale.

Personal Items/Toiletries

Avalon Organics makes a good line of shampoos, soaps, make-up, and lotions.

I purchased a WONDERFUL lotion (at Whole Foods) the other day made by a company called Allafia. It was more than I would usually pay for lotion but it is made with ingredients from West Africa and supports community enhancement programs in West Africa so I had to buy it. I was very pleased with it. It is made with Baobab and Shea. I got the Savanna Rose variety. Support the West Africans and you won't be disappointed with this product!

Crystal Stick body deodorant is great. It's simply a block of mineral salt that you dampen and apply under the arms. It really does keep the stink off while putting nothing unnatural on the skin. If you are using anti perspirant or heavy deodorants under your arms, please stop. Anti perspirant is really dangerous - you need to sweat to get rid of toxins but even deodorants are bad. The area under your arms has lymph nodes that do not like those chemicals you are subjecting them to!

A company called EO makes the best shampoos I have found. They lather up really nicely which some of the other organic brands do not.

Seasoning/Spices

Bragg Liquid Aminos is a great product for adding some flavor to your natural foods without adding a lot of sodium. It's made from vegetable protein from soy. It's a lot like soy sauce but better, it has 16 aminos that are crucial for good health. They help make the vitamins you eat work.

Nama Shoyu is an unpasteurized soy sauce which means the beneficial stuff has not been destroyed by heat.

Cumin is a great spice that I have added to my list of frequently used spices. If you already use it, you know how yummy it is, if not, try it. It provides good blood builders.

I'm not sure if it is available outside of California but there is this stuff simply called seasoning made by Lydia's Organics that I love. It's just dried veggies , herbs, and seeds that you add to salads or just about anything to give them more crunch and texture. Good Stuff.

Sweeteners

This is a topic of much confusion. It is generally believed that honey and some other more natural sweeteners are good for you. In very small amounts they may be good, or at least better, for "healthy" people but they still raise the glycemic index. You want to avoid doing this to yourself as much as possible. Artificial sweeteners are really bad (mom) and should be completely avoided no matter what your state of health is. When you raise the glycemic index, your body has to freak out to manage the sugar. I could go on but instead I will just share with you what sweeteners do not raise the glycemic index.

Zylitol - this is actually considered a dietary supplement and you will find it with all of the other supplements at Whole Foods or another health food store. The consistency is very much like sugar and it can be used in place of the sweeteners that you use in beverages or for cereals, etc.

Stevia - also considered a dietary supplement. I have only used it in the liquid form for beverages or to sweeten my homemade nut milks. I like it but it can have a strange aftertaste if you use too much.

Agave nectar - made from the agave plant (same place tequila comes from) which is often mistaken as a cactus. Dick and I recently learned while in Mexico that it is actually a part of the Lily family, like pineapple. It has the consistency of honey and can be used well when making cookies or other delightful treats. You will find it with the other sweeteners in the health food store.   

I will keep you updated about other wonderful products I find. Here's to your health!

It Just Keeps Getting Better!

Your investment in my health is paying off! Thank you all so much for your generous contributions to my quest for better health. You afforded me the opportunity to go to an amazing hospital that helped me pinpoint the most important factors in my overall care and it is paying off.

My doctor actually said; "There must be something to all this natural stuff you are doing." Now, if you knew my doctor, you would know how significant this statement is.

I am using a drug called Aranesp in addition to "all this natural stuff" and I know that it is helping but it was not providing all of the benefit that I am seeing now, after my trip to Sanoviv. Even my doctor admits this! I am thrilled.

On Friday when I went to the doctor, my blood looked better than it has since my diagnosis. It looked remarkably better, especially considering that it has been almost 3 months since my last blood transfusion. I was needing them every 3 weeks for awhile.

This is amazing to me. I knew that I would see results because of "all this natural stuff" but I didn't expect to see them so soon. I knew one day my doctor would admit that there was something to it but I didn't expect it to be within less than a month of returning home from Sanoviv! My doctor even went as far as to say that the specialists at Fred Hutchinson (the authority on myelodysplasia and the hospital I went to for a second opinion) would probably not believe how well I am doing. He said that it always makes him happy when he has to give a patient a grim prognosis and it turns out not to be true.

I am beating the odds right now. I am actually getting better instead of worse like they predicted. Amazing! Wonderful! Great! Some Pig (you may only understand this one if you are a fan of the book Charlotte's Web)! I can't come up with enough cool words to express how happy I am about this.

If you are suffering from any bone marrow condition or autoimmune disease (which is really what I think my condition is) please consider nutrition your most effective medicine. If you are suffering from any disease for that matter, please make improving your nutrition priority #1. Even if you are not sick, please consider the food (fuel) you are giving yourself and make the changes that you know you should. Follow the advice of the great Hippocrates and let your food be your medicine and your medicine be your food. I know that I have not yet proven this theory but I know in my heart I will continue to stay well, or at least better than predicted because I have made these serious changes in my diet. I have had to make sacrifices, there are some really wonderful tasting foods out there (cake, cookies, potato chips, candy, Ritz crackers, bacon and others) that I really do love but I am avoiding. While this is a sacrifice, I feel it is a very small one compared to getting up in the morning and feeling like I can live fully, I have enough energy to do not only what needs to be done but even some of the things I just want to do. 

Now, nutrition is not the only piece of this puzzle but it is the one that is most important. I have learned through trial and error that I cannot just eat healthfully when it is convenient for me. I have to be completely dedicated to putting only the highest quality, nutrient dense food into my mouth. There can be no cheating, it's not okay to eat crap once in awhile. Not in my case at least. If you enjoy good health, then you can afford to eat things that are not good for you once in awhile. I can't. I don't know how much of that is because I have convinced myself of it but I don't care.

The fact is that I am convinced my health is strongly dependent on the things I choose to put in my mouth. I am convinced that each time I choose to eat something that is not nutritious, I cause a minor setback within my body. I cause my body to have to work at processing food that is not providing my body any benefit. I believe that every time I put something in my mouth that is not highly nutritious I am taking away from where my body should be focused - repairing my bone marrow. I am choosing not to give my body any extra work. Processing unnatural, processed foods is a lot to ask your body to do, especially when it is already not performing optimally.

This does put a bit of a wrench in my social activities. I am not willing to go out to eat very often and if I do go out, I would prefer to go to an establishment that specializes in raw or at a minimum organic, vegetarian foods. This allows for few choices and choices that most people are not interested in. I think some of my friends look at my situation as if they are doing me a favor by encouraging me to eat the things I love (meat, pasta, cheese, and the like) once in a while. They feel it is good for my soul to let loose and really enjoy once in awhile. I understand the concept and I agree that nurturing the soul is very important but unfortunately nurturing it with "comfort foods" is a horrible choice for me right now. I can't cheat. Well, actually to be completely honest with you I do cheat sometimes. I ate 2 potato chips yesterday and even had a couple pieces of candy. I ate these things knowing that they were working against me. I have to be extremely careful about how much I cheat though because my mind is convinced that eating anything bad or even anything without high quality nutrition is causing work for my body that I should not be asking it to do. Whether the positive results are actually from the way I am eating or just that fact that I have convinced myself eating this way is providing results, I may never know. I don't care because I am getting results.

I love my friends and I love spending time with them. I am afraid that if I keep turning down their invitations to go out, they will quit inviting me and that would really bum me out. All I can do is ask that you bear with me and try to understand what I am trying to do. Please do not be offended by my unwillingness to eat "normal" food or even have just one glass of wine, something I only allow myself about once a month. I have myself convinced that this is what I need to do to maintain this wonderful energy I am currently experiencing. Please think of me when your activities do not include food and wine. I am sure at some point this new way of eating will become second nature and I will be much better equipped to make healthy choices at "normal" restaurants but for now it is just much safer for me to eat at home. I am working on developing a habit, which according to my research, takes about 6 months to do.

For those of you who may be suffering from an illness and are inspired by the approach I am taking (I hope there is at least one of you out there) there are some other things that I believe are contributing to my positive results. I have eliminated as many environmental toxins as possible. I believe this is yet another thing that adds work to my fragile body that it shouldn't have to do. The things I am doing to avoid toxins are eating only organic or at a minimum pesticide, hormone, and antibiotic free food. I have stopped using the wonderful non stick cookware that I own and I am using stainless steel instead. This makes me a worse cook because I am not experienced with stainless steel but I'll get the hang of it. All non stick cookware emits a small amount of toxins and it probably is not significant enough to make a difference for most people but I am erring on the side of caution. I am not using any commercial cleaners and I leave my house when they are being used. I am using only natural orange oil based cleaning products and chemical free laundry and dishwashing detergents. I am using organic, natural shampoos and other body products. They don't lather as well and I stink because I am not using deodorants but I know I am not putting any chemicals on my skin that I could not safely eat. Your skin absorbs everything you put on it and that crap goes directly into the blood stream - not good. I have purchased a very high quality vacuum with a HEAP filter and I am using it often. I am very aware of pollutants in the air as well and I stay away from enclosed parking garages, charcoal grills and the like. I have plans to do more but this is what I've done so far to eliminate any toxins that my body doesn't need so it does not have to do extra work to process them.

I am getting more exercises and I plan to continue until I can comfortably get at least 60 minutes of high quality exercise in each day. I am going to buy a rebounder (mini trampoline) to help with this as all of the experts say this is the best thing to do. It gets your lymph fluid moving which is what you want. Dick and I took the dog out with our bikes yesterday and she did an excellent  job of running next to me while I rode the bike so I think I'll work on perfecting that with her and try to teach her to pull me up any hills that are too much for me. I'll keep you posted, hopefully neither the dog or I will get hurt in the process. Dick and I are going to start doing yoga together as well.

I have also been doing deep breathing exercises. This is very calming and does a great job of helping me to relax. I need to do more of it and Dick and I are actually going to start doing some meditation as well.

Lastly, I think the most significant thing I have done, aside from making extreme dietary changes is adding enzymes to my list of supplements. The enzymes I am on are not approved in the U.S. because of the extreme cost the manufacturer ran into while doing clinical trials. They are very powerful and have even shown significant promise in reducing recurrence of tumors and aid in chemotherapy, in that they reduce side effects. Their main purpose though is in digestion. They help make the digestive process easier by helping to break down and process food. My digestion is better than it ever has been in my life since starting them. I didn't know how good the digestive system could work until I started taking them. This allows for my body's valuable resources to be used repairing my bone marrow instead of having to work on digestion. The enzymes I am taking are outrageously expensive ($515 per month) and they are one of the things I am using your generous donations for. If you want to try using enzymes as a part of your health regimen I strongly recommend them. The ones I am using are not available here, you have to get them from a physician in Mexico or Germany but there is a similar product available here called Wobenzymes (look for them at your local vitamin store) that may provide some of the benefit the Wobe Mugos I am taking do. They are not as potent as the ones I am getting and have not shown the benefits in cancer that the Wobe Mugos do but the digestive benefits are there and it may be worth checking out if you are suffering from disease. They won't hurt. Talk to your doctor about them id you have questions.

I can't wait to tell you about my continued success with these things as I know I will continue to have success with this program!   

If any of you are interested in a very high quality set of pots and pans, I have a set (18 pieces) of Anolon Advanced hard anodized non stick pots and pans for sale. They are probably the safest as far as non stick goes and not using them may be overkill but like I said, I would rather error on the side of caution. Please email me if you are interested in them. Kimmie, I know you want them but I really need to supplement the cost of my new stuff by selling them. I want $200 for the entire collection which includes a covered wok, steamer, utensils and much more.

   

Geographic Luck

When I woke up this morning I was lying in an extremely comfortable bed, next to a man that I adore, and I felt good. Unlike most of you, I didn’t even have to worry about getting up and going to work. I walked through my home, used the toilet in my cute little bathroom, and ate a wonderful organic banana. I talked to my sweet pets and checked my email. Just after I opened the bedroom blinds and watched the sunshine flow through the crystal sitting there, splattering rainbows around the room it struck me how lucky I am and how wonderful my life is.

Then my mind flashed to an image of a poor African child, a child with rags barely covering her body and flies on her face. I really started to consider just how lucky I am. I was born with my basic needs already met. I am an American with rights and responsibilities. I get to choose my path in life. My basic needs were met since the time I was born. I have never had to worry about food, clothing, shelter, or even safety for that matter. Actually, I have had to worry about it to some extent but the way I have worried about it has been very different from the way that baby in Africa worries about it.

I am lucky to have been born in America where we really enjoy a nicer set of problems than many people around the world do. I grew up in an average American household where money was tight but I always had my basic needs met. There were times when we lived with relatives or they lived with us and our home was cramped. We even had to go to the food bank a couple of times and drink powdered milk. I was mortified by some of the hand me downs I had to wear. I had government insurance glasses which were not pretty but I had glasses. I had real milk most of the time. I had clothes that were not torn up rags, they may not have been popular, but they were clean and in good condition.

I would have to say that most people born in America have always had their basic needs met or have at least had the opportunity to get them met. The resources are available to most people to get their very basic needs met; food, shelter, and clothing. Many parts of the world are not this lucky, not even close.

In other parts of the world there are grown people who have never known what it is like to use a toilet that flushes. Indoor plumbing is the last thing a person is worried about. Keeping their family safe; protecting their women from rape, their children from bullets, and their men from torture is priority #1. Then they have to worry about finding substance; food in a land where food is nearly impossible to acquire. If they can achieve this, their next mission I imagine would be building shelter to protect themselves from the elements. If they can achieve safety, food, and shelter then they have to find a way to keep themselves fed and healthy in the face of malnutrition and an out of control AIDS epidemic. They do not have the opportunity for education. They can’t just sign their kids up at the local public school.   

I not only had the opportunity to go to school as a child but there were choices about which school I wanted to go to for free. I could have earned a scholarship to go to college and even further my education. I had access to everything I possibly needed to learn to read and write. What an amazing gift I received just because I was born where I was.

I have never known what it is like to really need. I have done plenty of wanting while I thought I was needing but my perspective was through the eyes of someone who was born in the United States where I have really always expected that at a minimum, my very basic needs would be met. I feel I am entitled to them. I think most people who are born in America feel some entitlement to having the most basic of needs met.

The systems that are in place for the mentally ill, disabled, elderly, and drug addicts may be flawed but we are actually lucky enough to have an abundance of resources available, flawed as they are. As American children, we basically learn you have to get a job and go to work to get the money you need to pay for your house, car, food and all your things. The more money you make the better your life will be because you will be able to afford better things.

I wonder what I would learn growing up as a child in a place where hunger, disease, thirst, and fear were my reality. Would I ever be able to take things for granted like I do now? I think about how different my reality could be and I am thankful for my blessings. I wonder why I got so lucky. I don’t only have my basic needs met but I have abundance in my life. I am happy.

Having that experience this morning, made me realize that I have so much more than so many people. Thinking about people from other parts of the world who couldn’t even imagine eating 3 meals per day, sleeping in a comfortable bed, and indoor plumbing made me appreciate everything I have even more.

Who am I to be so blessed? I am simply geographically, in a better place. I not only have my basic needs met but I have so much beyond that. I have so many people that care for me and my well being. These people are wonderful and I am lucky enough to care about them in return. I have been given the opportunity to acquire the knowledge and I have the resources available to improve my health, in the face of a terminal disease, simply because I was born in a place where my basic needs have always been met and the people around me care enough and were able to help with any of my needs that have not been met, all I had to do is ask.

Do you ever think about this? Do you ever realize how lucky you are because of where you were born? In some places around the world these resources are simply not available. People there cannot expect that their government would simply intervene and meet their most basic needs. Those people spend their entire existence simply trying to survive. If they are unfortunate enough to get a deadly disease, they die. I imagine that I would most likely be dead if I were born in, let’s say Darfur. I don’t think the resources would be available for me to even get a diagnosis for my disease, let alone blood transfusions to treat it. I would have been weak and unable to function so my family would have no choice but to help make my dying as comfortable as possible.

Thinking about the struggles that other people around the world face, has made me realize that even the worst problems people face here, where it is almost impossible not to get your most basic needs met are a very different set of problems, a very different reality. I am ashamed of the times I have felt that life was unfair, especially when I felt that way because of material things that I wanted and could not get. I have at times in my life felt entitled to material things because I thought that I had worked hard enough to deserve them. I never really considered just how fortunate I was to actually have a job that paid me enough money to have a home with indoor plumbing. In some parts of the world having a job that pays you enough to not only eat and get access to medical care, but would also afford you the ability to sit on a toilet and flush is not even a part of the wildest dreams of the people.  

