Crystal Montoya

WHO Advisor Secretly Pads Pockets with Big Pharma Money

WHO Advisor Secretly Pads Pockets with Big Pharma Money.

A Father's Love

There really is no way to describe a father's love for his daughter, if it is anything like a daughter's love for her father then I can assure you it runs deep. This is assuming you are lucky enough to have experienced this phenomenon. Some of you were not and I really feel blessed that I was lucky enough to get a dad who loves me. Even if that love means an embarrassing and uncomfortable course of events sometimes. Even if that practically guarantees an embarrassing and uncomfortable course of events most of the time when Dad is near. He simply can't contain his admiration and I feel exactly the same way towards him. 

Some times are better than others to profess and explain your feelings and I think my Dad could have chosen a more tactful approach than what he did on the evening I am going to tell you about. A couple of things are certain; I will never doubt that the man loves me and I will never forget the way he illustrated this love for me on this particular evening. 

I moved back home with my dad when I was twenty five years old. He only wanted four hundred dollars a month for rent and what was he going to do if I didn't pay it? Evict me? Never. Not only was the rent cheap but his house is home and he makes a good roommate. There were none of the concerns that some daughters may have, all of that stuff about curfews and having to explain where you have been...it wasn't like that with dad. He knew I was an adult and he treated me as such. It was all great.

As often happens with roommates though, there were times when my schedule disturbed his and there were also times when his schedule put a cramp in mine. One of the issues was that Dad did not have to work on Mondays and I did. Sunday was a perfect night to go have a good time, unwind, and drink alcohol. It was for Dad anyway. For me Sunday night meant an early, mostly sober night because I had to start my week on Monday. 

I got home this particular Sunday evening after having hiked for a better part of the day. It had been a long weekend of camping and hiking with friends and I was exhausted. I have to admit that I was happy Dad was not at home when I got there because I just wanted to unwind a little bit, maybe have a bath, and then go to bed. One of the highlights of my camping trip was a small bakery that we visited in a little town on our way home. It was just a little place, one of those places that's been a landmark in between a couple of little towns with the same recipes for a hundred years. The pastries, cookies, and other delights were incredible. They were so good that I became certain that I would never stumble upon such an incredible pastry again in my entire life. Mind blowing good. The only choice I had was to purchase more of these pastries so I could enjoy them for days to come at home. I bought three dozen assorted delights and they were safe on the kitchen counter when I went upstairs to take my bath and go to bed. 

I was in bed by ten and got several hours of that good kind of sleep, the kind that comes after you've been physically active for most of the day, you're completely exhausted and you simply drift into a deep and restorative sleep. Just after two o'clock I heard the car pull up and I remember the dread that washed over me. I was tired and I think I was ill-prepared for a meeting that was scheduled at work the following day. I wanted to continue with my sleep. I knew the best case scenario was that I was about to be forced to listen to either War (Low. Ry. Dur.) or BB King at an unreasonable volume, but maybe he wouldn't actually come in to my room to further annoy me. I was holding out hope but I also knew that I didn't know what the worst case scenario would be. If you know my dad, you know anything can happen. As I continued to be pulled out of my blissful sleep by the sounds of the patio door and then the kitchen door that leads into the house I started to hear voices. Shit. Visitors? Now I'm wide awake and praying: "Dear God, I'm sorry for all of the horrible things I've done, I'm sorry I left that cigarette butt on the ground three days ago but there wasn't a garbage can to be found - anywhere! I promise I will never ever do that again, no matter what, just please, please keep them - whoever they are out of my room. Thank you. I love you. Amen." 

Come out from Under that Rock Already.

    I know I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed sometimes. I know there are just things happening around me that I have absolutely no clue about and that there may be other people who are disgusted and amazed at my complete stupidity so while I write this I know that there are people who have had similar experiences with me; the kind of experience that leaves their head shaking and makes them think I've been hiding under a rock for a good part of my adult life. For instance I've lived in San Diego for over 6 years and I still have no clue how to get to Mira Mesa or El Cajon. Half the time I think Oceanside is to the south of us and even though I live right downtown, I would probably print directions before I drove myself to Coronado. I realize this is pitiful, it's like I just got here yesterday, this not knowing the lay of the land after 6 years. It's something that leaves people wondering if I have indeed been hiding under a rock. 

    So while I am about to call out others for being stupid, I can agree that I too fall into this category - occasionally. We can't all be all knowing. I'll even admit that I probably expect people to know more than I should expect them too. I'm always asking my husband random questions about historical people or events, questions that he does not know an answer to and I'm sure he wonders why in the hell I would think he does. He happens to be college educated and 12 years older than me, that's why. He paid good money and spent four years in a higher learning establishment, he should know these things - some of them he should simply recall - I mean he was there and I wasn't. Granted he may have only been 4 or 5 at the time but still he was there so the facts of the matter should just be a part of him. like the hair on his head.

I know that I don't remember the facts about anything that happened when I was 5 years old but I fully expect other people to. This kind of stupidity is not really what I'm venting about at all. I don't think Dick is stupid because he can't tell me all of the bands that played at Woodstock off the top of his head, I just think I would know this if I was his age but it doesn't change my opinion of him. I know he's smart, just because he didn't pay attention to the biggest rock concert of all time doesn't mean he's stupid. I only find this mildly annoying because he should know the answer so I don't have to look it up. I clearly wasn't that interested because I didn't look it up. It's not like he said he didn't know what the newest and greatest gadget was - then I would be concerned. Gadgets are what Dick loves. His life's work is based in computers and gadgets, so I don't think I am out of line in thinking he should know a little something about them. And for sure if I ask him about the best cars available right now, he'll give me every fact and figure as if his grade in life depended on it. He is a car buff. This makes sense. 

The kind of stupidity that I'm talking about is the kind that makes you take a step back and wonder how certain people actually make it through their life. These stupid people working in their stupid jobs and have no knowledge of the things that relate to what they do. For some reason these people always seem to work in professions that can seriously affect your life. Let's put all of the idiots in places where their stupidity will really mess you up. Anytime you call a utility company, an insurance company, or any kind of customer service line, you need to watch for an impending hassle. I wonder if this is their work place moral program; put the idiots in roles where they make mistakes or are just completely ignorant about things that really matter to people and then we can all have a good laugh at the people who get screwed.

I'm talking about the Medical Assistant who feels insecure enough already because her patient (me) has clearly established that she knows her stuff when it comes to all of this medical bullshit and she won''t be pushed around. Maybe this is the wrong way to start with the Medical Assistant but I'm now in the business of preventing hassles in my life rather than going along with things until they become a hassle. If you're not careful, the stupid people will lead you cheerfully down the path to a great big fucking hassle. Constant vigilance is required and I am constantly on guard with these stupid people. This is something I can thank my wise husband for, watching him take control when he is on the phone with some tech support guy is really thrilling. He will never let that guy cheerfully lead him down the road to a big hassle. My husband's direct, to the point, and at times forceful approach as soon as he figures out someone is a moron is enough to turn a girl on, he speaks some serious geek.

So the medical assistant; I know she has about 9 months of education to prepare for this role and I've had nearly 6 years of education in being a regular patient. This girl looks as if she was celebrating her 16th birthday around that time so clearly I am more qualified than she is to try and address my concern. This particular doctor visit occurred because I thought I had a bladder infection and I wanted a culture taken on my urine to determine if I did or not. There are two different ways to test for infection in the urinary system - well probably more but there are 2 that are used regularly. One is called a dip stick and the other is a culture. I have dip sticks at home, I wanted a culture. The medical assistant has to dip it first, just part of the process which was fine. I knew that my dip stick was normal because I have them at home. When the medical assistant told me it showed signs of an infection, I wanted to know what specifically and she told me my leukocytes were slightly elevated, when I asked her if I could please see this evidence she looked at me like I was the moron and handed me a prescription for 20mg of cipro for 30 days. Cipro is not a drug to be taken lightly and 30 days is absolutely unheard of. 

At this point both the medical assistant and I are frustrated. I wanted to talk to a nurse - at least let me talk to a damn nurse because this is how I want this to go down: I want to make this decision based on a culture, not the stupid - inaccurate dip test. Then, if and only If I actually choose to take an antibiotic, I am certainly not going to take that much Cipro. That much Cipro might make sense after losing a limb in a dirty explosion but not for a suspected bladder infection. The medical assistant was appalled that I was just not accepting her orders as if they were doctor's orders. I was livid that she would not go get the person who actually wrote this outlandish prescription - because yeah sweetie, I know it wasn't you and the person who wrote it needs to be made aware that this mistake occurred and they are lucky I was the patient rather than a lesser informed one. I stormed out; there was no other choice. Later I would discuss this with the doctor and she would also gasp at the amount of Cipro they were trying kill me with and explain that it was a mistake. I would say yes, I know. I wonder if the office got a good laugh at my expense after they got me so irritated and annoyed that the only option they gave me was to storm out angry, yelling at the woman then slamming the door as I left. 

Two days later I was able to get into a specialist (thank God for private insurance) and in the meantime I had consumed enough fluids to wash away any infection that may have been there. I was seen by an actual nurse as well as a doctor who both understood that I did not want to take antibiotics unless I needed them. See that's all I needed. I needed to know if I needed antibiotics, I did not need to be told just to take them regardless. I never want to take an antibiotic but I will take reasonable advice from a trained physician - even a nurse. That medical assistant was stupid and has no business treating me as a patient. I am too educated in medicine even without a formal education to just trust her and thank God I am. 

My friend Kim recently experienced some stupidity at the clothing store Ross. Ross abounds with stupidity, many of these stores don't even have a public restroom. On more than one occasion I have left Ross without buying the 15 items I wanted to buy because by the time I had sifted though the endless jumbled up racks and tried things on 8 at a time I had to pee so bad I would not have been able to wait the 30 minutes it would take to get through the line and the employees simply refused to let me use their bathroom. Okay - well go fuck yourself. Kim coined this phrase all on her own after just such a trip to Ross, the difference was that she didn't have to pee or if she did, she was in one of the Ross stores that has figured out women are gonna have to pee after sifting through endless racks of clothes and trying them on for hours on end but I digress. Kim had found the items she wanted and proceeded to the line. She was in good spirits at this point, due to this adorable little dress she couldn't believe she was lucky enough to find and for $10. This is where Ross gets you, they have awesome deals on decent stuff if you have the patience. I wonder if the Ross teams discuss the fine line between slightly annoying and outright infuriating. This day for Kim though, it was not Ross that caused her the headache, she was mentally prepared for the annoyance that is inevitable at Ross. She got in line, made some friends during the 30 minutes she waited, she was having a good time. Finally there are two people in front of her, the wait is almost over when all of the sudden this woman appears out of nowhere with a cart overflowing with merchandise and she tells Kim that she is with the guy in front of her. The guy in front of Kim has been standing there with 3 items in his hand for 30 minutes. 

The woman was from Europe somewhere judging by her accent and maybe this is how they do things where she is from but where Kim is from that ain't how it goes. Kim says no, you are not with him, you need to go to the back of the line. The woman then tries to explain to Kim that it's okay because she knows the guy in front of Kim. You know, I think this would have to be considered rude, no matter where you are from but I've never visited France or Germany, maybe this is how they do it. Well this woman learned quickly that this is not how it's done here; Kim took her cart and ran over the woman's toes while saying "Go fuck yourself!" on her way to the register when the next customer was called. Now we just say GFY. We seem to find more and more GFY moments in life. Are we just getting older and grouchy or do people act more stupidly :o) and rude than ever?

I called to schedule a massage the other day and I was informed by the receptionist in the medical office where I get my massages that my therapist had called in sick that day but there was an opening the following day. Now I needed more information because I try to avoid sick people - you know if it's contagious. I am a little worried about the flu this year - you know H1N1 but not worried enough to "protect" myself with some crazy vaccine. So I say to the girl "Well do you know what's wrong with her?" and the girl says "I don't know, I think she's just sick." so I say "Well I don't know if I want to come in tomorrow because I'm worried about H1N1." and the girl nervously giggled and said "I don't think it's anything serious like that." I said "Okay, well has H1N1 been going around your office?" I knew it was all over when the receptionist in my medical doctor's office replied "I guess I don't know what that is, what is H1N1?"  Okay, Come out from under your rock already.

   

It Looks Like I May Become a Vegetarian Afterall...

FDA set to allow cloned meat and milk

By Rick Weiss

The Washington Post

WASHINGTON — Three years after the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) first hinted that it might permit the sale of milk and meat from cloned animals and their offspring, prompting public reactions that ranged from curiosity to disgust, the agency is poised to endorse marketing of the mass-produced animals for public consumption.

The decision, expected by the end of this year, is based largely on new data indicating that milk and meat from cloned livestock and their offspring pose no unique risks to consumers.

"Our evaluation is that the food from cloned animals is as safe as the food we eat every day," said Stephen Sundlof, the FDA's chief of veterinary medicine, who has overseen the risk assessment.

Sundlof said the agency is not inclined to call for labeling of products from clones, as some have demanded. For one thing, clonal meat or milk would be impossible to authenticate because there is no way to distinguish them from conventional products.

Farmers and companies that have been growing cloned barnyard animals from single cells in anticipation of a lucrative market say cloning will provide a level of consistency and quality impossible to attain with conventional breeding, making perfectly marbled beef and reliably lean and tasty pork the norm on grocery shelves.

But groups opposed to the new technology, including a coalition of powerful food companies, have not given up. On Thursday, advocacy groups filed a petition asking the FDA to regulate cloned farm animals one type at a time, much as it regulates new drugs, a change that would drastically slow marketing approval. Some are also questioning the ethics of a technology that, while more efficient than it used to be, still poses risks for pregnant animals and their newborns.

"The government talks about being science-based, and that's great, but I think there is another pillar here: the question of whether we really want to do this," said Carol Tucker Foreman, director of food policy at the Consumer Federation of America.

Clone-study results


Two new studies and a number of earlier ones have compared the meat and milk from clones and conventional livestock. A summary of the earlier findings:

• A 2002 Japanese study found "no biologically significant differences" in blood counts and blood chemistry, chemical composition of milk or meat, digestibility of meat fed to rats, allergenicity, or health or behavior of rats raised on clonal food.

• A 2004 study of rats raised on milk and meat from cloned animals showed no differences in growth rates, food consumption, behavior and reflexes, or breeding. Measures of their blood and urine were the same as for rats fed conventional chow, and their tissues were normal at autopsy.

• Another 2004 study found milk from cloned and conventional cows to be biochemically identical.

• A 2005 study also found the two types of milk to be virtually identical; all but 12 of more than 100 meat measures were also the same. Eight of the measures that were higher in the clones were for desirable fats and fatty acids that had been selected for those clones. The other four were all within normal range.

Surveys show that about half the U.S. population is uncomfortable with the idea of animal cloning for food and milk. The single biggest reason people give is "religious and ethical," with concerns about food safety coming in second, said Michael Fernandez, executive director of the Pew Initiative on Food and Biotechnology, a nonpartisan research and education project.

That there is a debate at all about integrating clones into the food supply is evidence of the remarkable progress made since the 1996 birth of Dolly, the world's first mammalian clone, created from an udder cell of an anonymous ewe.

Scientists now have applied the technique successfully to cattle, horses, pigs, goats and other mammals. Each clone is a genetic replica of the animal that donated the cell from which it was grown.

Cloning could solve a number of long-standing farm problems. Many prize males are not recognized as such until long after they have been castrated. With cloning, that lack of semen would not matter. Cloning also allows farmers to make many copies of exceptional milk producers; with natural breeding, cows have only one offspring per year, and half are males.

In the eyes of many in agriculture, cloning is simply the latest in a string of advances that have given farmers better control over animal reproduction.

"Clones are just clones. They are not genetically engineered animals," said Barbara Glenn, chief of animal biotechnology at the Biotechnology Industry Organization.

The FDA agrees with that distinction, Sundlof said. The agency already has said it will regulate transgenic animals — those that have been engineered by adding specific, valuable genes — in much the way it regulates pharmaceuticals, under a new category called "New Animal Drugs." No such animals are now on the market.

By contrast, proponents say, clones are simply twins, albeit born a generation apart.

It was October 2003 when the FDA released its first draft document concluding that clones and their offspring were safe to eat, prompting several cloning companies to scale up their operations.

But an agency advisory panel and the National Academies, while supportive, raised caution flags, citing insufficient safety data.

That — along with opposition led largely by the International Dairy Foods Association, which represents such large, brand-sensitive companies as Kraft Foods, Dannon, General Mills and Nestlé USA — put FDA approval on hold. For years the agency has asked producers to keep clones off the market voluntarily while the issues got sorted out, a delay that bankrupted one major company and has left others increasingly frustrated.

But now a large collection of new data submitted to the FDA has revitalized the effort, according to government officials and others.

The biggest study compares meat from the offspring of cloned and conventional boars created by Austin, Texas-based ViaGen, a major producer of cloned farm animals. Company scientists agreed to share key results with a reporter but withheld details as required by the journal Theriogenology, which will publish the report in its January issue.

Semen from four clones and three conventional boars was used to inseminate 89 females. A total of 404 progeny (242 from clones) were raised identically by government scientists at the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Meat Animal Research Center in Clay, Neb., and slaughtered when they reached market size. (Because clones are so valuable, companies for now anticipate sending only their offspring to market.) Of the 14,036 measures of protein composition, fatty acid profiles and other meat components done on the offspring of clones by an independent lab, all but three were within the same range as those of the conventional animals, and only one was outside what the Agriculture Department considers normal.

The other large research report came from Cyagra, a cloning company in Elizabethtown, Pa.

In that study, 80 blood and urine measures, including various hormone levels, were taken in 10 newborn, 46 weanling and 18 adult clones. Results were indistinguishable from those obtained from conventional animals.

Then 79 biochemical measurements from three cuts of meat taken from five male and six female adult clones were compared with those from matched cuts from conventional animals. Again, no differences were found, said Cyagra's director of marketing, Steve Mower. The results have been submitted to the FDA and are being reviewed by a scientific journal.

"The data are very clear," ViaGen President Mark Walton said. "You really can't tell them apart."

In light of the new findings, and the FDA's near completion of a review demanded by the White House Office of Management and Budget, Sundlof expects to release a formal draft risk assessment by the end of the year, along with a proposed "risk management" plan. Those documents would allow the marketing of clones and their offspring for food and milk after a final period of public comment.

Unless, that is, the opponents manage to stop the process.

In its petition filed Thursday, the Washington-based Center for Food Safety asked the FDA to regulate clones, not just transgenics, as New Animal Drugs. It also called for environmental-impact statements to evaluate the environmental and health effects of each new proposed line of clones.

"The available science shows that cloning presents serious food safety risks, animal welfare concerns and unresolved ethical issues that require strict oversight," the petition states.

Industry scientists derided the petition's safety concerns, built largely on a theoretical possibility that subtle genetic changes seen in some clones may alter the nutritional nature of meat. If those genetic changes were significant, Mower said, they would cause biochemical changes in milk or meat, none of which have been found.

But issues of ethics and public acceptance are not easily dismissed, several experts said.

Public sentiment is a big concern to dairy companies, which fear that any association with cloning could harm milk's carefully honed image of wholesomeness.

Sundlof noted that the FDA has no authority to make decisions based on ethics concerns.

In any case, the FDA already may be too late. Several owners of clones have been selling semen to farm clubs and others vying to grow prize-winning cattle. Most of those animals end up being slaughtered, sold and eaten, experts said.

"That you can go online today to any number of different Web sites and purchase semen from cloned bulls tells you there are cloned sires out there fathering calves in the food supply," ViaGen's Walton said.

Copyright © 2006 The Seattle Times Company

Dave's Top Ten

In case you missed Dave Letterman's top ten tonight, he expressed my sentiments precisely in response to Burger King's menu item, the Quad Stacker. It is 4 hamburger patties, four pieces of cheese (processed no doubt), and 8 pieces of bacon all topped off with a savory sauce and sesame bun. This 1000 calorie sandwich has staggering 68 grams of fat all for the low low price of $3.99.

Here's Dave's top ten.

Top Ten Questions you should ask yourself before ordering a Burger King Quad Stacker:

10. Do I have my papers in order?

9. Can I get it super sized?

8. Will I have time to run 298 miles to burn off the calories?

7. Could this have anything to do with why the rest of the world hates us?

6. Should I talk to my doctor about Lipitor?

5. Can I get it on a low carb bun?

4. How come there isn't any sausage on this bad boy?

3. Why is Burger King making me sign a release form?

2. Should I wait til they come out with the "Quint" Stacker?

And the number one question you should ask yourself before ordering a Quad Stacker is...

Do I have my cardiologist on speed dial?

Did you know your brain is comprised of 75% Fat?

Yup. Fat. That wonderful brain that is in your beautiful head is 3/4 fat. What kind of fat are you going to feed your brain today? How many people do you know that are going to choose Big Mac fat or donut fat? Did you have bacon for breakfast? Tisk tisk. No wonder your memory isn't as good as it should be and you can't seem to think straight. This kind of gives a literal meaning to pig headed, doesn't it? I love you, please don't give your brain Big Mac fat. 

This post contains graphic images.

I was talking to one of my very favorite people on the phone last night and she was telling me about a man she knows who is devastated because his father never told him he loved him as he was growing up. This person's father was a hard ass and never showed him any love - at least not emotionally. This father did provide this child with every material thing he could possibly want. My friend was irritated because this person felt that his father's lack of expressing love to him was very detrimental to his well being. This person was deeply affected by his experience.

My friend thought that this was a very small problem in the whole scheme of things. This man, now grown, has his own beautiful children, is a prominent business owner, has no concerns about money or health and in my friend's opinion, should be happy with all that he has. He has no right to wallow when his only problem is that he was not shown affection from his father.

My friend compared his situation to mine, I grew up with an abusive step mother, my family struggled financially, alcoholism was a major factor in my childhood, and I had to work hard for every bit of money I ever got; nothing was handed down to me like it was in her friend's case. Then I got cancer. My friend feels that my experiences make me entitled to complain and wallow, if I choose to. I somehow have more of a right than her friend does to complain and be affected by life's experiences. She feels my experiences have been much more difficult than those of her friend.

My friend used a couple of other examples where she felt people were complaining about issues they had no right to complain about. From where she is sitting those people's problems would be a nice set of problems to have and if their issue is the worst thing they have endured, they are doing pretty well. I stuck up for these people saying that all people have their own lowest low and highest high. If the worst thing their life experience has presented them with is feeling unloved by their parent, then for them that's the worst thing they have ever felt, therefore of course, it is going to seem significant to them. It's all about perspective.

My friend started to agree...okay, yeah I guess each person does have their own reality and the worst thing that has ever happened to them will seem pretty bad to them - even if that worst thing is only that their father did not show them affection. She only bought into that for a moment though - she's a tough cookie. She feels that it's pretty easy to see that this is not that bad, all you have to do is look at the world around you. She felt that it's okay to be hurt or disappointed by something like that but then you should learn from it, count your blessings, and move on. It's really very small when you look at the struggles other people have endured.

I listened to and admired my friend while she stated her case, thinking the whole time that I have never heard her actually complain about anything in the years that I have known her. This is a woman who has had struggle after struggle in her life - loss after loss. I honestly cannot even comprehend how she has survived the struggles she has faced in her life. I marvel at how she can be so sympathetic to my struggles when, in my opinion her burdens are far greater than mine have ever been. I will not share her specifics but I will tell you that this very beautiful and strong woman has had to carry more pain than most other people I know. Yet, I have NEVER heard her complain. I've helped her cry and face situations but she has never said anything like why me or this isn't fair. She simply faces situations, and I'm talking about  really serious losses and struggles, not your run of the mill stuff. This woman comes through these things and counts her blessings again and again. Then she looks around her and normally has deep compassion for others, last night was an exception. She will help anyone, give everyone a chance, and is generous almost to a fault. If she has something, she wants everyone around her to have it too.

This conversation I had with her really got me thinking. What causes some people to stop and wallow in self pity regarding an experience and another to get past it, learn from it, and count their blessings? Does a person develop more compassion when they themselves have endured greater pain? Is it that the more pain you endure, the more you are capable of sympathizing with others? If this is the case, then it seems that the greater pain you endure, the better person you will become. And if that is true, then it seems for the greater good of all, the whole world should endure great pain, suffering, and loss. This will create a deeper compassion within all of us and that would mean we would automatically share our blessings with others rather than hoard them for ourselves, right? Maybe, but I do not wish pain and suffering upon the world. I also do not believe you have to experience great pain in order to have compassion.