I guess it is all about perspective. I can’t really blame people who feel that life is unfair because they are driving some unreliable jalopy. Their perspective is that of a person who just happened to be lucky enough to be born in a place where they had all of their very basic needs met from the beginning of their life. They learned that it is their right to have them met.

There are a lot of people around the world who would give anything to have my set of problems. They would look at me and think I live like a queen. They would trade their problems for mine or probably yours without a second thought. I wish I could do something to directly help those people. I can’t. What I can do is appreciate all that I have. I can be completely aware of just how lucky I am. Each time I flip on a light switch I can remember that many people have never known what that is like. I can choose to never take my fortune for granted again.

If I am able to do this, to truly appreciate everything I have, I do not think I could ever be bold enough to want more. My basic needs are covered and I know they always will be no matter what happens. If I somehow became homeless and destitute I know that there are resources available and if I just choose to use them, it is very unlikely I will ever starve to death. Because my needs are met and I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, I have the luxury to develop my skills and intellect. What an amazing gift most of us have without even really understanding it.

Imagine what your life would be like if you were born into to one of the impoverished parts of the world. What would you complain about if you grew up there? Thinking about this just gave me an entirely new appreciation for all that I have. I suddenly feel like the luckiest woman on earth and that feels amazing. I don’t need any more than I have right now and honestly don’t really want any more than I have. I know some people that have so much more than I do but they are still not happy and they want so much more.

I find myself having an elevated sense of appreciation for everything today. The clothes I am wearing, the food I am eating, the sunshine I am enjoying, the car I am about to drive to the doctor’s office I am about to go to. I hope you feel as lucky as I do, it’s an amazing feeling.

Is Organic Food Worth The Cost?

The Today show did a piece on organic foods this morning that I felt had great advice for those people who would like to start eating more organic foods (I assume everyone would like to eat organic as you reduce toxins and improve nutrition dramatically when you do so) but are not willing or able to spend the extra money that is involved in eating organically. I feel a responsibility to share some of this information with you because you may have missed the piece and I love you.

I will try my best to be impartial as I relay the information to you but I have to admit that I am such a proponent of organic food that I actually get anxious when faced with having to eat food that is conventionally grown. I imagine the commercial fertilizers (you don't even want to know), the pesticides, hormones, antibiotics, herbicides, chemicals, and growth hormones that are employed in manufacturing these foods and I can almost feel my poor little cells that are trying to work so diligently at keeping my body healthy shaking in fear of what they are about to have to process. I am obviously not impartial when it comes to organic foods, I have read too much convincing information about the benefits of eating organically.

With that said, I know that many of you do not eat any organic foods (Mom) and I think the piece The Today Show aired gave valuable information for making better choices in your food selections and incorporating some organic foods into your diet.

They targeted 12 fruits and vegetables that you must buy organic. They called them the dirty dozen because after extensive testing, these foods showed the highest levels of contaminants, even after being carefully washed. The 12 produce items that you should absolutely buy organically are apples, nectarines, pears, grapes, cherries, strawberries, raspberries, peaches, celery, bell peppers, spinach, and potatoes. The nutritionist did say that if it is not possible to buy these foods organically then you should peel the ones you can such as apples and even potatoes. She recommended you completely avoid the others unless you buy them organic. 

The lowest amount of pesticides in conventional produce were found in asparagus, avocados, broccoli, cauliflower, corn, onions and peas. The nutritionist said that you probably did not have to worry about buying these items conventionally grown.

She talked about meat and dairy and recommended buying all organic. She clarified that this means the animals are not given antibiotics or hormones,they are allowed to roam and they are fed organic food. She said that "free range" or "natural" on the label meant nothing, that it has to say organic on the label or you are not getting the benefit. She did say that if you were to choose one or the other, dairy would probably be the most important. The bovine growth hormone and antibiotics that they give conventional cows transfers into the milk and dairy products and especially for children is very dangerous.

As far as seafood, she said don't bother with organic labels. There are no regulations regarding seafoods. I do personally recommend eating wild caught rather than farm raised. Unfortunately our seafood and fish is becoming so contaminated that eating it at all will soon be too detrimental even though it used to be one of nature's most wholesome foods. I typically only eat salmon and I always ask where it was caught. I will only buy it if it was caught in the Pacific Northwest or Alaska because I personally feel there are less contaminants in those areas than say San Francisco. That's just my gut feeling and I have no evidence to back it up. 

I hope that you will at least consider buying more organic foods if you do not already. They are much more expensive. It can sometimes make you angry how expensive some of the foods are but when I really think about it, I know that eating organically is an investment in my future. It is a way to preserve my health and after eating almost entirely organic for over a year, I know I feel better. My quality of life and of food has increased. Organic foods taste better, they have more flavor and I enjoy vegetables more since eating organic.

The next time you go shopping go to Whole Foods, Trader Joes, or another store with better organic options and go there without thinking about how much more it's costing you (Mom). Make an investment in not only your health but how much you will actually enjoy your food. I really think you'll taste the difference. As a matter of fact, do a comparison. Buy two of the same type of produce, one conventional and one organic and see if you can taste the difference. By the way, if you are new to organics completely, don't be surprised if organics are smaller and don't look as pretty as conventional produce. This is because of the lack of commercial fertilizers (you really don't want to know) and pesticides. It's a good thing! 

If you won't do this for your own health and self (not just Mom, all of you) then please do it for me. I honestly care about you and I also believe the more people who start buying and demanding organically grown food, then more will be available and prices will become more reasonable.

Back Home Alive and Very Well

Hello Friends,

Many of you already know that I am home again and have embarked on a mission to do the things I now understand are most important in my mission to reclaim my health. I have actually been home since last Sunday so I only stayed at Sanoviv one additional week. Sanoviv is a wonderful place and I learned so much but I will tell you all about it in more detail in a future post. Tonight I want to talk about what I learned regarding the state of my health and what I need to do to improve it.

I left  Sanoviv early because while it was wonderful and I would have loved to stay, I realized that in order to take the steps they recommended I was going to need to invest some money into my own environment. Being in Sanoviv's environment was lovely, calming, healing and positive but I could not stay there forever and I realized I needed to create a much healthier, less toxic environment in my own home.

There was no magic bullet at Sanoviv. I went to Sanoviv, rather than some of the natural health institutes here in the U.S. because there are treatments employed in Mexico that are not approved by our FDA. I was hoping they had something, FDA approved or not that would be promising for me. They don't. And actually, that's not necessarily a bad thing. I really am not as bad off as I thought. For one thing, I don't have cancer. I guess I knew that they don't actually classify Myelodysplasia as cancer but I've continued to call it that so now I am not going to. From now on, I will refer to my disease as MDS, which short for Myelodysplasia. There were a lot of favorable things in the test results that I received. I learned way more about the state of my health than I had known before and learned that most of my body is functioning well. If I can give my body the right tools, it is likely that I will beat the odds and live with a good quality of life for many years. What more could I ask for?

I do have MDS though and it can be a force to be reckoned with. I also have oxygen sensitive COPD which is a lung condition that was initiated by my years of puffing on cigarettes and then totally exasperated by Bleomycin chemotherapy. It's almost worse than the MDS. Sanoviv may have been able to help me with it in a hyperbaric oxygen chamber but because it is secondary to bleomycin I am susceptible to oxygen toxicity and it could have been deadly. A study that my doctor just gave me two weeks ago shows a high percentage of people who were treated with Bleomycin dying during or after surgery due to oxygen toxicity from anesthesia. I knew about the MDS and COPD when I went to Sanoviv, they confirmed the diagnoses and added chemical and heavy metal toxicity.

The difference between being told there was no surefire cure for MDS at Sanoviv and being told that here, is that in Mexico, they offered me hope. I have to make some major changes in my life but I got valuable information about things that I can do to optimize my body's ability to heal.

By now most of you probably know that I am a big proponent of natural health and healing. If I can take a natural remedy rather than put a drug into my body I will. I believe that the body has the ability to heal itself if given the proper tools. I have more confidence in this than ever before. Taking a natural approach to health care has meant some big changes in my lifestyle and I still have a lot of work to do. Please eat healthfully, exercise, laugh, love, and don't smoke. That's probably a good recipe for great health and it's a lot easier to prevent disease than it is to cure it. I wish I would have done more of all of those things when I was younger.

When I say natural or alternative health, you probably have questions about what that means. I still do as well. This is my elementary understanding of everything I've learned; If your cells are healthy then so are you. To keep your cells healthy you have to minimize exposure to toxins and toxins are pretty hard to avoid. You also have to give yourself quality nutrition, again not easy to do. Additionally, You have to fine tune your body's systems so they are all working as smoothly as possible. Digestion plays a huge role in this. Poor digestion causes a toxin filled, nutrition starved environment in the body. You cannot absorb nutrition if your colon is full of toxins. They say good digestion means you have at least two bowel movements a day.

Much of the time the body is remarkable in how it is able to manage toxins, absorb nutrients and eliminate waste, even when we choose not to give it the tools it needs to operate efficiently. Unfortunately a body sometimes has a breakdown because that particular body's cells could not manage the specific combination toxins, nutritional deficiencies, and poor digestion it was experiencing. This is when it becomes dis-eased. When the body is in a dis-eased state, It is critical to create an environment that allows the body to focus as much energy as possible on healing the dis-eased cells.

Toxins come in many forms; drugs, metals, polluted air, pesticides, cleaning supplies and even some emotions are actually toxic. If the body is using energy to process, eliminate, or manage toxins in any way then that is less energy for disease fighting. Eliminating toxins from my environment means that I need to replace all of my household cleaners and soaps, buy one of the best vacuums available, use only water that has been filtered - even just when washing my hands, remove the synthetic carpet from my bedrooms, quit using the microwave, and eat only organic food that is not cooked in non stick cookware. The list could go on and on until I just decided to put myself in a big bubble made from all natural materials but I am really trying not to go to that extent. Once the body is in a dis-eased state it is difficult to get well if it is constantly being exposed to toxins that it has to process and eliminate or manage.

Nutrition is the next piece of the puzzle. Now I imagine many of you are thinking that I basically mean eating more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and maybe some vegetable juice but it's a lot more involved than that. Because my body is in a dis-eased state, it needs the most powerful nutrition available and it needs not to be bogged down with anything that does not provide high density nutrition. Processed foods in any form are bad for me (and any body). I also have to be careful to avoid foods that I am allergic to. I learned that I am allergic to milk, sugar, yogurt, eggs, cottage cheese, yeast, and whey. In order to eliminate toxins you have to give your body foods that are whole and natural, and eat them the way nature intended you to.

A good menu for a day could be Breakfast; granola made of chopped raw, assorted nuts with agave nectar, nut milk, and Zylitol to sweeten if needed. Mid morning; a glass of green juice made in your own juicer with organic vegetables, for one serving; 1/2 head lettuce, 1/2 head celery, sprouts, parsley, 1 cucumber and if you're really crazy some garlic for flavor. Lunch; a big organic salad with toppings like red bell pepper, sprouts, lentils, cucumber, and zucchini with an olive oil, lemon, garlic dressing and 1/2 an avocado. Mid Afternoon; wheat grass juice. Dinner; salmon, salad, and cauliflower salad.

That's how I have been trying to eat and how I was eating at Sanoviv except Sanoviv was not serving much fish and only for certain nutritional needs. They did serve some really wonderful food though. They made a wonderful raw lasagna and even a great substitute for pizza.

These foods are detoxifying and provide an abundance of nutrition. Many people don't feel well when eating this type of diet but I do. I am satisfied, I love the flavors, and my digestion is wonderful. I do believe that different people have different nutritional needs and this is probably not the right way for many people to eat. This type of diet is considered basically a raw diet. 70-80% of the food I am eating is raw. The idea behind this is that when you heat food to more than 120 degrees (I think) you destroy the enzymes that are in the food to help you digest it. This means the nutrients are not absorbed and you do not receive nearly as much benefit from the food.

Most of the population does not eat like this on a very regular basis. I haven't for any period of time either and it takes a lot of getting used to. It also takes a lot of tools that I have never used before. A juicer is essential, a dehydrator opens up a whole new world because you can make crackers, crusts, breads, and all kind of nice crunchy veggies and fruits. It is important that when you do cook anything it is not cooked in and kind of non stick cookware. There are lots of tools that make preparing raw foods easier and allow for more creative meals. It's amazing what you can do with raw food but it's very time consuming.

I am completely dedicated to eating in this way. That means I am accepting the fact that I will be known as the health freak. Many people will think that I have gone over the deep end. I'll get questions like "How can you stand to drink that?" and hear "That's disgusting" and I'm okay with that. I would have felt the same way a few years ago but now I honestly believe eating in this way is the key to my health and the most important component in my health.

Digestion is crucial in every person's health. If you are not properly eliminating the waste your body produces then it is undoubtedly affecting your health. If you have toxins built up then they are inhibiting your ability to absorb the nutrition you put in your body. My intestines have been damaged from years of feeding myself food that was not nutritionally sufficient and from chemotherapy. I need to help my digestion by adding stomach acids and enzymes that aid in the process and give my intestines an opportunity to heal.

Other important components in achieving long term survival with MDS are exercise, sunshine, and mental health. These are things that I have not paid a lot of attention to in the past either. When I left Sanoviv, their program for me was:

Eliminate Toxins

Eat 70% raw

Take enzymes and supplements

Do colonics or at a minimum, enemas regularly

Walk 15 minutes or more per day

Get an hour of sunshine per day

Meditate and practice deep breathing at least 30 minutes per day

They feel that if I practice this lifestyle I will absolutely surpass the 5 year prognosis I was given nearly two years ago and go on to live with vitality, even though I will be fighting MDS, for a long time. They even feel that these steps may just be what my body needs to reverse this MDS. They guarantee a longer life but could not guarantee MDS remission. This is a good plan in theory but actually making it happen in your life if you are not already used to this type of living is not as easy. 

While I was home for a week before going back to Sanoviv I did hours of research and I finally found some cases of people with diseases similar to mine that have been helped significantly by exactly the sort of medical plan that Sanoviv has prescribed for me. There really is not much available from people with MDS on the web. Their personal stories are far and few between, I believe because MDS is quite rare and happens most often in older adults. I started looking at cases of people with Aplastic Anemia, a similar but normally more aggressive type of bone marrow condition. I found several personal stories about people who were given 6 months to live and went through hell because of repeated infections and invasive treatments that found help only after embracing a medical protocol such as the one prescribed by Sanoviv. They are alive 10 and 20 years after they were told they had 6 months to live. These are the only cases of long term survival without having a bone marrow transplant that I have found in bone marrow diseases. I believe this is the medical protocol that I need to take and I realized while at Sanoviv what would be involved in making this REALLY happen in my actual life.

I can't tell you how much I appreciate your generous donations. I received $14,500.00 in donations and was able to spend 12 wonderful healing days at Sanoviv and purchase the enzymes and supplements that I will need for 6 months with that money. I have cashed out the $7,500 that I had in my 401K account and will be using that money to make environmental improvements that are required in my home.

Sanoviv was a wonderful experience and I am so happy I was able to go. I did not get the magic bullet I was seeking but I did gain wonderful knowledge and a solid plan for supporting my health and now, I am honestly ready to quit worrying about it and get on with my new life. A life of raw food and enemas but also one of learning, experiencing life, and motivating others. I have MDS, it will no longer have me!

Home Briefly

Hello friends. I imagine you are surprised to see a post from me because I told you I would be at Sanoviv. I was there and did their complete health evaluation and I can't wait to go back. Sanoviv is an amazing place and based on my experience so far, I would highly recommend it.

I had a little bit of a hard time when I first got there. I was really emotional. I had all these emotions about going and anticipation and anxiety about what it would be like. I felt like I was leaving home for the first time or something.  I was consumed with thoughts about the changes I was going to have to make in my life in order to maximize everything I was about to learn. My monthly visitor arrived just in time for my trip to Sanoviv as well so my emotions were really on the surface.

When I got there I was a wreck. I was choking back tears the entire time. I got changed into my Sonoviv attire and then got started on my schedule. First was the initial medical visit where we went over my history and had a physical exam. I was choking back tears the entire time. Then was a nutrition class where I discovered how much I still have to learn about optimal nutrition. Then was dinner of salad and an odd but tasty dressing. Then was another class about genomes, the study of DNA blue prints that can tell people years ahead of time what kind of diseases they may be prone to. Then they can take steps to increase certain nutrients and be extra careful to avoid certain toxins that may elevate the risks of that disease.