Is there a way to awaken the compassion that is already within people? Maybe enough people aren't exposed to the pain and suffering that is in the world around them. Out of sight, out of mind. They are so invested in their own self that they don't think about the rest of the world in their everyday life. For example when they cannot afford to go out to a nice restaraunt with their friends and they are upset about it, would they look at the situation differently if they thought about this child and the fact that this child will NEVER visit a restaraunt in what will likely be their short life? How often does that person who can't afford to eat out think about the people in this photograph? They are real people, this picture is recent, taken in March of 2005. Do enough Americans consider these people when they are upset about the events of their life? I do. I think about them everyday. So many people have expressed their sympathy and compassion for me and for my struggles. I don't have any problems. My situation is unbelievably wonderful. I have more blessings than I can even start to count. So do you, you are sitting at a computer reading this right now, that alone means that you have WAY more than many people around the world do.

I know the people reading this have the kind of compassion I am talking about. You are the people who have shown me great compassion; given me your time, money, and hearts. You share whatever you can, you have for me and I am confident you do for others as well.

I see more television than I like to admit and I often see advertisements for beauty products, rediculously expensive vehicles, perfumes, jewelry, and countless other meaningless, material things. There must be a pretty big market for this stuff or these companies would not be spending so much money to produce and market it. The Today Show did an entire segment this morning on hair up-dos. They hired hair experts, showed gorgeous women who started out with "bad hair" that looked fine to me, and pinned it up in various ways to provide them with a whole new and "improved" look. Think about hair for a minute. How big of an industry is the "hair" industry? There are countless gizmos, gadgets, products, and experts with regard to hair. We color it, curl it, straighten it, add extensions to it, put stuff in it, buy accesories for it, and complain about it. We are envious of other people's hair and for many people in America, Canada, England, and other developed countries, hair is a huge industry. I used to invest hours of my time and hundreds of my dollars into my hair. I know how important one's hair can seem. I got over it a couple of years ago when I lost all of my hair during chemo. Now, I'm just really happy to have some hair. I pretty much just wash it and let it do what it wants. I rarely even pull out a hair dryer, curling iron, or product for it anymore. I am actually sort of embarrassed at the importance my hair once played in my life. What if every person in the developed world were willing to give up all of their hair products for an entire year? If every person just used shampoo on their hair and absolutely nothing else, how much money would we have to feed the children who are so malnourished, they don't even have hair?

It really is about perspective isn't it? Unfortunately the people who need to read this probably won't. They're out there so wrapped up in their own world that they do not find time for others. There are many of them out there too. People who are so worried about their things, their life, and their problems that they couldn't possibly make room for anything else. They have themselves so stressed out about things that, when it really comes down to it, mean absolutely nothing in life. Cars, clothes, make up, gadgets, curtains, hair, jewlery, weddings, pimples, the list of things that I have personally seen people have melt downs about goes on. I bet as I write this, there is a woman somewhere in the developed world having a complete melt down, crying and carrying on because she broke a nail. Seriously - I bet it's happening somewhere right now.

I wonder if this precious little baby has ever seen a set of perfectly manicured nails. The kind that are  long, red, sparkly, and have little gemstones pressed into them. What would this sweet child think about those kind of fingernails? Would she even be able to comprehend that the person attached to them paid someone else to apply artificial nails, file and smooth them before cautiously applying toxic paint to them, and perfectly placing the plastic jewels in them? This child would probably think this was some kind of strange person who can magically grow these amazing, colorful, and sparkling fingernails, this child might even think she was some kind of God. This baby's name is Raghu, how many meals would Raghu eat if that woman decided to donate the money she paid to have that manicure done? How much is a manicure like that? $50, $60, maybe $70? That's a lot of rice. I don't personally know anyone who wears this kind of manicure but I see them when I'm out and about. I'm kind of amazed by them, I don't understand the expense but I can understand that some people do. Please don't be offended if you are this person, who wears this manicure. I am sure you also share your fortunes when you can. I don't feel that people should not have blessings or enjoy them. They should. This is a wonderful world and we are fortunate to have opportunities and wealth within reach. Strive for it, work hard to get it, and by all means enjoy your successes.

There's just a lot of people who have so much but give so little. Their problems are so small compared to so many others, yet they complain. I have really motivated myself here to get out and give even more. I want to try and give other people my time, love, and sometimes even material things or money. I am always aware of the poverty in third world countries. I am saddened by it and I am aware that there are many people who were simply born into pain and struggles that I will never really understand. I want to help these people but the most I have done for them is buy products that I see which are produced by the poor people in their poor countries. I don't know who to trust to give my money to to help them so I buy things like hand made clothing and shoes, lotions and I even bought some banana vinegar that was made by the people of Costa Rica. I wonder if these Costa Rican residents helped to make my banana vinegar, which is delicious by the way. I feel there is a lot to do in our own backyard. I see people sleeping in San Diego on old, dirty matresses, or less, right down the street from where I live - in my own driveway actually.

I'm not scolding anyone for having things or caring about their hair. I have more than I need, I have and enjoy material things, I like to doll myself up on occasion. I could give more than I do. I just wonder if the people around us, as a whole, realize just how much they have. All of us should be willing to lose it. We should all be prepared and willing to lose everything we have, our houses, cars, furniture, gadgets and every other material thing. Those are not the things that make you who you are. You will survive without them. These are not the most important things you have; your health, your mind, your love, and your relationships are much more important.

When I leave this place and the people I leave behind remember me, I pray they remember what I gave in my life, rather than what I had. I hope when I look back and reflect on the time I spent here, I can reflect on helping to make people happier and healthier in some way. I still have a long way to go but I have come to a place in my life where I know that the joy of giving far outweighs the joy of getting. I do not have any struggles compared to so many others and I will always try to share my blessings, rather than hoard them. Maybe I'll create a ripple effect of love and sharing and that will help more people than I'll ever realize. One thing is certain, no matter how big my struggles get, there will always someone who has endured and overcome way more.   

Burn Your Bras!

I totally quit wearing bras a few years ago. I honestly just couldn't see the point for my particular situation. For me the discomfort they caused significantly outweighed any benefit I could see from wearing one.  Several times, I've asked Dick if he thought my lack of a bra was inappropriate - he's not sure and I don't know why I'm worried about it. I am much more comfortable without one. I realize not all women are built the same, some of you were actually endowed with large breasts and there may be some benefit to you wearing a bra - sometimes.

Why am I talking about bras, you ask? Well I came across some startling statistics yesterday on one of the natural health websites I was on and they freaked me out. I decided to Google the topic and my concerns were confirmed - bras cause breast cancer! This was clearly proven in a Harvard study that was conducted on the topic.

I don't know why this has not been more widely reported - it should be a public service announcement in all media sources around the world. It makes perfect sense. Your lymphatic system is a delicate and extremely important part of your health. You have more lymph fluid than you have blood. Your lymph fluid coats and supports your organs and it facilitates the removal of toxins from your body - that is if you use it correctly. Your blood is constantly circulating thanks to your beautiful heart. The lymph system does not have it's own pump like the circulatory system does, it relies on your movement to push it around. This is another extremely important reason you should exercise regularly. Unfortunately, I never understood this until recently, because of my extensive research. I have never heard a news report explain the lymphatic system and the importance of exercise relating to it. If you are looking for another reason to get motivated to start an exercise routine, this is it - your lymphatic system needs movement to stay clean and support your body the way it should.

Now, this brings us to the contraption we women have always worn because we're suppose to - it's the "decent" thing to do, right? Well your brassiere could be causing health concerns you never knew about. You see, it constricts the delicate lymphatic arteries and does not allow the fluid to flow freely, causing a build up of toxins that can lead to cysts and and even breast cancer. This is especially true of sports bras - which are normally tighter that your everyday wear bra. This is very concerning because when you are exercising you are stirring up that fluid and moving it around - flushing it. That is exactly what you want to do but if you are wearing a tight bra, you are blocking that flow and that dirty, toxic fluid sits right at your breast. You have one of the greatest concentrations of lymph nodes right around that area; under your arms and in your chest area.

Here are some of the statistics from the Harvard study:

• Women who wore their bras 24 hours per day had a 3 out of 4 chance of developing breast cancer (in their study, n=2056 for the cancer group and n=2674 for the standard group).
• Women who wore bras more than 12 hour per day but not to bed had a 1 out of 7 risk.
• Women who wore their bras less than 12 hours per day had a 1 out of 152 risk.
• Women who wore bras rarely or never had a 1 out of 168 chance of getting breast cancer. The overall difference between 24 hour wearing and not at all was a 125-fold difference.

It looks like wearing a bra less than 12 hours a day is much safer then wearing it more than that. If you are one of those women who even wear these horrible contraptions to bed, please stop! Another really interesting thing I read was that men have a 1 out of 168 chance of getting breast cancer - the same as women who don't wear bras!

I don't own a large set of breasts so I really have no idea what it is like to have to worry about the things that a lot of women do with regard to them. I know it's not feasible for some of you to never wear a bra. For me, yeah, you can often tell I'm not wearing a bra and my mother might gently try to tell me that my lack of one is not lady like or appropriate but I really don't have enough up there to make me feel self conscious about not having one on.

My gut reaction after reading this information about the risk of wearing bras is to tell you all not to wear them - period. Let your beautiful twins be free in all their glory but I know that's not going to happen. Our society has made that a nearly impossible thing to do. So, please at least wear them less. Let those babies loose in the evenings when you are at home, your husband will appreciate it and so will your precious lymphatic system.

Also, when you exercise, try to find a bra made of softer materials that provide the needed support without constricting your sides and back. At any time if you take your bra off and have grooves all around your chest from where it was digging into you - it's too tight and it is constricting those very delicate lymphatic vessels. 

So please let this information penetrate your brain. The study is very clear - bras increase your risk of health problems, most significantly cancer. Wear a less constricting one, take it off earlier, DO NOT sleep in them, and if you are brave enough to go against decency - burn them! I have. I am liberated and I have decreased my risk of breast cancer 125 fold! I hope to see a lot more happy breasts out there, bras are really an unnecessary risk for many women.

Bayer sell AIDS infected drug overseas after it was banned in the United States

Bayer sells drug despite knowing it was contaminated with HIV

The video above shows a little bit of the truth behind how drug companies think and the extent they will go to in order to secure profits.

Sunny D Claims It Is A Good Choice

Sunny D, Smooth California Style orange flavored citrus punch with other natural flavors

Nutrition Facts Serving Size:  8 fl oz • 240 mL Amount Per Serving Calories 130 Calories from Fat  0 % DV* Total Fat 0g 0%     Saturated Fat  0g 0%     Trans Fat  0g     Polyunsaturated Fat  0g     Monounsaturated Fat  0g Cholesterol 0mg 0% Sodium 170mg 7% Total Carbohydrate 32g 11%     Dietary Fiber  0g 0%     Sugars  30g Protein 0g 0% Vitamin A  0% • Vitamin C  100% Calcium  0% • Iron  0% Thiamine  15% Unofficial Pts: 3 Percent of Calories from: Fat-0%     Carb-98.5%     Protein-0%     INGREDIENTS: Water, high fructose corn syrup and 2% or less of each of the following: concentrated juices (orange, tangerine, apple, lime, grapefruit), citric  acid, ascorbic acid (vitamin C), thiamin hydrochloride (vitamin B1), natural flavors, food starch-modified, canola oil, sodium citrate, cellulose gum, xanthan gum, sodium hexametaphosphate, sodium benzoate to protect flavor, yellow #5, yellow #6. Contains 5% Juice. Keep Refrigerated. (Retailer may display outside of refrigeration.) I just saw a commercial for this product that showed a child running and participating in a lot of sporting activities while he grew through the years of his childhood and became an adult. This is exactly what the commercial said; I had to go back and forth on the Tivo to get it all correct and this is what the advertisers of Sunny D say about it: Mom's know that giving their kids a head start in the race of life means helping them make good choices. That's why Sunny D is a choice you can feel good about. Unlike soda, which has no vitamins, Sunny D is filled with a full day's supply of vitamin C plus B1, with a refreshing fruity taste they'll love into adulthood so your kids become happy, healthy, successful adults. Help them soar to new heights with Sunny D, the good stuff kids go for.