Then bedtime was a lonely and uncomfortable experience. The blanket was very heavy, the sheets seemed to have some weird sticking compound in them because I was sticking to them all night. I thought I would open the door to  get air and listen to the waves that were crashing just below my huge window but the waves were almost too loud and the breeze to cool and well, I didn't sleep well.

The first full day was Thursday, not a good first day if you like to chew your meals. Thursday is juice day. I was not prepared for this and in my fragile state of mind, the realization that I was going to have to drink my breakfast, lunch, and dinner caused me to have to choke back tears. This desire for something to chew was elevated when the people who were on modified diets got their breakfast of the most beautiful poached eggs I have ever seen and a wonderful looking spinach dish.

The next two days consisted of a lot of tests. They did a full blood workup, a chest exray, an abdominal ultrasound, an EKG, urine analysis, stool analysis (good times), dental exam, pulmonary function test, psychological evaluation, and fitness evaluation. This seems like an excellent protocol for diagnosing an overall person and I am very impressed that they have every piece of equipment under the same roof along with the incredible oceanfront living environment.

If Sanoviv doesn't promote wellness I don't know what could! Every piece of the puzzle is evaluated and treated. They have a nutrition plan that is so well orchestrated and taught to the patients that it would be impossible not to benefit from it. It's a no brainer. They have a meditation and spirituality program that helps you calm your spirit and promotes prayer and spiritual growth - another no brainer. They have a psychology department that helps you overcome any emotional issues. I think I may have a few emotional issues. They have a dental department that specializes in biological dentistry, the safest type of dentistry available. They have a fitness program that gives you individual and group training along with breathtaking pools - a definite no brainer. Their spa encompasses every spa treatment I am aware of and then a few, I already have myself scheduled for a reflexology foot treatment when I return, imagine being able to look at spa treatments as an important factor in your overall health care instead of a frivolous luxury.  They offer two classes daily, educating you about all kinds of issues relating to your health. The classes I attended while I was there were Nutrition, Forgiveness, Juicing, Sprouting, and I missed one about electricity and the body. Education is always a no brainer. I wonder what the outcome would be in American medicine if your hospital applied all of these techniques as a standard part of your treatment. Do you think more people would be healed?

Then we get to the actual "medical" part of it. They have a very compitent medical team that is well versed in all medical techniques. They employ additional, less conventional tests, and use them as a loose guideline for your treatment. Conventional doctors would call them quackery. These tests include iridology, bio-energetic testing, Digital Infared Thermal Imaging, and I'm not sure what conventional medicine thinks about darkfield blood analysis but that test was also used. In my case, none of these tests were used for diagnostic purposes but rather as a back up to the diagnoses because they all confirmed what we already knew. If that makes sense. I was amazed with the bio energetic testing because the report came back that I had a scar (which I do, a very large one) without ever touching or seeing my scar. They just poked my toes with this little device for a few minutes and a report came out. The test measured my organ vitality and it talked about a lot more than the scar, I was just amazed how it knew I had one.

The doctors look at the entire picture and make recommendations that they think would improve your overall condition. They use common sense approaches; diet, exercise, and stress reduction as well as medical techniques that are sound and effectively used in the united states and all over the world, and they use treatments that are not as widely used in the United States. The other patients that I encountered had wonderful results and several of them were feeling much better, with significant improvements in their health since their arrival. 

So you're dying to know, if it's so wonderful, why did I come home? Well, I was a bit overwhelmed. I wanted to come home and take a look at their plan of action, do some research, consult with my doctors and experts that I trust. I wanted to take my time and determine which treatments I do and which treatments I do not want to do. It's so cool how the no brainers are applied along with the other "medical" treatments by experts all at once. In their program you receive the nutrition, psychological support, spirituality,  stress reduction, and fitness that your doctor is always telling you that you need but doesn't really elaborate on. You learn exactly what all of that means and it is all provided for you in one wonderful place. 

I am returning to Sanoviv on Sunday. In the meantime, I have made appointments with my oncologist, my chiropractor, my acupuncturist, and a natural health expert that I trust to discuss the plan of action Sanoviv has given me. I want to make informed decisions about the recommendations they have made. So far, I am in almost complete agreement with their ideas. There are a couple of things that I am not sure about but I'm sure I will be able to make a confident decision soon.

I have tried to continue with as many aspects of the program as I can while I'm home. I have continued with the diet as much as possible, I have taken time to meditate daily, I have been using the supplements they provided, and I even scheduled a massage this week.

I am so glad to have this opportunity and I'm really glad that I came home after the medical evaluation to do some research before starting the medical program. I will go back there being confident about the treatments I am receiving and completely able to trust the whole program. I have a feeling I am going to be a seriously changed woman after my two week stay there. I think I am going to be a powerhouse of health, knowledge, and strength.

I'll keep you posted.

Geez, I've been busy!

My preparations for Sanoviv have kept me busy and away from you. I leave tomorrow morning! I also haven't really experienced anything interesting or exciting to tell you about - a writer's worst nightmare, I haven't been inspired to write about anything.

Of course, there are lots of topics constantly running through my mind; our homeless population, our disgraceful President, the genocide that's currently occurring in Darfur, our medical industry that's more focused on money than healing, and family values that seem to have disappeared from our culture to name a few but those are all pretty heavy topics. When I come back from Sanoviv and have more time, I'll share my opinions about all of those things if you'd like to hear them, but right now my focus has to be on getting well. That way I can come back, tackle these issues, and save the world. Someone has to.

For the last week, I have been making preparations both in the physical sense (packing, banking, running errands) and mentally (being really nervous and terribly excited about what lies ahead). I have my suitcase all packed and the contents of it seem quite strange for a 3 week trip. I have a small, half empty suitcase for my 3 week stay. Sanoviv has very strict rules about what I should and should not bring.

Some of the things on the do not bring list are shampoo, toothpaste, anything with fragrance, phone, computer, and jewelry. I can live with most of this, they provide shampoo and toothpaste and a break from the cell phone may be nice. I have a feeling I'll miss this computer. I write a lot, much of what I write you don't see. I use this computer, which has become my close friend to do my writing. In the last couple of days, I've been working on writing with good old pen and paper and I don't much like it. There's no backspace button or spell check which is very inconvenient and my hand isn't used to using its muscles in that way, it likes pushing these buttons a lot better. I am a little upset that I cannot bring my gorgeous wedding ring. I spend at least 10 minutes a day staring at it. I still can't believe after 3 years of having it that it really belongs to me. It's the ring I always dreamed of having and I will miss it. I'm considering tying a ribbon around my finger because I am very proud of being a married woman and I always feel strange when I don't have that symbol on my hand.

The list of things I should bring is very short and includes underwear (they provide the clothes), bathing suit, books, hair clips and not much else. I have added stationery so I can write letters, a camera so I can come back and show you how beautiful Sanoviv is, and an Ipod. The Ipod may not make it through their strict list of items I can have but I'm going to try. I loaded it up with lots of chick music to enjoy while I'm away.

I am thinking I will write a lot of letters while I'm there because there will not be very much else to do, which is great, I look forward to being isolated from the real world but I'm sure it will be challenging at times. It is possible that in a moment of weakness, I may write you and beg you to send me cheese, chocolate, or coffee but please, no matter how desperate I sound, don't do it!

It will be interesting to learn what things from the "real world" I miss the most. I know cheese will top the list as it is a huge weakness of mine but I'm not sure what other things I will find myself longing for. I'm hoping that any extreme withdrawals or cravings that I have will subside as the days go on and that as I am immersed in a completely healthy diet, those bad cravings will go away and my body will start to desire only things that are healthy.

Please write to me while I am away, I know it's only 3 weeks but for me it will be 3 weeks of not being able to do what I love to do the most, communicate with all of you! I know I'll be looking forward to hearing from my friends and family. You can send your letter to:

Sonoviv Medical Institute

C/O Crystal Montoya

2602-C Transportation Avenue

National City, CA 91950

If you write, I promise to reply! I can't wait to come back and tell you all about it! Thank you all so much for making this possible for me. When I really sit and think about your kindness and overwhelming generosity, it brings tears to my eyes. You're all so wonderful and I will never forget this opportunity you have given me.

Yard Sale is Over and Now I'm Going to Sanoviv!

We did remarkably well with our yard sale. I think we have close to record breaking earnings! We were able to raise over $1500.00! It was hard work but well worth it in the end.

I need to thank Dickie, Nichole, Krista, Lisa, Eddie, Gilbert, Debbie, Dan, Greg, my neighbors, and the other people that donated items for me to sell. Without the hard work and donations from the people listed above, the yard sale would not have been nearly as successful. I really appreciate it!

We have raised all of the money we need plus we have a little over $1000.00 extra! The "extra" will be used towards Dickie's overnight visits because it costs $100 per night that he stays as well as any extra costs for medications and supplements while I'm there. Any left over money will be donated to myelodysplasia research.

I do still have several items that did not sell. I am going to put them on www.Craigslist.com and try to sell them that way. I have a feeling the extra costs at Sanoviv may add up and if not, I will donate the extra money. I would rather do that than give the stuff to Goodwill.

I have 8 days left before I go. I am looking at it as a sort of lifestyle rehab. I am planning on coming back with a whole new plan regarding exactly how to eat, exercise, and live healthy. I've have read a lot about this and have an understanding but actually coming away with a plan designed just for me and the knowledge of how to actually do it is very exciting. I plan on coming home and completely changing my habits.

Successful First Day!

We survived the first day of our yard sale and we were rewarded for our hard work. We made $650! We didn't have the world's best yard sale, as I was hoping but it was very good. The floorplan could have been better and other little things but for the most part it was smooth. Oh, it was hard work though. I feel like I just moved and I'm moving again tomorrow. We have some bulky stuff and this morning we had a LOT of stuff.

We actually do still have a lot of stuff. We had a magically replenishing yard sale. It was awesome. My neighbor brought over a nice vacuum for us to sell, Krista went and got some really good stuff and brought it over, My brand new friend Dan who has been to Sanoviv and ended up hearing about my story from a friend brought over some nice things. Krista's wonderful friend Lisa was with Krista when she brought her stuff over and they went to Lisa's house and brought back a bunch of really cool stuff.  A lot of it came in towards the end of today so we have some fresh new items that I know will easily sell for the morning.

Lee came over and wanted a stereo that I had already promised someone else they could buy, a teenage boy who was ecstatic about getting it. Lee offered more than the asking price and a bidding war ensued. The kid ended up winning because I was very soft hearted and would have felt badly for him if he didn't get it. Lee ended up buying $1 worth of stuff for $40. He didn't want his change back. I got $11.01 in the donation can that I put next to a box of items of little value.

I think we did great for day one. I hope we do well tomorrow. We still have a treadmill, total gym, console TV, dining table, rocking chair, dressers, snowboard with boots and lots more.

Hard Work

Hello Friends and Loyal Readers,

I have neglected you this week. You did not get your weekly property management story or any stories about my daily encounters with people in the world. The reason for my absence is that I am completely consumed by...you guessed it, this yard sale!

Okay, in case you have any illusions about yard sales being an easy way to make some money, I'm here to tell you, it's really hard work. The planning and preparation involved is intense, that is if you want to get what your items are worth and have a successful sale.

I have spent the entire week moving items from the garage to the house to clean and price them, doing minor yard work to make my "store" as presentable as I can, and looking through all of my own things for items to sell. The dressers I am selling are my own so I've had to get those cleaned out too. I've had to consider the best ways to advertise without spending any money and figure out the best way to display the items on sale day to catch attention, stay organized, and make sure they are displayed in an attractive manner.

I always used to say when I was working that I didn't do anything unless I did it well. When I would have a project, I would put hours of my own time into it to make sure it was perfect. I would consider everything and put way more time into preparation than my peers probably would have because I wanted whatever I was doing to be the best "project type" ever! That's why my boss adored me and still does.

Well, I'm doing it again. I'm sure my friends don't want to hear the words yard sale come out of my mouth again, and my poor husband has had to live with me all week. I am so involved and focused on this thing that I am dreaming about it every night. Now, I could have just thrown the stuff in my yard haphazardly like many people holding yard sales do but I want to have the best yard sale ever. I want to make such an impression on people that they'll say good things about my yard sale for months to come.

I have researched yard sale techniques - Thank you YardSaleQueen! www.YardSaleQueen.com I have learned what "yard sailors" consider their pet peeves and have taken steps to avoid them. I have also learned that yard sailing is becoming big business and learned what to watch for so I don't get ripped off. I have personally inspected, cleaned (Are you all aware of the miracle product that is the "magic eraser"? They rule!), and priced every item. I put at least 4 hours into making the coolest yard sale signs I have ever seen, I printed flyers and distributed them, I have printed flyers to give to people when they arrive, I have found any and all free advertising I could and strategically placed ads in those locations.

I have mapped out exactly where to put the items in the yard so when we set up, I can just hand my helpers (Thank you Dickie, Krista, and Nichole) a map and they will know where to put what.

There have been a few adventures along the way, like Wednesday when I decided to try and move the treadmill that Greg donated by myself. It's the kind that folds up and rolls quite easily when you do it correctly but I was working with limited space in my garage and to make a long story short, I ended up with the treadmill on top of me, trapped underneath. Luckily, my main garage door was open so I was able to scream, yell, and wave at people passing by, begging them to help me. After about 15 minutes and 4 people who saw me but completely ignored my pleas for help, someone finally came and lifted it off me so I could get out from underneath.

There was the HUGE bug that almost ate me. I hosed out all of my flower pots (which I am unreasonably attached to and still have not been able to figure out how much money I need in order to part with them) and had them turned upside down on my patio to dry. I went out to flip them upright and finally try to put prices on them. I flipped over the largest one, my favorite one first and when I did, I found myself faced with the nastiest bug I have ever seen. It was the size of a dinner plate! I may be exaggerating slightly but it was nasty. My reaction was ridiculous! I threw my hands up in the air, let out a blood curdling scream, ran into my house, into my bedroom and closed the door. Then I called Dick and told him we had to move. Had this bug been in our house, I'm sure I would have already packed up and left.

Yesterday when I finally got myself showered and was brushing my hair, I saw a gray hair. I assumed it was Dickie's and had been in the brush I was using but when I tried to sweep it away - it stayed! Slowly, I came to the realization that it was stuck in my own head! My very first gray hair, I know the bug gave it to me, that bastard. I can't believe that within 6 weeks of turning 30 I'm getting gray hair.

So today it's coming down to the end of the preparations. I still have to figure out what to ask for the flower pots and a few other items but I think I am ready. I hope those yard sailors are ready too! I hope they are feeling generous this weekend. My goal is to make $1000.00!

As of June 1st, I will be taking the make a donation button off the website and wrapping up the fund raising efforts. We have all of the money we need to cover the $21,800 cost for my 3 week stay at Sanoviv. Any money I raise now will be going towards the medications and supplements that are not included in that price and also the $100 per night Dickie has to pay to visit me. Thank you again for making this possible for me in such a short amount of time! You still have a couple of days to click for the cure so please find that link on this page on the right. Sign the form and get me a buck!

Come check out the yard sale at 8 AM (not earlier) Saturday morning! 24th and B Street. Email me for directions.

Great News!

I just thought I'd let you all know how wonderful I've been feeling. When I first started this site in March, I was feeling low and needing blood transfusions about every 3 weeks. I was really being affected by some of the symptoms that many people with myelodysplasia suffer from.

Well, that has changed, I'm feeling great! It's been weeks since I've needed a transfusion and it looks like I won't need another for more weeks to come. I think a number of factors have contributed to my good health. First of all, just the process of fundraising has given me something to focus on and keep me busy. Looking forward to going to Sanoviv and getting the holistic medical care they offer has lifted my spirits as well. I have been very happy which I believe has been a wonderful boost to my immune system.

Lastly, I have been using a drug called Aranesp to help keep my blood cells boosted. Last week when I was in the doctor's office, my blood numbers came back close to normal and my doctors were very pleased. They agree that it probably is not just the Aranesp providing these results as I have been on this drug for several months and my results were not this positive until recently.

It's you! Your kindness, generosity, care, and love are making me well. I'm not cured but I do feel good. Lately, I am able to do a lot more than I was able to 6 weeks ago. Thank you so much to everyone that has donated towards my trip to Sanoviv, extended a kind word of encouragement, and shared your stories with me. It really has made a difference in my health.