I took the time to listen and re-listen to this commercial because I am disgusted that this company is advertising their sugar laden, nutritionally void, garbage as a good choice. Some poor busy soul out there is trying to change her life and make good choices regarding nutrition for herself and her family. She has no nutritional education and has been eating an unhealthy diet her entire life but she has made a commitment to make changes. Now remember she's busy so making time to educate herself regarding good nutrition is very difficult. There's the new food pyramid that just came out and she is going to make an effort to follow that. According to the new food pyramid she needs to get more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains in her diet. She's just decided to make these changes and then she sees and hears the advertisement for Sunny D. It's actually possible that she would purchase this product thinking she was making a healthy choice.

Sunny D is not a good choice, contrary to what the advertiser says. It's full of  High Fructose Corn Syrup; a nasty, gluey, highly processed, unfortunate substance. In my opinion any amount of vitamins in high fructose corn syrup are wasted. Your body doesn't want high fructose corn syrup in it and actually works very hard to get it out. I have to think the high fructose corn syrup cancels out the vitamins, but I'm not an expert.

What are natural flavors anyway? Kevin Trudeau basically says that "natural flavors" is fancy way of saying it is one of hundreds of chemicals that food manufacturers can put into your food. Do I believe Kevin Trudeau and think that food companies are adding chemicals to our food that are addicting, toxic, and even make you hungry? Yup. I actually do believe that food companies are doing this.

If they weren't doing this, then why is all of the fruit concentrate they have put in the product listed? Why isn't it considered natural flavors? They didn't include enough of the fruit to add any fiber or any of the vitamins, those are included separately and they are probably synthetic anyway. This product only contains 5% fruit juice. What is the fruit concentrate there for if not for flavor?  I guess I would just like to know what is in the "natural flavors". I'm not satisfied with natural flavors as an ingredient, I would like more information. Where can I grow these "natural flavors" or buy them for that matter? Whatever. I do believe that food companies will put horrible chemicals in our food in order to market it, preserve it's shelf life, and even try to get us addicted to it.

I cannot believe the lies these food companies are allowed to share on national TV. There are people trying to make healthier choices in their life and unfortunately they are getting their education on what it means to make good choices from what they see in news reports and other things they see on television.

General Mills is a great example of how food companies are manipulating people into believing that their food is healthy. Whole grains have recently become very popular, after a study indicated that whole grains were beneficial, General Mills added a nominal amount of whole grains to all of their breakfast cereals. Then they advertised the study along with the fact that they had whole grains in all of their cereals. Now, the amount of whole grains that General Mills added was not enough to actually realize the benefits of eating whole grains. The cereal still primarily contains enriched grains. Check the fiber content of your cereal and if it is less than 2 grams per serving, you aren't getting the whole grains you need, even if your cereal box claims it has whole grains.

The lists of things that is wrong with the majority of food that you get in boxes, bags, cans, or bottles is unending. At best it just doesn't have any real nutrition. At worst it is full of horrible sweeteners, toxins, chemicals, and trans fat. I think the worst case scenario with processed foods is the norm. Even at the natural food stores be wary of the advertising, if there is any truth in it, it is most likely a manipulated spin on the real truth.

Sunny D has 30 grams of sugar per 8OZ serving, which is about the same as soda. Nearly everything you buy that's in a box, can, bag, or bottle contains some amount of high fructose corn syrup. Pay attention next time you go to the store and purchase processed foods. I challenge you to find any packaged foods that do not have one of the following ingredients:

High Fructose Corn Syrup

Enriched Flour (look instead for whole grain flour)

Artificial Color

Artificial Flavor

"Natural flavor"

Partially Hydrogenated or hydrogenated oils

Nitrates

Modified starches

Monosodium Glutamate

This list of things is not natural. These things were never suppose to be consumed by humans. They are things that have been manufactured to make a lot of food really inexpensively. They provide no nutrition to your body and are actually very harmful. Food companies don't care about nutrition, they care about selling a lot of food.

Don't trust the advertisements, don't even trust the nutrition facts when your read the label, and always read the label. Pay attention to the ingredients. If you are trying to make healthier choices with regard to your food and nutrition, stay away from everything that has any of the above ingredients on the label.

Please do not allow the food companies to continue poisoning us. Refuse to buy food that uses these and other toxic ingredients. If we quit buying it, they'll quit making it.

Questions for Sunny D -

Exactly what is Natural flavor?

What is the recommended daily allowance of Xanthan Gum?

Is sodium hexametaphosphate good for me?

Do you honestly believe that Sunny D is a good choice and kids become happy, healthy, successful adults because of choosing your product? I think if someone who uses your product regularly becomes happy, healthy, or successful it will be in spite of your product, not because of it. 

How Rude

Years ago, I was shopping for business suits in a very upscale store. I had my sights on this gorgeous red one and I was absolutely planning on buying it until I came out of the dressing room in it and the sales woman that was assisting me, ran her hand down the front of me while exclaiming "Oh, you're flat" meaning that I was flat chested! I am painfully aware that I was not endowed with large breasts, or any for that matter, I do not need a sales person who is trying to sell me a $400 suit to tell me that! I didn't buy the suit. Did she even realize after she did that, how insulting it was?

I woke up this morning just before 6 A.M. to the sounds of my next door neighbor's ride to work pulling into my driveway and honking at my neighbor so my neighbor knew he was there. I'm sure my neighbor and the person giving him a ride think this is a perfect plan, the guy driving doesn't have to walk to his friend's apartment and my neighbor can just run right out when he hears the horn. Brilliant.

The problem with this is that it wakes up the other people who are within ear shot of the horn, which is probably more than 10 households because we have several apartment buildings surrounding us. It wakes Dick up and he gets angry and starts yelling out the window. My morning starts with a honking horn and yelling husband. How rude.

I wanted to park outside of my friend's house the other night. There were two available spaces right in front. The only problem was the Hummer that was idling in the street, blocking both spots. I pulled up behind the Hummer and waited for it to park so I could park in the other space. The Hummer didn't move, I continued to wait, the Hummer waved me around. I pulled up next to the Hummer and asked if they were parking, I explained that I would like to park. They said yes they were parking so I waited. The Hummer didn't move. I got frustrated and found other parking. I walked by the Hummer that had now parked in the middle of the two available spaces. I asked them why they needed two spaces and finally they offered to move so I could park. Thanks a lot.

I pulled into a disabled space at Target a few weeks ago. I placed my disabled placard in the window and got out of my car. A man pulled up and said "Oh, so you're disabled?" I replied that I have myelodysplasia and get very fatigued. I qualify for Federal Disability and my doctors obviously feel that the I qualify for a disabled placard. I showed him my implanted port and explained that it was used for my frequent blood transfusions. In response to my explanation, he yelled "This is F*cking ridiculous, I've been looking for a parking space for an hour!" How Rude.

I was having a second yard sale to help raise funds for my enzymes and supplements. One of the customers asked if I was moving and I sort of jokingly said, "No, I have an $800 per month vitamin habit that I am trying to support." He looked at me and paused, then said "So, you have HIV, huh?" It's one thing to make this far out assumption but to actually say this to someone? Is this not rude?

Every time I go to my favorite grocery store there is a line of cars waiting to get in because someone wants to park in the lower level and waits for someone to come out, get in their car and leave, so they can park. There is a perfectly sufficient lot upstairs with plenty of parking. Recently, I wanted to go to the store and when I tried to pull into the parking lot, a woman was talking on her cell phone and blocking the entrance, waiting for someone who was leaving so she could park in the lower lot. She was pulled in too far for the person who was leaving to back out so she put her car in reverse and wanted me to do the same. I had another car behind me and was not about to back up. She could have easily just forgotten about that space and gone into the upper parking lot. Instead she honked her horn at me, expecting me to back up, so she could back up, allow the person to leave, and get the space. I did not back up. She backed up on the side of me and allowed the car to leave so she could get that spot. After she got the spot she so desperately had to have, I pulled in and there was an available spot in the lower lot even closer to the entrance than the one she worked so hard to park in. I got into the store before she did. Ha Ha.

Unfortunately, I ended up in line behind this person. Now, when I got in line (the express line), all of her items had been checked and she was informed of the total amount of her bill. She proceeded to question how much several of the individual items she had brought to the register were. The clerk went over all of these items and the woman was finally satisfied so she proceeded to pull out her checkbook, something she should have done when she first got into the line. She recorded the transaction in her check register before even starting to write the stupid check. By the time she was done, there was a line of several people behind me. She was completely oblivious to how rude she was.

When I first started this website, I got an email from someone telling me that my getting blood transfusions was against God. She felt that I should have died rather than getting the blood transfusions that were sustaining my life. She had no problem informing me of her opinion and basically letting me know that I was going to burn in hell for my decision to allow medical technology to save my life. I felt her sharing her strong opinion was extremely rude.

Several months ago I wrote about how irritable I had been. I was having uncontrollable outbursts because of my irritability and was wondering where my frustration was coming from. I blamed it on my MDS, as irritability is one of the symptoms of MDS but I don't think it is from MDS, I think my irritability is caused by rude people. Dick will be very happy that I've come to this conclusion as he has been telling me that people are rude since the day I met him. He voices his very Strong opinions about people's rudeness all the time. He's irritable too and he does not have MDS.

As the bumper sticker so eloquently puts it, Mean People Suck. Do they have any idea how their actions affect others? Do they even care? When I rule the world, the first thing I am going to do is send everybody back to kindergarten so they can get a refresher course in basic manners. They will be reminded that they need to say please and thank you. They will learn about sharing with others and learn that if they don't have something nice to say, they should say nothing at all. They will learn that during nap time, it is not appropriate to honk their horn and they will learn that it's always nap time - somewhere.

My Opinion On the Abraham Cherrix Story

Dick brought a story to my attention yesterday that has me really fired up. I am so angry that this is even possible that I wasn't sure if I could effectively write about it. I'm afraid my emotions will cloud my sense of reason because as far as I'm concerned there is only one way to look at this situation; it's wrong, the state had no business getting involved, and the judge that initially heard the case should be relieved of his responsibilities.

I think Dickie knew how fired up I would be about it and was looking forward to reading my thoughts, after they had been carefully considered. He already heard my completely uncensored views on the subject last night. He asked me why I hadn't shared my thoughts when he saw what he felt was my boring post this morning. As the day has gone on, this story has remained at the forefront of my thoughts and I can't help but put something in writing about how I feel. 

I'm talking about a 16 year old young man named Abraham Cherrix.  Abraham has Hodgkin's disease; a cancer of the lymphatic system. When Abraham was first diagnosed with this disease, he followed the advice of his doctors and endured chemotherapy  and radiation treatments. Unfortunately, Abraham's cancer returned. The doctors recommend that he repeat the chemotherapy and radiation therapy.

Abraham feels that another round of chemotherapy "would kill me, literally. No joke about it," he went on to say, "The first round of chemo almost killed me in itself. There were some nights I didn't know if I would make it." Some people would read this and immediately think that this 16 year old boy must be exaggerating, he is an emotional adolescent and really does not understand the ramifications of his decision.

I believe Abraham has made a well thought out decision and he knows what he feels is best for his situation and for his body. Abraham says "I studied. I did research. I came to this conclusion that the chemotherapy was not the route I wanted to take." His research has led him to believe that an organic diet, free of sugar and a treatment  called Hoxsey that is available in Mexico would be a better protocol. His parents support their 16 year old son in his decision. End of story, right?

Unfortunately no. Unbelievably no. This is just the beginning of the story for this 16 year old boy who is facing cancer for the second time in his short life. Now, imagine how distraught this young man must be about his second cancer diagnosis. At a time when he should be able to focus on things like getting his driver's license, exploring colleges, and fantasizing about who he would like to take to prom, he has to face a deadly disease that threatens to end his life before he can realize any of those things.

He must also be feeling very frustrated because chemotherapy is the only option his oncologist has for him and he believes his body will not make it through another course of these harsh treatments. He's probably remembering how weak and depleted the chemo left him feeling and he's terrified.  I can personally tell you that he would probably rather die than endure chemo again. I completely understand how he feels. He is convinced that he would rather die of his disease than go through the hell of chemo and radiation - again.

Please know and understand that if I were ever in this situation, where doctors felt that I would have a better chance of surviving with chemotherapy treatments than without them, I will decline their recommendation. A doctor could tell me that there was a 99% percent chance I would die unless I did chemotherapy, I would go with the 1% chance of making it without chemo. I have no question. Abraham, I'm sorry you are going through this. I want you to know that I've been there kid, and I agree with you.

We are talking about a 16 year old young man. Someone who in my opinion is equipped to make decisions regarding their life and their body. It is very interesting how we apply responsibility to kids who are this age because if he murdered someone, he would be deemed accountable for his actions and be expected to pay for his crime. If he is old enough to be responsible for his actions then doesn't it makes sense that he is old enough to be responsible for what happens to his body too? Is he really not just automatically allowed to decide what enters his own veins? He certainly should be, I'd be on his side even if his parents weren't.

It all seems pretty cut and dry to me but the authorities where Abraham lives do not believe he has the right to choose what happens to his body. They believe they somehow have the right to intervene and force Abraham to endure the chemotherapy that they strongly feel will cure his disease. In the majority of cases chemotherapy is effective for Hodgkin's disease.

I wonder how this all happened, I have not found enough information about the story to say for sure but I imagine after Abraham declined chemotherapy treatments, someone on his medical team contacted social services. I'm a little cynical about our medical industry and I have to wonder if that call was placed in any part because the doctor was going to lose out on the money he would make from administering the chemo to Abraham. I hope I am off base and whoever made that call probably thinks they were doing what was best for Abraham. I just can't help but have the question about the money. Was it at all a factor?

None the less, social services got involved. Instead of concluding after talking to Abraham and his parents that Abraham has been through enough and if he wants to choose not to subject his body to more harsh chemotherapy, he has that right, they decided to charge his parents with medical neglect and sued them for joint custody of this 16 year old young man.

They decided that the decision to support their child in his desire to pursue medical practices they do not approve of was medical neglect. They were providing their child with what they think is valid medical treatment. Abraham's doctors do not feel that the treatment plan he has opted to pursue is effective but Abraham and his parents do. I believe it should end there. I am horrified that It didn't.

After winning joint custody of poor Abraham, the state was able to persuade a judge to rule that Abraham MUST have chemotherapy! Imagine what this young man must have been feeling when that decision came through. I wonder if the judge or any of those cases workers have ever endured chemotherapy "treatment". Abraham was told on a Friday that he must report to the hospital on Tuesday to start getting chemotherapy. He must have felt like he was just sentenced to death. I would have. I would have fled the country and never returned. Honestly.

Rather than fleeing, Abraham stood up and fought, appealing the court's decision. Think of what was happening within him while he went through this process. The range of emotions had to be astounding. Fear, anger, resentment, sadness, betrayal. None of these are good. This is a person who is already compromised, we all know this because he has already had chemotherapy and still has cancer. Even conventional medicine embraces the fact that negative emotions when the body is already compromised is a recipe for disaster. I can't tell you how many times I've been told a positive attitude is the most important factor in my health. How on earth is it possible to maintain a positive attitude when you've just been told that you have no choice about having a substance you are convinced will kill you pumped into your veins?

The weekend that Abraham endured after hearing a judge mandate what he felt was certain death must have been horrendous. I hope he was able to separate himself from his emotions somehow because the emotions he must have been experiencing were doing nothing to benefit the state of his health. Social services obviously didn't care what kind of stress they were putting on this young man, as far as they were concerned they were going to make sure he got the cure he deserved even though Abraham believes this "cure" would actually result in his death.

This really goes to the mind/body connection, which again, even conventional medicine embraces. If the mind is convinced of a certain outcome then that outcome is much more likely to occur. I cannot believe there were are so many people willing to discard Abraham's feelings and beliefs about how another round of chemotherapy would affect him. I am appalled. Abraham should have been focusing on taking care of himself, he should have had the opportunity to put himself in an environment that supports positive emotions. Instead, he was thrown into a court battle where even his parents rights to protect him were taken away. He has been forced to go through an unthinkable range of negative emotions which are undoubtedly creating chemicals (toxins) within his already fragile body. Gosh, this makes me angry and if this somehow gets to Abraham, I want him to know how strongly I feel that he is right. He should take control of his body, he should make choices that he feels are best for him, and he is doing the right thing - because he believes it is the right thing. The mind body connection cannot be denied.

Luckily, Abraham won his appeal and for now, he will not be forced to get chemotherapy treatments. The judge that made this decision also had enough sense to overturn the outrageous joint custody that social services had won. Thank God.

It doesn't end here though, instead of being able to focus on healing his body, and completely focus on finding joy in each day, Abraham still has another trial to look forward to. He still has to live each day until his next trial on August 16th wondering if he will be forced into having harsh chemotherapy drugs pumped into his blood stream. He must be furious. I sure am.

I just cannot understand why this is happening. My opinion is not shared by everyone though, maybe even some of you feel that I'm wrong. I found some message boards on the topic and many people, over half of the people on the message board, feel that the state is right. I'm paraphrasing but one person said "When he turns 18, he can decide to kill himself."

I am not normally willing to take an extremely strong stand on this website but today, for Abraham, I am. If you feel this child/young man should be forced to have this chemotherapy, I very strongly disagree and object. This is a very black and white situation as far as I am concerned and this kid should not have to go through any of this in addition to what he's already been through. I personally do not know much about Hoxsey and I may choose a different approach but it is not my decision to make. The only important thing is that Abraham feels Hoxsey is the appropriate treatment. It's wonderful that his parents support him in his choice, even if they didn't, I feel Abraham has every right to refuse the horrible effects that chemo can and because he's convinced, would likely have on him.

I believe parents should have the right to make medical decisions regarding their children in general. I believe that if they want to decline vaccinations because they think they can cause more harm than good, they should be able to make that choice. I believe that if they want to take their children to a chiropractor for a spinal adjustment when they have a cold instead of a pediatrician for antibiotics, they should have that right. I don't believe that people should be literally forced to subscribe to conventional practices if they do not believe those practices are the best for their children. Many people would argue with me and I believe there is some gray area here, room for discussion, but with this particular case I only see black and white.

First of all, we are talking about a 16 year old person, not a young child who is not capable of understanding the implications involved in their decision. This certainly is a lot for a 16 year old to handle but the fact is at that age you can weigh pros and cons, you can determine what the possible risks and rewards of different decisions are. Abraham is very aware that the medical community strongly feels his best chance of survival will come with chemotherapy treatments. He is also old enough to understand that his treatment of choice, Hoxsey, does not have medical studies to back up it's effectiveness. He knows that either way it is a risk and he is choosing which risk he wants to take. Abraham himself said, "This is my body that I'm supposed to take care of. I should have the right to tell someone what I want to do with this body." Abraham, I couldn't agree more, you should have that right.

Secondly, Abraham tried conventional wisdom already. He tried it their way, been there, done that and does not want to do it again. He gave chemo a shot. This is not a situation where he is denying conventional medicine right from the beginning. He already went through chemo once and not only did it not cure him, it left him weak and feeling like he was going to die. This is not always the outcome but unfortunately it was for Abraham. It makes perfect sense that Abraham would like to explore a different approach.

Lastly, Abraham has come to some very strong conclusions about what he wants and how he thinks certain things will affect his body. His mind is convinced that nutrition and Hoxsey are what is best for his situation and condition. Even if there is an 85% chance that he would recover fully with chemotherapy treatments, he believes that chemo will only cause him more harm. I feel that because he believes this, chemotherapy is more likely to adversely affect him. If he felt confident that it would work for him, then it's likely he'd be fine but he doesn't believe that. If he is forced to have this treatment, I know he will sit there during treatments feeling angry, hopeless, resentful and discouraged. This will not serve his body, it will not create and internal environment that supports anything close to healing but rather will exasperate the harmful effects of the toxins that are inherently involved with chemotherapy.

I wish Abraham the best of luck. His story is an important one. His upcoming victory on August 16th  will be a victory towards preserving the rights of all citizens in this country. It doesn't matter what you think about the type of treatment Abraham wants to undergo. You may believe there's no way it could be effective. It's none of your business any more than it is mine and certainly should not be the business of the county courts or any court.

The fact is that some people die from chemotherapy. Many people are helped and go on to live a long vibrant life, but not all of them do. There is a risk of death caused directly from chemotherapy. This fact alone should be enough to say that any person who is intelligent enough to do the research and feels confident enough to try something else, something where the risk of death is from only the disease, not the treatment, should be allowed to make that choice and then be left in peace to proceed with it.   

The only right decision the court can make on August 16th is to leave Abraham alone, otherwise we will lose one more battle in the war against our freedoms. This is a very personal decision and I fear a government that can force someone to accept medical treatment they do not wish to have, even if the statistics say it will likely save their life.

Teen Fights For His Right To Refuse Chemotherapy

Read This:

http://www.forbes.com/entrepreneurs/feeds/ap/2006/07/25/ap2903291.html

I am interested in your opinions.

Geographic Luck

When I woke up this morning I was lying in an extremely comfortable bed, next to a man that I adore, and I felt good. Unlike most of you, I didn’t even have to worry about getting up and going to work. I walked through my home, used the toilet in my cute little bathroom, and ate a wonderful organic banana. I talked to my sweet pets and checked my email. Just after I opened the bedroom blinds and watched the sunshine flow through the crystal sitting there, splattering rainbows around the room it struck me how lucky I am and how wonderful my life is.

Then my mind flashed to an image of a poor African child, a child with rags barely covering her body and flies on her face. I really started to consider just how lucky I am. I was born with my basic needs already met. I am an American with rights and responsibilities. I get to choose my path in life. My basic needs were met since the time I was born. I have never had to worry about food, clothing, shelter, or even safety for that matter. Actually, I have had to worry about it to some extent but the way I have worried about it has been very different from the way that baby in Africa worries about it.

I am lucky to have been born in America where we really enjoy a nicer set of problems than many people around the world do. I grew up in an average American household where money was tight but I always had my basic needs met. There were times when we lived with relatives or they lived with us and our home was cramped. We even had to go to the food bank a couple of times and drink powdered milk. I was mortified by some of the hand me downs I had to wear. I had government insurance glasses which were not pretty but I had glasses. I had real milk most of the time. I had clothes that were not torn up rags, they may not have been popular, but they were clean and in good condition.

I would have to say that most people born in America have always had their basic needs met or have at least had the opportunity to get them met. The resources are available to most people to get their very basic needs met; food, shelter, and clothing. Many parts of the world are not this lucky, not even close.

In other parts of the world there are grown people who have never known what it is like to use a toilet that flushes. Indoor plumbing is the last thing a person is worried about. Keeping their family safe; protecting their women from rape, their children from bullets, and their men from torture is priority #1. Then they have to worry about finding substance; food in a land where food is nearly impossible to acquire. If they can achieve this, their next mission I imagine would be building shelter to protect themselves from the elements. If they can achieve safety, food, and shelter then they have to find a way to keep themselves fed and healthy in the face of malnutrition and an out of control AIDS epidemic. They do not have the opportunity for education. They can’t just sign their kids up at the local public school.   

I not only had the opportunity to go to school as a child but there were choices about which school I wanted to go to for free. I could have earned a scholarship to go to college and even further my education. I had access to everything I possibly needed to learn to read and write. What an amazing gift I received just because I was born where I was.

I have never known what it is like to really need. I have done plenty of wanting while I thought I was needing but my perspective was through the eyes of someone who was born in the United States where I have really always expected that at a minimum, my very basic needs would be met. I feel I am entitled to them. I think most people who are born in America feel some entitlement to having the most basic of needs met.

The systems that are in place for the mentally ill, disabled, elderly, and drug addicts may be flawed but we are actually lucky enough to have an abundance of resources available, flawed as they are. As American children, we basically learn you have to get a job and go to work to get the money you need to pay for your house, car, food and all your things. The more money you make the better your life will be because you will be able to afford better things.

I wonder what I would learn growing up as a child in a place where hunger, disease, thirst, and fear were my reality. Would I ever be able to take things for granted like I do now? I think about how different my reality could be and I am thankful for my blessings. I wonder why I got so lucky. I don’t only have my basic needs met but I have abundance in my life. I am happy.

Having that experience this morning, made me realize that I have so much more than so many people. Thinking about people from other parts of the world who couldn’t even imagine eating 3 meals per day, sleeping in a comfortable bed, and indoor plumbing made me appreciate everything I have even more.