Please keep emailing me and sharing your thoughts and kind words with me, I love them. Many of you have probably looked for stories about how this disease is affecting me or making my life difficult and while I'm still not 100%, I am feeling well enough that I don't really have anything to complain about. I just know I'm going to continue getting better and I have you, Dickie, my friends, and family to thank for that. 

I have spent the last 3 days going through stuff that has been donated for my yard sale and I'm excited. I think I have the makings of a very successful sale. Three people have donated the bulk of the items that I have to sell and they gave me some really nice things. I have to thank Greg, Gilbert, and Debbie for bringing me so much great stuff. I also want to thank them for making sure the things they brought were clean and in good repair. You guys are wonderful. I've already made $100 and the sale doesn't even start for 2 more days!

If you're not doing anything this weekend, I am almost certain that I have at least 1 item that you want to buy. I actually have several items I want to buy! Stop by and check out the sale! We're on 24th and B street just east of downtown. We'll be open 8-5 Saturday and Sunday. Email me for directions.

Yard Sale This Weekend

I have been working on getting everything together for the yard sale this weekend. I have received some great donations and have the makings for a very successful sale, except that I didn't realize the weekend I chose was Memorial Day Weekend until the other day. Hopefully people will stop by on their way out of town. :o)

I will be open from 8AM - 5 PM on Saturday and Sunday.

If you want to come by we are located in Golden Hill on 24th and B Street just above (east of) downtown. There is street parking available and there will be limited parking (one space) in my drive way. I do not want to put my actual physical address on this site for the entire world to see so if you would like more information and/or directions, please email me.

Like I said, I received some great donations and here's a list of some of the items we have to sell:

Clothes - lots of cute women's jeans, size 9, women's suits size 4-6, nice men's suits (don't know size) some shoes and other clothing items in various sizes.

Dining Table

Rocking chair

Old time radio and turntable in console

Full size soccer net

Full set of numbered soccer jerseys, home and away

Cute ceramic stuff

Books

A set of golf clubs

A CardScan system - for those of you who collect business cards constantly and never have time to type them in your contacts. You just scan them right in! This is mine and it was a life saver when I was a saleswoman. This was purchased for $200.00 and only used for a couple of months. I am selling for $80.00

Some linens

Set of dressers, 1 with lighted mirror

Computer speakers

CD player with speakers

Lots of miscellaneous stuff.

If you have any items that you would like to donate, please email me, I would be happy to pick them up before Friday. Otherwise, I know it's Memorial Day but if you're in town, please stop by and see if I have your newest treasure!

Missing You

I hope you have all missed me, I have certainly missed you. Dickie and I took a vacation to Mexico last week and had a wonderful time. It was something we booked months ago and it was not refundable. We really had such a wonderful time with a whole week to spend together.

Now, I'm getting ready for my trip to Sanoviv. I'm so very excited about going. It has been recommended to me so often and one woman even predicted with certainty over a year ago that I would go there. I have my reservation for June 8-28. I can't thank all of you enough for making this possible for me. We have almost all the money we need and we're hoping with the Clicks for a Cure promotion http://www.apartments.com/clicksforacure/index.html and our upcoming yard sale that we will have all of the expenses covered with the exception of the charges for certain treatments and medications that sometimes are extra.

If you have not already signed your name in support through the Clicks for the Cure promotion, please click on the link above to do so and have a dollar donated in my name. Also, if you are local in San Diego and have any items I may be able to sell at a yard sale, please contact me through my email address so I can arrange to pick them up by this weekend.

Thanks again for your support and I promise to keep you updated throughout my journey about how the treatment in Sanoviv has affected my life and health. While I'm in the facility, they will not allow me to have my computer so I will be keeping a written journal and then I promise to come back and post everything.

Anyway, I hadn't written in a week and I was missing all of you terribly so I just wanted to check in and let you know I'm back so you can expect more postings very soon.

A Fellow "myelo" Disease Sufferer Lost His Battle Yesterday.

Louis Rukeyser died yesterday of multiple myeloma, not exactly myelodysplasia but it's very close. He was 73. Please remember him today and pray for new medical advances in diseases that affect the bone marrow. 

http://www.latimes.com/business/la-050306rukeyser_wr,0,465728.story?coll=la-home-headlines

Click For A Cure!

Apartments.com is a company that I used to work for. They are the company I worked for when I was diagnosed and they have been wonderful to me throughout everything. They have put together a promotion to help me raise the money I need to go to Sanoviv.

They are donating $1 for each signature they collect before May 30th, up to $4000! All you have to do is click the link and sign your name on the form and I'll get $1 towards my trip to Sanoviv. Please sign the form and then pass the link on to your friends. I really appreciate your help!

http://www.apartments.com/clicksforacure/index.html

What Do You Believe?

Your thoughts become your words and your words become your actions. A couple of weeks ago when I first wrote about this, I got a lot of feedback from people who were really inspired by what I wrote. To hear that I've inspired someone is the ultimate compliment for me. Thank you.

I believe I missed something when I was writing about that process though. I do believe your thoughts become your words and your words become your actions. I believe it with my entire being. Where do your thoughts come from though? How is this most important part of the equation determined?

I believe it starts the the moment you are born. The beliefs you develop as a child are what determine the thoughts you have later in life. The things you hear from and see your parents, caregivers, other family, and teachers doing. They told you what you were suppose to believe regarding your morals, your abilities, how you should approach the world, and what was good and bad behavior. They most likely told you what your religious beliefs and lifestyle should be. These behaviors and ideas that they taught you they reinforced for you throughout your young life. They punished you when you did something that they felt was wrong and they rewarded when you did something they thought was right. They trained you to take on their beliefs as your own and they became your reality.

I don't think we really look at the things that go to the core of our belief systems very often and evaluate where those beliefs stemmed from. We just know that we believe what we believe and most of us hold onto those beliefs with all that we have because they are our foundation, our reality. To shake up what we have always known to be true and look at the possibility that maybe the beliefs you were trained to have are not right for your life would be difficult and it might even mean you have to stand up against those people who you trusted so blindly as a baby and child. You may have to say I don't share the beliefs you taught me to have. Doing this could cause turmoil and tension between you and those people.

Unfortunately some people learned as a child that they were useless, stupid, and unwanted. They learned to believe that they are not lovable. They learned in some cases that using drugs and alcohol excessively is the best way to cope with problems. They learned not to have a work ethic, but rather do everything possible to work the system to get by. Their worlds, their beliefs, their realities never included messages like you are talented, beautiful, smart, and anything is   possible for you in this great country. They grew up believing that they were not valuable or deserving of affection. They may have grown up believing that a junk food diet is perfectly okay. They may believe that relationships and family have very little significance in life because that's what they learned from the people that taught them the things they were suppose to believe.

These people who grew up with so many negative beliefs cannot possibly be expected to go out into the world and just automatically change those thoughts to positive ones, can they? It would mean that they would have to change the things they know to be true from the beginning of their life. They would have to accept that some of the major truths and realities they have are wrong. A belief is something that goes to your core, the foundation of your being. To change that, you have to accept that what you have known to be an absolute truth for your entire life is actually wrong. This is very significant and I am sure many people are not willing or able to do it.

You end up with people who believe they are worthless, they are not capable of achieving great things, they are ugly, and they have no talent. You have people who believe these things to the fiber of their soul. Then they go out into the real world and try to survive. They have no self esteem and the thoughts they have about themselves are negative because of the negative beliefs that they absorbed when they were developing as children and into adults.

Other people look at their lives and decide that they're stupid, they're lazy, they aren't using the potential they have, they're weak and so on. It's very easy to look at someone who is not doing the things we believe they should and just decide that the person is flawed. I really don't want to believe there are that many people who are flawed, I have to think that it is their beliefs that are flawed, not the actual person.

Many of you have probably known a person with these flawed beliefs. They are that same person I talked about before who never gets a break in life, they are unlucky, and the world is out to get them. You may have tried to tell this person that's it's simply not true. You can see the beauty they process and you have witnessed the talents that they so obviously have, you tell them that they are wonderful. Then you may get frustrated because they continue on the same path of self destruction, you can plainly see that the choices they make have led them to this place of utter chaos and negativity. You just wish this person would stop being so negative, you know they are bringing this pathetic life on themselves. You may have even given up on a couple of these people in your life. I have. I never really thought about what other people's core beliefs and realities are before. I never truly realized until recently that my reality is not the same as other people's, that we each have our own very individual reality.

When you really think about this, then it's a little easier to understand that your telling this person who believes to the core of their being that they're worthless, it's not true, that in fact they are wonderful and talented might be sort of like trying to convince them that the color these words are typed in is blue. What would you say to me if I was absolutely convinced that this was blue and you should also believe that this is blue? I'm sure I would be unable to convince you. You have believed that this is red since you could grasp the concept of colors. Imagine trying to change that belief. From this day on, believing this was blue. Even if you decided to change the belief that this is red, it would be seriously difficult to implant this new belief into your brain. You have gone for your entire existence knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is red.

I imagine it has to be a lot like that for these people who grew up with the belief that they have nothing to offer. How do you take something that is just second nature, that just is as far as someone's beliefs go and expect them just to easily be able to change it? After pondering this it will be very difficult for me to just write any person off as lazy, stupid, or inherently flawed.

The difference between me trying to tell you the words above are blue and that you're actually a wonderful person is that everyone believes the words above are red. This is a truth and reality that every one of us (unless you're color blind) knows to be an absolute truth. When it comes to beliefs that we have about ourselves, it's very different. We know what our parents told us, we know what we believe and then we perceive messages from the outside world about what they believe. These perceptions can be very misleading, especially when our core foundation is rooted in negativity. I imagine the person with low self worth going out into the world, that person could have been me at one time. I imagine them getting looks from people and perceiving them as negative, I imagine that person thinking they think I'm ugly, they're judging my appearance, they would never want to know me.

Now of course these are simply the thoughts that this person perceives others have. That is probably not even close to the truth but because of their foundation, because the people who brought them to the world didn't show them love, acceptance, and encouragement, their belief is that no one would. How does one change this?

I imagine they would first need to have enough people telling them they were wrong. They would have to have their belief challenged again and again. They would have to have valid arguments presented that contradicted their belief. If everyone I talked to told me that this was blue, if people were smiling at me and encouraging me to believe that this was blue, everyday for a year then it's possible my belief may slowly change and I might be open to the possibility that this is blue.

I wonder how many people whose belief systems are flawed ever receive enough of these messages to actually be able to change their core belief? I imagine one of the biggest obstacles to this is the people they surround themselves with. People gravitate towards like minded people. They are most comfortable with people who share many of their same beliefs. So I imagine the people with flawed beliefs do the same thing. They find people who also feel that they are unworthy and they have negative thoughts, which lead to negative words which result in negative actions. We all remember the saying you are known by the company that you keep. I agree wholeheartedly with this.

I bet in some cases if the person with flawed beliefs simply changed the people they spent time with, found new positive people to associate with; many of their beliefs would just naturally evolve into beliefs that are similar to the beliefs of their new optimistic friends. This is easier said than done though because this may mean that you have to break off relationships with your parents, other family, and long time friends. That can't be easy.

I guess I just wanted to expound on this because last time I wrote about negative thoughts, I overlooked this key element. Our thoughts come from our beliefs. I simply said that if the radio station in your head is feeding you negative thoughts about yourself then change the station. I didn't discuss how to go about doing such a difficult task. This is something that I feel I can speak about because I did it myself. I had a key person who was responsible for shaping a lot of my beliefs giving me negative messages as a child. When I became a young adult, those messages affected me. My beliefs were flawed. Luckily, I had enough people challenging my beliefs and giving me valid arguments that I was wrong. Those people who did believe in me and love me challenged my flawed  beliefs enough that I separated myself from the person who was giving me the negative messages. Now without getting the negative messages and getting positive ones from other people I was prepared to handle the revelation that what I believed was wrong. I went to counseling to help me work through and really change the belief I used to have into a new reality that I was worthy, completely lovable, capable, and talented. I went through this process while I was still very young thankfully. I was able to change these flawed beliefs before I was 20 years old. I don't know where I would be if I had not altered some of the beliefs I had in that early part of my life. I know I would have a very different reality than the one I enjoy today.

I know it sounds easy to think positive thoughts for those of us that generally have positive thoughts come naturally. Those positive thoughts don't come naturally to everyone. Even someone like me who has been through a change in their beliefs can easily forget this. Today I take a vow to never dismiss people as flawed again. I will consider their beliefs and where those beliefs came from. I will remember that it's very possible the messages they received that shaped what they believe about themselves were all negative. I will do everything I can to encourage those people, to tell them again and again how talented and beautiful they are even when it seems they will never believe it. I won't give up on people because their beliefs are flawed. I will try to be one of the people who are able to challenge that belief enough to open their mind to the possibility it could be wrong.

I know I'll still get frustrated with these people because what I can see so clearly, they may never see. I will possibly want to give up on them or decide it's not worth my time to try and change the beliefs they so strongly hold. I won't give up though and I will continue to invest my time because if I am able to challenge their beliefs enough and present my argument in just the right way, I may be able to open their mind a little and they may learn that their belief is in fact flawed. I will find people out in public who obviously have low self esteem and I will give them genuine compliments, hoping that a random word of kindness is enough to make them start to evaluate their flawed beliefs.

Can you imagine if we all did that? What if all of us who do know that all people are special and worthy reached out a helping hand to someone who doesn't believe that and we never gave up on them? What if we all decided to start putting twice as much energy into lifting people's spirits up than we currently do? What if we all went out of our way to find things that these people with flawed beliefs have done well and made a really big deal about it? What if we all vowed not to give up on these people no matter how frustrated they made us, no matter how many bad decisions they made, no matter how much they wallow in self pity? What if we accepted that it was their core beliefs that were wrong and not them and made a resolution to make this person see all of their positive qualities? What if we invited them into our positive and uplifting families and circle of friends?

Do you think we could make a difference in our community, our country, or even in the world? If we were able to affect the people who think negative, speak negative, and act negative causing them to revert to positive, would that change our world? I think if enough of us resolved to try and do this we could. We could change some of the energy flows around us. We could create a more positive thinking workplace or community and that could cause profound differences in our life. We may no longer have to listen to someone telling us how much their life sucks, we wouldn't have to absorb their negative energy just because we ended up in a conversation with them. We may be able to affect them enough by challenging their flawed beliefs about themselves that instead when you talk to them, they lift you up and exude positive energy for you to absorb.

It's just an interesting thought and something that I am going to practice in my life, no matter how frustrated and annoyed I get at someone. I'm sure I annoyed and frustrated some of the people in my life that first tried to make me see that my beliefs regarding my self worth were flawed. They didn't give up on me. I know some cases are harder to crack than others but that doesn't mean you shouldn't keep trying.

I actually really believe we could cause serious changes in the energy around us by doing this. If we gave the grumpy, stressed out person in front of us in line at the grocery store a genuine compliment and that made them smile, then you would no longer be subject to the powerful negative energies they were just exuding. Instead you would get positive energy from them and that would brighten both of your days. It might even cause that person to perform a random act of kindness and put more positive energy into the world. Of course it's possible that you could offer up the compliment and be told to go screw yourself by the person you gave it to but still nothing has been lost as long as you don't allow yourself to be affected by that negativity.

Some people may not be interested in changing their beliefs. They may be so closed to the idea that it's possible their beliefs are wrong that they ask you to stop trying to change their beliefs and uplift them. In this case you have no choice but to stop. We have all encountered the missionaries from different religions knocking on our door trying to convince us that our beliefs are wrong and theirs are right. Sometimes a belief goes so deep that nothing will change it and sometimes we think there is absolutely nothing wrong with our current beliefs. It's the people out there who tell me or give me hints they want to change, they want to think differently about themselves that I will focus on and will not give up on, like so many others in their life have. I wonder if I will provoke a change in the energy flows around me, I just have to believe I will.

 

A Friend is Like a 4 Leaf Clover, Hard to Find, Lucky to Have

I have some of the most wonderful friends in the world. People who would literally do anything for me and who I would literally do anything for. I don't know how many people can say that. All I know is that I am truly blessed to have all of the friends I do and that they and my family are my number one priority in life. I didn't always put my friends first, it used to be my work and career that I was most concerned with. This was an extreme error in judgment on my part and I have let a couple of wonderful people slip from my life because I did not put any effort into letting them know that they were wonderful, I was too busy with work.