Who am I to be so blessed? I am simply geographically, in a better place. I not only have my basic needs met but I have so much beyond that. I have so many people that care for me and my well being. These people are wonderful and I am lucky enough to care about them in return. I have been given the opportunity to acquire the knowledge and I have the resources available to improve my health, in the face of a terminal disease, simply because I was born in a place where my basic needs have always been met and the people around me care enough and were able to help with any of my needs that have not been met, all I had to do is ask.

Do you ever think about this? Do you ever realize how lucky you are because of where you were born? In some places around the world these resources are simply not available. People there cannot expect that their government would simply intervene and meet their most basic needs. Those people spend their entire existence simply trying to survive. If they are unfortunate enough to get a deadly disease, they die. I imagine that I would most likely be dead if I were born in, let’s say Darfur. I don’t think the resources would be available for me to even get a diagnosis for my disease, let alone blood transfusions to treat it. I would have been weak and unable to function so my family would have no choice but to help make my dying as comfortable as possible.

Thinking about the struggles that other people around the world face, has made me realize that even the worst problems people face here, where it is almost impossible not to get your most basic needs met are a very different set of problems, a very different reality. I am ashamed of the times I have felt that life was unfair, especially when I felt that way because of material things that I wanted and could not get. I have at times in my life felt entitled to material things because I thought that I had worked hard enough to deserve them. I never really considered just how fortunate I was to actually have a job that paid me enough money to have a home with indoor plumbing. In some parts of the world having a job that pays you enough to not only eat and get access to medical care, but would also afford you the ability to sit on a toilet and flush is not even a part of the wildest dreams of the people.  

I guess it is all about perspective. I can’t really blame people who feel that life is unfair because they are driving some unreliable jalopy. Their perspective is that of a person who just happened to be lucky enough to be born in a place where they had all of their very basic needs met from the beginning of their life. They learned that it is their right to have them met.

There are a lot of people around the world who would give anything to have my set of problems. They would look at me and think I live like a queen. They would trade their problems for mine or probably yours without a second thought. I wish I could do something to directly help those people. I can’t. What I can do is appreciate all that I have. I can be completely aware of just how lucky I am. Each time I flip on a light switch I can remember that many people have never known what that is like. I can choose to never take my fortune for granted again.

If I am able to do this, to truly appreciate everything I have, I do not think I could ever be bold enough to want more. My basic needs are covered and I know they always will be no matter what happens. If I somehow became homeless and destitute I know that there are resources available and if I just choose to use them, it is very unlikely I will ever starve to death. Because my needs are met and I don’t have to worry about where my next meal is coming from, I have the luxury to develop my skills and intellect. What an amazing gift most of us have without even really understanding it.

Imagine what your life would be like if you were born into to one of the impoverished parts of the world. What would you complain about if you grew up there? Thinking about this just gave me an entirely new appreciation for all that I have. I suddenly feel like the luckiest woman on earth and that feels amazing. I don’t need any more than I have right now and honestly don’t really want any more than I have. I know some people that have so much more than I do but they are still not happy and they want so much more.

I find myself having an elevated sense of appreciation for everything today. The clothes I am wearing, the food I am eating, the sunshine I am enjoying, the car I am about to drive to the doctor’s office I am about to go to. I hope you feel as lucky as I do, it’s an amazing feeling.

Lucy

I told you about Lucy a while back. She's the homeless woman who took up residency in our driveway. She moved into our driveway because I helped her one day by giving her food and shoes. My heart went out to this woman because I felt that the only reason for her homelessness was that she is mentally ill. I am dismayed at how many mentally ill people there are roaming the streets of

San Diego

.

Lucy disappeared for awhile after we called the police on her and I thought that was the end of our homeless sheltering but she came back a few days ago. I had a short conversation with her right when she got back and learned that she had just gotten out of the hospital. She definitely seemed more mentally stable during this conversation although it was still apparent that she did not have an entire deck of cards, if you know what I mean.

I verified that she had been given medications in the hospital and that she was still taking them and she told me she had them and was indeed taking them. She also told me that she was getting a house and actually asked me to help her do this. I tried to explain there was nothing I could do. She seemed to think I could rent her an apartment, I think she actually thought I would rent her space in my own home.

This woman is all alone, she has no one to help her, or at least that's the way it appeared to me, looking at her situation. After the conversation we had regarding her desire to rent an apartment, I cleaned out my pantry and gave her a bunch of food that does not correspond with my new dietary restrictions. The food would have just gone bad if I had not have given it to her, at least this is how I justified feeding the woman, yet again.

Over the course of the next couple of days, it became apparent the she has not continued to take her meds. This was clear because her mental stability was becoming less and less as each day passed. She began having conversations with herself again and the things she was saying were becoming more and more bizarre.

She had completely moved into the driveway. Last time she was around, she simply slept in the driveway at night. Now, she had moved all of her things in the driveway and felt comfortable leaving them there while she went out and did whatever she was doing during the day and then would come back in the evenings to sleep. She was literally living in our driveway. I know I encouraged this by feeding her and giving her water. I even gave her some old pillows that I was on my way to take to Goodwill. I just didn't have the heart to chase this woman away, I wanted to help her, and while I knew she could not live in out driveway permanently, I thought she'd be okay until I figured out what to do with her.

Yesterday I went to the Laundromat to wash some things that would not fit in our compact washer and I ran into a woman that I know from my doctor's office. It turned out that she is working at a homeless shelter and I got a rundown of how they work. There are several shelters that will help this woman; she just has to be there early in the morning to sign up for a bed. I decided that I would take her to the one my friend works at early this morning.

Last night Lucy (not her real name but I never use real names when I tell you a story) slept in the driveway again and she kept Dickie and I awake a good part of the night because she was rambling on and talking very loudly. Dickie tolerated this because he knew I was planning on taking her to the shelter this morning. This morning comes and Lucy is not here, her stuff it but she is not. Then at about 6:45 she appeared briefly so I got up and scrambled to get dressed because if the shelter was going to be able to help her, she needed to be there by 7 AM. By the time I got dressed and went outside, she was gone.

I was determined to help this woman and my sweet husband because he was about to lose his patience with the situation so I got in my car and drove around looking for her. I found her and told her I was going to take her to a shelter. She said that she was fine; she was going to get her house today. I told her I was going to take her to a place that was going to help her do that so she got excited and got right in my car. When I told her I was taking her to Rachael's (the name of the shelter) she got upset. She said they won't have her there and she wasn't going. She just needed to make some phone calls and asked if she could use my phone.

I knew that I was not going to let her use my phone, I had taken enough risk already by putting her in my car, but I told her to come back in 30 minutes. I planned on calling the HOT team, a division of the police department that deals with homeless people to find out what I could do to help this woman since she wouldn't go to a shelter with me. I had to get her out of my driveway. I called the HOT team and they said my only real option was to get a restraining order against her. They said something about putting her under citizen's arrest (something I was not willing to try and do because I really don't know what Lucy is capable of and I was not about to get into a physical confrontation with her).

I knew she would be back to use the phone so I put 3 quarters and 3 dimes on my front porch and locked the porch door so I could talk to her through it when she returned. When she did return, she had a horrible bloody nose. Her nose was just gushing blood - bad. I asked her what happened and she told me she was pregnant and that she kept getting bloody noses because of it. She told me she just needed to use my phone. Through my screen gate, I pointed out the change that was sitting there and told her that was the best I could do for her. She could take the change and use the pay phone around the corner.

I also told her that she could not stay in my driveway, something I had already told her when I tried to take her to the shelter earlier. I told her that she had to take her things and leave right away. This was very difficult for me to do while she was standing there with her nose bleeding because I am one of those emotionally invested people. Other people’s issues personally affect me and my heart just wants to help. I listened to my head this morning rather than my heart because my husband did not get any sleep last night and I knew this could not continue, bloody nose or not.

She asked if she could get her things this evening and I told her no. She had to take them now and leave. She protested saying she could not carrying the stuff right now and she would come back later. I firmly told her that I had done everything I could for her and she had to leave now. I closed the door and came in the house. A few moments later I went and looked out the door to see what she was doing. She had left her purse (the one I gave her) and the change on my porch and was walking across the street.

I knew at this point that I had given her too much and she was not going to understand that I meant business unless I called the police which is what I did. I watched Lucy as I was on the phone with the officer go to the apartment building across the street and use their water spicket to clean up her nose. She was there for quite some time and by the time she returned the police were here.

The two police officers that came were extremely helpful. They are discouraged by the homeless population too, especially the mentally ill. They said that all of the asylums were closed down years ago and now there was no way for them to keep the mentally ill from roaming the streets. If they do not want to be in a shelter or hospital, it's their choice, they have the right to refuse help. Only if they are a threat to themselves or others could they be forced to go into the hospital and even then, they are only there usually for 72 hours.

One officer came in and talked to me while the other stayed outside with Lucy. He recommended I go outside with him to tell her that she is not welcome here, that way she would understand it was coming from me and not just the police. We went outside and the officer and I told Lucy she could not stay here. Lucy was upset with me and I can understand, after all two days ago I gave her food and pillows.

The officers called another unit to come and take Lucy somewhere - I don't know where but it was about 20 minutes before they arrived so the 4 of us - the two officers, Lucy, and I were all outside during this time. The officer asked Lucy why she would not go to the shelter I tried to take her to and she said she had to stay in this area. She said she bought a house around here from Jesus Christ, gave him the money order and everything. When the officer asked her where this house was she told him she did not know because now Jesus was in her private parts (her description was much more detailed) and only Janet Jackson knows where the house is now. If they could just find Janet Jackson all of this would be resolved.

I knew this woman was crazy but I never expected that story out of her. My goodness gracious. The other unit finally arrived and after scolding me for feeding and essentially encouraging this problem, they took her and her belongings (most of which I had given her) away. Now I have to go down to the police station and file a letter of authorization so they can just take action if they see her here without having to get our consent.

Now the problem of her living in my driveway and keeping Dickie and I awake at night has most likely been resolved but her problems remain. She is a homeless, crazy woman refusing to volunteer for the help that is available to her. No one can force her to take it and I believe she is not well enough to make that decision for herself.

Unfortunately, I agree that she should have that choice. When we start taking away people's freedom to choose we get into dangerous territory. I know that I want the freedom to choose whether I want medical attention or not. I actually believe this is one of the most important rights I have because I am ill. At some point I may be in a position where I do not agree with what the medical community wants me to do. Knowing that I have the right (even if I might have to fight for it) to choose not to do what the medical community wants me to gives me great piece of mind.

Should it be different for people who are mentally ill? No. Unfortunately it shouldn't because mental illness is sort of subjective and if those rights are taken away from the mentally ill who is to say that that medical community could not then say that I am mentally ill and therefore do not have the right to choose whether or not I want their help.

I am sure I will often wonder about Lucy, as I did while she was away. I will pray for her well being and hope that she does seek out the help that is available to her but that is all I can do. The bottom line is that she cannot live in my driveway. If she were my family member or someone that I knew personally, I would take care of her, but she is not.

Eve

n through her mental illness, I now know that she is aware of the help that is available to her and I know she can choose to accept it. If she chooses not to, then she will have to deal with the alternative which is being on the streets. I feel that I have gone beyond what most people would do for this person and it sort of bit me in the butt. Now I have to take my precious time to go to the police station and fill out forms to keep her out of my driveway.

Until this morning, I thought that my driveway was the safest option for her but I learned that there are a lot of resources out there that want to help her. I also know that she if fully aware of them, I just hope she will decide to use them.

It Takes A Village

There's a new skateboard gang in town. There are about 6 of them and boy, are they menacing. They range in age from about 7 to 12 years old, most of them closer to 7. My first encounter with them was yesterday evening when I heard loud yelling outside and went to my front screen door to see what was the matter.

The first thing I saw was a perfect miniature of Robert Plant from Led Zeppelin, a 7 year old boy with the most beautiful little face surrounded by long, wild, wavy blonde hair. He was looking just like a skateboard gangsta with his tight "emo" pants, some cool skate shoes, a black tee shirt, and his tiny little skateboard in hand. He was also looking a little scared.

As I continued to approach the door I saw the child the yelling was coming from, a 12 year old with a huge mop of black curls on his head, wearing the same "uniform" and yelling at someone I could not see yet. As I stood there the person he was yelling at appeared into my line of vision and I was a little surprised to see a grown woman. None of them saw me watching. She was threatening this child, swearing at him, and having a complete hissy fit. I have no idea what this child did to agitate her but whatever it was, she handled the situation poorly, ending her tirade with a threat that her husband would be back to "kick all of their asses".