Friends are priceless, I would rather have a really good friend than all the money in the world. Money can't console you when you need it or celebrate with you when it's appropriate. Money doesn't encourage you to go for it or tell you when your judgment might be a little off. Money doesn't come get you when you need a day out or bring you blackberries and cream when you need a day in. Money doesn't come help you clean your house when you can't do it yourself and make you a grilled cheese sandwich in the process. Money doesn't send you a card just to say it loves you and it's thinking about you. Money won't help you when you're sick and puking and still love you just as much. Money doesn't make you a hand carved walking stick encoded with a beautiful message. Money doesn't remember that you collect fairy's and buy you the most beautiful fairy trinket you've ever seen. Money doesn't come visit you with the goal in mind of treating you to a wonderful week in San Diego. It doesn't join you for your birthday and make you feel special. Money never calls you at just the right moment, it doesn't have the ability to know there's something going on just from the tone of your voice and it won't ask what it can do to help you. I would much rather have friends than money or any material thing.

Anytime I find myself in need or just in want of something, I receive it from one of my friends or a family member. Almost without fail. It's amazing. It's wonderful. It makes me realize that I wouldn't have the happiness I do in my life without my network of friends. They love me and want me to be comfortable, well, and happy. They go to great lengths to make me feel this way and I hope I provide the same for them.

  I am so happy I have put priority on my relationships in life, rather than work. I am so happy to take the energy I have and invest it into my relationships rather than use it for monetary gain. I am not currently physically able to work but when I am again, I will not make the mistakes I've made in the past. My career goals will have to work around my relationships, never again will my friends take the back burner in life. For those friends who knew me when they weren't my biggest priority in life, I want to thank you for putting up with me and doing so much to maintain our friendship when I was so busy with work I wouldn't be bothered to take the time for you that you deserved.

I hope all people who place more value in their life on the money they earn and the job title they enjoy than they do on their friends eventually see how enriching good friends can be. Their value is really beyond measure. 

Take A Hike

I went for a hike on March 31st of last year in the Torrey Pines Nature reserve. I wrote in my journal that the day must have been sent to me from God. I hiked down a small hill on a trail that twisted through the beautiful desert landscape, a dramatic change from the hiking I'm used to in Washington with the huge evergreen trees surrounding you in all directions. The landscape here is less majestic but not less beautiful. I happened to go on the day when the painted lady butterflies were migrating from Mexico to the Pacific Northwest. Something that happens only once or twice a decade. As I walked past the strange shrubs with their unique flowers, I was stirring up storms of butterflies in every direction. It was amazing to see the number of them, thousands I imagine, all around me. I didn't realize until I watched the news later that evening that the butterflies were migrating, I just happened to go during the short period when they move up from the south. It was simply breathtaking. As I headed down the hill the ocean came into view below the cliff that I was on. With the flowers, the butterflies, and now the ocean view, I couldn't imagine this day getting any more beautiful.

The trail is very groomed, even with benches along the way to stop and rest while you take in the view. This is something else I'm not used to when hiking. In Washington, I always tried to find the most remote places to hike with limited access so I could separate myself from the rest of the world for awhile. Solitude in nature has always been a very spiritual and soul feeding experience for me. Something that I crave and need in order to keep my heart and soul healthy. I was worried at this place that I would be interrupted by the masses of other people looking to take in the beauty and connect with nature but luckily, I went on a weekday when most people had to go earn their living so I only passed a couple of other people that were lucky enough to choose this beautiful spring day for a hike.

I walked through the beautiful plants, flowers, and butterflies for awhile until I came to a bench right on the edge of the cliff that over looked the ocean. I sat on the bench and started writing in my journal which is something I usually do during a hike. I happened to glance out to the ocean in the middle of a sentence and saw a pod of whales passing right in front of the place where I sat. I was dumbstruck, could this perfect day really be bringing another wonderful surprise? They where beautiful just passing by in the perfect blue water. I wrote in my journal that I don't think it would be possible to experience so many natural wonders in a few short moments without contemplating God.

For me, the beauty of our planet in it's natural form, escaping the concrete structures that are made by man and entering the world that was created entirely by God is my church. That's the environment that touches me the most and takes me to a spiritual place that I have not found anywhere else. I do have an actual feeling of being filled up spiritually when I personally connect with nature. 

I have looked back on this day very often in the past couple of weeks. I want to go there again but I do not trust my ability to get there and back. On the way down there was a pretty steep bank that you have to get back up. On my way back up, I had a very difficult time, even with the benches that were there to rest on, I had to stop in between them several times on the way back up. I was having a very hard time catching my breath and my heart was beating rapidly. I made it up on that day but I'm not convinced I could today.

It's frustrating having so much less physical ability than I once had. I used to backpack for 4 or 5 days at a time carrying 40 pounds of gear on my back, climbing thousands of feet of elevation. I used to hike up mountains of 10,000 feet, getting to the top with some exertion but feeling quite alive and well when I arrived. Today, I wonder if that will ever be possible for me again. I get frustrated. I have been so frustrated lately that I have sort of gone into give up mode. I am not sure what my limit is so I haven't tried to do much at all for fear of reaching my limit and passing out or having a heart attack. Even just driving up to 10,000 feet wipes me out as I discovered earlier in the year during a trip to mammoth.

I need some natural beauty, a complete escape from concrete and vehicles, where the only things my eye can see are those that God made. I have never been without it for so long and I am aching for a hike, for that oneness with nature.

I am not familiar with the nature preserves and hikes in the area but I really need to find someplace FLAT that I can go and soak in some natural beauty. True natural beauty, completely away from things that man has made. Someplace where I can go for a short walk and arrive at a place where I cannot hear cars or small their exhaust, where people are not all over the place, where the birds and flowers are what I see, hear, and smell. I'm not taking about someplace like the grounds of Balboa park or the trails of the Florida Canyon, I want to spend some time in a completely natural environment. 

Maybe some of you know where this place is or something close to it. If you do, please post a comment and let me know. I'm really craving a little solitude in nature.

Wow, We've Almost Reached Our Original Goal!

I have amazing news. We have raised a total of $13,000.00 because of the generosity of two wonderful companies.

The first company is ConAm management who has generously donated $7,000.00. The employees at ConAm management are responsible for thousands more in donations. ConAm is the property management company that I was employed with for the majority of my career and that Dickie just celebrated his 10th anniversary working for.  These people are like our extended family and we are overwhelmed by this donation.

The second company is Apartments.com. They are the company that I worked for most recently as an account executive. They were the company that I was working for when I got sick and had to go on disability. They have been amazing since day one. They have donated $1000.00 and are going to donate $1.00 additional for the first 4000 people who simply click for the cure and sign their name. This is a program for property management professionals to show their support for someone who worked in the industry for 13 years. If you work in property management and advertise with Apartments.com look for their click for the cure button on the property manager center link on May 1st. Have everyone at your property sign the form and I'll get a dollar for each one!

At this rate, we will have enough money raised to cover the basic costs plus have some money available to cover what can be up to $14,000.00 in additional costs if we require certain treatments or surgery. Any donations that I may receive that do not go towards my care at Sanoviv will be donated to Myelodysplasia research.

I am amazed how quickly this has happened and I am thrilled to announce that I will be arriving at Sanoviv in early June for their intensive medical program.

I just want to thank everyone who has donated and/or supported me along the way. There are so many wonderful people in the world and I have been lucky enough to be surrounded by them.

My Weekend

As you know, Friday was my 30th birthday. Many people asked me how I feel about being 30 and while I know this is a difficult birthday for many women, it wasn't for me. I don't have the feelings of getting old. After my past couple of years, I'm honestly happy I made it to 30. I have a feeling I'll feel like that about most of my upcoming birthdays.

For my birthday celebration, my friends treated me to a fantastic meal at Mr. A's. There were 21 people there to celebrate with me. Mr. A's is a wonderful place on the 16th floor of a building that has the best view of downtown San Diego that I've ever seen. The weather on Friday afternoon turned ugly and rainy but it cleared up in time for us to soak in the amazing view at dinner. Everybody got dressed up and it was the perfect opportunity for me to wear the gorgeous pant suit that Nichole bought me. I decided to try and capture the 1970's in my appearance and wore disco style earrings and cork wedge heels. It was fun.

There was such a great mixture of people there to celebrate with me and that was fun too. My dad came in from Seattle which always makes me very happy. I had friends come in from Bakersfield, my favorite nurse from the hospital joined us and then of course all of the people I love the most from right here in San Diego were there. I have collected an amazing group of friends since I've been here and I'm so thankful for them.

After dinner, our friend Andy arranged for several of us to go to a popular night club for free and even got us VIP passes which gave us exclusive access to a part of the club that other people did not have. I realized that I am not at all interested in the club scene anymore. I haven't been to one in years and I have absolutely no desire to return to one anytime soon. For one thing, I don't drink. It just doesn't do anything for me anymore. Don't get me wrong, I used to love to party and get down with the best of them but that just doesn't fit with me anymore. I will drink a glass or two of red wine occasionally but beyond that, I do not like alcohol at all. Furthermore, my taste in music is older than I am. I prefer old rock N roll and blues music for dancing. I don't like the Hip Hop, House, and Mixed Up R&B music that is so popular these days, especially when it is so loud you can't even hear the person next to you talking. So, while we had these awesome passes that would have otherwise cost enough money to feed 12 starving children for free, we chose to leave almost as soon as we got there. I have to admit that I did momentarily feel old when leaving the club. I thought if I were still a young person, I would have been thrilled to have such exclusive access to this club. 

We went to Mexico on Saturday morning. Before we left, I had to drive over to Nichole's house to get the camera because we had left it in her car the night before and I knew you would all be very upset if I did not chronicle our trip to Mexico on film. As I was backing out of my driveway, so was my neighbor from across the street. We crashed into each other. It was a bummer. My car has much less damage than their car does and I feel badly, the accident was more than likely my fault. After being very upset about it for awhile, I decided to let it go and have a good day.

We headed out for the 45 minute drive to Rosarito. Dad had never been down there before and he really enjoyed it as I always do when we go down there. You have to drive through some very poor areas and it can be heartbreaking but the other side of the coin is that you have a feeling of complete solidarity and extreme family values with these people, something I just don't experience everyday in the United States. In Mexico, if one person has something, so do their family and friends. If they have nothing then they all have nothing but they still have each other. These people are poor, their poverty level is worse than any I've seen in the United States but they are smiling. They find the little joys in life and celebrate them to the fullest extent, at least that's the impression I've gotten. The views that you see of the ocean while you're driving down are breathtaking. Some people who have lived in this area their whole life take this beauty for granted but I never will. It's great medicine for me, especially when I find myself missing the majestic views of the mountain ranges that I grew up taking in while living in the Puget Sound area. The gorgeous ocean views are a perfect replacement.

We went to Cantiles, just past Rosarito for brunch and I had a wonderful Chile Rellieno. The boys had a couple of drinks with their food and we chatted with some of the locals and the bartender. Everyone is so nice down there. We headed out for Rosarito after lunch. It was during spring break so the feel was a little different than we are used to. there were more people than usual and the crowd was young but they were having fun and it was fun to watch them.

We walked through the shopping area briefly and dad bought me a very nice cotton dress. Then we headed for the tequila museum, our favorite hang out. I don't drink anymore but the boys do and I was driving so they were free to have a great time. I love this place so much because the bartenders are really entertaining and just nice people.

Danny was bartending on Saturday. He has an arsenal of great bar tricks that I just love and I had him entertaining dad with them for awhile. They are like mind benders that seem impossible to figure out when he presents them to you and then incredibly simple once he shows you how they work. He was quite concerned with making sure I was having a good time, they can never figure me out because I really enjoy sitting at the bar but I won't have a drink. I just like watching the action and have fun watching everyone else drinking and letting their guard down. Well, Danny decided that if I wasn't going to drink he was going to put me to work. Maybe because he was drinking just as much as the boys were and he thought it might be good to have someone sober behind the bar. It was a blast. I picked it up quick and learned how to make daiquiris, margaritas, and a sex on the beach in no time. I also learned how to prepare a bucket of beers, which was the most popular order with the spring breakers.

There were several people who were taking part in this new fad - body shots, where a cute drunk girl lays on the bar and exposes her midriff while the bartender pours cheap tequila all over her stomach and her friends slurp it off. I wasn't thrilled with this responsibility but everyone else seemed to really enjoy it so I kept pouring the cheap tequila on the cute girls. The whole bartending experience was fun and I even almost learned how to twirl bottles around like Tom Cruise in the movie Cocktail. I'll have to work on it a little more next time we go down there.

We headed home in the late evening and it took us over 2 hours to cross the border. We had fun in the car talking to each other and the people trying to sell their wares at the crossing. Overall it was a great trip.

On Easter Sunday, we had a wonderful brunch at Nichole's house with ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, eggs, and other great stuff. We ate until our bellies were very full and had great conversations with all of the people that were there. We spent the afternoon at home just sort of napping and relaxing. Last night we went out to the Soup Plantation for dinner and then came home and did some more relaxing, it was great a great weekend. Dad will go home this evening, I always wish he could stay longer but we had a great time. 

I have posted new photo albums of my birthday and our trip to Mexico if you want to see more pictures.

30 Years Old

Happy Birthday to me....

 

Happy Birthday to meeeee...

Wish I were a monkey...

So I could swing through the trees!

Have You Ever Considered the Power Of Your Words?

Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me. Who came up with this? A protective mother maybe, trying to give her child some ammunition to fight back with because children were teasing him? Was it a teacher trying to console a child? Whoever said it, I am sure they meant well but they were just plain wrong. Words are so much more powerful than many people give them credit for. Of course the harsh words that children use on the playground are hurtful and the words spoken in anger from parents or from spouses can scar. I remember as a child that there were times I would have much rather been hit than hear some of the things my stepmother so absentmindedly screamed at me but this is not even close to the amazing power words have. They have the power to hurt others yes, but they have the power to do so much more.

Because I have a sort of new age thinking dad, this concept has been a part of my being for my entire life but I am realizing some people have never even been introduced to the idea. they run around using their words without even considering the power they have and the repercussions the use of their words could have for them.

I'm about to share with you a belief that I have that goes to the core of my being. The concept for some of you may seem corny or ridiculous or might sound nice but you'll think it's not really true. Some of you may write me off as being one of those nauseating optimists. Some of you may already accept it to be true but like me, you sometimes forget and allow your words to flow without really thinking.

OK - here's what I'm talking about. Your successes and failures in life are completely based on the words you use. I mean completely, totally, absolutely based on what you say. That's it. That's the only thing that determines your success. Your life, where you are at today is based on the things you have said in the past and the things you say today. Now, I'm not an expert on this, I haven't read the books with all of the statistics but they have been written and I do plan to read them very soon. Like I said, I know this to be true because my daddy taught me when I was very young. He probably doesn't even realize how well he pounded this concept into my being. What he did was force me to say out loud things like "I am not sick" when I had a cold, or "I am going to get a perfect score" when I had a test to take. He would make me repeat whatever it was 5 times out loud. When I was a little kid, I thought this was quite silly, especially when he would make me say that I wasn't sick when my nose was completely stuffed, my throat was on fire, and I was coughing like an emphysema patient. Do you know what would happen after he made me do this exercise? My cold would clear right up, I would ace the test, or whatever else he had made me say would come to pass, just as he had made me say it would. Amazing - or is it? Words really do have power, the ones you choose to use will predict the outcome of what you're talking about. Is this always 100% true without exception? Of course not. Nothing is. This is a general truth that I believe every person should be aware of and do their best to control. I know so many people who do not, so I'm asking if I can challenge you to try it for a month.

It starts with the words that you use when you talk to yourself or more simply, your thoughts. What do you think about the events and your abilities in life? What do you tell yourself about the kind of person you are? Is that little radio station in your head (you control it, by the way) telling you that you are smart and beautiful or is it telling you that you are stupid and ugly? Is he telling you that you are creative and talented or does he say that you have nothing special to offer the world? When you get bad news, does he tell you that you can't handle it or does he tell you that this is just one more challenge that you are completely capable of overcoming? If your radio station is tuned into the voice that tells you you are not a strong, lovely, creative and talented person then CHANGE THE DAMN STATION!It's simply that you've been tuned into the wrong frequency. Now I know this is difficult to do, those negative thoughts so easily creep in. To really see how easily they do, try writing a tick on a sheet of paper each time one does for an entire day and be amazed at how many are there at the end of the day, even if you think your thoughts are positive, you'll see that you really do have a lot of negative thoughts. Try to be aware of them and squash them because your thoughts become the words you speak.  Remember that, your thoughts become your words and while your thoughts have power, your words have even more.

If the words you use when you talk to yourself are all negative then so will be the words you use when you talk to others. The energy you put out into the world will be negative. Let's say you are on a diet trying to lose 15 pounds. If you get up in the morning and look in the mirror, telling yourself that you will never be able to get rid of those love handles, you'll go on through your day and then when you confide in your friend, you'll undoubtedly tell her I'm never going to be able to get rid of these pounds, I just can't do it. If instead you look in the mirror and tell yourself you're gonna melt those pounds off in no time, your friend will probably hear a very different story. You'll tell her that you are on a mission to lose 15 pounds and your are going to accomplish it. This is true with the littlest goals and of the loftiest ones too. We all have dreams and some of them are big, very big. Some of them are so big that we allow the radio in our head to tell us they are not attainable. How will you ever accomplish those dreams if you start out by telling yourself you can't do it? I think many people are much too willing to give up on a dream before they even try it because it would be very difficult and take a lot of work. We simply tell ourselves it's not possible. Where would be be today if Martin Luther King Jr. had given up on his dream because he allowed the voice in his head to tell him he couldn't accomplish it. I don't even want to think about that.

I have a lofty goal, it's an incredible amount of work and difficult to accomplish. When it first came to  me, I did what many people do and dismissed it because it's very big and I allowed the voice in my head to tell me I couldn't do it. For several years this dream has been with me and so has the voice telling me I can't do it. An internal struggle ensued. I decided to squash the negative thoughts and I started using words when I was talking to people that put the wheels in motion for me to accomplish this dream. I started out small but realized my dream is not small, so small words were not appropriate. I told people that I wanted to do it, but wanting to do it is not doing it, so I started telling people I am going to do it and today, I have no problem telling you that I am going to become a nationally recognized motivational speaker. I'm on my way to doing it because I used the thoughts that were telling me I could, to shape the words I used when I was talking to people. Those words that I've used to talk to people have opened up opportunities for me to get on my way. I really decided for certain about six months ago that this is what I'm going to do. I'm not in an extreme rush at this point because first I have to get well (which I will) before I can completely focus on it. In that six months, I have compiled many writings that I will be able to use, I have been published in newspapers and an upcoming book, I have created this blog and have a small following on it. I have recently presented a motivational speech and I have other speaking opportunities being offered to me. I have not pursued them yet because I'm not quite ready but the wheels are in motion because my words shaped my actions. Think about that for a moment. My thoughts shaped my words and then my words shaped my actions.

If you go out and tell someone you're going to lose 15 pounds and you say it with complete confidence then you're going to do it. It really is that simple. Your thoughts become your words and your words become your actions. Your actions determine what happens in your life. If you get a sore throat and you tell yourself you are getting sick then you'll probably tell your friends that you are getting sick and you'll then get sick but if instead you get the sore throat and tell yourself you are not going to get sick, you probably won't even speak the words that you may be getting sick and you'll take some action (I would recommend garlic, olive leaf extract, and astragalus) to prevent yourself from getting a full blown cold.

I do not believe this to be true in every situation, just generally and most people either generally think negatively or generally think positively. Then they speak either negatively or positively. Then the action they take is negative or positive and the results they get are generally negative or positive. We all know that person who is constantly telling us nothing ever goes their way, they just can't get a break, they are very unlucky, the world is out to get them and they are right. Their life stinks, they never do have anything go their way or catch a break, they never have a stroke of luck and it actually does seem like the world is out to get them! Are you this person? If so, please closely examine your thoughts and what you say when you talk to yourself. It could be a major factor in the way your life is going.

I know I'm getting a little long winded here but I want to make one more point. I hope I have been able to show you that your thoughts become your words and your words become your actions but I want to help people understand that their words can affect others as well. I'm not only talking about the words you say directly to others but the thoughts and words you use regarding others. Thoughts and words have an actual energy. That energy can be very powerful. Please be aware of this, not only in your own life but regarding others as well. If you are speaking of an extremely ill person, there is a big difference between thinking and saying he's not doing very well and thinking or saying he is doing the best that he can. It may not seem like a big difference but it is. When you say he's not doing well, the energy is negative, saying he's doing the best he can sends out more positive waves of energy.

I want to share one personal example regarding this. This is just one example. Now once you read this, I command you to instantly forget it because too many people cannot control their thoughts and I do not want any of you to put any energy into it. There are many people who already have and I'm not happy about it. Myelodysplasia turns into leukemia 30% of the time. I have had several people remind me of this since my myelodysplasia diagnoses. Most of them strangers who think they have knowledge about my situation and I guess they think they are helping me by saying these words. I feel like they are putting an energy out there with regard to me that I did not give them permission to put out. I actually become very upset when people do this. Remember, I honestly believe words have enough power to affect the outcome of things so when people say things like "You know, myelodysplasia becomes leukemia a lot" I get furious. One person actually called me recently, having finally just done a little research about myelodysplasia and told me I HAVE leukemia. I actually had to debate with this person about it. I would prefer that someone go through my purse without permission than to speak these kind of words without any thought about the power they may hold. That's how strongly I feel about it. Now, I have completely squashed this from my mind and I have decided that I will be part of the 70% that does not have this outcome so I am not worried about it coming to pass but I do believe that since I told you this, you could decide it will happen to me and then tell your friends, and they could tell their friends, etc. and that may generate enough energy to actually affect the outcome. So, right now, forget I told you this. Do not speak to me or comment about it in writing or any other form. Do not mention it to your friends or even give it another thought.

I shared this with you because I so strongly want you to understand the potential your words can have. I could spend all afternoon telling you about the things that have come to pass in my life because of the thoughts I had, the words I used, and the actions they caused me to take. For me, most of those things are positive because since I was a little girl, I have understood the power that words hold but there have been times in my life as well when negative things have happened because of my thoughts, words, and then the actions or inaction those words guided me into. Do you choose to think this glass is half empty or half full. I will tell you half full every day of the week, and you may hate me for it. Some people actually think it's cool to be negative and will always choose that path. I will never understand them, they've created the painting called their life and it's dark, blurry, and disturbing. I've never been able to appreciate that kind of art, yet it is art, it was created. You do create your own painting of your life with the choices you make. You can choose to see the glass half empty or choose to see it half full. What would the painting of your life look like right now, would it be positive and uplifting or dark and depressing?

I am going to close with one of my favorite poems for those of you who may not see your potential or are afraid to let it shine so the thoughts and words you use do not allow you to accomplish the things you could if you made a serious effort to change the radio station in your head.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frighten us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brillant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson

Just a day

I went to the doctor's office today for blood work and the news was good. My hemoglobin was stable and my platelets had improved. I won't need a transfusion for at least another week. That will be 5 weeks. yeah! I am using a drug called Aranesp which is similar to the more well known Procrit. I'm sure you have seen the exaggerated commercials for the wonders of Procrit. This drug has helped me but I still can't help but be disgusted by the amount of money drug companies spend on advertising.

Procrit and Aranesp are the brand names, the drug used is Epoetin. Check out the possible side effects. Anyway, I was using Procrit but I stopped because of bone pain, fevers, and headache. Then this new one, Aranesp came out and while I still have the same symptoms with it, they are less severe and it seems to be giving me more time between transfusions - yeah! 

Do any of you watch ER? It is one of my favorites along with The Apprentice but anyway, their is a new character on ER that has MDS which is short for Myelodysplasia. He ended up in the ER last week because he fainted and needed a transfusion. Sam the nurse took care of him and he liked her so this week he asked her to move into his huge, lavish mansion and be his in home nurse. I am thrilled to see myelodysplasia getting some attention - Hip Hip Hurray! I'm not sure how accurate it will be at describing myelodysplasia but it looks like he is going to be on the show for awhile so it should be fun to watch. 

I had tea with John today and we had a great time talking. He has the best stories and we share a lot of the same views about a lot of issues. John is 65 and I met him in the hospital when he was getting treatment for Chronic Inflammatory Demyelinating Polyneuropathy or CIDP for short. It's an extremely rare and aggressive disease that causes you to lose control and feeling in your limbs. He feels he got it from the flu shot. So far it's up to his knees and starting in on his hands. It's very hard to treat. He has a lot of medical crap to deal with. Aside from that, he is a wonderful story teller and my, does he have some stories to tell!

Dickie was in Sacramento so I had the house to myself. Just hung out with the dog, read a little, and watched a little TV. That's all for now, Folks.

My Acupuncturist

I went to my acupuncturist today. I love him. I have never been to acupuncture before so I don't have anything to compare to but I am willing to bet most acupuncturists are not as wonderful as this one is. I have been seeing him for almost a year, every week. I found him on a website that lists acupuncturists with their bios. I looked through the almost endless list and narrowed it down to 2 who I wanted to call. He definitely had the strongest credentials.

I called him first, late in the afternoon and he answered personally and asked me to come in on the spot. I could tell he was genuinely concerned about what I was telling him on the phone. I did go in that evening and I had my first appointment. He spent at least two hours with me if not more. Then he called me the next day and asked me how I was feeling.

I have never had an appointment with him that was less than an hour and often times they are closer to 2 hours. He asks me how I'm doing before we do anything else and when he asks this he doesn't just mean how my body is doing, he wants to know how my mind and heart are doing. He is very intuitive and can easily tell if I'm struggling with something that I'm not saying and he has a remarkable way of drawing things out of me that I didn't even realize I was feeling. He knows all the right questions to ask me to help me form my own conclusion about things.

He has to be the most highly intelligent person I know. Often times highly educated or intelligent people, especially in very specialized fields such as medicine talk over my head and I leave a conversation with them feeling confused and overwhelmed. I have never felt this way with my acupuncturist. He has the most amazing ability to take a complex subject and paint a simple picture that I am easily able to understand. He does not talk over me, expecting me to understand his jargon nor does he treat me as if I am not smart enough to understand what he is talking about. He takes the time to explain things to me in a very understandable way. I learn something from him either about myself, the human body, the earth, history, or something cool every time I see him.

He entertains my questions and silly curiosities. I am often perplexed by a medical idea that does not relate to me - I just want to know why it is the way it is. Now most doctors would not be able to give you enough time to answer all of your curious questions but he does. I feel like he really wants to help me learn and understand anything that he may have knowledge of. He is a fantastic teacher and he does teach college classes.

He leaves me to relax for awhile during each session and I am able to slip into a level of complete relaxation that I have been unable to achieve in any other setting. I have tried with meditation and I just cannot duplicate the complete feeling of relaxation that I feel when I'm in his office.

In the time that I've been seeing him there has been a number of issues that I have called him about. I got a horrible cold a while back, I had severe stomach issues about a month ago, I've had persistent fevers that I was concerned about, etc. Any time I have had a problem that was beyond all of the normal problems, he has had wonderful advice that saved me from having to take a prescription drug.

He calls me to check up on me anytime he knows I'm not feeling well. I have never experienced a health care professional who honestly cares about me as much as this one does. I have great health care workers, I love them, and hope I don't offend them by saying my acupuncturist far exceeds my expectations. He is truly amazing. Thank you for everything Dr. Wang.

What's Myelodysplasia like?

Hot blooded, check it and see, I got a fever of 103.....

Fevers are one of the things that I suffer with because of myelodysplasia and I can't help but hum that song every time I get one. Right now, it is actually exactly 103. Now many of you would call your doctor at this point or take Tylenol but I don't. I believe the fever is my body's natural thermostat working on something. Disease and infection cannot live in high temperatures, which is why you get a fever when you're sick in the first place. I would NEVER recommend not to treat a child's fever when it's at 103 but if you're an adult, the better way is really to ride it out because it is your body's way of healing. Doctors will tell you to take Tylenol but if you probe a little, the ONLY reason they give for telling you to do this is that you'll be more comfortable. If you probe further, and hopefully you have a doctor who will tell you this right away, but if you probe further I am certain your doctor will agree that a fever is a natural healing process for the body. Now if it gets to be over 104 or more, it should probably be treated.

Anywhoo, I thought I would share some of the problems I have because of this stupid illness. Forgive me in advance for all of my bitching and moaning, I just think some of you might be curious about how myelodysplasia actually affects my day.

I've already told you about fevers which come and go throughout the day, I believe based on the amount of activity I do. The more active I am, the hotter I get, at least that's my observation. I think the reason for this is because my bone marrow does not produce enough good red blood cells so essentially I have a lot less blood than you do. This causes a chain reaction of problems. I do not get enough oxygen because red blood cells are what carry oxygen through the body, without enough red blood cells, there's less oxygen in the body. My heart has to pump harder and faster because I have less blood to pump. What this equates to is my body working very hard to perform normal tasks such as standing, walking, cleaning, etc. When I do too much of this at once, I believe my body lets me know by either getting hot or I feel like I'm going to faint. Now, I'm sure a medical doctor would tell me this fever theory is crap but after a year and a half of dealing with this and getting fevers when I am active, I am pretty sure that's what my body is doing. The doctors have classified my fever as an FUO (fever of unknown origin) and it drives them crazy. They want to do all this testing for infection and put me on antibiotics, etc. When they can tell me exactly what's infected (I let them do the tests and they're normal), I'll take the antibiotics. I took a course of them over a year ago when the fevers first started and my fever got worse and I felt like junk for weeks.

Okay so I've told you about the fevers and the fact that I feel like I'm climbing a mountain when I walk down the street. Another thing that I'm affected by is a low platelet count. This means I bleed and bruise VERY easily. The problem with this is that I've always wanted to try sky diving and now the doctors really advise against it. They also advise against driving on the freeway, any kind of physical sports, and even shaving my legs. I just have no platelets to keep me from bleeding so a small cut or impact could cause a very big problem. I have a true to life rain forest growing off my legs, now I admit I am a bit of a nature freak, I did grow up in tree hugger-ville but come on, I am also aware that at least for me (don't get offended anyone) shaved legs are prettier. Now I could use that Nair hair removal system and I have but I don't very often because the idea of the horrible chemicals in that stuff keeps me awake at night. My dear friend Lisa tried to take me to get waxed but I feel I've suffered enough and I am just not willing to torture myself in that way. Poor Dickie with my tree trunks growing off my legs.

Another issue is that I often feel like I'm going to faint. This is improved greatly just after a blood transfusion and then continues to get worse each week after it. Sometimes I think I'm strong enough to go grocery shopping and then I find myself with my little basket of organic vegetables needing to sit down - right now. I have taken a seat on the floor of the grocery store, standing in line at the bank, and waiting for elevators. People's reactions vary, some ask if I'm all right, others give me a crazy look and walk around me. After a minute or so, the blood gets back into my head again and I can get up. This is a very good indication that I'm in need of a fill up. I always feel a little faint and this limits my physical activity level enormously which is very frustrating but when I'm having to sit right down in public, I know for sure it's time for blood.

Blood transfusions are a part of my normal routine. I was getting them about every 6 weeks and now it's more like every 3 weeks. If my designated donors are reading this - let me say THANK YOU so much! I normally go on a Saturday and get two units. It takes a good part of the day, I just sit and read or otherwise occupy myself while blood is given to me through an IV. Many people have asked me if they take my blood out and then put new in and I completely understand the question because the word transfusion sort of indicates that but no, I just get more added. I call it a fill up, my mom calls me her little vampire. I am close to needing a fill up now.

Hopefully the transfusion will help this swishing sound in my ear dissipate. When I'm low on oil (blood) I get this overwhelming sound in my ear. It's my heartbeat which beats on average 116 times a minute (normal is around 80 beats per minute). Sometimes this sound in my ear is so deafening that I can't hear anything else. I have to press on the big vein in my neck to get it to stop for a second so I can concentrate on what is being said. My doctor advises against doing that but what the heck - otherwise it's like this underwater disorienting sound that takes over my whole brain. Sometimes it is worse than others. It's almost always there just sometimes with less severity. Sometimes it's good because it takes my mind off all the weird little pains I experience.