The little guy was standing near this woman and the 12 year old was down the sidewalk a little further. The woman stopped and told the little guy that he should not hang out with the other one because he's bad news. I watched as this little guy, obviously not used to showing any disrespect towards a grown woman, but also very angry at her for talking to his friend the way she did and telling him not to be friends with him, took a big breath and said with very strong conviction "He's my best friend and I don't like the way you talked to him!"

The woman didn't like this and said to him "Well I guess he's the one who told you to have that ridiculous haircut!" and stormed off. I don't really know because I do not have children of my own but it seems to me that if you want to get through to a child, correct their behavior, and make them consider their actions; screaming, cussing, threatening, and insulting them would not be the best approach.

The beautiful child stood there, having no idea I was there watching him, considering what to do. He took a big breath and his lips moved but nothing came out, I could tell he was considering whether or not to scream profanity at her. Then I watched as his final decision came clear, he looked around, still not noticing me, took a big breath and spewed out the two worst cuss words that are known to man. The F word followed by the worst word you can possibly call a woman, the one that starts with a C.

I watched the whole thing and knew that whatever the situation was, this was probably this little boy's first experience with using these words towards an adult. I could tell as the whole thing unfolded that he was afraid to do it and he should have been. As soon as the words finished coming out of his mouth, I screamed "Hey!" in a very loud, authoritative voice and I think the kid almost soiled his pants, I scared him so bad. He looked at me with big amber eyes and started to take off.

I went outside and said "Wait a minute, I want to talk to you." "What?" with attitude was the reply I got. They had moved further down the sidewalk where the rest of their 7 year old gangstas had been waiting for them and as I approached, I explained that I'm totally cool with the skateboarding thing, I know it's not a crime and I told them that I thought they should work hard at it and get really good. I also told the gorgeous kid that I loved his long hair, I didn't have a problem with any of that.

I told this little boy that the reason I came out was because I couldn't stand to hear those horrible words come out of his handsome little mouth. I told him that no matter what that woman did, there was no excuse for that language. He protested "You should have heard what she said to my best friend!" and I replied "I did see some of it but I really did not know what that was about, it doesn't matter what she said, she is an adult and he was a child. The use of those words was totally unacceptable." Again he protested "But she was so mean to my best friend, you should have heard what she was saying!" I asked "Did she call him those two words?" The child looked down and said "no."

I told him that it broke my heart to see such a handsome young man using such horrible language and that I know he's better than that, then I turned and started walking back towards my house. Before I got to my door he yelled "Sorry about the inconvenience, Ma'am!" Not knowing if he was sincere and dismayed in the fact that I have become a Ma'am, I chuckled a little and came in.

I don't know if my interaction with this child had any effect on him. I know I scared the heck out of him right after he spewed out that vile statement. Maybe, now he'll wait a couple more years before he's comfortable using that kind of language, maybe not. I also don't know what these children did to make the woman mad but from my observation she was just as guilty as they were for screaming, using disgusting language, and threatening them with violence. I don't think that's what people mean when they say it takes a village to raise a child.

Children need guidance and it is pretty obvious that this group of tiny gangstas are not getting as much guidance as they need. It's my opinion that if they were, they would not be out at 6:30 in the evening at 7 years old, causing grown women to throw hissy fits. Is screaming and threatening them the answer? I don't think so, I think that just makes them dislike grown ups more. I hope they thought that even though I'm a Ma'am, I may be worth listening to because I approached them with kindness even though I gave them a firm talking to. I do believe it takes a village to raise a child but I would not want that woman who threatened to have her husband beat up a bunch of 7 year olds in my village. If what they did was bad enough to warrant the reaction she gave them, then I think she should have taken them to their parents or even called the police. Threatening to have my husband beat them up would have never entered my mind.

Have You Bought Anything Lately?

I was going to go into a tirade about Von's and tell you exactly how horrible my experience at the Von's in Hillcrest on Washington Street was yesterday but I decided what's the point. You all know customer service doesn't exist anymore. You know it when you walk in to get coffee or lunch someplace and the three people standing there are all gossiping to each other about nothing while you stand there and finally have to greet them to get service. You know customer service is in a deep cold grave when a company makes over 50K a year off of your company's business and it takes you longer, because of phone trees and politics to get to a person that can help you than it does to resolve a problem.

It seems that you can no longer expect a certain level of service when you purchase a product. I always thought that it was some implied rule that when I give you money for something you want me to buy, you had to be friendly and helpful. I thought this was a code and that it applied no matter how much you paid for the item. I was wrong, it's not true.

My grandmother instilled the idea of customer service in me when I was young and she would take me shopping. She would tell me that service just isn't the same anymore, it used to be that retailers and merchants catered to you throughout your shopping experience. I don't need to be pampered and there are still some places that do get customer service. Those places are Nordstrom, Whole Foods, and the most expensive restaurant in your town. You pay more in these places because of the exceptional customer service you receive. Being excellent at customer service is a skill, it's a craft that takes training, personality, a cool head, and a lot of hard work. These places hire the best customer service professionals.

I get that. I know "you get what you pay for". But come on, you should be able to expect people to be available to help you and to do things that contribute to you wanting to return again in the future. I can't tell you how often lately I have gone somewhere and my first impression has been bad. Where did the customer service "greeting" go? That "Hi, how can I help you? in a cheery voice. I used to hear it all the time but not lately.

Have corporations like Von's, Wal Mart, and McDonald's just decided that they'll risk their customers getting so angry they'll quit going? Have they decided that most people are so attracted to a good deal that they don't have to hold up their end of the bargain? Have people just become more used to incompetence and more willing to tolerate it? I was so mad at Von's yesterday that I swore I'd never go back there even though they have a new line of organics and they're cheaper than Whole Foods, which is why I was shopping there to begin with. That doesn't make any sense though. I am so angry that I don't want to shop there but they have a product I want at the best price. I would be punishing myself not to shop there. So I will go back and I will continue to give my money to Von's, a little less than I would have given to Whole Foods, and in return I will receive a lot less service. My experience will not be pleasant and I will dread going shopping there. But it will save me enough money to make it worth it.

The implied service that I thought was mandatory when you purchase something of any value does not exist. I guess I thought it did because every company I have ever worked for (No matter what the product) drilled it into my head. They made me believe that as a manager, I would be more profitable and successful if I provided excellent service and I have to admit that it did seem to work, I was more profitable and successful because of providing excellent service. I had repeat business and referrals. It's just not true though, Von's has proven that they can provide horrible service to me and I will still go back. They hit the right price point.

I feel like my grandmother, complaining about service but I do feel it is important and I hate to see it being smothered. I feel it is important to feel good about the people you exchange money for products with. You shouldn't have to go into a situation where you hand over your money and leave feeling angry or let down. I'm not talking about a superior level of service, I just think you should be able to expect a greeting and friendly, knowledgeable assistance if you need it, in a reasonable time frame.

That's just me. I'm finding a lot of companies do not see the value in it anymore and they may be right. Von's can get me to shop at their store with absolutely no level of service because they offer a specialty line of organic products inexpensively. They have the right product at the right price and that's I guess what really matters even though I don't feel good about shopping there because of the bad service and ridiculous policies.

I've Created a Monster

A couple of weeks ago a homeless woman took up residence in our yard. Dickie was out of town at the time and I remember thinking if he saw this woman with her grocery cart of everything in the world she owns parked in our driveway sleeping in our yard that he would get extremely upset. I was actually glad that he wasn't there to witness it and thought that I knew exactly what to do to resolve the problem peacefully. I had noticed while observing her from our front door that her socks were horribly soiled and she was wearing no shoes. I found a pair of nice clean socks of my own and an old pair of sneakers that I no longer wear. I also grabbed a banana and a yogurt and brought my gifts out to her.

She is crazy. This is plainly obvious, she is not one of the people who have just decided to give up on the real world and live on the streets. She is not a drug addict. You can look into her eyes and you know that this woman's brain is just not functioning properly. At least I can see this because I have been exposed to a family member who is mentally ill, I know what mental illness looks like. I wanted to approach this woman with kindness, so that it what I did. I offered up my socks and shoes, the banana and yogurt and gently explained that she could not stay sleeping in my yard. She was quite pleasant, grateful for my gifts and she did move on. Problem solved. Not exactly.

I have named this person Lucy allthough I don't know what her real name is, I would rather call her Lucy than that crazy woman. The following day Lucy was back and this time she was in a fiery mood. She was angry about slavery and begging God to explain why he subjected her people to such horrible struggles. She stood outside of our house and yelled at God for a few minutes and then parked her cart in our driveway and laid down to sleep in our yard. Dick was still not back, it was early in the day and I had a Dr. appointment so I decided she wasn't harming anything and just left her to sleep. When I returned from the Dr. she had left.

The next morning was Saturday and Dick was home from his trip. At about 7AM we were woken up by the rantings of Lucy. I couldn't quite make out what she was so upset about this particular morning, I did know Dick was very upset about being awake so early on his Saturday morning. He handled it much better than I expected him too. I think my bleeding heart is rubbing off on him. Rather than going out and chasing her away, he came back to bed and we laid and listened to her ranting in between her naps for an hour or so.

We eventually got up and Lucy was still sleeping in our yard with her cart parked in our driveway. I knew as much as I feel badly for this woman and don't understand how she has slipped through the system and needs real help, I cannot allow her to move into our yard so I decided to call the police. They arrived in a very short amount of time and I watched from the front door while the officer interacted with Lucy. He pulled out his citation book and proceeded to write in it. I got upset, thinking that it was insane he was giving this insane woman a ticket rather than a ride to the hospital.

Lucy took her cart and drove it down the sidewalk away from our home and the officer knocked on our door. He explained to us that anytime he has had to talk to Lucy she has been cooperative and has never had drugs or weapons. I explained to the officer that I had already assumed as much and I told him that I thought she was mentally ill and needs help. He agreed and explained that he could not take her to a hospital unless she was willing to go. I asked if he offered this to her and he said he did but that she declined. I wonder how much of an effort he made to offer her help. I also inquired about the ticket and he told me he gave her a warning. Next time he catches her in our yard, she will receive an $80.00 ticket.

I think our system is flawed and I believe that in San Diego especially, a majority of the homeless population is just simply mentally ill. I don't even think they are drug addicts. I interact with the homeless a lot because there are many who either reside or pass through my neighborhood and I live so close to downtown where there are many of them living. My interactions with them cause me to believe many of them are in need of medical intervention, they have mental illnesses. After the officer left I thought about this problem even more than I usually do.

Lucy returned a few days later. We heard her coming down the street and she stood outside on the sidewalk bellowing her sorrows for all to hear. Judging from the conversations she is having with herself, there is some one disputing what she feels and some one else confirming her beliefs within her. She gets agitated and then calms down again while speaking outloud for all to hear. we just let Lucy rant, we were watching the tube and simply turned it up a little louder to drown her out. I had to wonder how much that first act of kindness with the socks and food has to do with her repeat visits outside our house. We didn't think anymore about her that evening because she had quieted down and I think we both thought she had moved on. We went to bed and in the middle of the night Dickie was stirred from his sleep by Lucy outside ranting. He got up to look out the window and then I also woke up and could hear Lucy outside yelling.

I adore my family member that suffers from mental Illness. They have always been one of my favorite people. I have seen them behave this way, ranting and unable to control their outbursts when they have refused to take their medication. I imagined my family member being in the same situation that Lucy is. It would be very possible, the only difference between Lucy and my family member is that my family member had money and family to take care of her. I don't think Lucy has those things.

I can't allow Lucy to move into my yard though. I have considered it and my heart said "What's the problem, she's not really hurting anything, we don't really need to sleep in on Saturday mornings (a routine that I love just as much a Dickie does), and she's probably pretty safe here. My head said "The neighbors are not going to appreciate their new neighbor, She is disturbing our peace and comfort, and it's quite possible one or two of her friends may decide to join her at Villa Montoya."

Dick handled that evening surprisingly well too, I really do think he's going soft. He just came back to bed and we giggled and talked about it for a couple of minutes and then I fell back to sleep. I hope he was able to as well. In the morning Lucy was gone but she did leave us a parting gift. She used our driveway to relieve herself, number 2 style. Okay now this is just plain gross and not acceptable. You can sleep in my yard but don't poop in the driveway!