I currently have two lumps in my abdomen, one on my right ovary and one on my left side. The right appeared before the left. They don't cause much pain, if any, but I'm totally freaked out about them. The first one has been there about a year and looks like a normal ovarian cyst at this point but they're not sure. At first when they discovered it, they wanted to operate and we went through a roller-coaster of stuff because I am an EXTREMELY poor candidate for surgery, we decided to watch and wait - so far no problems. The other one appeared about 4 months ago and again they don't know what it is. After doing the scans and before getting the results, I met with my oncologist as well as the surgeon who both told me there was no way I would survive surgery with my current blood counts and that if this is a tumor, I need to wrap up my affairs and prepare to die. Of course neither of them used those exact words but that was the message I left with. So on the Friday after these meetings, I was told that it was a cancerous tumor. Oh, what a weekend we had after getting that news. Then on Monday another doctor called me to congratulate me on the results of my scan!? Turns out they were mistaken on Friday and it's not cancer...but it needs to be watched, they don't know what it is. So now every time I get a little ache or pain in my gut, I get totally freaked out. I'm much more aware of little aches and pains than I ever was before.

And then there is the very real debilitating pain I get sometimes in my hips especially but also throughout my legs and all the joints in them. I think this is a side effect of the one medication I'm on to keep my cells boosted and injury from the three Bone marrow biopsies I've had in my hips. That's a pretty invasive procedure, they stick a huge needle all the way through the back of your hip bone into your bone marrow so they can look at your marrow. Dick watched it once, he gets a little queasy. As they were about to stick the needle in and I'm on the table flat on my stomach with no idea what's going on behind me Dick asks me "honey, have you seen the needle they use to do this?" I think I could have lived without this inquiry but hey, husbands are funny like that.

In addition to the bone pain I sometimes get nerve pain throughout my legs that is like bolts of electricity shooting down my leg. This doesn't happen that often and luckily I have an amazing chiropractor who is able to get me right again with one adjustment.

I almost always have a headache, sometime worse than others. This could be a side effect of the medication or caused by low platelets. It only gets bad enough to really bother me sometimes.

I am an irritable hag a lot. Fortunately - well unfortunately for him, Dickie sees this the most and I am able to control my hag like outbursts for the most part. Sometimes, maybe when you least expect I could possibly freak out on you too. I think Nichole and Kimmie have both experienced this and hey, if I'm forgetting you please post a comment and let me know. I am very sorry but irritability is listed as a symptom on the list of myelodysplasia symptoms so it's really not ALL my fault.

There are other things that affect me but I have complained about it all for far too long. There have been some really positive things too. I have a much healthier lifestyle than I used to, I have met wonderful people that I never would have otherwise, I am much more humble and compassionate than I ever was, I know how valuable each moment of life is and try to live them all fully.

Are clinics in Mexico a scam?

Today I got quite a bit of feedback from people warning me against going to Mexico for medical treatment. Recently 20/20 did an extensive investigation about these clinics and they came up with some discouraging results. They found that some of these clinics had people posing to be doctors and that these places just were ripping people off. I didn't see this edition of 20/20, I've just heard about it.

I can understand the skepticism that people have. I have spent a year and a half researching medical care and alternatives. I have looked into the hospitals in Germany, India, Mexico and anywhere else I've heard they are using unconventional medicine with success.

I know there are many people out there preying on the desperate, just waiting to sell you their magic bullet. I've even spent money on some of these things. I also know this has to be an attractive possibility for the folks down in Mexico. They are not governed by the FDA and they are right next to the wealthy United States. It would be easy to set up a "cancer clinic" to appeal to the desperate Americans with money. I believe this is happening, I do not believe Sanoviv is one of these clinics.

Someone asked the question "Don't you think the United States has the best health care in the world?" Well, it would be really comforting to think we do and I think in some cases, we absolutely do. I also believe that the medical industry in the United States is flawed. I do not believe we have all of the answers. Things we knew to be medical facts 100 years ago are now considered outrageous. Take the practice of bloodletting for instance; back in the day it was perfectly normal to drain a person of their blood to try and fight disease. Many people died because of this practice and while it is still beneficial in some cases, it is no longer the standard of care but back when they were doing it consistently, it was considered a medical fact. The medical people change their mind about medical facts often. I believe their are no medical facts, only medical probabilities.

We were not created equally, we were all created with our own very individual blue print. We have different blood types, metabolisms, DNA, conditions we are born with. We are all very different even though we are so much alike, so it makes perfect sense that something may work for one person and not another. I think it is crucial to look at the whole picture in medical treatment, rather than focusing on the symptom. You don't have a headache because you have an aspirin deficiency, I feel it is extremely important to find out why your head is hurting rather than simply stopping the pain.

I wish there was something conventional medicine could offer me to cure my disease, or even to manage it and prolong my life. They do not have any answers. I am not turning down a well researched drug that has proven benefits for people in my situation. That drug does not exist. They offer me nothing.

Because I love life so much and feel I have so much left to do, I am not willing to accept this. There has to be an answer. This attitude has caused me to completely open my mind to all possibilities. People have been cured of diseases that conventional medicine has not been able to cure with all kinds of weird stuff. Laying on of hands has cured many people. Laetrile, the substance found in peach pits has definitely cured some people. Hyperthermia, the process of heating the body to high temperatures for prolonged periods of time has cured some people. Simply eating a completely raw, organic diet has cured some people. Shark cartilage has cured some people. I believe this all to be true as sure as I believe I'm typing this message. Do these methods have as positive results as conventional medicine? No. The answer is definitely that conventional methods have cured more. Unfortunately, conventional medicine does not have an answer for me so I have to look at and consider these less conventional alternatives, they are my only hope.

We are seeing a shift in the United States and the way they treat patients. They are finally just starting to try and look at a bigger picture. They are incorporating nutritionists into health care and strongly recommending mental health professionals.  Acupuncture is finally being paid for by many insurance companies. We still have a long way to go though. I want to see a medical industry in the United States that looks at the entire body before treating illness, especially serious illness. I want to see organic foods in all of the hospitals, I want to have every possible blood and urine test done when I am ill. I want my doctor to spend an hour interviewing me about my diet, exercise routine, stress level, and lifestyle before he even asks me what my symptoms are.

I have thoroughly checked out Sanoviv in Mexico and that's exactly what they do and then some. I know I will leave there healthier than I am now, I have absolutely no doubt. Will I be cured? Who knows, that would be the ultimate but if I'm not, I will have learned how to live the very best life I can with this condition and I will live longer than I would have had I not gone.

There are clinics in Mexico that are a scam, there are companies out there selling magic bullets that are a scam. There are also legitimate places that employ treatments that help cure some people. These alternative treatments do not have fantastic results but I maintain this is because many of the people who are treated with these methods are treated when their disease has progressed to the point where there just isn't any hope. They have tried everything conventional without success and finally in desperation they try alternative methods. I don't think alternative treatments kill people, I think their diseases kill them while they are using alternative treatments to often times try and reverse the damage caused by some conventional medicines.

I'm hoping I have been able to sway you if you are an extreme skeptic. I hope you can at least understand my desire to do something instead of nothing and my willingness to try anything.

Fundraising Endeavor

Dick and I drove down to Mexico yesterday and toured sanoviv in Mexico. http://www.sanoviv.com/

It's a gorgeous state of the art resort style hospital that encompasses every known treatment for cancer. The put you on a perfect diet, get you on an exercise program, assign you 5 medical professionals, do an extensive medical evaluation that includes allergy, dental, blood, urine, x rays and everything else imaginable. Then they come up with a program suited to your situation which can include a wide variety of things. They look at the whole picture and try to heal the whole body.

I've wanted to look at health care in Mexico for a long time. There are a lot of clinics down there and I've done a lot of research regarding their alternative treatments for cancer. They don't have a huge success rate but I wonder how much of this is because people wait until there is no hope at all before they try them. Conventional medicine is not offering anything for my specific situation. I've been called the exception to the exception to the exception of the rule. So I'm sitting here doing nothing while I am in need of more frequent blood transfusions and my cell count continues to get worse.

I've decided to do something. I truly believe in alternative medicine, I wish more alternative methods were approved by the FDA in this country and I get disgusted by the pharmaceutical companies and the power they have over medical care options in this country. I do believe that drugs are very helpful for many many people but what happens to the people who don't have the right drug available to them, or the drug that is available would almost certainly kill them? Why can't that person decide to try hyperthermia or laetrile? You have to go outside of the country to receive further treatment for a terminal disease that cannot be treated with drugs. Most of these methods are odd and unconventional but they have all worked for some people, why can the FDA and my insurance company tell me which ones I can try and which I can't?

After touring this facility and speaking to one of their doctors, I'm convinced I can benefit from their program. Sanoviv has been highly recommended to me on a number of occasions in the last two years. The only problem is I can't afford it but I'm not going to let that stop me. I have $7,000 of the $21,000 and I'm going to raise the other $14,000. with the help of my wonderful husband and friends I'm going to take on several fund raising events such as a community yard sale, spaghetti feeds, car wash, and what ever else I can come up with.

I bought the domain name crystalmontoya.com so very soon there will be a website.

Irritability

I'm finding among the list of symptoms my disease causes, that irritability is the one that is recently causing me the most concern. I consider myself a very nice person. Recently though I find myself losing all control of that nice person and this evil, horrible bitch takes over. I find myself losing my tongue with people who really don't deserve the wrath I inflict on them. I don't even realize I'm doing it until I see the wounded look on these poor people's faces and even tears welling up in their eyes. What am I doing? Sure it's okay to get a little irritated at incompetent people, or to want people to be accountable for their mistakes but I have been going beyond simply letting people know that I'm a little frustrated. For example, I made reservations at a very nice eating establishment months ago for my 30th birthday. When I made the reservation, I was not told I would be restricted to a limited menu due to the large size of the party. The woman called me early this week to firm up the reservation and at that time told me there was a "group menu" my party would need to order from. I was upset as I am not happy with the choices on the group menu. Instead of just telling her this, I went into a crazy woman tirade. Here's what I said:

"This is fucking ridiculous, why didn't you tell me two months ago when I initially made the reservation that I couldn't have what I want for dinner on my 30th birthday. This isn't just any birthday, I have terminal cancer, this could be my last birthday and you're ruining it. I hope you feel good about that. The fact that you didn't tell me this to begin with has caused me not to be able to reserve an alternative location in time and now I'm not going to be able to celebrate my 30th birthday the way I want. I want lobster, possibly for the last time, and you're telling me I can't have it, etc, etc."

This poor woman was so devastated by what I said that I'm sure she was on the brink of tears. Now, had I simply said that I was not happy with the group menu options, I would have learned that I can customize my own group menu. I did learn this after I ripped this woman a new one and quite possibly ruined her entire day. Who am I to pass this burden of mine onto poor innocent people? Especially in such a vile way? I called that woman a couple of days later and apologized to her and she did tell me that I had in fact caused her to feel badly that whole day, not because of my rudeness but because of my situation. It is not for me to blame others or force others into carrying my pain. I was very distraught that I did this to this woman and it's not the fist time I have done this to some poor unsuspecting person. People do drop the ball and it causes me aggravation, this does not entitle me to unload my situation on them and make them feel like horrible people. I've dropped the ball many times in life, causing others inconvenience and aggravation.

My phycologist recommends anti depressants which I am not willing to take. I think a deep breath will do the trick, as long as I am able to recognize this bitter bitch coming out before I lose my tongue.

Time

It seems that no one respects anyone else's time and it is sometimes infuriating. Today was not the first or even second time where my time has been totally disregarded by the medical industry. I went to the doctor with an appointment time of 9:40 AM. I was not seen until 10:40. I asked in the middle of this wait if they knew I was waiting and they assured me the people in the back knew I was there. I was told to just sit don and wait. A short time later the woman who told me to wait asked me my name. I wondered out loud if she knew I was there, why didn't she know my name? After confirming she had me on the list, I waited another 25 minutes. Finally, I told the lady that I had another appointment and would need to reschedule this one. Then she called back and someone else came from the back to tell me to wait again, they'd just be a few minutes. Finally the nurse came and got me and in 2 minutes I had my injection and was in the elevator leaving.

When I scheduled this appointment, I asked for something later than 9:40 AM because I really like to sleep in. They were insistent that the only appointment available was at 9:40. I don't know how often this happens in other fields but when you make a specific appointment for something, shouldn't you be able to expect that that time be kept or that you are seen within a reasonable time frame of say 15 minutes?

I don't know about you but I would much rather spend my time outside of waiting rooms and it is more than annoying that people feel it is acceptable to eat up your time without your consent. Time is precious. People should be more considerate of other people's time.

My Tears Today Are Plentiful

My tears today are plentiful. I was touched by an outpouring of kindness that came with a blood drive that my husband's employer hosted in my honor. I am in need of regular donors and trying to find a few people who can sustain my appetite for B negative blood, one of the rarest types. His employer often hosts blood drives but today they had triple the normal turn out, people that don't even know me reached out as if I were their close friend, sister, or daughter. The compassion that these people shared for my struggle was overwhelming and I shed tears.

These tears soon turned into tears of fear and anger for my situation. Is it really possible that there is no cure for this disease, that they can do nothing and I will most likely die in 3 and a half years? Is it possible that I may have to leave this earth so much sooner than I want to? 

I mopped up those tears and put my brave face back on only to find an email from a friend who just found out she has a new cancer after battling a different cancer and coming though 11 years ago. The damage done from her last bought with cancer left her disabled, much like my story and now she is facing another war with this horrid disease.

I am a lot loss for inspiration or beauty in the world today, I just can't find it amidst the pain and suffering that the world is seeing. Normally I have a much more positive outlook but today I'm giving myself permission to be completely disgusted.

Pursuit of Happiness

It seems that everyone is in pursuit of true happiness. This means something different for all of us. We seek that feeling of overall contentment and a calm satisfaction for what we have accomplished. One person’s goal is for ultimate beauty and another’s is for the ultimate car. Some may think that the ultimate job title or power over others will bring them the happiness they seek. Some people may think that money is the key and work endlessly in search of it. Many people think that finding the perfect mate will fulfill their needs. Some people have given up on the entire idea that being happy is possible, for so many people have wronged them and they have insurmountable obstacles to overcome.

I feel like I live in a world where I watch people moving around in high gear, passing each other without even saying hello so they don’t lose focus on their goal, so they can finally find their happiness. I watch people who are determined to be miserable because of all of the obstacles that stand in their way. The parents who didn’t give them the right upbringing, the imperfect body that they own, the money they need to earn to afford a new car, the other people who want the same job title, the powerful people who tell others how much power they have. I see people with health that is diminishing and youth they are losing.

As I watch this I wonder how many of them really understand that tomorrow is a blessing, not a guarantee. I wonder how many beautiful views they don’t take in and how many roses they don’t stop to smell. I wonder how many people they have been unwilling to forgive and how many they have been unwilling to let in because they aren’t willing to take a chance on someone new. I wonder how many laughing babies they don’t notice. I wonder how often they pass up an opportunity to help someone elderly or disabled. I wonder how often they pass up an opportunity to spend time with the people they truly love because they have to work or work out or go car shopping.

I feel sorry for these people, working so hard to find happiness. They spend their lives in their office trying to get the next dollar, the next promotion. They spend their lives in front of the mirror or at the gym trying to achieve the perfect body, the perfect beauty, even more extreme they go to the surgeon thinking they can change their nose and this will somehow bring them the happiness they seek. They spend their lives angry at the people in the past that put them in the situation they are in, who caused them to be so unhappy. They spend all of their time trying to find and attract that mate.

So many people believe material things, power and the things they can get from other people will make them happy. So many other people believe the obstacles they face are too great and happiness will never be in reach. So many blame others for their unhappiness and seek revenge or just aren’t willing to forgive.

One of the greatest things I’ve learned is that happiness does not come from material things or achieving the perfect look or gaining power. Those people who seek happiness through these means will never find it. If you believe you can achieve happiness from the things you get from another person, you will not find it.   

It is in giving, not acquiring and taking that happiness is found. It is giving of yourself and your time to your loved ones and the experiences you have with them. Happiness comes from within, it is a choice. It is in accepting that no matter how hard you try, you’ll always be flawed and then forgetting about it. Happiness comes from forgiving those who have hurt you and reacquainting yourself with that person again. It is in letting new people into your life and sharing your love with them even at the risk of being hurt. It is in seeking out places where you can help others and then doing it.

I wonder if a meteor were headed towards earth and we all only had one week to live, what would people do? Would they choose not to believe it and continue on as normal? Would they try to meteor proof their homes? Would they accept the impending tragedy? If they did accept it, then what would they do? Would they still just continue on like normal for lack of knowing what else to do?

Think about it for a moment…you only have one week left. What is the first thing you think of? Are you thinking about the car you own, or never got to buy or the television you just bought or the fat on your thighs? Or, are you thinking about the people you love and the relationships you have. Are you thinking that you want to spend as much time with them in the next seven days as you can?

It is so difficult to imagine that tomorrow may not arrive; it scares most people so they are not willing to consider this very real possibility. I wonder how different people’s priorities would be if they lived each day as if it were their last. Would they skip the gym a little more often and have a sinfully delicious meal with a dear friend instead? Would they decide not to work the weekend and try sailing for the first time? I think it is unfortunate; our fear of death, so many put the idea completely out of their mind. If we live with the knowledge that it’s really a short life, we would have stronger families and much more enriched lives.

These are just my opinions, please do not take offense. I have come to this conclusion because of health issues that they say will significantly shorten my life. I used to be one of those people rushing around in pursuit of happiness, thinking it would come with beauty, status and money. This illness is a blessing because if I didn’t accept my impeding death, I would still be out there, not living life. I would be going through the motions seeking things to make me happy that may do so in the moment but would ultimately leave me unfulfilled.

While I may not have as much time as I’d like, I have been given the gift of knowing that each day and even moment is a wonderful gift. I can enjoy them all to the fullest and I have learned to choose to be truly happy in life. I have found that it is the experiences I have and not the processions I acquire that make me the happiest. It may be presumptuous to assume this is true for everyone but as I watch the world around me, I find that that the people I encounter who are really out there experiencing things rather than acquiring them seem to have a much brighter spirit and laugh the most.

This message I am trying to share is not new, many people before me have shared the same ideas through literature, poetry, song, and other means. It’s a message I feel is worth repeating because so many people live each day for tomorrow, forgetting to live today.

The First Part of the Story

I was married in August of 2003 and 9 months later, I become the proud mother of an 8-pound immature teratoma. On my wedding day, I had no idea what a teratoma was or that they even existed. My vocabulary in the last year has broadened extensively.

According to information presented by Cancer Research

UK

“Immature Teratomas are often diagnosed in girls and young women, often younger than 18. These cancers are rare. They are called immature because the cancer cells look like cells from a developing fetus.” 

The first time I read this I was disgusted. I had just had an 8-pound immature teratoma removed along with my left ovary and was left with a 10 inch scar down the middle of my previously attractive abdomen. I was a new bride and looking forward to becoming a mother. Now, I had to go out shopping for maternity clothes because my abdomen was so distended (another new word) from surgery.

As I know many of you are familiar with, the news of cancer is very difficult to process. At first I was in a fog. My first question when I met my doctor a year ago was would I lose my hair? Not will I survive. Those first days it just didn’t occur to me that I might not survive.

It was after I went home and started reading on the Internet that I had the revelation that I could actually die from this. I remember drilling my wonderful husband on that evening to find out exactly what the doctors had said about long-term survival rates (another new term). I had been in such extreme pain that I ended up in a drug-induced fog; I don’t remember much those days in the hospital.  Here, my husband had just sat beside his beautiful new bride for over a week in the hospital. I was in surgery for over 4 hours while my friends and family were calling him to find out what was happening. He had also just been given the news that I would need four rounds of chemotherapy and I was badgering him about my chances of survival.

After talking more with my doctor and reading more about it I became confident that most teratomas are cured. After the initial shock that it was possible I would not make it, I decided I had too much to live for and that I would be one of the majority who does survive.

I had decided I was going to be strong and business as usual. I even considered going on an out of town meeting a week or so after my surgery wearing the maternity clothes I had purchased. My doctor advised against it while handing me a tissue, I just couldn’t stop crying. I asked him if he thought I might be depressed and we chuckled.

I was devastated and went through periods of great despair. I knew I would survive but I got very angry I even had to deal with this. I hated my new deformed body. I was distended for what seemed like forever, maybe a month. If any of you have experienced this, you know how uncomfortable it is. It was a strange time because I looked pregnant and sometimes I’d look in the mirror and sort of fantasize I was for a moment.

I remember thinking if being pregnant was that uncomfortable that no one would ever do it. It’s like becoming 5 months pregnant overnight, your belly swells as far as your skin will allow. It actually struck me funny and I’d laugh about it sometimes.

I laugh a lot. I crack myself up. I’m sure some of the things I laugh at seem inappropriate to others but I just don’t care. Laughter makes me feel really good. Cancer is a disgusting disease and sometimes disgusting jokes are the only way to deal with it. I thank God for giving me humor because I’m not sure I could handle this without it.

I didn’t like chemo and it didn’t take me long to discover that working wasn’t working for me. I have the most gracious employers who have treated me with care and genuine concern and so I did not have to work, I feel so fortunate in so many regards.

Back to Chemo - It sucked. I know, I know it saves lives but it’s a necessary evil. The hospital, doctors and nurses did everything they could to make it as comfortable as possible and they did an excellent job.  I had five courses of BEP. Aren’t the lists of side effects on these chemo drugs amazing? If you’ve had chemo, you know what I’m talking about…I mean it’s an array of lovely things. Hair loss, nausea, fainting, numbness in your toes and fingers, fatigue, loss of appetite, changing of skin, developing of another cancer…. these are just some of the side effects I experienced.

I had a bad attitude about chemo. I’d cry is the morning and refuse to go like a 12 year old. I’d always go though, I never missed a day. I went 5 days in a row for 7-8 hours depending on who was counting the drips. I’d have two weeks off and then I’d go back for 5 days. Four rounds.

The days I was in chemo I crocheted. I couldn’t read – I tried and would read the same sentence over and over and not be able to process it. It was almost like I could weave all my anger, hostility, disbelief and discouragement into this blanket and that way the negativity wouldn’t smother what little positive I could feel. Some days I just couldn’t find anything positive. Those were productive days for the blanket. I gave that blanket to a homeless man the other day.

During the weeks I received chemo I would go home and rant and rave like a lunatic. The steroids they gave me turned me into a Tasmanian devil. I’m sure some of you have experienced this. I was tired and didn’t feel great but I couldn’t sit still. I was rude to my husband, I cleaned and paced, I was crawling out of my skin.

All four times on the Friday of that week, I would pass out and have to be rushed to the hospital. The first time, I passed out 3 times before my husband finally talked me into calling my doctor. I was dehydrated. They pumped me full of so much fluid while I was getting chemo, it was unreal and then I would go home and drink 4 liters of Gatorade and still I was dehydrated. The other factor in the passing out episodes was that it always happened either on the way to use the bathroom or while I was going to the bathroom. I would lose control of my bowels. Here was my sweet husband essentially changing my diapers a year after he married me. The last time it happened I was sitting on the toilet and just fell over sideways. When I landed my front tooth made contact with the hardwood floor and chipped half of it off. Off to the hospital in an ambulance I go for more fluid. I was laughing at this point. I was a bald woman with half a front tooth. I felt like I was dressed up to play a hillbilly. It was awful but humorous too. Sometimes I laughed when I looked in the mirror and sometimes I cried.

The week following the chemo week I was on the couch lifeless. I felt sick and tired and uncomfortable. I got addicted to the stupid courtroom shows like People’s Court. The following week I didn’t feel so bad and I might even go out for a walk or two but I knew the next week I had chemo and had to start all over again. Some people say their chemo experience wasn’t that bad. I hated every minute of it.

Being bald was hard for me as I’m sure it is for anyone. I had always had gorgeous hair and I didn’t want to lose it. I cut it short and then my husband helped me shave my head when it really started coming out. Luckily I’m not one of the rare one’s whose hair doesn’t grow back. I think that’s the only extremely rare thing that could possibly happen to me that hasn’t. My hair is back now and looking back I think I made it a bigger issue than it was. I had beautiful scarves and wore hats and actually had a couple men confess they thought bald women were sexy.

My chemo ended in October, everything looked good and I went back to work. I was still tired but felt fairly well, I even was starting to feel better with each day when all of the sudden I just lost all motivation again. I had zero energy and I was discouraged

My ability to read returned and I started reading a lot more about diet, cancer, nutrition, massage and anything I could to make sure I stopped the cancer from coming back. Cancer doesn’t seem to make a whole lot of sense. There are obvious cancer risks like smoking, stress, and fast food, but having spent more than 10 years working in the property management industry, I’ve met a number of people who survive on nothing but those things and they don’t get cancer. You didn’t give yourself cancer and you can’t control whether it comes back. I have to tell myself that a lot because otherwise I could let it consume me.

I was sort of obsessed. The Internet is a wonderful tool but you have to be a responsible information consumer. It’s a whole wide world of different ideas and opinions. I bought every book about nutrition I could find and read most of them. While I would be reading a book I’d share some of the strange things they said with my husband and I’m sure he’d wonder what kind of food I’d be banishing from the house next. I got really wrapped up in this diet and nutrition stuff, I threw myself into it.

Then I just sort of realized that there was an overall consistency that I found in all of these books; they all pretty much gave me the impression that if you eat stuff that comes from the clean earth and has minimal processing, you should be okay. Things like vegetables, whole grains, and fruit. I’ve also been sold on organics and I even use organic shampoo and conditioner. So now, instead of obsessing I try to stick with that and when I cheat, I don’t let it eat at me all day.

I was still feeling so unmotivated that I went back on disability. I was feeling so horrible, lifeless, and slow that I didn’t even want to shower. I truly have had my fill of daytime television.

I was in for my blood work one week in early January and my doctor decided they wanted to look at my bone marrow. They did a bone marrow biopsy and found an abnormality, another new word… Myelodysplasia. Myelodys…what!? What the hell is this? Your bone marrow isn’t producing enough mature cells and your immune system is compromised.

I hung up the phone after getting this information and I cried. My husband reminded me that I needed to keep a positive attitude. I was angry with him for saying that; I thought I had had a positive attitude already.

I had already started to see the positive changes cancer had provoked in me and even though I didn’t feel well, I still had my humor and laughed as much as possible. I could see a whole new compassion in myself and a overwhelming desire to get closer to my family and friends, to nourish those relationships and develop new ones. I love people and I have a renewed stronger desire to do things that contribute to the greater good of people. I don’t get frustrated at slow people when they cross the street anymore. I admire them for walking. I decided that careers are overrated and having fun should be an absolute priority. I know how lucky I am for being able to make that choice.

I had a positive attitude damn it! But I just knew something like this would happen…. HA!  It was shortly after this that I became absolutely in awe of the mind body connection. I listened to some books on tape by Bernie Seigal, a surgeon who discusses the traits that survivors share - positive attitude and involvement in treatment seemed to have yielded the best results. Love, Medicine and Miracles by Bernie Seigal. I’ve read a lot of good stuff that I would recommend but if you are a cancer survivor I strongly encourage you read or listen to the audio version of this and Dr. Seigal’s other books.

This time, all the material I was reading about my new disease said there was no cure other than a bone marrow transplant. Rare. If nothing else, at least I’m unique. I never thought I would be the subject of the word rare so much in my life. If it’s all so rare why do I keep getting it? I had very poor lung function to begin with, rare at my age, even in smokers, which I was. I was diagnosed with a very large immature teratoma, which is very rare, and then I developed myelodysplasia, even more rare. One doctor in

Seattle

told me I was the exception to the exception to the exception of the rule. Well, I guess I should feel special?

So I researched and studied all that I could, I went to a specialist here and I went to Fred Hutchinson in

Seattle

, I got the same general opinion from everybody. I needed a bone marrow transplant.

Now I’m not an extremely religious person but I absolutely believe there is a higher power or stronger force and I will refer to that as God. God has been at work in my life in a major way. He gave me my husband just in time to have to go through this, he guided me into moving to

California

and he gave me all the support and I could possibly need while going through such a horrible experience.

He went to work again with regard to my new Myelodysplasia diagnoses. I was in need of a bone marrow transplant and my only true siblings, who are the best possibility for a match, were put up for adoption when I was very young. I’ll be darned if God didn’t make them contact me right about then. I got a phone call and to make a long story short, my twin brothers had found me. They didn’t actually find me, it was a meddling girlfriend who made contact but I thank God for her and eventually one of the boys called me directly.

So here is my long lost brother with no idea that I had even existed, not even sure if he’s ready for a relationship with his biological family and I have to tell him that I have a terminal disease and he and his brother may be my best chance for survival. It took me a month to make that phone call, to ask him if he and his brother were willing to get tested. Of course they were and they did and Mark ended up being a perfect match. Now Mark still has never spoken to me. He’s sort of freaked out about having his biological family contacted without his knowledge and just isn’t sure if he wants contact with us. But he’s a perfect match and willing to go through the procedure. The relationship that I have been able to develop with my other brother Adam has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. I actually got the call on Christmas day. Adam and I talk almost every week now and he’s a really neat person. 

I received a blood transfusion right about this time and that was the just thing I needed to start feeling better. I had also just listened to that Bernie Segail book and one of the things that stuck out most from it was his suggestion to Act as if….Act as if you have the energy to go for a walk, act as if you feel well enough to cook dinner, etc. I took this to heart because I found that if I acted as if I could do it, I actually could. My husband and I even decided to act as if we had the money to go on a cruise through the Greek Isles and we booked it!

So at this point, I’m planning on going on our cruise and then coming back for the bone marrow transplant that is going to provide me a cure for this new disease. Otherwise, it will probably kill me in 5 years or less. The experts all gave me about a 50% chance of surviving the transplant. The one last test was the pulmonary function test to see if my lungs were strong enough to handle the chemo drugs and transplant procedure. The test came back and my lungs aren’t strong enough. The experts revised the 50% chance they gave me before and now were telling me that I had about a 5% chance of making it through.

I’ve been feeling well. I’ve been feeling better than I have in months and months, do I want to risk what’s left of my life now for a 5% chance of surviving? That just didn’t make sense to me so we decided not to. I really do feel great and I have decided to take every moment I have and get the most out of it while I can. We went on our cruise through the Greek Isles and it was amazing, I hope we’ll be able to act as if we can afford to see the rest of the world.

My blood work has been stable and seems to continue improving. I try to stay away from fast food, stress and other risk factors but I refuse to live terrified. I planted a vegetable garden and I’m taking some classes at the college. Cancer has entered my world and I have to live with it. I can choose to dwell on it or I can choose to enjoy the time I’ve been given without losing hope that something will come along that offers me a cure. I choose to enjoy my time and for me that means nourishing my relationships with my husband, family and friends. The things that used to be important to me like climbing the corporate ladder, making money, and looking great while doing it are no longer important. I feel this is a great gift that I’ve learned while there is still time to put my energy into more fulfilling endeavors.

I haven’t needed repeated blood transfusions as many people with MDS do. I have been using procrit to keep my white cells boosted but other than that, I’m using good old- fashioned healthy food, exercise, love, and laughter. Statistics say that this method will eventually fail me and that I will start to need more transfusions and eventually this disease will be my end but I just refuse to believe it and certainly while I feel great, I’m not going to worry about it.

I still read a lot and think that educating yourself is the first step to getting better but I spent a lot of time dwelling on all of the things that could go wrong before and it didn’t get me anywhere. Now I refuse to think about it and it seems to be working for me. When you’re given a prognosis that has a time frame attached it would be easy to dwell on the number and convince yourself you only have 5 years. I think if you take that approach, the possibility of that happening is much greater than if you choose to be one of the people who defy the odds. I’ve decided to be one of those people. I can’t say how that decision will pan out but I honestly believe I’ll be here in 20 years to tell you about it.

I am a very fortunate person. Some people do not have understanding employers, support systems, insurance, homes, or any of the blessings I have had and they have to go through the same thing I have or worse. I have an amazing support system. I want to thank my husband for being here and for taking such good care of me. He is wonderful and such a blessing. My friends, family and even acquaintances have been so overwhelmingly kind. I had so many flowers in my hospital room that I had to have my husband move them to the car because I couldn’t breathe. I still get cards and letters from people. The kindness that I have received from people has changed my life. My best friend drove from

Las Vegas

to my house twice during my chemo to clean because I just couldn’t muster the strength. I vaguely remember calling my dad the night I got out of surgery and telling him I needed to see him…when I woke up the next morning he was here, from

Seattle

. Everyone has only wanted to help and has done everything they can. People have been so wonderful throughout this experience and that has been one of the things that has helped me get through. My doctors and nurses are amazing.

I don’t know why I got Cancer, it’s not fair and it has been an extremely difficult journey, as I know it has been for all of you. I hope you have been able to search out any positive effects it has had on your life, even if they are very few and focus on those instead of the negative. I don’t know what the future holds for me and I’m not going to worry about it. I have decided instead to live in each moment and to make the most of all the moments I have. I hope you are able to do the same!  Thank you for letting me share my story.