So a couple nights later when she arrived in the evening, we ended up turning the volume up on the television again and watched our movie and then Dick, with the same wonderful patience he's displayed the whole way through approached Lucy and told her that she could not hang out in the driveway. She explained that she wasn't hanging out so he told her true, it does appear that you've moved in, you can't live here. She asked him for some money and he said no and told her that he would call the police. She told him to go in the house and then she'll leave. He was getting frustrated but was still handling it well. I guess she wasn't completely dressed because then she asked Dickie to turn around and then she would leave. Dickie decided to walk to the corner store to give her an opportunity to move. When he told her he was going to the store she said "Give me some money, I'll go to the store!" I had to laugh because it reminded me so much of my family member and the way their mind works. I would be willing to bet she'd buy some kind of toy or trinket at the store. I'm almost sure she wouldn't buy alcohol.

She left and that is the last time we saw her but she's only been gone one night. I imagine she may be back tonight. I don't know what to do about Lucy. I feel bad for her. I want to talk her into accepting help and I want to get her into the hospital. I want her to get the medication she needs, some healthy food, and a nice long shower. I wouldn't even know where I should take her if I did talk her into going and I'm honestly not sure that it's smart to put her in my car and drive her there. I guess I'm going to make some phone calls and find out how to help this person if she is willing to be helped.

If she is not, I don't see that we have any choice but to call the police on her again. She'll get an $80 ticket if we call, I'm sure that will help.

30 Years Old

Happy Birthday to me....

 

Happy Birthday to meeeee...

Wish I were a monkey...

So I could swing through the trees!

Oh My Dog, What Have I Done?

(If you want to see larger images, just click on the picture and then hit the back button to return to the story)

Last week, the only thing I found to write about was Habenero, our friendly house cat. Well, my dog Sierra felt that she deserved the spotlight too and after yesterday's experience I agree with her, but more about that later. If you do not just love furry critters and reading about them, please don't get discouraged, I promise not to continue going on and on about my furry family members.

So this is Sierra, or at least what she looked like when we rescued her from the pound. Who could resist this face? As soon as I saw her, I knew we had to bring her home. She was 4 months old and had been found running around near the 94 freeway. Poor baby. We were very proud new parents and we got all the right stuff to raise her right, the best leashes, a big crate, nice comfy sleeping pads, toys, the best food, and anything else we thought our new baby may need. It was an expensive day but our puppy was going to have all of the things she had not had before.

We took Sierra everywhere with us and she was loved by all. We couldn't walk past anyone without them stopping to tell her how cute she was, how beautiful she would be when she grew up, some people even predicted she would be extremely intelligent, the compliments were never ending  and Sierra reveled in the attention. She loved her fans and gave them all plenty of kisses (nasty doggy tongue lashings) to show them.

I was working at home at the time so she was my assistant. She sat with me during the day while I worked away in the office. She knew when I had enough of someone I was stuck on the phone with and would start barking uncontrollably, which gave me an excuse to get off the phone. She gave me a nice nudge every once in awhile when she could tell I was getting frustrated. She'd force me to take breaks to play, so my day didn't get too stressful and I didn't get too bogged down. She was the perfect office companion.

We knew she had the potential to be the world's smartest dog at this time and we hired a trainer to help us uncover that potential. She was a pretty good student. We taught her to walk properly on a leash, that is until she saw another dog and then all bets were off, she learned to come but decided that trick is only fun if she really feels like it. She learned not to jump on people when they come to visit but she decided that she likes people too much not to give them her standard jump and lick greeting. She learned how to do all of these things and yet she has decided to live her life the way she wants to. Actually if you include food in your commands of the dog, she is perfectly behaved. She sits, lays down, stays, gives you a high five, spins in circles, you can put the food in front of her and tell her to wait...she won't take it until you tell her it's okay. So really she is the world's smartest dog, she learned a long time ago not to work for free!

As Sierra got a little older, she lost that irresistible puppy appeal. Her hair filled out and to my dismay, was much longer that I had hoped it would be. Her legs grew disproportionately long for her body, and she just ended up looking a lot like Santa's Little Helper from the Simpsons. Now when we would go out for walks people would walk right by her without paying any notice. This profoundly affected Sierra, where had all of her adoring fans gone?  She still loved them just as much but they had completely forgotten about her, now much younger dogs were getting the attention that used to belong to her. She tried to regain their love and would stop dead when someone walked by, looking up at them with what used to be her persuasive puppy dog eyes, waiting for some acknowledgment and when none came she would let out a little whimper and move on, hoping the next person would shower her with love and attention. When they didn't, she finally realized that her time to shine had passed and she had become completely average. I can sympathize with her, when I was 17 I sure got a whole lot more attention than I do at 30. That's just life.

I still think she's just as wonderful as she was the day we brought her home and she knows that. When I got sick, she took full responsibility for making sure I was okay. She lay by my side day and night, escorted me to the bathroom or kitchen and waited for me to do what I was doing and then escorted me back to bed. She gave me plenty of kisses (nasty doggy tongue lashings) and would often just lay her head in my lap and tell me everything would be all right. This dog will always be my very good friend.

At one point when I was sick, we were really concerned that Sierra was not getting enough exercise and that she may be really bored and lonely. I was spending really long days in the doctor's office and Dick was working. Sierra seemed to be getting depressed. We decided to get our dog a dog to keep her company and to run around with. Dick had always wanted a Jack Russell Terrier so we set out to buy one - for Sierra. Now you would think anything this damn cute would have to be a good thing, right? WRONG. They need to start calling these dogs what they truly are - Jack Russell Terrorists. Sierra was sort of confused when we brought this monster home. I'm sure she was wondering what the hell we were thinking. Now she had to deal with this menace to our household while she spent long days outside in the backyard. Okay, I know you're thinking that this little, tiny, adorable guy could not possibly reek havoc over every inch of our home but that is just what he did. We tried all of the training methods we had learned when Sierra was a puppy and this dog did not care about any of them. He peed, chewed, dug numerous holes, barked, scratched, chased the cats, ate the side of the garage (seriously), and tried to single handedly unearth our huge avocado tree within the first week he was here. Oh, but he was cute so we tried to manage him. Sierra even tried to help keep him in line for awhile but gave up because she knew much sooner than we did that this heathen was a losing battle.

Sierra was just not as thrilled about Jake as he was about her.

I could go on forever telling you about the mischief, torture, and destruction this amazingly adorable puppy brought into our life but this is Sierra's story and that wouldn't be fair so I'll just tell you that after months of trying to train this dog and only getting a ruined couch, carpet, backyard, and garage in return we had to make the decision to pass this problem onto a more willing and capable family. I was completely honest about Jake's terrorist ways and still someone was willing to adopt him. I hope he's happy with his new family and while we do care about his well being, I would be lying if I did not admit that I am overjoyed he is gone.

So now this brings us to present day. Sierra and I are much happier, she spends her days with me, mostly just hanging out, and sometimes I'm able to take her for the occasional walk. We play fetch in the backyard, she gets all of the attention she wants from me, and of course always tries to thank me with kisses (nasty doggy tongue lashings).

The only problem is that she has a long thick coat of hair and while she is always shedding, it gets much worse this time of year. With two cats and Dickie's seemingly endless supply of hair shedding, adding the dog means that our hardwood floors have a constant coating of hair on them, almost as if we have carpet. This drives me insane and it's really too much for me to keep up with so I decided to have the dog groomed this year for the first time in her 3 year old life. Sierra was having some bad hair days anyway, so I knew she would appreciate getting a new do.

I made an appointment with the groomer and I took Sierra there. It was her first car ride in awhile so she enjoyed it thoroughly, sticking her head out the window the whole way there. We arrived and Sierra was even happier to see that I had taken her to a place where there were other dogs and people who recognized that even though she's no puppy, she's still cute. The groomer presented me with a fur board, like I was picking out drapes or something. There were different lengths of fur on it and she asked me to pick out what length I wanted Sierra's hair to be. Now just like when you're picking out drapes, it's very hard to visualize what they will actually look like in your home. This is true with fur length too; it's very hard to imagine what your dog will look like with a certain length hair. All I knew was that I wanted as little hair as possible shedding in my home, so I picked a very short length. Sierra had long thick hair to begin with, hers was actually a very beautiful coat when it wasn't falling out all over my house. Please remember this picture, because this is the dog that I took to the groomer.

So I left my sweet Sierra in the very capable hands of the groomer to get a bath, her nails trimmed, her teeth brushed, and her hair cut. She was gonna get the whole pampering package. I went home and spent a lovely afternoon with Dickie, waiting to get the call that my beautiful, newly groomed doggy was ready. I got the call and went to pick her up, knowing that she would be very happy with her afternoon, getting so much attention.

I arrived at Petsmart and entered the grooming area. Sierra was still in the back so I waited a little impatiently until they brought my baby out to me, I couldn't wait to see her. Then I did see her. I was a little taken aback at first and then I just had to laugh. I had made a terrible misjudgment in how long my poor dog's hair should be and this is the dog I got back. Now Sierra doesn't seem to know how ridiculous she looks, she's just as happy and friendly as always but I think other people know some thing's not quite right here. This was confirmed for me when I took her outside of the grooming area, after getting over my initial shock, and a man standing in Petsmart looked at her, then at me, then again at her and asked "What kind of dog is that?" Now before her new haircut, it was plainly obvious that she was some kind of German Sheppard but from this man's tone when he asked the question; I knew that she now looked like some kind of canine alien.

When I got her home and Dickie saw her, he immediately informed me that he would not be taking the dog out in public with him anytime soon. Poor Sierra. I really had not intended on making her look this ridiculous, after all, who would want to admit this was their dog? That would mean they would have to admit they were crazy enough to commission someone to do this to the dog. Well, the good news is that Sierra will most likely get the attention she so desperately seeks from strangers for awhile. It won't be because she is so darned cute, it will be because she looks absolutely bizzare but I don't think she'll know the difference. So when you go to the groomer with your dog, please remember that fur swatches are shorter than they'll appear when applied to your dog.

My dad is worried that she'll be cold; maybe I'll buy her a nice sweater.

Irritability

I'm finding among the list of symptoms my disease causes, that irritability is the one that is recently causing me the most concern. I consider myself a very nice person. Recently though I find myself losing all control of that nice person and this evil, horrible bitch takes over. I find myself losing my tongue with people who really don't deserve the wrath I inflict on them. I don't even realize I'm doing it until I see the wounded look on these poor people's faces and even tears welling up in their eyes. What am I doing? Sure it's okay to get a little irritated at incompetent people, or to want people to be accountable for their mistakes but I have been going beyond simply letting people know that I'm a little frustrated. For example, I made reservations at a very nice eating establishment months ago for my 30th birthday. When I made the reservation, I was not told I would be restricted to a limited menu due to the large size of the party. The woman called me early this week to firm up the reservation and at that time told me there was a "group menu" my party would need to order from. I was upset as I am not happy with the choices on the group menu. Instead of just telling her this, I went into a crazy woman tirade. Here's what I said:

"This is fucking ridiculous, why didn't you tell me two months ago when I initially made the reservation that I couldn't have what I want for dinner on my 30th birthday. This isn't just any birthday, I have terminal cancer, this could be my last birthday and you're ruining it. I hope you feel good about that. The fact that you didn't tell me this to begin with has caused me not to be able to reserve an alternative location in time and now I'm not going to be able to celebrate my 30th birthday the way I want. I want lobster, possibly for the last time, and you're telling me I can't have it, etc, etc."

This poor woman was so devastated by what I said that I'm sure she was on the brink of tears. Now, had I simply said that I was not happy with the group menu options, I would have learned that I can customize my own group menu. I did learn this after I ripped this woman a new one and quite possibly ruined her entire day. Who am I to pass this burden of mine onto poor innocent people? Especially in such a vile way? I called that woman a couple of days later and apologized to her and she did tell me that I had in fact caused her to feel badly that whole day, not because of my rudeness but because of my situation. It is not for me to blame others or force others into carrying my pain. I was very distraught that I did this to this woman and it's not the fist time I have done this to some poor unsuspecting person. People do drop the ball and it causes me aggravation, this does not entitle me to unload my situation on them and make them feel like horrible people. I've dropped the ball many times in life, causing others inconvenience and aggravation.

My phycologist recommends anti depressants which I am not willing to take. I think a deep breath will do the trick, as long as I am able to recognize this bitter bitch coming out before I lose my tongue.